day forty-three: use praise liberally with preschoolers

“The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four – of secondary importance is to prepare for being five.” Jim Trelease, The Read-Aloud Handbook


Preschoolers are incredible! I have always said (since my second-born, semi-strong-willed toddler turned four!) that four to six is my favorite age of kids. Of course, that is relative, as, for the most part, my favorite age was the age that each of my children was at that moment!


Preschoolers and praise go hand in hand. More than at any other age, preschoolers who are praised respond favorably, often altering their behavior as a result of praise. For example, several studies have shown that when preschooler are praised for exhibiting good manners, they develop better social skills.


Without going into great detail about research on preschoolers and praise, I will tell you something that anybody with a preschooler already knows: preschoolers usually respond enthusiastically to praise! For the most part, preschoolers are pleasers. If we praise our preschooler for a behavior he exhibits, and he senses that we are pleased with him for that behavior, he will likely repeat it.


Now, some might see this as manipulation, but I have always believed that four to six years of age is such a crucially-formative time for children, why not praise good behavior and positive character and give these little dollies opportunities to continue in those behaviors and receive more positive feedback—in the hopes of those actions becoming permanent? After all, aren’t our children given to us to raise and “train up in the way they should go”?


Preschoolers are often literal. If we give them reason to think they are “bad,” they will believe it—and often continue to act on it. If we give them reason to think they are “good,” they will believe it—and often continue to act on it. This, of course, is a good reason to be sure that we direct our praise to their behaviors and actions—and not to the child himself. Our praise should motivate a child’s behavior, not cause him to think of himself in terms of being a “bad kid” if he gets mostly reprimands or a “good kid” if he gets mostly praise.


It is important in praising our children (or our students, for those of you who are teachers) that we consider the age of the child. Since preschoolers are so literal and, well, a little naïve, they will more likely accept general or more “gushy” praise. If we tell a four year old that she did an awesome job cleaning her room, she will likely be moved by that. If we tell an eight year old the same thing, she may or may not be moved by that, but would likely respond more favorably to “I love the way you organized your bookcase. Thanks for taking the initiative to do that” than “awesome job.”


The preschool age is truly the time to use the tool of praise to teach, to tie heartstrings, to build our children up, and to instruct in appropriate and positive behaviors. After all, what else do four year olds have to do except to be four–and prepare for being five?