day sixty-seven: “prepare” for parenting
“Nothing could have prepared me for parenting….”
Long, fussy nights. Evenings walking the floor trying to solve the problem, then finally making room for the “angelic being” at the foot of my bed. Afternoons filled with needs that I could humanly never meet…..anxiety, fussiness, tear-filled moments, overwhelming joy, laughter.
Nights with two, three, four, or five of them all needing Mom and Dad at the same time….all gathered in our room, some half asleep, others needing consoled or comforted. Nights in which Ray would finally drift off to sleep by midnight, only to wake up at four to take off for work and find the needy one still in our bed.
Yes, it’s very true….nothing could have prepared me for parenting………….…….teens and young adults. (Long ellipses intended!)
If you began reading the above paragraph thinking I was describing parenting babies, I tricked you! I can remember when I had six children twelve and under (ten years ago!), and I thought parenting babies and toddlers was so challenging. I was tired, overwhelmed, and overworked. I thought it would be so much easier in a dozen years. Ha!
Recently we had a wave of “overwhelming parenting days” with our teens and young adults. Nothing too big, nothing too out of the ordinary…just six “kids” twelve through twenty-two needing their parents all at the same time. Prior to the last few years, I had no idea that parenting teens and young adults took so much emotional energy AND so much time.
Ray spent one evening with J and Lisa, giving them advice. I was with the two oldest girls that same evening, going over the camp they hosted for young ladies, followed by getting Cami off to serve at Joni and Friends and phone calls with updates and prayer needs a couple of times a day.
We met with Kayla and some missionaries and a missions director (two different meetings)—along with some long, heart-felt talks with just the three of us and dinner out.
Jonathan needed help getting his “responsibility” level up to his “ability” level. (I’m sure you can figure that out for yourself!)
Kara went away to debate camp and didn’t have Mom or big sisters there to encourage her every hour—and I ended up talking on the phone with her two to five times a day and emailing her at least twenty times a day!
It was a tiring week. Every hour of each evening the phone seemed to ring or we were tied up with one of the older children—or both.
At the end of the week, Ray and I fell into bed and discussed how challenging our parenting is right now—how many needs there are and how inadequate we feel to meet them—and I said, “You know what? These kids are consuming our lives!”
We looked at each other and broke out into laughter as we both said, “No duh—that’s what they’re supposed to do!”
It was good to laugh about it. For only two days later, I was in a heap of tears over it again, feeling like I was making mistakes, worrying about different things, and generally overwhelmed—much like I used to feel twelve years ago—only worse—I’m older and, well, hormonal!
Twelve years ago, we put them in their beds if they threw food from the high chair. Twelve years ago, they couldn’t have their ice cream if they didn’t eat their vegetables. Twelve years ago, we overloaded the newborn with colic drops and took turns walking the floor—but it didn’t seem as “life-long” or “life-shaping” as today’s parenting issues are.
I used to cry because I was tired. Now I lie awake—and make myself more tired—worrying and praying over our teens and young adults. I used to think I was a bad parent if my kids had bad behavior. Now I think I’m a bad parent if I don’t “look into the future” and see their needs before they arise. I used to worry that they didn’t do enough math, now I worry that they aren’t doing enough praying!
Then I get thankful….thankful that I’m crying because I miss my fourteen year old so much while she’s at debate camp that I’m considering driving the four hours to pick her up and bring her home to Mama. Thankful that my seventeen year old’s greatest need this week is trying to witness to an unsaved fellow counselor at the deaf children’s camp—and keeping the teenage boys from trying to “go with her.” (I’m not sure where they want to go with her!) Thankful that my nineteen year old isn’t into drugs….but is so into Jesus, she can’t decide when, where, and how to get on the field and bring the lost to Him. Thankful that our married son is such a diligent worker and so sensitive about things that he wants to talk to Ray for hours. Thankful that we have the issues we do have…instead of other issues that are way too heavy for me.
So….here Ray and I go again…doing what we always do when things are rough…regrouping, laughing, holding each other, praying, talking through everything, misunderstanding each other (then making up!), spending huge amounts of time talking to our kids. Sure, parenting at any age is tough, but as I said before, nothing could have prepared me to parent……………..….teens and young adults!
This week I will be doing a week-long series about teens, entitled “Reishes’ Recipe for Rebellion”—and what ingredients we want to be sure to NOT include in the parenting of our teens. I pray that you will be blessed and helped by it as much as we have from the teachings we have received that led up to our developing it.
Note: This article was reprinted in part from one of our 2005 newsletters.
