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Reasons for Overwhelm
(1) Working out of your season of life
(2) Doing too much/too prideful to say you really can’t do everything you want/think you should be able to do
(3) Working out of your strengths—trying to be like someone else or wanting to have talents that you don’t really have
(4) Focusing on too many things at one time—how many things can you really do well?
(5) Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, your husband, and/or your kids
(6) Having too many things outside of the house
(7) Clutter/disorganization
(8) Too many thrills and distractions and not enough focus on family, spiritual growth, relationships, and living well
(1) WORKING OUT OF YOUR SEASON OF LIFE
Abstract: Babies and Business; each season is built in so that the experiences and wisdom of the previous season prepare you; you need time for the skills and wisdom to catch up to what you are trying to do in your life
Action steps: (1) List what you spend your time on; (2) How many things are really not for right now (i.e. older women should be doing them; you needed to give them up because you now have a family; etc.); (3) Determine how to gracefully bow out of the things that are not for you right now—make a plan for the future even if you can’t get out of them right away.
(2) DOING TOO MUCH/TOO PRIDEFUL TO SAY THAT YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING OR CAN’T FIT IT ALL IN
Abstract: Time is not finite; treat time like money; “When you say yes to someone, you say no to someone else.” (Who do you want to say no to?); spiritual/emotional implications—pride, fear of man, etc.; too much comparison leads you to believe that others really are fitting it all in.
Action steps: (1) List everything you are doing/where your time is going (after you’ve eliminated wrong season things!); (2) Which things are mandatory to meet your family goals? Work goals? Financial goals?; (3) Get rid of things that are not leading you to your real goals.
(3) WORKING OUT OF YOUR AREAS OF STRENGTH
Abstract: Takes much more time/energy/stress/money to work in areas you are not skilled in; some hobbies are just not for you (and especially for your season); spiritual/emotional implications—pride, comparison, desire to be what you are not; comparisons dangerous here too
Action steps: (1) Identify skills/talents you have been trying to develop that really aren’t you; (2) Should any of these be dropped from your life? (3) What areas of strength do you have that you could be bringing to your life if you weren’t chasing other areas?
(4) FOCUSING ON TOO MANY THINGS AT ONE TIME
Abstract: Not able to gain/sustain the motivation and momentum that all of those changes/problems require all at the same time; focusing on many things in life at once (various seasons, many hobbies, outside activities, friends, home renovation, etc., etc.) makes you too general; specificity leads to success.
Action steps: (1) Use the steps above for seasons of life, doing too much, out of your strengths to also narrow your life focuses (for life in general); (2) Recognize times in your life in which you were successful and times that too many focuses led you to feel defeated—too many focuses is probably the reason; (3) Follow the TWO MO’s steps to focus on fewer problems/areas of change at one time and really conquer those.
(5) HAVING UNREALISTIC (OR UNMET) EXPECTATIONS OF SPOUSE
Abstract: You will never be happy if you base your happiness upon someone else doing what you want them to do; expectations of spouse good if you’ve decided on goals together and the means to carry them out; expectations not good if (a) they are your goals only; (b) they are not communicated clearly; (c) they keep you from being appreciative of what he does do; (d) they cloud your eyes of love; e) they keep you from doing what you are supposed to do
Action steps: (1) Talk to husband about planning a change a month or a change a week together (much less overwhelming for a husband than “let’s meet and fix everything”); (2) Communicate general expectations more clearly (and non-judgmentally) than you have been; (3) Stop looking at him as the enemy; (4) Remind yourself that he really does love you and your kids—and wants the best…even if he can’t always do what you want how you want it; (5) Look at him with eyes of love by always keeping two or three things that you love and appreciate about him in the front your mind; (6) Decide that you will do the right thing/do whatever is set before you regardless of whether you think he should do it (Drop the mentality that “if I do it, he never will”—what if that really happens; do you really want it to never be done???)
(6) HAVING TOO MANY THINGS OUTSIDE OF THE HOME
Abstract: Don’t assume that your home is the center it should be if you are not doing things continually/staying home to make it that center (it doesn’t just happen); not being at home much communicates to your children that you either don’t like home or that you do not care to be with the family
Action steps: (1) Look at your calendar carefully and determine how much time you are home and how much you are away (especially when you have a choice); (2) Block out time periods in which you will be home more—preferably when kids are home, especially when you can be all together; (3) Just “be”—don’t always do. Our kids love it when we just “are”!
(7) CLUTTER/DISORGANIZATION
Abstract: clutter slows everything down; owning too many things makes way more work for everybody—more to wash, put away, clean, sort, manage, keep up, pay “rent” for, etc.; having so many things communicates to your kids the high value you place upon material possessions (i.e. always having to get the newest/best/latest, etc.)
Action steps: (1) Don’t just clean/organize—get rid of things; (2) Set reasonable goals for getting rid of things (a bag a week? Four boxes a month?); (3) Every time you clean, start a get rid of bag; (4) Evaluate your possessions to be sure that you love everything you have; (5) Tackle organizing with the TWO MO’s method—otherwise if just becomes a passing fad, not long-lasting; (6) When organizing something, make a definite system—storage, upkeep, etc. as opposed to just straightening up with no plan to maintain; (7) Tackle the “squeakiest wheel” of disorganization first; (8) Involve kids/husband in organizing so it will last longer (especially for their belongings
(8) TOO MANY THRILLS/DISTRACTIONS…NOT ENOUGH FOCUS ON SPIRITUAL, RELATIONAL, GROWTH, ETC.
Abstract: How we spend our time communicates to our children more than anything else where our values are (helping others, building up your family, being thrilled/entertained, growing spiritually, etc.); too many thrills for children dulls their sensitivity to spiritual things and decreases their desire for the “normal”
Action steps: (1) Look closely at a given week or month of your family life; (2) Examine how much time is spent on the things that you SAY are priorities vs. thrills/entertainment, etc.; (3) Develop habits/routines that build the non-thrills into your family’s life; (4) Take on the mentality that “everything can’t be special”; (5) Share life with each other via meals, tech-free zone times, etc. (6) Use a timer to limit thrills and entertainment; (7) Have your children earn entertainment/thrills
Posts/Podcast Episodes to Check Out:
Podcast Episode: Foundations for Becoming an Efficiency Expert in Your Home and Work
Podcast Episode: Tips for Efficiency
Blog Post: ABC Efficiency (prioritizing non daily work)
Podcast Episode: Five Tips to Be More Efficient in the Kitchen
Blog Post: Delighting in the Dailies
Blog Post: Timer + Task List = Productivity
Blog Post: Terrible Task List
