by Donna | Feb 16, 2011
What: Ray and Donna Reish’s (of Positive Parenting 365 and Training for Triumph) “Character Training From the Heart” parenting seminar
When: Friday, February 18th and Saturday, February 19th
Times: Friday 6:00-9:00; Saturday morning 9:00-12:00
Where: Oak Grove Church of God in Columbia City, Indiana in the Hall.
RSVP: May RSVP by sending $10 per couple or individual and $5 for any and all children (not per child) and your name, address, phone, and email, along with children’s names and ages, to 2426 S. Raber Rd., Columbia City, 46725—note that scholarships are available; please call the church for that information.
More RSVP: May also register by phone (and walk-ins accepted)–Phone-260-244-3052
Children’s Programming: Staffed nursery available for children ages three and under. Children’s ministry by Brother Joe Schmidt from Texas—illusions, stories, music, crafts, games, and snacks with a good helper/child ratio. (Note: Children’s programming and child care is only five dollars per family, regardless of number of children.) Children’s activities will be in the Children’s Zone—parents may visit, stay, or check on their children as desired. Note that babies may stay with parents if desired.
Details of Seminar: Ray and Donna will present their Friday evening and Saturday morning character training seminar for all Christian parents (see topic list below). To learn more about their ministry, visit their blog at https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/
Seminar Schedule
This Christian parenting seminar focuses on character training from toddlerhood through about age twelve. Sessions go in chronological order, age-wise, by character quality (with 45 min sessions and 10 min breaks between), so parents may choose the ones that pertain to them if they are unable to attend all of the seminar.
*Friday night and half day Saturday— 6:00-9:00 on Friday and 9:00-12:00 on Saturday
FRIDAY NIGHT SCHEDULE
6:00-7:00 –OVERVIEW: The Why’s and How’s of Character Training: The Importance of Character Training, Modeling, Developing Good Family Habits, Parenting Paradims essential to character training, and more
7:00-8:00 –The Early Qualities in Toddlers and Preschoolers: Contentment, Obedience, Cheerfulness, and Submission
8:00-9:00 –Laying the Foundation for All Qualities for All Ages: Focus on Obedience and Submission; Child Discipline; Three Types of Parenting—Proactive, Positive, and Punishing
SATURDAY MORNING SCHEDULE
9:00-10:00 —Helping Our Children Add Virtue to Their Lives: Link Between Foundational Qualities and “Higher Level” Qualities; Helping Children Gain Their Own Moral/Character Compass; The Next Qualities
10:00-11:00 —From Obedience to Initiative: Responsibility, Helpfulness, Kindness, Respect, and Honesty
11:00-12:00 Growing in Character: Initiative, Deference, Resourcefulness, Diligence, Promptness, Empathy, and More
by Donna | Feb 15, 2011
We constantly see/hear parents of little ones say, “Nothing I do makes any difference. No discipline works for him.” Truly, if I had felt in my nearly thirty years of parenting that it made no difference whatsoever whether I trained my children in obedience and self-control, I would not have done the hard work! We have to believe that our child discipline makes a difference.
As for our role in a young child’s obedience and self-control, several Scriptures have confirmed our role and impact, as has our toddler and preschool parenting years. First of all, to believe that we can have a strong influence on our little one’s behavior, we must believe the preceding paradigm—that “foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.” That is, we must believe that they are capable of evil—of bad behavior, in spite of their wonderfulness. (I know that’s not a word—but it truly is the best way I can describe young children!)
Then we must believe the second part of this verse—that “discipline will drive the foolishness from the child.”
Those were covered in the last couple of paradigms. However, even more importantly, is the belief that young children are incapable, in most cases, of controlling themselves—and that we are these kids’ “outward control” and initial “conscience influencers” during those years.
I Corinthians 13 says that when I was a child, I thought as a child. Coupling this with “foolishness being bound in the heart of a child,” we believe that they are truly the sweet, darling, yet control-lacking, beings that they appear to be. And we believe that parents are given the role of “outward controller” and even partial “conscience” (and definitely conscience-influencer) during these years. We, as their parents, can control their outward behaviors (through discipline) as we teach them and influence their consciences for the future.
A toddler naturally runs the other way, screams “no,” hits his playmate with the truck, and throws his food from the high chair. A parent can gently discipline the child (controlling his outward behavior for a bit), and build his conscience for future behaviors. (Obviously, this is coupled with Paradigm #10 about relationship being foundational to parenting—coming up soon!)
We will discuss the concept of building the child’s conscience through what some experts call “making deposits in the child’s moral bank” more fully in weeks to come. For now, suffice it to say, that if we believe that we are the child’s “control” at first—and that we are his or her primary “conscience-influencers” during the first few years, we will not be lax in correcting early behaviors that are unacceptable.
by Donna | Feb 13, 2011
Proverbs is replete with verses that tell us that it is the parents’ responsibility to train and discipline their children. Proverbs 13:24 says that if we love our children, we will discipline them: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” Prov 13:24 RSV.
One of the biggest downfalls of the whole idea of “discipline” is that we view it as a bad thing—as something we have to do when things are out of control. If we could change our “discipline” thinking from “I have to spank him ‘coz he just keeps it up” to “Disciplining my children (not necessarily just spanking just the entire discipline package—training, teaching, consequences, punishment) is what I do all of the time because I love them.”
Truly, a child feels loved and secure when he knows what is expected—when boundaries are set for him (since he is unable to set them for himself). Instead of looking at discipline is a last ditch effort to get control of our children, let’s look at it as part of the entire training package—loving, laughing, playing, training, disciplining, and more. Not a terrible thing we have to do—but part of the entire responsibility of raising our children for Christ.
by Donna | Feb 11, 2011
Taking this thinking that “children are given to us to raise for Him” further is whether we think that our training of our children will have any bearing on their future choices either for or against God. While God is sovereign and our children have free wills, there is evidence in society, as well as in Scripture, pointing to the fact that Christian parenting of our children can and does have significant influence over our kids.
First of all, in our society when a child with a strong Christian upbringing goes astray, others’ first comments are either, “I guess he got in with the wrong crowd” or “Of all families I know, I sure didn’t expect that from their family with all that his parents have done to teach him God’s ways.”
Likewise, when a child with a drunken or abusive parent chooses the wrong path, the first response likely given is, “That’s no surprise the way his parents treated him or didn’t teach him, etc.” These comments show us that in our heart of hearts we know that the type of upbringing children have truly does make a difference in their future life choices.
Secondly, while Proverbs are not direct promises or guarantees, they do point out the impact that Christian parents can make in the life of a child. This is evidenced in Proverbs 22:15, among other places: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (ASV).
I think all of us believe to some extent that children are born with sin natures, but believing that it is worth it to give this Christian parenting our all—and leave other things by the wayside during our kids’ growing up years—is a gamble that many are not willing to take.
Unless we firmly believe that there is a fairly significant causal link to our parenting and our children’s character/Christian living, it can become very difficult to really press on to what we know we should do in raising our children for the Lord. Add to that, our immediate-gratification society and personal habits—and we can easily lose sight of the fact that what we do today, this week, this month, and this year with and for our children in the areas of character training will pay off for them in the long run.
by Donna | Feb 10, 2011
If we believe that people are basically good in themselves, there will be no need for ongoing, consistent, intensive training of our children. Why bother? If we believe that everybody really has a “good heart” and wants to “do right,” our children will turn out fine without character training.
If we, however, believe that man is born with a sin nature and is incapable of goodness outside of God, we will desire to seek God and help our children do the same. Scripture supports this belief, as evidenced in Romans 7:18—“For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
Taking this “man is basically sinful” thinking a step further, we must also believe, that as wonderful, sweet, soft, cuddly, and incredible that children are, they, too, are born sinful. Obviously, children have some other qualities that adults do not have that make it easier for them to learn spiritual truths otherwise Scripture would not say that adults should “become like little children.” However, child-like faith aside, we must, if we are to embrace the importance of character training in the lives of our children, believe that Romans 7:18 applies to them, as demonstrated in Proverbs 22:15, among other places: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (ASV).
Nobody wants to think or talk about original sin, and yet, in parenting, not embracing this truth can lead us to extremely faulty child training (or lack thereof). I have the most incredible children in the world. Ask me about them for a few minutes, and you will get way more than you bargained for! However, they, just like their mom and dad, need the Savior for eternal salvation and the Holy Spirit to help them live the Christian life on this earth. They (and we) will not automatically be filled with good character. Because of our sinful nature, we must, through the Lord, learn about, practice, and press on to the fruit of the spirit, the mind of Christ—and everything else that is good.
by Donna | Feb 9, 2011
Great Bible scholars are known for their timeless sayings, such as “What we believe about God is the most important belief we have,” etc. If I could rather humbly borrow that thought and apply it to parenting, I would say that “What we believe about why we have children is one of the most important parenting beliefs we have.”
Moreover, it is not just important, but crucial, in how we parent. Do we believe that we have children to satisfy us, to make us happy, to fulfill us, to show off (!), or to “carry on our family name”?
Or do we believe that we should do as Matthew 6:33 (NKJV) says, and seek God and his righteousness—and our children are those things added to our lives (and to help us further) as we seek God’s kingdom: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added.”
Obviously, children can add greatly to our lives—and they are amazing and important. They have the potential to bring unspeakable joy to our souls. However, we should not desire children simply for our own happiness, but rather as a way for the Lord to bless us and use us in furthering His kingdom.
If this is the case, we will not look at children as merely “toys” or “accessories,” but rather as the huge responsibility that they really are to “bring up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 NIV).
