by Donna | Feb 5, 2013
With the closeness of two of our parenting seminars in Indiana and the extremely high interest in training toddlers and preschoolers in character and obedience, I decided to re-run parts of two past posts today. Scroll all the way to the bottom for some other links, as well! And share our blog and FaceBook page with others who might be interested in learning about how to enjoy those years more than ever–from a Christian couple who LOVED ages two to six! Smile…
Question: How can I start some of the character training concepts and habits that you describe with a toddler?
Answer: If you are just starting out with your family and have only a toddler, you have the perfect opportunity to start out right in the character training of your children! I will offer some general tips below, but even more importantly than the “daily ins and outs” of the ideas I recommend, I suggest that you read Parenting Paradigms at this blog (soon to become “Character Training From the Heart”). Even if you take to heart some of the ideas for your little one given in this Q and A, in the end, you will be more successful at character training if you have a firm handle on what you believe about parenting and children.
Toddler Character Training Tips
1. Start adapting the toddler to your schedule and your family’s lifestyle as soon as you can (six to nine months) rather than making your family’s life revolve around the little one’s “wants.” You want to enjoy your toddler within the dynamics that your family already has (with the addition of the joy and wonder that a toddler brings into the family, of course)—as opposed to making everything change to meet unnecessary and often chaotic demands that a toddler who is given his own way all the time can often make.(Check out our important material on discerning wants vs. needs. ALWAYS meet needs–in a timely, loving, and consistent way!)
2. Remember that you are setting the stage right now for your child’s “tastes” (follow us on PP 365 or schedule our seminar for more details about this important concept).
a. You can set his tastes for defiance (allowing screaming, throwing, thrashing, and “no” from him) or submission.
b. You can set his tastes for selfishness and meanness (allowing hitting or other forms of striking, giving in to him when he wants something that someone else has, always making his surroundings whatever he wants (i.e. no bedtime, no sitting in high chair, etc.) due to “fits” or for kindness, gentleness, sweetness, and tenderness.
c. You can set his tastes for hyper-stimulation and activity (too much running; no scheduled down times; television and videos all the time) or for simple things (books, healthy toys, rest, etc.).
d. You can set his tastes to lack focus and not enjoy learning (again, too much video, not starting out with books and simple music; an avalanche of cartoons and children’s programming (some of which are developed in two second bits to keep up with short attention spans, thus, causing kids’ attention spans not to lengthen as they should) or a love for learning (via books, strong family learning, and discussion times, etc.).
3. Decide ahead of time what your “behavior absolutes” are.
a. These are the behaviors or character that you absolutely will not allow in your home. What you allow now will become the “acceptable behaviors” to your child. These seemingly innocent actions include “fibbing,” hitting, running the other way when called, etc.
b. For us, these “behavior absolutes” included talking back (no toddler saying “no” without being punished); lying or deceit; temper tantrums; and striking (hitting, pulling hair, throwing things at someone, etc.). Obviously, we wanted our kids to learn to obey and submit to us and to learn the many character qualities that are crucial to living a Christian life, but these four things were things we never wavered on—and things that we made huge deals out of when they were not adhered to by the toddler/preschooler.
4. Start showing your little one the joy of doing what is right. Contentment in your own life, the blessing of work, the joy of loving God and His people—and all of the character that you want your little one to adopt in his life—love, longsuffering, diligence, responsibility, and more will more likely be realized in our kids’ lives when we ourselves embrace and model them.
5. Try to establish routines that will aid in his character development—bedtimes, rising times, little “chores” (putting his books in his book basket after you read), nap times, meal times, story time, etc.
For more tips on toddlers and babies, click on the links provided below:
Who makes the decisions for the children—starts here and goes for a few days: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/10/day-260-who-makes-decisions-for.html
Say what you mean—starts here and goes for two days: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-248-dont-leave-your-little-one-at.html
Storytime: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-204-story-time.html
by Donna | Jan 11, 2013
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| Nursery Bible |
I still smile as I envision this beautiful picture Bible, The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes, by Kenneth Taylor, sitting atop my nursery dresser, part of the decor of every one of my nurseries–from the pastel “Care Bear” motiff nearly thirty years ago to the last one, a dozen years ago, with toys and hues of deep green and navy. It didn’t matter the color scheme or decorating theme, this Bible was at home in every nursery.
I smile even more, though, when I think back to the hundreds of mornings in which I snatched my little angelic being from his or her crib (after we put the toys in the toy basket in the corner of the crib–you can never start teaching “chores” too early!), telling that child how much Mommy loves her, how much Daddy loves her, how much Brother loves her, how much Sister loves her, and how much Jesus loves her.
I wrapped that sweet bundle in that day’s favorite blankie, and the two of us got cozy in the nursery’s rocking chair. Depending on the age, we would nurse, rock, sing, recite rhymes and verses (or sing verses), and talk about how amazing she was, how soft she was, how great she was going to be in God’s kingdom.
When the feeding and singing were done, it was Bible time–actually, it was “Little Eyes” Bible time–for that is what my toddlers and preschoolers called this precious nursery Bible. (I get misty-eyed thinking of the toddler snatching that Bible off the dresser and following me around with it, saying, “Little Eyes Bible, Mommy?” I have to keep myself from wishing I had stopped what I was doing and read more often…)
After a story or two (the stories are short, just perfect for toddlers or young preschoolers), the “Little Eyes” Bible would get propped back up on the dresser, that cherished spot where this beautiful nursery Bible stood for nearly two decades. And we would start our day, busy, full, precious days that nearly always began with the nursery Bible.
Note: For a thorough review (and where to purchase the original version of this Bible used), see the following link from an earlier blog post: https://charactertrainingfromtheheart.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-thirty-two-start-young-with-bible.html
by Donna | Nov 29, 2012
“And the Grinch stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
It came without ribbons. It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. …
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?” ~Dr Seuss
When our kids were very little, I always had one nativity set that was for them to play with. This one was set up on a low table and was the kids’ to interact with. We have done other nativity pieces—clay, paint your own, Fisher Price, felt, punch outs, and more. A simple search of nativities online yielded so many cute ideas—if you are crafty, they are even better! Here are some I found that you might enjoy sharing with your children.
LEGO nativity: https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?_adv_prop=image&fr=yfp-t-701&va=lego+nativity
EDIBLE nativity: https://www.mustardseedclub.org/arc0021.htm
PIPE CLEANER nativity: https://familyfun.go.com/crafts/away-in-a-manger-homemade-creche-668113/
PLUSH nativity: https://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimage%26va%3Dplush%2Bnativity%2Bset%26fr%3Dyfp-t-701&w=400&h=400&imgurl=www.stjudeshop.com%2Fresources%2FStJudeShop%2Fimages%2Fproducts%2Fprocessed%2F14313.zoom.a.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.stjudeshop.com%2Fproduct%2Fchildrens-bagged-nativity%2F&size=23KB&name=…+Plush+Nativi…&p=plush+nativity+set&oid=19a615
3cd589ff7a996ddcb9e62e6f49&fr2=&no=5&tt=2750&sigr=11s5vbt1s&sigi=12i2cbdf1&sigb=12vi3n8l6&.crumb=MbLOpBXyoMe
PAINT YOUR OWN nativity: https://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3F_adv_prop%3Dimage%26va%3Dplush%2Bnativity%2Bset%26fr%3Dyfp-t-701&w=730&h=557&imgurl=www.catholicsupply.com%2FCHRISTMAS%2F27405.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicsupply.com%2Fchristmas%2Fcmastoy.html&size=253KB&name=…+Paint+Your+O…&p=plush+nativity+set&oid=6a6c7fecf0eba37de269ac6b77318a7a&fr2=&no=7&tt=2750&sigr=11kefpv89&sigi=11atpjlf6&sigb=12vi3n8l6&.crumb=MbLOpBXyoMe
FISHER PRICE nativity: https://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=900000&e=storeproduct&pid=46068
PLAYMOBILE nativity: https://store.playmobilusa.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-US-Site/en_US/Product-Detail?pid=5719&cgid=
ADVENT NATIVITY CALENDAR with CHOCOLATE!: https://www.catholicsupply.com/christmas/advcal2.html
WOODEN ADVENT CALENDAR: https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?_adv_prop=image&fr=yfp-t-701&va=wooden+advent+nativity+calendar
CLAY nativity: https://www.ehow.com/how_6578433_make-clay-nativity.html
CARDBOARD BOX nativity: https://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1212882/easy_cardboard_box_nativity_scene.html
PUNCH OUT nativity: https://paperdollreview.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=516
SALT DOUGH nativity: https://www.squidoo.com/salt-dough-nativity-scene
by Donna | Mar 2, 2012
# 2: Malachi Time
In addition to talking to our babies and toddlers in the mornings, Dad also communicated with our toddlers and preschoolers at night through what we called “Malachi Time.” Based on the verse in Malachi about “turning the hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers,” Ray would tuck each child (age two or so and above) in their beds and talk to them. Sometimes he might read to them; sometimes it might be a quick prayer time. Other times, depending on the kids’ needs, Malachi Time would be a thirty to sixty minute event. (We often alternated who got short “Malachis” and who got long ones, making exceptions or changes to the schedule based on kids’ needs [and kids’ behavior—i.e. bad behavior sometimes needed even more talk time– that day!].)
Malachi time was such a special time for our olders that they all remember it fondly. They remember that Dad never had to hurry them to bed in order to go watch sports or play his computer game. He never had to rush through their bedtime in order to do his own thing. They knew he always had time for them. (And yes, he worked a lot—had a demanding job working sixty hours a week minimum at that time.)
I have fond memories of our little Cami when she was two chasing Ray around the living room crying out, “Ky ky time! Ky Ky time!” (How many two year olds do we know who beg to go to bed?? Smile…) Truly, Malachi time was the beginning of a long (fifty to seventy year?) tradition of availability for our children.
by Donna | Mar 2, 2012
Twelve Terrific Times to Talk
In keeping with our blog’s themes of TWELVE this year for 2012, we are starting a series called “Twelve Terrific Times to Talk.” There are so many great times to talk to our kids that it is hard to narrow it down to only twelve! We are so adamant and passionate about talking to and communicating with our kids that we write about it and speak about it frequently. For this series, we will go in a somewhat chronological order—so invite your friends with olders to join us—we’ll get to that age group soon!
#1: Baby Talk
We are the most balanced baby people I know! No extremes here of nursing a child on demand until age three —or of putting a baby on a four hour eating schedule while he’s still in the hospital! Somewhere between those extremes is an amazing way to parent babies and toddlers in which everybody (baby, parents, and siblings) enjoy each other and fall into a comfortable family rhythm that does not over-emphasize one child’s “wants” over another. And one in which wants and needs are sorted out and met as appropriate. This is certainly not an article about baby and toddler training (check out our blog for more on that!); however, our parenting of our babies really did have something to do with the deep, communicative relationships that we developed with our children.
Yes, we talked to our babies! Once our children were four to six months old, they were seldom rocked completely to sleep. They learned to go to sleep just like the rest of us—after all of their needs for cleanliness, food, warmth, and comfort were met. However, when we got our babies and toddlers up in the morning, we spent even more time with them. I would get our babies and toddlers up, rock them, read to them, sing to them, walk around their rooms and read their posters and plaques to them, etc.
We began talking baby talk early! Talking to babies and toddlers via books, songs, rhymes, etc., then eventually discussing these things, was the beginning of communicating with our kids. So….go for the baby talk! Start communicating early with your kids.
Want more BABY TALK info?
*For more about “rockies and reading,” see Part I (Part II follows) here: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2011/06/when-you-rise-up-faith-in-mornings.html
*For more information about toddler character training, start with this post and read on: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2011/03/character-q-how-can-i-start-character.html
*For more about “first thing in the morning with babies and toddlers,” look here: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-ninety-first-thing-in-morning-with.html
*For a post about praising “littles”: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-eighty-four-praise-for-good.html
*And teaching babies and toddlers with posters and table mats: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-eight-teach-toddlers-and.html
