by Donna | Mar 7, 2012
#4: Who’s Got Their Shoes On?
A good piece of advice that we received early in our parenting of many littles was to always take at least one child with us where ever we went, if possible. The thinking was that if we always took a child with us, we could talk and train “on the road.” Thus, we made it a point to always grab a kid if one of us left the house to run an errand—or plan to take one child with us if we knew ahead of time that we were going to be driving somewhere.
Out of this theory came our mantra: “Who’s got your shoes on? Dad’s running an errand!” Or “Who’s got your shoes on? Mom’s got to take a quick trip to town.” The kids would scramble and look for shoes and socks to be the first one ready to head out with Mom or Dad. Of course, who went with us wasn’t always based on who had their shoes on, but it was a little saying that we used to emphasize the fact that we wanted to be with them—and know what was going on in their hearts.
This has taken on different looks throughout our lives, As the kids grew up, if we ever had to take two vehicles someplace (like if Dad was joining us from work or coming later to something), on the way home, one child would ride with Dad alone and the others would ride with Mom.(I had more time with the kids automatically by homeschooling them during the day, so one-on-one time with Dad was one of the things we used this time for.)
“Whoever has their shoes on” became “whoever was working on learning to drive” starting about twelve years ago as Ray taught each child to drive and took them out on the road a couple of nights a week for a few months. While driving and learning the ways of the road, conversations about so many other things just happened.
And today, it isn’t “who has their shoes on” as much as who might be available to call on their cell phone as I’m driving (talking—NOT texting!). I always look at the clock when I get in the vehicle alone to see which grown son or daughter is doing what—and who I should try to call to check in with. Ray’s drive time home from work is usually spent talking to an adult child.
“Who has their shoes on”; “Who’s learning to drive”; “Who’s available to call”—all avenues leading to the same goal: for our kids to know, think, feel, and say, Mom and Dad want to be with me and talk to me enough to take me with them when they go somewhere, spend time with me as I’m learning to drive, or call me when we are apart.
by Donna | Mar 5, 2012
#3: Bible Talks
Bible Talks with Dad were another time to not only talk, but also to teach. They were just as the name suggests—times in which the kids and Dad talked about the Bible.
While Malachi Time was usually one-on-one, Bible Talks with Dad were often two or three kids at a time with Dad. Malachi Time was often picture books or heart talks. Family devotions/family worship were usually the entire family together studying something or reading aloud from a devotional. Bible Talks, on the other hand, were just that—talks about the Bible.
The reason Bible Talks were often two or three kids at a time is because we began Bible Talks with Dad with the boys when there was a big age/learning level difference between the “olders” and the “littles.” Thus, Ray could talk to the kids at their levels.
Another benefit of Bible Talks is that they did not require any books. As a matter of fact, Bible Talks often took place on the road or all stretched out across the bed. Very informal. Read a verse (or bring a verse on a card) and talk about it. No fancy handbooks or concordances—just what do you think this verse means or how can we apply this to our lives?
Bible Talks are a good way to show kids that the Bible is relevant to our entire lives. That it is something we want to talk about, learn about, and live. That we should discuss applications in our lives all the time. Plus, it’s just another “terrific time to talk” to our kids!
by Donna | Mar 2, 2012
Twelve Terrific Times to Talk
In keeping with our blog’s themes of TWELVE this year for 2012, we are starting a series called “Twelve Terrific Times to Talk.” There are so many great times to talk to our kids that it is hard to narrow it down to only twelve! We are so adamant and passionate about talking to and communicating with our kids that we write about it and speak about it frequently. For this series, we will go in a somewhat chronological order—so invite your friends with olders to join us—we’ll get to that age group soon!
#1: Baby Talk
We are the most balanced baby people I know! No extremes here of nursing a child on demand until age three —or of putting a baby on a four hour eating schedule while he’s still in the hospital! Somewhere between those extremes is an amazing way to parent babies and toddlers in which everybody (baby, parents, and siblings) enjoy each other and fall into a comfortable family rhythm that does not over-emphasize one child’s “wants” over another. And one in which wants and needs are sorted out and met as appropriate. This is certainly not an article about baby and toddler training (check out our blog for more on that!); however, our parenting of our babies really did have something to do with the deep, communicative relationships that we developed with our children.
Yes, we talked to our babies! Once our children were four to six months old, they were seldom rocked completely to sleep. They learned to go to sleep just like the rest of us—after all of their needs for cleanliness, food, warmth, and comfort were met. However, when we got our babies and toddlers up in the morning, we spent even more time with them. I would get our babies and toddlers up, rock them, read to them, sing to them, walk around their rooms and read their posters and plaques to them, etc.
We began talking baby talk early! Talking to babies and toddlers via books, songs, rhymes, etc., then eventually discussing these things, was the beginning of communicating with our kids. So….go for the baby talk! Start communicating early with your kids.
Want more BABY TALK info?
*For more about “rockies and reading,” see Part I (Part II follows) here: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2011/06/when-you-rise-up-faith-in-mornings.html
*For more information about toddler character training, start with this post and read on: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2011/03/character-q-how-can-i-start-character.html
*For more about “first thing in the morning with babies and toddlers,” look here: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-ninety-first-thing-in-morning-with.html
*For a post about praising “littles”: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-eighty-four-praise-for-good.html
*And teaching babies and toddlers with posters and table mats: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-eight-teach-toddlers-and.html
by Donna | Jan 20, 2012
Habit #6: Read Aloud to Your Kids
We have read aloud to our kids for years and years. When our older childen were little, they would get read to by me or Ray (through Bible, unit studies, devotions, and story time) three to five hours every day. Now neither of us has time to read aloud that much with the kids (and I admit I use talking books to substitute for me quite often!), but we still enjoy reading to and with the kids every day.
You have heard it all before–if you want to raise readers, you have to read to them. Children who are read to daily are x times more likely to become readers themselves, etc. etc. Guilt trip aside, we have found that reading has built a strong educational foundation–and tied heart strings at the same time. We have so many memories of “Jack, Max, and Axle at the Acme Painting Company” and “Morris learning to count,” as well as inspiring devotional materials and awesome creation science books. And, yes, we have raised several readers. Even the ones who do not read lengthy pieces of literature love to read the Bible and inspirational materials. And we all still love gathering with a stack of Christmas books in December for long evenings of reading aloud.
Again, think baby steps. Just read from a Christian adventure chapter book every night towards the end of dinner. Or read two stories to the littles before naptime. Or stick a book of short stories in the van and read aloud while Dad drives. You don’t have to read three to five hours a day. And you don’t have to read certain books. Just enjoy reading and learning together.
by Donna | Dec 17, 2011
Two years ago I wrote a “Holiday Musings” article for Training for Triumph’s newsletter. It has a lot of the same ideals that you will find in this blog—in season and out of season! However, I want to share it with you this Christmas. I pray that you will be moved and encouraged by it.
“Holiday Musings”
by Donna Reish
I love Christmas! I love giving gifts to my children; I love lights and beautiful decorations; I love doing family activities over and over again every year; I love baking goodies and giving them away. I even have a verse to substantiate my desire to give good gifts to my kids at Christmas time: “If ye, then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your father, which is in heaven, give good things to them that ask him?” (Matthew 7:11). I mean, God knows that even we mere mortals love to give good gifts to our kids!
Although all of the things in my “I love” list above are somewhat “unspiritual,” we have found through the years there are some common threads that we try to emphasize/do during the Christmas holiday—some to remember and ponder what Christ has done for us more fully; some to deepen our relationships with each other; some to show Christ’s love to the world. Allow me to give you a list of my holiday musings.
1. Think about, talk about, sing about, and remember the true reason for Christmas as a family throughout the month. We have found many things that help us focus on the birth of Christ more and more throughout December: singing carols together; reading Christmas picture books with the littles in the afternoons; collecting nativity scenes; reading from chapter books that emphasize the birth of Christ, such as Max Lucado’s Cosmic Christmas, Gene Edwards’ The Birth, and Marjorie Holmes’ Two From Galilee; going to community events that point us back to the reason for the season, such as Christmas plays, live nativities, walks through Bethlehem, Christmas cantatas, movies, and plays that emphasize the coming of the Savior.
2. Create family traditions. We have too many holiday traditions to list in just one short article, but research has born out the importance of traditions in building a child’s outlook on many things—and it is so obvious when you hear children talk and repeat that mantra: “We always…” There is something about being able to say that we always, or our family likes to… Two of our favorite traditions are decorating the house together and reading inspirational Christmas stories throughout the month of December.
Our older kids laugh until they cry as they give play-by-plays of each ornament making ordeal we have gone through. (Our tree is decorated with only home made ornaments—another tradition we have is that of making ornaments together.) Anyway, they have a joke of holding up the sample ornament (one that I bought that we were modeling after) and holding up one of ours and chiming, “Sample ornament; Reish ornament” over and over. Then they tell about the time I threw the cinnamon sticks across the room in a fit of Christmas stress as we tried to make the “ornaments in a minute” out of cinnamon sticks. Then we all laugh some more—and I try my best to keep from crying as I think about Christmases gone by—and wonder where the years have gone and long for just a day from a Christmas ten or fifteen years ago.
Traditions do not have to be elaborate or expensive. Some of ours (besides the decorating night and ornament making) are as simple as watching certain Christmas movies while we wrap gifts; eating shrimp alfredo while we watch White Christmas; reading about holiday traditions each morning; learning a new carol together each year (all the verses!); having the kids exchange their gifts with each other on Christmas Eve; reading inspirational stories each night before bed; reading one of the Gospels during the month of December; etc.
3. Think about Jesus’ entire life—his birth, life, death, and resurrection—not just his birth. Linking the Christmas story to the fact that without it we would have no hope of salvation is important, especially with younger children. Two ways that we do this include discussing, reading about, and singing about the names of Christ and what they mean throughout the month; and reading one of the Gospels—not just the Christmas story—during December. This helps us focus on our salvation even more. (Another thing we have done to focus on Jesus’ entire life is to listen to Focus on the Family’s radio theatre “The Luke Reports.” I will put links to some excellent resources throughout December, so check back frequently!)
4. Reach out to those less fortunate—and do so in a way that costs you and your children something. I know that doesn’t sound very “Christmasy”—good cheer and mistletoe and all (btw, I love mistletoe if the right “mistletoe-ee” is around!), but taking a can to a canned food drive or parents buying gifts for the children to leave at the angel tree are not sacrifices for our children—and do not do much to teach our children the true meaning of Christmas—and the true meaning of sacrificial giving.
When I speak of reaching out to those less fortunate, I am talking about giving up time (a few evenings or days?) and money (money with which a child could buy himself something). I’m talking about doing hard things. I’m talking about getting dirty, being inconvenienced, etc. I know that sounds strange, but honestly, what could we possibly do or give that would be too much for our Lord? Find true, meaningful service projects for your children—extensive time spent at a nursing home or group home caroling, making cookies with residents, reading to them, etc.; earning money to be used to give gifts to truly poor or forgotten people (like county home residents or the disabled); going out into the homes of people who never have a Christmas visitor; serving food at a soup kitchen; cleaning mattresses at a rescue mission. Focus on others more than ever before this Christmas—your children will thank you for it eventually. (For the new year, read the stories written by the author of Mandate for Mercy (also the founder of the Mercy Ship ministry) about how his mom made his family squeeze together in the car every week to pick up poor and desperate people to take them to church—and the impact this had on this man causing him to spend his life on the poor and desolate—this is the kind of reaching out we are purporting here.)
5. Reach out to your relatives. Yes, those strangers who are watching television the whole family get together while puffing away on their cigarettes. Teach your children to go to family get togethers to serve—not to judge. Start out teaching your children about this concept of serving relatives with a Bible study (ahead of time) on “being great in God’s kingdom by serving” and “doing for others asking nothing in return” and “being a light by your good works.” Then, if it is true, tell your children that you have been more concerned about yourself than you have of others at past family get togethers. And that you want your entire family to change all of that. That you want to “do your good works that others would glorify your father in heaven.” Discuss ways that you can do this during this holiday season: working harder to make good dishes to the gatherings (no lentil casserole, please—bless these people with fat and sugar!); helping with young cousins; encouraging grandparents; helping to set up and take down; being kind to each other as an example of family unity to those who might not have any idea what that looks like. (Note: Because I always get asked this, I will put a caveat here—I am not talking about reaching out to relatives in any way that would put your children in danger. We recommend that your children never be left with non-Christians and never be put in situations in which they could be harmed.)
6. Really talk to others this holiday season. Your ministry of bringing your relatives to Christ will begin not with your family’s judgment of them, but with your interest and concern for their lives in general. Jeff Myers, leadership specialist and founder of Passing the Baton, gives the following list of things to discuss this year with relatives young and old. Some are one-on-one types of discussions while others would work well for group discussions**:
Express thanks to someone in the room for something they did for you.
“I’m thankful for…” Finish the sentence.
If you could have the attention of the whole world for 30 seconds, what would you say?
One thing I’m thankful for about our country.
What is the key to success in life? Why do you say that?
Tell about a lesson you learned the hard way.
What are some ways life is different now than in the old days?
Tell a story of a decision your ancestors made that changed the direction of their lives-and yours.
Tell about a lesson you learned by watching someone else.
“A person I would like to honor publicly is…”
“Time and money aside, I would rather be…”
Tell about an experience that changed you for the better.
Tell a story about something that started out bad but had a happy ending.
“My first hero was _________.”
Tell about a time when you showed courage.
Describe a teacher who had a significant influence on your life.
Tell about an invention that made your life easier.
“The most admired public figure when I was growing up was ____.” Tell a story.
Tell about a memorable event in your life.
“A famous person I’ve met is _____.” Tell about the experience.
“I got in so much trouble…” Tell the story!
(www.passingthebaton.readyportal.net/page/68289/;jsessionid=6rj638as0ohf7 )
**Note: These are good to print off and use as dinner discussion for your immediate family, too!
6. Express genuine gratefulness to God and others. December is a month to really display the quality of gratefulness—and to teach your children to do so too. Not just mere ”thank-you’s”—but sincere thanksgiving to God for His Son and for others for everything they do for us. Teaching children to say thank-you, write thank-you notes, etc. is a start. However, gratefulness begins with the realization that everything good we have comes from the hand of God. That we are nothing without Him. And that He knows what we need more than we do. It is deepened when we give up materialism—the idea that we have to have this or that in order to be happy—and focus instead on the good things God has done for us. Thoughts on materialism would require an entire article in itself, but when we have to have things to make us happy, when our mood and outlook change as a result of getting more and more, or when we cannot be happy in whatever situation we are in (materially speaking), we are probably steeped in materialism. Praying through this, sharing with our family the importance of giving up our ideas that we somehow deserve this or that, focusing on gratefulness for all that God has done for us outside the material things we are lacking—these are ways to feel and exhibit true gratefulness.
7. Spend quality time reaching into your children’s hearts. That’s a tough one, huh? I mean, the busiest time of the year, and we have to add another thing to the list. I remember vividly eighteen years ago when I had five kids ten and under. I still had younger siblings at home who would come and spend a lot of Christmas week with us. I made four Christmas dinners in a row for various relatives. I got up early in the morning to make home baked bread and rolls and went to bed late at night to get the overnight breakfast casseroles in the oven. I get tired just thinking about it. I was trying to serve others, but found myself distanced from my kids by the time the holiday week was over. I can remember looking at Joshua, then ten, one evening after the relatives had all left, and calling him over to ”sit in Mommy’s rainbow” (my bent legs as I lay on the sofa)—and he seemed so far away. I had been with him all week—I was usually with my older kids all the time as they did not have any older siblings to take them anywhere like my littles now have! However, I felt so far from him. I had let the busy-ness of Christmas keep me from those I love the most. Now I have to remind myself that one more home made goody or one more shopping day is not worth distancing myself from my children. Stay close. It’s Christmas!
This Christmas I pray that all of us can ”keep Christmas” in a way that glorifies God and teaches our children deep Christmas truths.
*Copyright TFT 2008
