We say it all the time: “You can’t have that until you are responsible for what you do have!”
We quote movie lines: “With great power comes great responsibility” (Spiderman…or Voltaire, depending on who you read).
We spout parables and inspirational people: “To whom much is given, much is expected.”
And yet, we seldom actually do it in our parenting.
What is IT?
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FOUR D’s OF BEHAVIOR: Heart-motivated behaviors that should not be grouped with childish behaviors but should be tended to in a consistent and heart-affecting manner.
D-1: Disrespect
D-2: Disobedience
D-3: Deceit
D-4: Destruction
Donna Reish, from Character Ink (home of Raising Kids With Character, Homeschooling With Character, and Language Lady), answers listeners’ questions about the Four D’s of children’s behavior: (1) Disrespect; (2) Disobedience; (3) Deceit; (4) Destruction (purposeful breaking or harming). This episode lays the ground work for next week’s episode about punishing and disciplining tweens (especially ten to twelve year olds). Donna expounds on the Four D’s as foolishness and heart-motivated (which necessitate punishment and serious handling), contrasting these with childishness/character issues (which require training, rewards, and consequences).
A couple of days ago I wrote about how to teach your kids NOT to apologize based on The View’s apology to the beauty pageant nurse. In going through the steps to teach your kids what to do and not do in apologizing, it was uncanny how many things the co-hosts on that program did in the “what not to do when you apologize” list.
There are many formulae out there for teaching the apology, and most of them are correct as they focus on the basics:
(Download this poster here)
How many times have we heard “It isn’t my fault”?
Or “He did it first”?
Or “I only did that because he did this to me…”?
While some of that will always be a part of raising more than one child in a home, as parents our focus should be on getting the whole “never my fault” mentality out of our children by the time they are grown. And replace it with responsibility for actions, empathy towards those they might hurt, and humility in admitting guilt. (more…)
