I have loved seeing families’ bucket lists on Facebook! They make me wish that bucket lists were popular when my kids were little!

(Well, I guess we made our own Bucket List with our Summer School Goals—oh, my kids loved those!)

And I love having fun as a family…I mean, honestly, we were a FUN family. And we still go to Disney World as a family every five years!!! (Thanks to Plexus, we are moving that up to every three years!)

But for this post, I would like to propose a different bucket list than the traditional, fun, memory-making bucket list. It is the Summer Family Bucket List to Grow.

The Summer Family Bucket List to Grow

What do I mean by list to grow? I mean a purposeful list (in addition to your fun one—don’t do away with that one!) of things you will do this summer to help your family grow spiritually, morally, in character, in unity, and in benevolence.

A list of things you will do that will cause your children individually and your family as a whole to learn more about God, to grow closer to each other. To serve and help. Well…to grow!

I have included a fun printable meme (click here) that you can use as a reminder (put it on your fridge beside your fun bucket list)….but just like any goals, I want to encourage you to be specific.

You can print off that meme and highlight the things you intend to (I mean, would like to) do (since abstract lists do not usually happen!).

But take your Summer Family Bucket List to Grow one step further—and make those things happen!

If you have heard us talk about goal setting for your family, you know that we encourage you to make your goals like this:

1. List an outcome you want

2. Determine an action that will help you achieve that

3. Put the action into the schedule or routine

(For examples of these steps for summer goals, see the post here.)

In other words, don’t just let the pretty printable be it! Get proactive. Make an exact action and a time to complete that action. This will ensure that you get to some of your “growing” bucket list items!

I pray your summer is rewarding, growing, and fun! Blessings to you and your family!

What “growing” things are on your family’s list this summer? Share some to inspire others!

Links:

Homeschooling Mamas Earning Money From Home (Join my Team!)

[Series] 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids

[Podcast] 30 Tips from 30 Years of Homeschooling

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There is a lot of talk in the world of “adulting” about emotional intelligence. People who are emotionally intelligent know how others are feeling. They know what to say and what not to say in a social media thread. They are aware of their surroundings, etc.

I recently came upon yet another list of commonalities of those with emotional intelligence. As I read through the list (they truly are good commonalities), I couldn’t help but think about how many of them were our goals for our children before we had ever learned about such a thing as emotional intelligence. (Many of them are, after all, grounded in the golden rule!)

In the article detailing seven traits of people with emotional intelligence (see article HERE), there were a few common threads that stood out to me as important for families to really drill down on as we are raising children.

These can be summed up in a few key traits:

A. Picking up on how others are feeling

B. Listening to others

C. Responding well to information, good and bad

D. Empathy (not just seeing how others feel but feeling for them as well)

I love these so much! Not just because they turn out great adults, but also because they truly make a family successful.

Here are some actions and habits we practiced in our home to help our kids develop this “emotional intelligence”–and make our home a more peaceful place:

A. Picking up on how others are feeling

1) Asking them all the time with their siblings (and others): How do you think that made them feel?

2) Having them find someone in church or a group who looked sad and talking to them/cheering them up (especially the elderly).

3) Having three kids in one bedroom and four in the other led to a lot of opportunities for conflict—and teaching conflict resolution!

B. Listening to others

4) Having them listen to the other person’s view of his own part to see if that’s how they saw it too.

5) Letting then tell us when they disagreed with us on something—even though they still had to abide by our rule (unless the discussion led to a change in the rule, which it sometimes did)

C. Responding well to information, good and bad

6) Being available every night from toddlerhood for them to talk to—and asking how they were feeling, the good and bad they had observed that day, etc.

7) Having them tell us THEIR part in an altercation with siblings before they were allowed to tell us the other person’s part.

8) Discussing everything we read or listened to together (which was nearly a thousand chapter books and way over a thousand audios on repeat!).

9) Giving expectations on the way to places so they would know appropriate behaviors and interactions based on environment, age of people there, and purpose for going.

10) Discussing on our way home from places, at the dinner table, during family meetings, etc., how people they saw honored or dishonored others (especially their parents and siblings).

D. Honoring Others

11) Having key words and phrases that we used to show that others should come first (like “Reishes always ‘pick up some floor'”–meaning give our seats to others and find a seat on the floor)

12) Graciously thanking our hostess, and, if appropriate praising or blessing her

13) Discussing the needs of the elderly, small children, people with disabilities when we were going into situations with those people

The post 12 Tips for Building Emotional Intelligence in Our Children appeared first on Character Ink.

For not really being “singers”—and for most of us not really knowing that much about music—we are a pretty “sing-ee” family! We love to sing hymns and worship songs while we’re driving or sitting around the living room. If one of our pianists is here (Kara and Cami), it’s even better! At Christmas time, we really getting into the singing spirit! We love to memorize a complete carol (all the verse) and sing it together; we love to drive around looking at lights and have someone lead out when a certain decoration or sight reminds him of a carol; we love to “sing through the Christmas story.”

Several years ago as we were sitting around singing carols, we challenged the kids to sing a song about a certain part of the nativity story (one part at a time). Before we knew it, we had compiled an entire “cantata” (roflol!) singing through the Christmas story. Cami quickly found the words to all of the carols and made a colorful song sheet on the computer for everybody—and we have since enjoyed “singing through the Christmas story” quite often.

Below are the songs that we sing in the order that we sing them, along with links to the words to each one. Obviously, there are others that would also fit, but these are the ones we discovered and have enjoyed singing. Happy caroling!

1. “O Little Town of Bethlehem” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#olittletown

2. “The First Noel” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#firstnoel

3. “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#hark

4. “It Came Upon the Midnight Clear” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#itcameupon

5. “Silent Night” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#silentnight

6. “O Come, All Ye Faithful” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#ocomeallye

7. “Away in a Manger” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#awayinamanger

8. “O Holy Night” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#oholynight

9. “We Three Kings of Orient Are” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#wethreekings

10. “Joy to the World” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#joy

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Tonight as we drove home from an extended family Christmas gathering, reading aloud and singing, I was reminded of an old article I wrote for our newsletter several years ago—Christmas in the Car. I will post it in its entirety below—gotta sneak in those family times any chance we get as our kids get older!

From 2004:

If your children are growing up as fast as ours are, and if you travel distances to church, piano lessons, grandparents, etc. as we do, you might want to try some of our “Christmas in the Car” tips. Basically, every year I see the holiday time slipping away from us. The girls are taking college classes; off to Spanish or piano; teaching their own guitar, language arts, and piano students; working at their jobs; and more. Every time I think we’re going to have a sing-along/reading time tonight, someone announces that she has a Spanish test tomorrow and has to study all evening! Thus, our “Christmas in the Car” time was born.

We spend a great deal of time in the vehicle each week—driving to lessons, church, grandparents, etc.—all forty-five minutes away from us minimum. Being the efficiency expert that I am (of sorts!), I began utilizing this time in the vehicle to keep some of our holiday traditions alive. Try some of our “Christmas in the Car” ideas—and keep those traditions going strong:

*Sing carols as you drive.

*Listen to Christmas radio dramas (Focus on the Family has good ones), Uncle Dan and Aunt Sue Christmas stories, Christmas books on tape, Adventures in Oddysey Christmas stories, etc. as you are driving.

*Sing your way through the Christmas story. Start with “Mary, Did You Know?” and move on to “Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem,” then move onto anything having to do with the shepherds (“The First Noel,” “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” “Angels We Have Heard on High”). Next move into the birth/after the birth with “Silent Night,” “O Come All Ye Faithful,” “Away in a Manger,” and “We Three Kings.” Lastly, sing of the joy of his arrival: “Joy to the World” and “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.”

*Tell the Christmas story in one sentence increments as you go around the van, person-by-person. (This gets interesting with the little ones who might have them fleeing Herod’s wrath before Jesus is even born!)

*If a passenger can read without being sick, you might read your way through a favorite (pictureless) holiday book. We enjoy reading Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado and The Birth by Gene Edwards. Everyone looks forward to reading another chapter the next time we get in the van.

*Likewise, we read “devotional” type books about Christmas while we drive. This year, we are enjoying short chapters in the book Stories Behind the Best-Loved Songs of Christmas (see review). We have also enjoyed Christmas Stories From the Heart, The Christmas Reader, and more in years past.

*Use the driving time to memorize the Christmas story from the book of Luke. (We like to assign one verse to each person and go from person to person.)

*We enjoy memorizing all the verses from a certain Christmas song each year. In years past, we have memorized “Away in a Manger,” “Twelve Days of Christmas,” and “We Three Kings.” We can still sing most of the verses today!

*Drive by Christmas lights on your evening travels.

*Go through a drive-through or walk-through nativity while driving by one.

*Deliver goodies to those in route.

*Play “20 Questions Christmas-Style” or “Name That Christmas Tune.”

*New game: A person picks three things about the Christmas story that are really true or just thought to be true (or embellished, such as the little drummer boy playing for Jesus), and the others try to guess which two things are really in the Bible and which one is not. This is eye-opening.

*Sing whatever Christmas song you are reminded of by the decorations you see—stars, snowmen, angels, etc.

*Make up your own humorous twelve days of Christmas song, with each person getting to add their own items to the list as you sing around the van.

*Play the ABC Christmas game—“What I love about Christmas is A for angel, B for baby, C for candy, etc.” Go around and each person starts with A and tries to remember what was previously said. (This is a spin-off of the “I went to Grandma’s and I took A for applesauce, B for blankets, etc.)

*My personal favorite: Have someone write your holiday cooking and shopping list and holiday menus down for you while you drive and dictate to them. (Be forewarned: No comments about the spelling or penmanship are allowed when the child is done writing for you!)

The post Christmas in the Car {reprint} appeared first on Character Ink.

“Linus’ reading of the story of the Nativity was, quite simply, the dramatic highlight of the season.” Harriet Van Horne in the “New York World Telegram” December 1965

Every year our family enjoys reading about Christmas traditions and songs—how they began, what they mean, etc. One of my favorite readings is the story of how “A Charlie Brown Christmas” came about—and continues to bless people today. Read my “story behind the Charlie Brown Christmas” below aloud to your family—then watch the movie (or at least check out the given links from youtube). Have fun!

On Thursday, December 9, 1965 (nearly fifty years ago!), “A Charlie Brown Christmas” made its debut on CBS on television screens all over the United States. Surprising the network executives, this darling Christmas story was an immediate hit. It seems that its creator, Charles Schulz, battled with the powers-that-be at the network concerning the show’s religious content (CBS thought it was too religious) and the kids’ voices (citing that they should be professional actors, not children). Additionally, they felt that Vince Guaraldi’s theme music was too modern for kids’ tastes. (The jazz soundtrack has, by the way, become a classic.)

Rumor has it that through the years it has been suggested that Linus’ reading of the Christmas story from Luke be taken out of the movie. However, forty-five years later, this classic still contains that powerful passage from Luke, those sweet child voices, and that catchy music*—and each year the true story of Jesus’ birth and the reason for the season—is proclaimed via the secular media.

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One of our favorite ways to stay close to our kids was always spending one-on-one time with them. Yes, we had seven children in fourteen years. Yes, we were busy. Yes, my husband worked long hours.

But just about nothing got in the way of staying close to our kids. It was that important. (And it still is today with our adult children ages seventeen to thirty-two!)

Carving out one-on-one time with our kids in a busy household is not easy. Everything is vying for our time and attention. However, one way that we found to do this was to “make a date.” That is, make appointments and actual schedule that time so that (1) the child knew it was coming and (2) we knew that it was already planned and the child knew about it—so we were less likely to cancel. (Somehow, saying that we are going to have more time together just doesn’t work that well!)

We did this in a number of ways—half birthday dinners with Mom and Dad, Wonderful Wednesdays, “sit closest to Mom days,” and many more…all of which give me great joy in their memories.

Recently we have added a downloadable product to our store to help families set up these “appointments” with their kids. They are called “Keep Close Coupons.” The title alone tells your child that time with him or her is important—it is purposeful. That you want time with your child and that you want to be close to him.

I have tips in the Keep Close Coupon front matter describing how to use these coupons, so I thought I would share them here in a blog post as well. These tips apply whether you buy our coupons or create your own. 🙂

(For more on building strong relationships with your kids, see our podcast episode, Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Training Times With Tweens and Teens.)

Thoughts about these coupons

(1) There are a lot of coupons for special things floating around, but we like these because their name tells the why behind them. We are going to do this or that because we want to keep close.

(2) Don’t pass them out constantly—and possibly not even once a week. (Other coupons, like affirmation ones, are good for weekly or lunch box types of coupons.)

(3) These should be used to communicate to the child that you want to do something special together so that you can be close to each other.

(4) Try to do low to no cost things so that it doesn’t become a thing where your child always has to DO something in order to be with you. (See ideas below.)

(5) Alternate with just Mom; just Dad; and Mom and Dad together with the child.

(6) The activities together do not have to be long. (Again, see ideas below.) They can be as short as an hour long card game or a walk in the neighborhood.

(7) While you don’t want these to get expensive, if you have pre-teens and teens, do plan to incorporate some food-related outings! It can be simple like an ice cream cone from McDonalds, but our experience has been that tweens and teens love to eat!

(8) Be sure that your times together are not always so activity-driven that you can’t talk and just be together. For example, while going to the movies might be fun, it would be better to go to the park and take a picnic snack and walk around the lake so that you can really connect.

(9) Take notes about what your child likes, what outings or times together meant a lot to him before, etc. Our oldest son thrived on my husband meeting him in the driveway to shoot baskets at ten every night after Ray had put the littles to bed. Some things are more special to some kids than other things are.

(10) If you are giving these to teens, you might not want to put a date on the coupon. While it is easier to schedule with an elementary child (Saturday morning breakfast sandwich at the park), teens’ schedules are often challenging to work around. You want to give him the what then determine a time together that works. (These should not feel like obligations to the teens—like time that you are taking away from other things.)

The post Keeping Kids Close appeared first on Character Ink.

In my last blog post, I talked about how to determine which traditions to keep for everybody and which traditions will likely go by the wayside. These are obviously very personal decisions – and you will probably want to discuss these with your older children.

There are some other traditions that we have kept in part. These traditions are ones that we still do with our at-home kids, but we invite the olders to as well.

The key to having traditions that you want to include everybody for but that you do not want to obligate them to is to use the phrasing that my husband uses all the time in dealing with our older children:

This is an invitation, not an obligation!

This is not only a Christmas tip, but if you have older kids, especially if they are married, you want them to feel included, but at the same time it is unwise to put pressure on them to do and be everything – especially when it comes to extended family. If our older children went to every single event that the grandparents and the grandparents’ siblings have, Memorial Day parties, Christmas get-togethers, etc., they would not have enough time for their own families.

The same thing is true with things that we continued on at Christmas time with our tweens and teens as the older siblings went to college and/or got married. We want to make the adults feel included, but we do not want to infringe on their own family life.

So for some of our Christmas festivities, those that they and we have determined together will not necessarily always include everybody, we remind them that this is an “invitation, not obligation.”

We say this often, and we want them to know that we mean it. We want them to put their own families first. We want them to put their spouse before their siblings. We want them to put their home about their parents. This wording gives them the freedom to do so – and remind them continually that we place a high importance upon their adult lives.

See this post where I describe our “in-laws-first Christmas”—and why I recommend having this!

P.S. Don’t forget to check out the podcast episode about Christmas With College and Adult Kids!

The post Christmas With College & Adult Children: Invitation vs. Obligation appeared first on Character Ink.

One of the things that was difficult for me in having college and adult kids with Christmas was not being able to continue all of the traditions that we had formally done. I mentioned earlier that through homeschooling, we actually spent a lot of time on Christmas. Our entire December was centered around Christmas readings, unit studies, Christmas baking and cooking, and more.

As our oldest child was married and in the next two girls were in college, they were home less and less. At first, I continued the traditions during the daytime with my kids were still homeschooling. But what was I going to do about the evening and weekend traditions?

One of the things that I had to decide early on was which traditions were important enough to try to include everybody and which traditions were not. When our son was first married, we decorated for Christmas without him – four months after his wedding. Imagine my surprise when he came into the house, to all the Christmas decorations and the tree, and was nearly teary-eyed. “You decorated without us?” I was heartbroken! Here I had been trying not to impose upon him and his new wife, and I left him out of something that was very important to him. A couple of years later, our oldest daughter, our second child, was in Texas in college. The kids went together and flew her home for two days just so that she would not miss decorating.

So I learned early on that decorating for Christmas was one tradition that the kids would want to keep even as adults. Yes, this was something to keep for the entire family.

So one thing I recommend with older children is to decide with the kids what things are important enough to save for when they’re home from college and for the local adult kids, and which things would just be for the at-home kids.

This will obviously be based on trial and error like ours above as well as on what you have just found are most memorable to your kids.

Here are some traditions that we keep with our college and adult kids in part or in whole:

1. Christmas decorating night – this is a party night for our family, and nobody wants to miss it. We have purposely moved this to be Thanksgiving weekend when the college kids are home. We have continued with our appetizer party, Nativity setting up (dozens of nativities of various sizes), drawing of names for the sibling exchange (a new tradition–see future post), putting up the tree and decorating with our homemade ornaments that we made in our unit studies throughout the years, reading Christmas stories, singing carols, and just being together.

2. Our own Christmas eve – we always had a protocol of a party on Christmas eve with a few presents and lots of games followed by our traditional Christmas day. Even though once our children began getting married, I gave Christmas eve and Christmas day to my children-in-laws’ families (see future post!), everybody still wanted a Christmas eve and Christmas day at home. Thus, our own Christmas eve – filled with games, fun exchanges, appetizers, stories, songs, and staying up half of the night – continued on but just on a different day other than Christmas eve. It is not uncommon at all for us to have our “Christmas eve” on December 27, 28, or 29. It doesn’t matter to any of us, just so we have a Christmas eve.

3. Our own Christmas day – even when our kids were little, we did the grandparent thing whenever that was held, but had our own Christmas day – regardless of whether that was on the 25th. What I mean by that is that if we had a lot to do on the 25th with extended family, we made the 26th or the 27th our Christmas day. This was something that the older kids wanted to continue, and we do so today. So we have our Christmas eve whenever we can find an open evening and has the next day free – and the next day is our Christmas day. The Christmas story, exchanging gifts, playing games, taking naps, and having a Christmas dinner are all still the things that we do on our very own “Christmas day” with all seven of our children and any spouses (and now a grandbaby!).

There are other things that we intersperse here and there, like our “White Christmas night,” which I talk about in another post. We also about every other year do a big family Christmas outing, just like we used to do when the kids were little – for anybody who is available. This usually involves a local play or the Star of Bethlehem planetarium show, etc. While everybody is not available for these, we do try to open these to anybody who can come.

Stay with us as we talk about “invitation vs. obligation” in a few days!

P.S. Listen to the podcast episode,”Christmas With College and Adult Children,” in which I give all of the upcoming posts orally with a succinct handout for you! 🙂

The post Christmas With College & Adult Children: Continuing Earlier Traditions appeared first on Character Ink.

In a previous blog post, I discussed the importance of finding out those traditions that mean a lot to your college and adult kids so that they do not feel left out of the things you are doing in your home – especially the things that you used to do when they were little. In another post, I talked about the invitation versus obligation. (Read that here…that’s important!)

This post will focus on the latter. We try to continue many traditions with our high school kids and our college kids living at home, but at the same time, we don’t want to leave out the adult children who are away from home–or impose upon them either. This is a fine balance. Because of this, we recommend that you invite them to some of those things, but be sure that they do not see those things as obligations.

Also, especially for your married children, we recommend that you encourage them to begin their own traditions in their own homes. If they feel like they constantly have to come to your house throughout December in order not to disappoint you or miss a “tradition,” they will likely not have the time or the initiative to begin their own traditions. Regardless of how much you might want all of your children there all of the time, we encourage you to help your adult children see their marriages and their families as their first priorities.

So what about the other traditions? Yes, invite them when appropriate, but don’t push.

We love to invite the kids back for a baking and/or cookie decorating night some times! Again–invitation, not obligation! 🙂

Here are a few traditions we like to do:

1. Christmas stories—The older kids especially have fond memories of reading Christmas stories altogether throughout the month of December, on our decorating night, in the evenings leading up to Christmas, on Christmas Eve, and Christmas day. Because of this, I save a few of our favorite stories (see upcoming posts for some of our favorite Christmas read alouds for the whole group–many of which are available for free online!) to read when the family is altogether, such as on decorating night and our Christmas Eve. I have also gotten all of the children as Christmas gifts some of our favorite compilations of Christmas stories so that they would have them for their families and future families.

image via IMDb

2. Christmas movies— we all have fond memories of watching Christmas movies together. One Christmas movie that is a tradition that we still invite the older kids back for is our White Christmas movie night. This movie was a favorite for all of us to watch together. It has become even more special in the last ten years or so when we made it an official White Christmas Night by adding “white spaghetti” (fettuccini alfredo with shrimp!) to our evening. We try to have this on the evening in December when some of the grown kids can come back home, and we do invite them – but again, it is an invitation not an obligation. It was so cute the other day when our new daughter-in-law (of one year) asked when we were doing White Christmas this year, stating that she had never been to one because they were always away at college when we did it. I love it that even my children-in-law look forward to our family traditions.

3. Family Christmas outing – through the years we have taken one outing during the Christmas season as a family and made it a big occasion. This might have been going to a Christmas play, a musical, a movie, or the planetarium for the Star of Bethlehem show. We usually went out to eat and/or went out for dessert on that night as well. This is something that we still invite the older kids back for.

4. Movie on Christmas night— I mentioned in a previous post how we have given Christmas day to our kids-in-law’s family. Because our extended families no longer have get togethers on Christmas day, this left Christmas day kind of empty for those at home. Therefore, we added going to a special movie on Christmas night. Anybody who doesn’t have anything going on that night is invited to come.

Yes, it is sad for me to think of all the traditions that have gone by the way… spending the entire month of December making Christmas ornaments, cooking and baking together, singing nearly every night around the tree, and so on. Those of you with small children don’t skimp on your holiday traditions. And those of you with grown kids – remember those days fondly.

I love it that my own kids love and enoy their siblings-in-law!

(Please note that I am an affiliate for Amazon. I receive a small commission when you click on my links below. Thanks so much for your support of this blog!)

Favorite movies:

• White Christmas
• Elf
• Christmas With the Kranks
• Home Alone 1
• Home Alone 2
• Home Alone 3
• Christmas Eve
• Charlie Brown Christmas
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas
• Christmas Shoes

The post Christmas With College & Adult Children: Tips for Keeping Traditions with Grown Children appeared first on Character Ink.

One of the ways that we make our Christmas Eve super special is through special gifts and games (besides the traditions from long ago of singing carols, reading Christmas stories, and having the sibling gift exchange). Our Christmas Eve is a full evening of food, fun, fellowship, worship, reflecting, reminiscing, and play!

In the past few years as our family has grown, we could no longer fit around the table for Uno, Kemps, or Pit, so Ray did some research on group games and discovered something called “Minute to Win It” (we have been without television for years…and only in the past few with Netflix and Hulu do we know what’s out there! LOL). Anyway, he found things online, our daughter found some things for him on Pinterest, and he was off with new Christmas Eve traditions—Minute to Win It games.

For these games, we break up into teams and do relay style or “cooperative” types of games—completing puzzles, putting playing cards in a certain order, rubberband relay races, ping pong ball tosses, etc. It is crazy fun, and everybody has a great time with them.

Here are some pictures along with some descriptions of some of our favorite Christmas Eve games!

Teams of three assembling puzzles right side up then upside down!

Teams of three making a structure out of cups and plates.

Teams of three picking up M and M’s with chop sticks!

Flipping ping pong balls to the other side of the table with rubber bands.

More Minute to Win It games!

Late night card games when the group dwindles as people go to bed!

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