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Recipe for Rebellion
- Rules Without Reasons
- Rules Without Response
- Rules Without Repetition
- Rules Without Relationship
Rules Without Reasons
Replace this part of the recipe with explanations, teaching, and instructions that will stay with your children a lifetime.
Why Tell Children the Reasons Why?
1. It is how God deals with us.
2. It helps our children “own” the lifestyle choices and rules we are making when we do.
3. It is aggravating for the child if we do not.
Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Rules Without Response
1. “No-Response-Allowed” Is Aggravating!
“Fathers, don’t aggravate your children, if you do they will become discouraged and quit trying” Colossians 3:21 (NLT).
2. “No-Response-Allowed” Handicaps Our Children in Their Future Decision Making
3. “No-Response-Allowed” Is Not How God Treats Us!
4. “No-Response-Allowed” Causes Our Children to Argue With Us
Guidelines for the Appeal
1. Use the same key words all the time: “May I appeal?” OR “Can we talk about this?” OR “Can we discuss this further?”
2. If the appeal is disrespectful or done in anger, it is turned down immediately.
3. If the appeal is a series of whines and complaints, rather than a truly godly appeal, it is turned down.
4. If a child begins disagreeing a lot or constantly trying to appeal, the appeal process is terminated for a period of time until that person learns to accept Mom and Dad’s rules more often than not.
5. If the appeal process becomes an argument, it is ended.
6. If the person appealing is turned down, but later has more information (“new evidence”), he may re-appeal that topic.
7. The appeal is truly listened to and thought through by Mom and Dad. Do not pretend to listen to appeals, but not regard your children’s pleas. This is another “Recipe for Rebellion” in itself. (Kids know if the appeal process is just a formality and you are not truly listening to them.)
8. The person appealing is not constantly interrupted by Mom and Dad with justifications. The child should not be patronized during an appeal, but carefully listened to and respected.
9. Once the answer to the appeal is given, the matter must be dropped for the time being. Granted, it might need re-visited, but to continue the appeal once an answer is given is arguing, not appealing.
10. Parents must agree on the answer to the appeal at the time. Later, behind closed doors, discussion between Mom and Dad may need to take place, but in front of the child, a united front is imperative.
Rules Without Repetition
1. Inconsistency Hinders Many Areas
2. Inconsistency Creates a Poor Testimony
3. Causes our children to distrust us
Rules Without Relationship
→Most important “recipe ingredient” to get rid of! Relationship must be in place in order to keep our children from rebelling against us.
In Philemon 1: 8-9, Paul told the people that he could have forced them to do what he wanted them to do (which is how some parents handle things), but instead he wanted to love them into doing what he asked: “…although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love” (NKJV).
Recommended Resources
Leman, Kevin. Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. (affiliate link) New York: Dell Publishing Company, 1987.
Note: The Recipe for Rebellion and other teen information this week is being excerpted, in part, from our parenting book The Well-Trained Heart.
