“Mama picked me up, and we swirled and swirled ‘coz she was so happy I remembered to make my bed without being told.” “Jonathan’s Journal”*
No swirling—time to take action. Our preschooler simply will not cooperate with the morning routine. He dawdles. He gets sidetracked. He “forgets.” And on and on.
Chances are pretty good that this little guy is not being menacing, willful, or rebellious. He probably just needs more training, more practice, more guidance—in a nutshell, he needs reality discipline.
Here are the steps that I would likely take with this little one, based on the preceding teaching about childishness versus willfulness.
1. Be sure the expectations of the morning routine (or any routine/scheduling type of thing) are not too vast or inappropriate for his age/level.
If you have previously allowed your little one to go from the bed to the television, with a possible detour to the Lucky Charms cabinet to fill his bowl to enjoy with his morning Barney, a complete change in that is likely huge, much less adding to that an entire list of tasks that he must now complete. If this is the case, I would take a step back and make baby steps with your preschooler. Start with changing the “first thing in the morning activities.” (As a sidenote, and to be discussed later, when I need to change things drastically in my life/schedule, I start with the first hour of the day and work forward. In this case, I would start with the first few minutes of your little guy’s day.)
If you want a more organized, peaceful morning, it will probably need to change from the beginning. I wouldn’t institute an entire morning routine chart just yet. I would tell him that in the mornings, you are all going to start getting up and getting all ready for the day first—and tell him that you will tape his program for later when it is a more appropriate time to watch it. Then just get a handle on the first fifteen minutes of the morning, getting him up and walking him through it. Then move on from there once that is established.
2. If the chart and expectations are appropriate, then go back over the chart with him, check the time you have allotted, etc. Be sure, once again, that it is appropriate.
3. Tell him that you know that he can do that list and become responsible for himself like brother and sister (or Mom and Dad) do. Come up with a valuable reward and go for it.
4. If he still gets sidetracked, etc., break the chart up into sections (i.e. the four parts that I described a few days ago—mess, dress, room, groom)—and have him report to you after each “part” (quarter in that case) is done. Do not let him do anything else until that fourth is done.
5. If he still does not cooperate on each 1/4th of the routine, then tell him that you know that he can do his morning routine right—and that he will have to have consequences for not doing so. Devise appropriate consequences for this undeveloped character:
a. If you do not get up and get ready for work in the morning, you would likely lose your job—bring this down to a preschooler’s level. If he does not cooperate, he will lose privileges that follow the morning routine.
b. If it is “parent-imposed”—not feeding him nutritious food in the morning; allowing him to have a television in his room that he watches at night; not implementing and following through on a bedtime that allows him to get enough quality sleep; etc etc;–you need to change first!
After checking, rechecking, offering rewards, breaking it down into manageable chunks, having periodic reporting or follow up, etc. etc., a childish behavior can sometimes become a willful behavior—even in little kids. In this case, they simply have no regard for your position as their authority and their responsibility to obey you.
You will likely know when this happens with the morning routine (especially if you have followed all of the advice on this blog for the past week). At that point, my advice goes from a “Positive Parenting” type of advice into “punishing parent”—and we do advise that. Unpunished willfulness does not go away.
We have had periodic episodes of uncooperativeness in most of our children—especially after vacation, a week off for special events, etc. We give a little reprieve, but not for long. No morning routine? No computer time. No chore session? No video time. If that doesn’t do the job, Dad usually gets more involved—and it is solved fairly quickly.
*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html
