The post 5 Key Times to Talk to Your Kids (Mama Monday Video) appeared first on Character Ink.

That is the first verse of a song I wrote that we sang together as a family during family worship and in the van driving (especially on trips). It was our empathy song—the song that reminded us to try to put ourselves in others’ shoes and understand how they are feeling.

There are dozens of ways to teach empathy—from saving and giving funds to help others, to volunteering to help the needy, to watching movies and reading books, and much more.

This valuable character trait can also be taught through talking (and singing!).

If you read much of what we have written, you will quickly learn that we feel that one of the most valuable parenting tools that we have at our disposal is that of discussion. This is especially true when it comes to empathy training. We have always discussed people’s hurts with our children (at appropriate ages), and even charged them with the duty of making this world a better place through their Christian love and charity.

One of the things that we never allowed our children to do was to make fun of the weak or the disabled. Calling somebody “retarded” or “crippled,” or some such other name was strictly forbidden. However, we didn’t just not let them speak ill of or make fun of those people, we taught them to show love and compassion to them.

From their earliest years, when we saw somebody who was needy, we would explain to the children that we do not know what that person goes through. That we cannot understand that person’s pain and suffering. And that we should lift those people up, not tear them down.

Talking to our kids about how others feel—those who are needy, their siblings, friends, grandparents, etc—is a great way to teach this quality…and another important time to talk.

Yes, “How do you think that makes that person feel?” is the beginning of empathy training. Teaching our children to see people’s needs with true compassion is the continuation of that empathy training. (And as an aside, we began “How do you think that makes that person feel?” with their siblings. We always told the kids that if they can learn how to get along with/be kind to their siblings, they can work with anybody in this world!)

We are not programmed to be selfless. We are not programmed to automatically think about others. We are born with a sin nature–a selfish nature. As parents, we have to make a conscious effort to get our children’s thoughts off of themselves—and onto those around them. We can do this quickly, constantly, and easily through discussion.

Many years ago, when the older children were ten through fourteen, we took a trip to Chicago. We spent a long weekend visiting museums, swimming at our motel, and, of course, talking. We had many opportunities to see those with needs and discuss these situations. Before we left that weekend, we had written a song (amateur poet, here) that described what we saw and felt that we still sing today—and that reminds us to look around us and see the hurting people—and try to find ways to help them.

“I Prayed for You Today”

I prayed for you today, though I didn’t know your name,
I saw a hurting look, so I had to stop and pray.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you on the street,
Playing on your trumpet, for everyone you meet.

(Chorus) I know it doesn’t seem like much, just a simple little prayer.
But I want you to realize there is a God who cares.
I know it doesn’t seem like much, I wish I could do more.
But the very best thing that I can do is take you to the Lord.

I prayed for you today, when I saw you with your cane,
Your yesterdays have flown right by, and now you’re old and lame.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you on your porch,
You looked so sad and lonely, so broken and forlorn.

(Chorus) I know it doesn’t seem like much, just a simple little prayer.
But I want you to realize there is a God who cares.
I know it doesn’t seem like much, I wish I could do more.
But the very best thing that I can do is take you to the Lord.

I prayed for you today, when I saw you with your friends,
Trying to be popular, trying to fit in.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you at the zoo,
Being a daddy all alone is difficult to do.

(Chorus) I know it doesn’t seem like much, just a simple little prayer.
But I want you to realize there is a God who cares.
I know it doesn’t seem like much, I wish I could do more.
But the very best thing that I can do is take you to the Lord.

Empathy doesn’t just happen. Yes, we can say that one child is more tenderhearted than another. We can see leanings towards empathy—as well as leanings towards selfishness—in our children. But empathy is something that we can teach our children—a learned behavior, if you will—that we can instill in them beginning at very young ages, in our homes. And a trait that can be taught through talking.

Related links:

[article] Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need

[podcast] Ways to Spend More Time With Your Kids

[podcast] Ten Tips for Staying Close

[podcast] Using Audios With Children

The post 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You Want to Teach Empathy appeared first on Character Ink.

When You “Cue” Your Kids for Talk Time—Our Talking Song

“Talk to me; show me that you care. Talk to me; listen to the words I say. Talk to me; there’s so much we can share. I know you love me when you talk to me.”

I can still sing it from memory. And so can my kids. It was our talk song. And now I am crying.

Years ago we used to listen to a “cassette” that had this catchy, heart-warming song on it about talking. The chorus was that “talk to me” line above. I wish you could hear it being sung as it is so sweet.

Like a lot of things that we heard, read, or watched together as a family, it became part of us. And we used it…over and over and over again. And never tired of.

Kid seemed out of sorts when we tucked them in, we sang it: “Talk to me; show me that you care. Talk to me; listen to the words I say. Talk to me; there’s so much we can share. I know you love me when you talk to me.”

Silence in the car with one child, we sang it: “Talk to me; show me that you care. Talk to me; listen to the words I say. Talk to me; there’s so much we can share. I know you love me when you talk to me.”

While we sang it to the child to get them talking, the last line was really about us talking to them—they knew we loved them because we talked to them….and this song reminded them of that.

It reminded them that they can tell us what they are thinking because they know we love them because we DO talk to them.

It reminded them that we are a talking family with parents who listen.

It reminded them of the last time we sang it and talked—and that it felt good to do so.

Cues. Reminders. Talk tools. Heart prodders.

These things—whether they are rhymes, jingles, movie lines, song lyrics, or jokes—they become part of our family and can lead to great talks.

Here are a few more to get you started, but use whatever is part of YOUR family to cue your children to talk!

(1) A penny for your thoughts….

(2) DETAILS!

(3) Silence is not golden!!

(4) What’s going on in there? (See Asking Questions)

(5) ‘Fess up!

6) What ya thinkin’?

(7) Hey, it’s just the two of us….let’s talk about ______ (See Keep Kids Close Coupons)

8) What do you think of ________________

What are your family’s “talk tools” or talking cues? When and how do you use them?

Links:

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You “Sit” In Your House

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Drive Time

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You Just Need to Listen

Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need

[Podcast] Keeping Close During Intense Training Times

[Podcast] Ways to Spend More Time With Your Kids

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

The post 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Our Talking Song appeared first on Character Ink.

Make your home a center—a center for learning, a center for growing up together, a center for spiritual formation, a center for relationship building, a center for caring—and your kids will know that you want to spend time with them. There is nothing that can stop a child who knew his parents loved to be with him!

EARLY YEARS

1. Malachi time/Daddy tuck in—the beginning of a long tradition of availability to our children
2. Who has their shoes on/never go alone! Smile
3. Little snatches of time—kitchen time,
4. Date night

MIDDLE YEARS and UP

1. Continue Malachi time (be careful of squeakiest wheels!)
2. Dinner time
3. Terrific Tuesday/Wonderful Wednesday/Super Saturday! (Note: Invest in olders for trickle down effect!)
4. Family meetings/living room time (three or four evenings at home together each week?)
5. Twalks
6. Half birthdays
7. Bible talks
8. Drive time
9. Penny for your thoughts; a nickel for a hug; and a dime if you tell me that you love me—and other object lessons
10. “My Day”
11. Drive time to activities
12. Consistent/frequent traditions

TEENS and YOUNG ADULTS

1. Who’s available on their cell phone?
2. Texting
3. FB Messaging/emailing
4. Driving practice
5. Half birthdays and other special dates
6. When you “sit” in your house (Deut 5)
7. Hanging out (emphasizing availability)
8. The way to our teens’ hearts—through their stomachs Smile
9. Vacations and Staycations
10. Watching and listening (videos and audios)

AVAILABILITY

Your secret parenting weapon! Make yourself available. Change YOUR schedule. Drop the busy-ness. Add the heart-focused parenting that is needed to raise tweens and teens well.

MY DAY Notes

(1) Special focus—I tried to praise, affirm, spend more time with, tie heart strings more, etc. for that child on that day—without the child actually knowing it!

(2) Sitting in the front seat if we went anywhere (Because we only went places one or two days a week during the day during the week when my older children were little, we had to alternate whose day it was each week because otherwise, for example, the Monday or Tuesday child would seldom get to sit in the front seat since we seldom went anywhere early in the week.)

(3) Sitting closest to Mom during morning read aloud and afternoon story time

(4) Saying the prayer during breakfast and lunch

(5) Getting to choose two stories instead of one at story time (and getting their stories read first and last)

(6) Getting to have a longer talk time (Malachi time) with Dad that night before bed

(7) Helping Mom cook dinner that day (before they could cook meals entirely by themselves)

(8) Doing an extra job from the job jar

(9) Taking a morning or afternoon “twalk” (talk and walk) with Mom

Links

Podcasts:

• Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Parenting Times
• Teens: The Recipe for Rebellion and Ingredients for Intimacy

Blog Posts:

• Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need
• Teaching Children to Ask Questions
• The One Parenting Practice That Changes Everything
• A is for Affirmation

Listen to the podcast here!

The post Podcast Notes for “Ways To Spend More Time With Your Kids” appeared first on Character Ink.

Plastic wrap prizes! Several have asked how we do this activity, so here is a somewhat-clear description! (The pics are a little grainy in our living room that night!)

One thing that I highly recommend as you prepare for Christmas with teens and adults is that you try to make new memories…that you try to do things that are applicable to their ages. Yes, we definitely continue some of the earlier traditions. But we’ve also added new ones that are more age-appropriate. One of those is plastic wrap prizes.

This activity could be in lieu of stockings, Christmas Eve PJs, piñatas, etc. It is a ton of fun for teens and adults. With younger kids, there’s always a danger of some disappointment if they get Chapstick or antacids (lol!), but with teens and adults, it is all just good fun. Lots of laughs. Lots of usable items. And more family unity than you would think, LOL!

 
Here is how we created the huge plastic wrap ball:

1) Take a bunch of small gifts—see suggestions below

2) Lay the first one on plastic wrap that is pulled out then start rolling the plastic wrap around the prize.

3) When it is covered,  lay another prize on it and roll again.

4) When you come to the end of the roll, open another roll and tied the end of the first with the beginning of the second.

5) When we were done with all one hundred plus gifts/prizes, we had a huge ball like you see in the picture.

Ray getting started on the Plastic Wrap Prizes for our Christmas Eve night! Sorting all of the goodies and gifts.

 
Getting closer! This is more fun for young adults than stockings!

 
The “ball” is getting bigger–we are on our second roll of plastic wrap now!

 
Last layer. The kids will pass the ball around the room to the next person, unwrapping another layer each time as their “prizes” fall out!
 

So what exactly do we do with that big ball of prizes, goodies, and gifts? Here is how that part goes down:

 1) The kids all get in a big semi circle and the first one tears away the plastic wrap (the ball is on the floor in front of them) and gets the first prize he comes to/first one that falls out.

2) Then he passes it to the next person (or moves it over in front of the next person who does the same.

3) They continue to do that…they might see something they like better under the next layer, but they get whatever is next in the wrap. (They barter and trade afterwards!)

So what are good Plastic Wrap Prizes? This is dependent on a lot of factors:

1) Whether this activity is in place of other gifts you would normally get them. (Ours is in part as this year we are doing a bigger gift card or two per person and then the “gifts” are the things in this plastic wrap as well as in the grab bags… See my upcoming post on grab bag gifts for Christmas eve.)

2) If it is just for extras, like candy and trinkets that you put in their stockings, then you would probably want to limit it to $.50 or one dollar items, such as packages of gum, candy bars, nail clippers, etc.

3) How many people will be opening the ball and removing things. For us, we have seven adult kids and four kids-in-law. Thus, I try to have at least forty-four items in it so that each “child” receives four gifts or prizes approximately.

4) Your family’s Christmas budget. Since this is replacing some of their gifts this year, I will put a little bit costlier items in it than I did when it did not replace part of their gifts. Therefore, this year, we will have DVDs, nicer earbuds, and some $10 gift cards. Keep in mind that whatever you start is somewhat what people come to expect. (This is, of course, true with any gift of giving situation. Even going down to gift cards this year for us is challenging simply because that is not where we started with our adult Christmas gifts.)

5) What types of things you want them to end up with. I have been on a minimalism kick for the last couple of years; therefore, I am opposed to giving them more things to have lying around their houses since I don’t want things lying around my house either. Of course, sometimes nicer/more usable things are more expensive. Generally speaking, I try to stay away from too many Dollar Tree items and Target dollar bin items unless these are truly usable prizes.

I know this post is getting long, but I would be remiss if I didn’t give you a list of some suggestions for the Plastic Wrap a Prizes. I recommend you use our Kids’ Faves List if you are unsure of what your kids would like. 

1) Gum, mints, Lifesavers, TicTac’s, and other small gum and mint items (I get tons of “consumables” and usually put a gum or candy in every layer—so there is a consumable and a gift each time.)

2) Favorite candy–again I use my kid faves list and get everybody’s favorites knowing they will barter and trade at the end.

3) Ear buds… And more earbuds

4) Fast food gift cards

5) Movie theater tickets

6) Hand warmers

7) Small window scrapers

8) Hand lotion

9) Hand sanitizer

10) DVDs

11) CDs

12) Pepper spray

13) Meat thermometers (I’m all about meat thermometers for my kids’ kitchens!)

14) Car wash cards

15) Wal-mart gift cards

16) Playing cards

17) Hand held portable games (Yahtzee, etc.)

18) Coupons for a ream of paper from our print center (we have a small press publishing company….Character Ink Press)

19) Five dollar bills with a sticky note to use it towards something specific

20) Laundry soap pouches in double zipper bags

21) Spices (especially more expensive ones like real vanilla or a blend)

22) Kitchen gadgets that are super useful

23) Hand sanitizer, talcum powder, hand lotion, chap stick, nail clippers

24) Soup, coffee, tea, and cocoa packets and add ins

25) Personalized calendars and other small family pic items

26) Flashlights and batteries

27) Mini Lego figures

28) Zippo lighters (in a box)

29) Travel toiletries

30) Toothbrushes and toothpaste

31) Card games such as Pit, Uno, Dutch Blitz, Skip Bo, Rook, Phase 10

32) Travel games

33) Tylenol, Advil, Emergen C

34) Office supplies such as pens, highlighters, sticky notes, envelopes, etc

35) USB flash drives

36) Household miscellaneous scissor sets, masking tape, pliers, extension cords, etc.

37) Favorite team paraphernalia

38) Fuzzy socks

39) Bathroom miscellaneous such as Q-tips, cotton balls, Band Aids, etc.

40) Inexpensive sporting tickets (or museum)

41) Phone chargers, car adapters, etc

42) Stress balls, yo yo’s, Silly Putty

43) Oven mitts

44) Plexus X Factor, ProBio 5, Boost, Children’s Chewables, or Slim drink packets

45) Car air fresheners

46) Tiny plasticware containers, little zipper type bags (craft, pill, etc., sized)

47) Table top mind games (Cracker Barrel style)

48) Gas cards

49) Chip clips, carabiner clips, zip strips

50) Penny, nickel, or dime rolls

51) Small feather dusters, scrub brushes, cleaning cloths

Other Thoughts

• I just use the cheap plastic wrap from the dollar store. (I thought I needed the heavier stuff, and I bought the thicker kind that year, but it really isn’t necessary.)

• Watch out for things with strong scents. Cinnamon car fresheners, peppermint candy, wintergreen gum, pine cone room scents, etc., can make your prizes smell and/or taste those scents/flavors.

• Things can get broken, so watch out for things not packaged. For example, my non-peppermint candy canes were all in pieces.

• If having things even in cost is super important to you, you could handle this one of two ways: You could be sure that every layer of the plastic wrap has similar priced items. For example, you could put Chapstick, fluffy socks, and a five dollar McDonald’s card in if you want each layer to have roughly eight dollars with the stuff in it. Or, you could do it such where the very middle of the ball has all expensive things in it and the outsides of the ball has gum, mints, masking tape, etc. In this way, they would open the lesser priced things first and then expensive things last. Both of these ways in sure that somebody doesn’t just end up with a $1.50 worth of stuff and somebody else is up with $30 worth of stuff at the end.

Save

The post Plastic Wrap Christmas: Big Kid Fun appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here!

Goals

1. To be able to have significant impact on your child between the ages of seventeen and twenty-two or so

2. To help your child out financially in a way that fits your budget

3. To alleviate financial pressure on a young adult who is trying to start out on his own/preparing for marriage

4. To phase into that next relationship level with your young adults in order to make your relationship strong

Considerations

1. Treat your child like any adult guest in your home

2. Spreading out work so that your “guest” does his share

3. Enforcing house rules upon an “adult”

4. Using a contract between parents and child if needed

5. When a child needs to move out

6. Creating strong bonds of relationship during this time

Links

1. Podcast episode: Recipe for Rebellion

2. Blog Post: Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need

3. Blog Post: Why We Have Wanted Our Teens and Young Adults Mentored by Adults

4. Blog Post: Dads, What Gate Are You Standing By

5. Blog Post: Raising Tweens and Teens With Character seminar

6. Blog Post: Helping Your Son Be a Better Boyfriend

7. Podcast: When to Give Chances and When to Take Action–The Mulligan

Listen to the podcast here!

The post Podcast Notes for “College & Young Adult Kids Living At Home” appeared first on Character Ink.

Things to Consider About Our Relationships During Intense Training Times

(1) To your child, it can feel like he is being ganged up on—or that he is not as loved because there is so much “negative” in the form of training, punishment, consequences, etc. You want to be sure you are combating this with attention, affirmation, encouragement, heart engagement, and many positives.
 
(2) Keep these ten tips close-by to be sure that you are staying close and connected when he feels less than positive about the changes and expectations.
 
(3) While it might not be possible during these intense times to follow a certain protocol (i.e. three positives for every one negative; ten affirmations for every negative feedback/correction, etc.), it is still important not to have a negative environment in which every thing is about the training, changes, and expectations.
 

Listen to the podcast here!

Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Training Times With Tweens and Teens

(1) Remember, to your child, perception is reality. If he feels ganged up on, to him, he really is. If he feels that you do not LIKE him, to him, you really do not. If he feels like you are only focusing on negatives right now, to him, you are.

(2) Don’t over-focus on correction (i.e. too many areas at the same time; once you are on a roll about one thing, you find yourself picking/correcting every little thing). Choose the biggest things first ( see Four D’s of Behavior and Handling Heart Behaviors in Tweens). Don’t try to tackle everything at one time.

(3) Have more-than-normal amounts of one-on-one time with your child. (See our Keep Close Coupons.)

(4) Affirm your child’s good behavior and character during this time—early and often. (See our Affirmation Cards.)

(5) Give little gifts and plan little surprises. (See our Kid’s Faves Worsheets.)

(6) Have lots of family time, stressing family unity and love among family members.

(7) Say yes when you can. (This is already a time of a lot of no’s if he is being punished or having a lot of consequences; don’t pile on unnecessary no’s.)

(8) Be sure he sees you linking responsibility with privilege. (See my latest article—”The One Parenting Practice That Changes Everything.”) When improvements are made in his character, he should see immediate changes in his privileges—just like he should have seen lessening of privileges when responsibility wasn’t as good.)

(9) Use key times wisely. Drive time. Just the two of you home. Mornings. Dinner preparation. Bedtimes. Porch time. Tech-free zone time. All of these times are good times to connect to your child’s heart.

(10) Ask good questions. Focus on the WHY…..not just literal questions.

Links

Podcast: Four D’s of Behavior
Podcast: Dealing With Heart Issues of Tweens
Blog post: Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need
Blog post: Teaching Children to Ask Questions
Blog Post: The One Parenting Practice That Changes Everything
Blog Post: A is for Affirmation

The post Podcast Notes: Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Training Times appeared first on Character Ink.

 

We would love to come to your area with our Homeschooling With Character parenting seminar.

 

This seminar is flexible to meet the needs of homeschool groups everywhere.

 

The details:

 

1. The seminar can be sponsored by a church, Sunday school, small group, community, homeschool group, support group, field trip group, state homeschool organization, etc. It is for any group of homeschoolers who want to learn about character-focused parenting from birth to tweens—with a special emphasis on the homeschooling lifestyle. (See our tween and teen workshop list here.)

Note: We also offer our Raising Kids With Character seminar, which has many of the same sessions but does not focus on homeschooling families only. It addresses Christian parenting regardless of schooling scenarios. Many homeschooling groups sponsor that seminar so that they can invite their non-homeschooling friends as well. (Another option is to offer the Raising Kids With Character seminar but Friday during the day (or Thursday evening) have us present homeschooling workshops only (such as writing or managing your homeschool day or any of our sixty-plus homeschooling workshops.)

 

2. It is flexible. We can accommodate most schedules, including a shorter seminar (Friday night and Saturday morning) or a longer one (Friday night and all day Saturday) or even an extended one if Moms would like to do some efficiency, organizing, or “baby/toddler” things or other homeschooling topics during the day on Friday (my personal favorite because in this arrangement I get to talk to more moms!).

 

3. It is inexpensive. This is our ministry. Our book sales and cottage classes are for-profit, but these seminars are our “mission field.” We don’t need to make money—we just need to be able to pay our expenses and sell some of our products on tables. Easy peasy. That means that parents will not have to pay a lot to attend (though we do recommend charging something so parents commit to it).

 

4. The registrations can be set up in multiple ways: (1) Your group can handle the registrations and pay our expenses with your “per person” charge; (2) We can handle the registrations fully on our end; (3) Your group can handle the registrations but scholarship your people and have your group pay our expenses.

 

5. We are always asked about a minimum number of attendees. We love to speak to hundreds at homeschool conventions, and we would love to get our parenting messages out there to hundreds as well. However, we can usually hold a seminar for as few as thirty attendees.

 

Contact us below:

Save

Save

Save

Name

Email Address

Message

Submit

 

Here are a few scenarios:

(though you can take a look at our full workshop list if you would like for us to add something, come an extra day or two, or substitute something ). (Session descriptions are found below potential schedules.)

 

Short Seminar

Friday Night

• The Five W’s of Character Training
• Parenting Paradigms
• Options: Marriage OR Children and Chores OR Diligence Training

 

Saturday Morning

• Early Qualities for Toddlers and Preschoolers
• Child Training vs. Heart Training
• Helping Tweens Grow in Character and Virtue

 

Long Seminar

Friday Night

• The Five W’s of Character Training
• Parenting Paradigms
• Options: Marriage OR Children and Chores OR Diligence Training

Saturday Morning

• Starting Out Right With Babies and Toddlers
• Early Qualities Preschoolers
• Child Training vs. Heart Training

 

Saturday Afternoon

• Helping Tweens Grow in Character and Virtue
• Honesty vs. Deceit
• Handling Character Issues (vs. Heart Issues)
• Q and A

 

 

Extended Seminar

 

Friday Daytime: Any of these options (three to six sessions, depending on half day vs full day—most of these sessions are touched on informally in our podcast episodes)

• How to Become an Efficiency Expert
• Introduction to Freezer Cooking
• Efficiency in the Kitchen
• Scheduling a Preschooler’s Day
• Preparing a Child to Learn to Read (Preschool/Pre-reading)
• Five Ways to Be More Efficient in the Kitchen
• An Organized Family
• Utilizing Chore Charts, Morning Routine Charts, Bedtime Routines, and After School/Homework Lists
• Homework Help: Tips From Language Lady for Homework and More
• Personal Organizational Strategies for Mom
• Almost Three R’s Language Arts Workshops (three sessions)
• Write On! (Writing seminar for students including an editing roundtable for parents)
• CQLA or Meaningful Composition workshops/training sessions
• Helps for Homeschooling Moms (three sessions)
• Anything from our homeschooling, language arts, fathering….all of our workshop lists

 

Friday Night

• The Five W’s of Character Training
• Parenting Paradigms
• Options: Marriage OR Children and Chores OR Diligence Training

 

Saturday Morning

• Starting Out Right With Babies and Toddlers
• Early Qualities for Preschoolers
• Child Training vs. Heart Training

 

Saturday Afternoon

• Helping Tweens Grow in Character and Virtue
• Honesty vs. Deceit
• Handling Character Issues (vs. Heart Issues)
• Q and A

 

---

 

 

Character Training Seminar Session Descriptions

 

The Five W’s of Character Training—

This workshop, the first in our popular “Raising Kids With Character” seminar (though may be used separately, as well), teaches parents the what, who, when, where, why (and how!) of character training in the home. Using Scripture and thirty+ years of parenting experience, the Reishes convince parents in this workshop that it starts with us–and is up to us–to train our children in godly parenting, how and where this takes place (it’s not as elaborate as you might think), and much more!

 

 

Parenting Paradigms–

How we parent begins with what we believe–what we believe about how children are when they come into this world, whose responsibility child training is, what our role should be in it, what we believe Scripture tells us about parenting, timing and appropriate age of training, empathy in parenting, and much more. What we believe will dictate what we do every single day of our parenting lives.
Find out why and how in this workshop.

 

 

Starting Out Right With Babies and Toddlers—

Demanding toddlers become disobedient preschoolers, disobedient preschoolers become surly elementary children, surly elementary children become disrespectful teens, and disrespectful teens become entitled young adults.
What we do in parenting our babies and toddlers makes a huge difference in the success of our parenting in other stages. This workshop focuses on the first four qualities that are essential for parenting babies and toddlers–contentment, cheerfulness, obedience, and submission.

 

 

Early Qualities for Preschoolers—

This workshop takes the first four qualities needed for babies and toddlers–submission, obedience, contentment, and cheerfulness–and builds on those in the life of the four to six year old child. In this workshop, Reishes explain how to apply those in your little one’s life, while raising kids whom others enjoy being around and that older siblings adore! Loving and training these ages are some of the most blessed years of parenting (along with many other years!)–and parenting children with boundaries, love, fun, and biblical concepts makes all the difference in their dispositions, the family’s efficiency and joy, and family unity.

 

 

Child Training vs Heart Training—

Something should start to happen in our character training between the ages of eight and ten. This workshop teaches how to transition from child training to heart training-and how the foundational character training plays a role in that transition. How do we get from “putting out fires” in our kids’ behavior to training their hearts for life? Ray and Donna have insights from their thirty+ years of parenting that can help parents move into heart training of their children effectively.

 

 

Helping Tweens Grow in Character and Virtue—

Taking tweens and young teens from obedience and submission for the sake of avoiding punishment to genuine respect, self-control, diligence, truthfulness, responsibility, and more can be a daunting task. But it can be done! And we can enjoy those ten to fourteen year olds instead of dreading the next confrontation! This workshop focuses on how to help our children grow in character and virtue because “it’s the right thing to do”–and apply those qualities to their lives for life!

 

 

Training Children to Be Diligent Workers —

RKWC goes beyond a daily chore chart (though that is certainly a part of it) to explain the basics of raising diligent workers in the home. The Reishes have found several keys that have made their children not just “chore doers” but responsible, diligent children at early ages. This session touches on setting up chore schedules, training children in chores, family unity in order to work together well, cautions, and much, much more.

 

 

Honesty vs. Deceit–

In this important workshop, the Reishes introduce various scenarios or honesty and deceit and how common things like “just kidding” or telling “half truths” lead to more dishonesty. They gives dozens and dozens of important tips for counteracting dishonest habits that develop so easily and quickly in our children when these areas are neglected. They also include how to teach honesty lessons, how to become a “family of honesty and uprightness,” and poignant verses to teach our children about God’s expectations of honesty in our lives. This new workshop was born out of the Reishes many talks with families and the struggles they are facing as well as their experiences teaching up to two hundred kids each year in their cottage classes.

 

 

Handling Character Issues (vs. Heart Issues)–

So once you have determined the difference between heart issues and character issues—and you understand how to handle those important heart ones, what do you do with chores left undone, bikes left in the driveway, forgetfulness with school papers and assignments, sloppiness, and more? Ray and Donna draw on their thirty-three years of parenting experience to give you solutions to some of these “character issues” that could lead to limited success as teens, college students, and adults.

 

Contact us below:

Save

Name

Email Address

Message

Submit

The post Homeschooling With Character Seminar appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here.

I get asked a lot about getting kids on board. Helping them not to see chores as a means to an end (i.e. do chores, get computer time) but rather as something that builds the family up, that we do because we are unified in our love for our family, etc.

GOALS

1. Spread housework and other tasks around so that they are shared work, not “mom’s.”
2. Have children see that working at home is not something they “have” to do but rather something that we do for our family—so that we can succeed in our family goals.
3. Teach children to “see a need and meet it.” Maximum efforts and help rather than minimal needed to get by.
4. Teach children to take full responsibility for tasks—not just when asked or not just partial responsibility.
5. Have a working family who gets things done so that we can all pursue our other things—and so that we have more time together.

General Starting Point Tips

1. Change your vocabulary. Unless you are a full time homemaker with no small children, no outside job at all, and no children at home to homeschool (in which case you would be the unheard of full-time homemaker, and you probably should do the bulk of the housework since that is your “job”), the work at home is not yours. It is everybody’s.

a. Not Mom’s work
b. Not adult work
c. Not paid work (more on that later)

2. Consider how much household help the adults/parents will do and how much needs to be done by children (for completion sake, not necessarily for character training sake).

3. Have a plan before presenting it to children. (More later in post…) 

Older Kids/Kids Not Used to Much Work Around Home Right Now

1. Apologize!

a. If you have let them down by not emphasizing family unity through working together.
b. If you have let them down by not expecting anything of them, thus, not character training in diligence, responsibility, thoroughness, etc.
c. If you have let them down by not preparing them for their future (both skill-wise and character training-wise)

2. Brainstorm with them—what do they think is appropriate work for teens with jobs, homeschooling, sports, etc.? How would they like to divide work?

3. Have a tentative plan in place (don’t go into family meeting unprepared!).

a. Start with personal spaces—that each person, without pay or reward, is responsible for their own spaces and belongings.
b. Move to daily, regular, measurable, must-be-done to function on a day-by-day basis type of chores.
c. Plan for time to work together

i. Finding joy in working together
ii. Work times that are convenient for everybody
iii. Harder projects together (teaching opportunities, skill building, etc.)

4. Appeal to them in love

a. New Living Translation: “But because of our love, I prefer simply to ask you.”
b. New American Standard Version: “Yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you.”
c. King James: “Yet for love’s sake I rather beseech thee,”

5. It might be a little late for them to see the full benefit of this new approach (and see their work as part of a great family thing). If that is the case, for their character training and your sanity, put SOMETHING in place, get unified as parents, implement a visible plan, and do it anyway.

Younger Kids (the Younger, the Better)

1. Start out with a family mentality—we have the best family, our family works together, we love to help and support each other

2. Start out with a positive mentality about work

a. Work gets things done
b. Getting work done gives us more time together and more time for other things
c. Working hard is a good trait to have; it is sought after; praise hard work

3. Start out with the concept that work at home is everybody’s work—we all dirty the dishes, we all soil the clothes, we all eat the food: While Mom and Dad are in charge, we all need to do our part to to keep the home running.

4. Have work sessions together with the reward at the end of the family doing something fun together

5. Model how fast something can be done

6. Show them the math on how “many hands make light the work”

7. Have daily work spread out and show how it helps the entire family function

8. Expectation Explanations—CLEAR—chore chart, etc.

9. Talk about/approach chores from a family unity standpoint and not from a “must do” or “nagging” view

10. Make everybody’s work a part of your life just like their grooming, etc.

11. Make work fun—museum trips, ice cream….reward family work with family things

12. Help children see that they are gaining skills—praise their skill building and diligence

13. Bible/character training—diligence, responsibility, resourcefulness, thoroughness, etc.:
a. Great family devo/character training site (also good for Sunday school, children’s church, etc.) 
b. Twenty-four character qualities with their definitions, verses to study, Bible characters who demonstrated it, animals, etc., to use for family character studies…click here.

14. Praise for skill building and character in work

15. Home improvement, kitchen, and cleaning purchases as a family when appropriate

16. Time management

Print this post.

The post Podcast Handout for “How Do I Get My Children to See Work at Home in a Positive Light?” appeared first on Character Ink.

One of my husband’s favorite stories to tell/points to make in our “Reaching the Heart of Your Teen” seminar/workshop is also the most fitting way to describe his parenting style. The story comes from the book of II Samuel and the point is found within the story of Absalom standing by the gate of the city:

“And Absalom rose up early, and stood beside the way of the gate: and it was so, that when any man that had a controversy came to the king for judgment, then Absalom called unto him, and said, Of what city art thou? And he said, Thy servant is of one of the tribes of Israel.

And Absalom said unto him, See, thy matters are good and right; but there is no man deputed of the king to hear thee.

Absalom said moreover, Oh that I were made judge in the land, that every man which hath any suit or cause might come unto me, and I would do him justice!

And it was so, that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, he put forth his hand, and took him, and kissed him.

And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment: so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.”

In case you missed how that passage is related to parenting in general and parenting teens specifically (it’s easy to miss), let me point out two specific parts of the story that are relevant to our message to fathers today:

1. “…stood beside the way of the gate: and it was so, that when any man that had a controversy came to the king for judgment, then Absalom called unto him…” (vs 2)

2. …” so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” (vs 6)

As Ray likes to tell it, Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel because he was AVAILABLE. He stood at the gate and answered their questions. He was waiting for them to come through. He took the time. According to Ray, “Whoever is available to your children is the one who will win their hearts.”

Ray has spent his entire parenting life standing by any gate in which he thought could win his children. Standing, playing, reading, talking, singing, encouraging, laughing, wrestling, teaching, training….by the gates in which he knew our children would pass. Giving his children what every child dreams of—a dad who is available.

In honor of my husband, and hopefully as an encouragement to many others today, I would like to demonstrate in pictures how a man can be the Absalom in his children’s lives–and continually be available to them. Please bear with the pictures–Ray has been living like this for thirty years, so some of the photos are not the best, blog-winning quality; however, they are all heart-winning quality.

The Teaching Gate: Day or Night, Summer or Winter–Ray can always be found teaching his children  something–from the Bible, to math, to football, to life principles.

The Surprise Gate: Our children will never forget the night that the electricity went out in the dead of winter, and we lit candles and all hovered in Mom and Dad’s room listening to audio story cassettes, reading, eating snacks, and playing games by candlelight. They will especially not forget the fact that Dad went out of the room at some point early in the evening and discovered that the electricity was back on, but he came right back into the bedroom and acted as though the electricity was still out for several more hours! Nobody even knew that the power had really been on for a long time because Dad used this night for fun and surprise.

The “Building” Gate: Through the years, especially the first ten to twelve years of each of our children’s lives, Ray has played more Legos, bricks, blocks, and cubes with our kids than almost any other single activity (with the exception of any kind of ball!). I think he spent the majority of his winter evenings on the floor for the first fifteen years of our parenting!

The “Come to My Gate” Gate: If Ray was busy, he would simply ask  the child to come to his gate! Whenever he has been involved in anything (setting up for a debate, working outside, cleaning the house, filling book orders in our center, etc.) that he could include the kids in, he simply had them join him in what he was doing–always teaching along the way.

The Museum or other Family Day Gate:  While we do not have  a large or expensive home, new vehicles, and elaborate (or store bough!)  furnishings, Ray has always believed in investing in shared experiences. Zoos, museums, shows, and movies have been the highlights of our family times.

The “Some Assembly Required” Gate: Puzzles, elaborate toys, and extensive games  have never scared Ray away (unlike his wife, who really dislikes those things!). He would always just sit down right in the midst of several small children and dig in–for literally hours. The children seldom felt like Dad had to hurry because he had his own things to do.

The Swimming Gate: All of our children have fond memories of swimming in motels with Ray when we traveled with him on business. One of the things that always struck me was how Ray was just about always the only dad in the water playing with his children—and how all other children always wanted to join Ray and the kids in playing. The kids always shared Ray with up to a dozen kids in any given motel pool.

The Baby and Toddler Gate: Ray always had a lapful of kids when he was at home. He never  watched television (we didn’t have one), played electronic games, or even had hobbies. He knew time with our small children was limited, and he always used his time for me and the kids–day in and day out, never tiring of it.

The “Whatever My Kids Are Into” Gate: Whenever our kids got involved in something (speech and debate, leading a ministry, drama, basketball, Upwards, etc.), Ray always jumped in to teach, help, lead, assist, etc. He always said, “I want to be where my kids are and know what is going on with them”–so activities took place in our home or we were involved in what the kids were involved in.

The Basketball Gate:  With four sons, Ray spent a ton of time in the driveway playing basketball. As Joshua put it, “I learned angles and statistics in the driveway with Dad.” While Ray has spent countless hours on the basketball court and in the yard playing football and kickball, there was a period of nearly a year in which every night at 9:00, he and Joshua (our oldest) met at the basketball goal for some b-ball time, which always turned in to talk time. It was just a period in Joshua’s life that he really needed Ray (nearly daily!)–and so the Basketball Gate was where Ray stood every night!

The “Lesson On A Napkin” Gate: Ray has been notorious for teaching the kids whatever they asked about on the spot–and often on a paper napkin, back of a church program, bank deposit ticket, etc. This usually followed a question that one of the kids asked–but however it came about, the kids were always eager learners as they seemed to know intuitively that all of the time that their dad gave to them was unique and special.

The “Daddy Time” Gate: Through the years, time with Daddy has had many titles—Malachi time,  Bible Talk, Daddy Talk, devotions, read alouds, family worship, etc. Bedtime is one of the most important times with our children–and Ray wanted to be sure that he was standing at the kids’ respective gates waiting to hear their hearts every night.

The Gate of the Nursery: Ray changed  twelve years worth of cloth diapers; always got up in the middle of the night and brought the babies in to me; and most importantly, as soon as the babies were old enough, began reading Bible stories to them constantly.

The Fun Gate: Ray has always been a fun dad–the kind of dad to surprise the kids, making them think that we are driving north home to Indiana following a business trip to Tennessee, but really driving south to surprise the kids with Disney World. Vacation fun, daily fun, and games…..Ray has always stood by the fun gate.

I wish I had time to gather more pictures, scan in a bunch more old ones, and tell about the hundreds of other gates that Ray has, and continues to stand by–such as the math one he is sitting at with our college son right now for the past four hours. Or the football in the yard gate. Or the driver’s training gate. Or the midnight gate with teens and young adults. Or the relationship gates with our sons. Or the “I’m always here” gate for our young adult daughters.  Even without the photographs, I have those pictures in my mind forever. The important gates that he knew our children would be going by–and that he stood by waiting for them to pass, waiting to win their hearts by being available.

What gates will you stand by, fathers? Dads have many gates to go through, walk by, stand near, and enter in their lives. Men can go through the gate of success in the workplace, walk around the gates of hobbies and fun for themselves, and sit by the relaxation gate. We all want to do those things—it’s human nature.

Or Dads can realize that time with our children is short. That whoever is available to our kids, especially our teens, will win their hearts and have the chance to influence them the most. That no gate of success or ease is worth standing by over standing by the gates that our children walk by.

The post Dads: What “Gate” Are You Standing By? appeared first on Character Ink.