*Learning From Workshops—as easy as ABC…making the changes you want in your home a little at a time

I. Five W’s and H of Character Building

A. Why–

1. Deuteronomy 6: 6 and 7: 6 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

2. Make disciples….”bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

B. Where—everywhere we are with our kids

C. When—all the time!

D. Who—you—once it is in your heart first!

E. What—Biblical teaching, Christian living, character, faith!

F. How

1. Through a fairly predictable schedule

2. With intentionality—not letting these years pass by

3. By prioritizing—that reaching your children’s hearts for the Lord will be of top priority to you

4. Relationally

5. Through Biblical parenting

II. Toddler Tips

A. Adapt toddler to your schedule and family’s lifestyle

B. Set the stage for his future tastes

1. Defiance vs. submission

2. Selflessness/meanness vs. kindness/gentleness

3. Hyper-stimulation/activity vs. simple things

4. Lack of focus/not enjoying learning vs. love for learning

C. Decide ahead of time what your behavior absolutes will be

1. Behaviors absolutes are those behaviors that your family will not permit in your home

2. Ours—talking back, saying no, lying/deceit, temper tantrums, striking

D. Start teaching the joy of doing what is right

E. Develop predictable routines—block schedules (not minute by minute)

III. Times and Places to Teach Faith and Character

A. When you rise up

1. Character building chore times
2. Family devotions or devotions with Mom
3. “Morning read aloud”
4. Schedules/daily disciplines
5. Snuggle, rock, and read
6. Schedules that put God first in your home

B. When you sit in your house

1. Story time
2. Organization/upkeep
3. Discussion
4. Questions
5. Listening together
6. Parenthetical Parenting
7. Expectation Explanations
8. Teaching like Jesus
9. Reading together
10. Games
11. Prioritizing “sitting together in your house”
12. “Good report” time
13. Songs/sayings to build relationshiips
14. Family worship

C. When you walk by the way
1. “Who has shoes on?”
2. As you drive down the road
3. “Who had good character?”
4. Daddy talks
5. Meal times
6. Car talks
7. Twalks
8. Terrific Tuesdays and Wonderful Wednesdays
9. Movie and book talks
10. Teachable moments
11. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks
12. Listen more than you talk
13. Singing together

D. When you lie down

1. Malachi time
2. Bible talks
3. Bedtime stories
4. Tying heartstrings
5.The eyes are the windows to the soul
6. Taking the time needed at bedtime (requires great bedtime training prior to this)

Listen to the podcast here:

Links to Podcasts

Age Appropriate Chores

Ways to Spend More Time With Your Kids

Utilizing Room Time With Toddlers and Preschoolers

Turning High Need Preschoolers Into the Darling Angels They Were Meant to Be

Solving Common Preschool Behavior Problems

What to Do With a Kindergartener

How to Prepare Your Child to Learn to Read

What to Do with Toddler Troubles

Wonderful One Year Olds Part I

Wonderful One Year Olds Part II

Storytime Questions and Answers

Using Audios With Children

The post Podcast Notes for “Faith & Character Building for Littles appeared first on Character Ink.

General Tips

1. Decisions about what to include in list
2. Decisions about what type of chart or printable
3. Explain to child that this is his daily accountability
4. Reinforce that school is his occupation
5. Daytime is for learning and working; evenings are for family and fun
6. Expectation Explanation: nothing else until list is done
7. Keep charts updated and ready
8. Enlist husband’s help
9. Be sure it really is an independent list
10. Inspect what you expect.

Elementary (or Before!)

1. May start early
2. Chart or clip boards?
3. Wipe and write board or permanent?
4. Moveable or markable?
5. Order
   a. Of importance?
   b. Time of day?
   c. Sections/by subject?

6. Generic wording when needed (30 mins…)
7. All extra school too
8. Other things in his day (chores, music, etc.)?
9. Time to turn it in
10. How often to check on it

Junior High and High School

1. Document changes as he grows
   a. Fill in as he goes?
   b. Planner?
   c. Standard independent work list?
2. Create together?
3. Elements from earlier
   a. School is his occupation
   b. Section/order of importance
   c. Clipboards
   d. No exceptions
4. Blanks for seasonal things
5. Non dailies
6. Smaller chunks and more frequent reporting for junior high kids or less independent high schoolers
7. All things on it
8. Time slots/start time and finish time?

See E-Book “Daily Duties: Independent Check Sheets for Students” for more ideas as well as for several types of charts that you can print off and use.

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LINKS

The Simplified Planner
Age Appropriate Chore Posters
Consequence Pies e-book
Podcast: How Do I Turn My Day from Chaos to Control? From Rowdy to Routine?
Podcast: Foundations for Becoming an Efficiency Expert in Your Home
Five Homeschooling Problems and Solutions
Ten Ways to Stay Close During Intense Training Times

Click here to listen to the podcast!

Save

The post Podcast Notes for “Independent Work Lists for All Ages” appeared first on Character Ink.

I. Getting the Disney Dining

A. Disney Dining plan

a. I recommend you get one
b. Counter Service Plan

i. 2 Counter meals (like really nice fast food)
    1. Ribs, fish etc.
ii. 1 Snack
    1. Can be 5-7 Dollars
iii. I recommend you buying this if you have small kids who might not be interested in 90 minute sit down experiences
iv. 43 and 17

B. Standard Disney Dining

i. One sit-down meal
    1. A nice restaurant
ii. One counter meal
iii. One snack
iv. Costs 62 for adults, 21 for children under 10 per day

b. If you are going to eat at Disney this is worth it

i. You can eat two counter meals in one day
ii. Four snacks in one day

c. Saves you a little bit of money if you buy it

i. You don’t have to think about food
ii. More than enough
iii. Huge portions
iv. Might have a few snacks
   1. Though we usually have leftovers

d. Tips are not included

C. What is Free Disney Dining?

a. Free Dining

  i. The Dining plan was free
    1. In a normal trip you would only pay for hotel and park tickets
  ii. Last year if you stayed at a value resort you got the quick service
    1. With an option to upgrade to Standard for $20 a day
  iii. If you stayed at a moderate or luxury resort, you got the standard plan
    1. Essentially, all of our food
  iv. It is exciting to go to one of our restaurants and see a bill for $700 dollars and know it is free
  v. It is Disney’s best deal by a long shot

b. Limitations

  i. Cannot be packaged with other special deals
    1. Not with 25% off
    2. Normal rate for that time of year
    3. Normal cost for tickets for the number of days

  ii. They only offer it for certain weeks
    1. Recently it is only in the fall and early December
    2. Not Halloween, Thanksgiving, Labor Day etc.
    3. When they announce they will announce which weeks the deal is for
               a. You have to go during one of those weeks

 iii. It is only for certain resorts
    1. The one’s they need to fill in those weeks
    2. Though it is for most resorts
    3. There are sections and whole resorts that don’t count

  iv. It is very limited
    1. And is getting more limited all the time
    2. First come, first serve
    3. When they are out of free dining plans, you have to hope that someone cancels

II. Booking Everything

A. When

a. Plan on going during the fall and not during a holiday
    1. Pick at least 2 or 3 weeks that will work for everyone at least by the first of March
    2. We planned on going the first week of November
               i. Disney didn’t offer free dining that week
               ii. They did offer it the second week of November

B. Pick at least 3 hotels that you want to stay in at least by the first of March

   1. Our first choice was Art of Disney Animation
   2. We needed to switch to Coronado Springs
   3. You won’t know which resort is offering the deals

C. Check every day in March, April, and May for Free Disney Dining Plan

    a. Details

    i. Dining is usually April or May
    ii. They don’t tell you
    iii. You won’t know until they announce
    iv. Just type in free Disney dining 2016
         1. If they’ve announced, it should be all over the place
    v. Just 30 seconds a day
         1. I checked two or three times a day
         2. It was worth about $7000 for our family

b.  You can book your trip for your first choice week
     i. They will let you switch rooms, dates, or just apply the discount if you are on an eligible date and in an eligible time

c. When they announce call Disney and book your trip
   i. It will be an hour wait
   ii. Do not wait
         1. They will be gone in less than 24 hours
   iii. Know your possible dates
   iv. Know your possible resorts
   v. You can do it online
        1. If you catch it early enough

d. If you miss it, keep trying
   i. People book too many rooms or their trip gets canceled
   ii. So you still might have a chance

D. Fast Passes
   a. 60 days if staying on Disney
   b. Magic Bands

E. Extras
   a. Don’t do them
   b. Hotel, Food, Tickets

III. At Disney: Scheduling the most out of your days

  a. Four types of touring days
  b. All Day
     i. Best: You can do everything in a park in one day
        1. If you do them at the right time
        2. And aren’t there during peak time
    ii. Worst: Can be very tiring
        1. Only do this a few times unless it is a short trip (four or five days or fewer) or your family has a lot of stamina
        2. Do not overestimate how tiring Disney can be
            a. 7 miles plus of walking per day
    iii. Strategy
      1. Start in a land with attractions with longer lines
          a. Do the longest
      2. Move to second level lines through late morning
      3. Eat lunch at 11:30
      4. Mix in fastpasses from 12:30 to 3:30
          a. Three big attractions
          b. Then get more
    5. Do shows and low line level rides
c.  Go early, Leave in the Afternoon, come back in the evening
           i. Best

Listen to the podcast by clicking on the picture below!

Links:

Disneyworld.disney.go.com
Disneyfoodblog.com
Disney Junkies FB page
Other RKWC/CI Podcasts
RKWC/CI blog
Plexus to Feel Great Blog
What is TriPlex?
Keep Kids Close Coupons
Affirmation Cards
Age-Appropriate Chore Posters
Consequence Pies
Meaningful Composition Writing Program
Character Ink Store
Write On, Peter Pan (and coming soon—Mowgli!) books
The Plastic Wrap Ball

The post Podcast Notes for “Part II – Trip Tips to Planning the Perfect & Money Saving Disney World Vacation” appeared first on Character Ink.

I. Minimizing the Costs

A. Be Flexible

1. Go in off times (Value resort: $192/night/holidays; $101/night/off season—for four people)

2. Be ready to change if the next week or prior week has a “deal”

B. Don’t go without a “deal”

1. Free Disney Dining (check out 1/26/16 episode for detailed instructions on Disney dining)

a. A few weeks a year

b. Falls in late spring—Early April/May

c. Quite literally free meals for all!

d. Saved our family of fourteen $7,000 over paying for meals on Disney. Even if the meals are twice as much as fast food (in place of quick service meals) and chains (in place of sit-down meals), we still saved nearly $4,000 on food!

C. Stay on Disney

1. Resorts—three price range of resorts for everybody

2. “Deals” are associated with packages—stay in resort, buy ticket package, get free dining (or can purchase dining plan)…staying on makes all other aspects of the trip less expensive

3. Lose time also by staying off—driving, parking, not getting in during “magic hours”

4. Pay for parking when staying off ($20 per day per vehicle)

5. Can get other deals besides free dining, like 25% off room rates, etc. during off season

6. Can’t “stack” free dining, room reduction, etc….but off season nearly always offers some special to reduce the trip

II. Minimizing line times

A. Complex algorithms and touring plans—not really needed; just need to learn some key things

B. Times of day—three key times

1. Golden times

a. First hour park is open

b. Any magic hours morning or night (available only to people staying in a Disney resort)

c. Last hour park is open

d. Anytime you use a fast pass (Details on Fast Passes in 1/26/16 episode)

2. Silver times

a. Before noon

b. Last two to three hours park is open to general public

3. Bad times (!)

a. Afternoon—12 to 6

b. Use fast passes and see shows and parades during this time

C . Three attraction line times

1. Long—Peter Pan, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain, Space Mountain, Pooh, Meet and Greets with Mickey/Elsa/Anna

2. Medium—Pirates, Jungle Cruise, Dumbo, Magic Carpet Ride

3. Short/no wait—Most shows, People Mover, and Parades

III. Planning Ahead/Booking

A. Initial plans

1. Know length of trip and potential time period: 9 to 12 months in advance

2. Be flexible, especially with large party—get a couple of starting and ending dates available just in case of specials or full resorts

B. Booking vacation

1. Book vacation: 6 to 9 months in advance

2. Wait on deals (start watching at the 9 month mark—see links at bottom)

3. Be ready with your start and ending dates

C. Booking dining

1. As soon as you can book (180 days in advance with Disney Dining plan (either free dining plan or purchased plan)

2. Pick all of your sit-down places ahead of time (and have alternates)so when one comes open (when you call to make your reservations, you will have a list of first choices, etc., in front of you)

3. Know what types of days you will likely have so that you are not leaving one park to go eat in another or going from park to your resort to eat and back to park—schedule dining in or near the park you will be at on that day (base what park you are on, on the magic hours and hours of operation of each park during the days you are going to be there)

D. Booking fast passes

1. Sixty days out

2. Listen next week for details!

3. Use Long, Medium, Short line list above

4. Sites also list which ones are good ones to get fast passes for

5. Goal: Not wait over thirty minutes for most popular attractions if you are going in off season (we averaged fifteen minutes….many we walked right on in magic hours…)

IV. Slow down—enjoy every Disney-esque moment you can!

Links:

Disneyworld.disney.go.com

Disneyfoodblog.com

Disney Junkies FB page

Other RKWC/CI Podcasts

Plexus to Feel Great Blog

Keep Kids Close Coupons

Affirmation Cards

Age-Appropriate Chore Posters

Consequence Pies

Meaningful Composition Writing Program

Character Ink Store

Write On, Peter Pan (and coming soon—Mowgli!) books

The Plastic Wrap Ball

The post Podcast Notes for “Trip Tips to Planning the Perfect Disney World Vacation” appeared first on Character Ink.

1. Which Traditions to Continue

A. Find out from children

i. Joshua’s first Christmas married
ii. Kayla flying home

B. Our “always” ones

i. Christmas decorating night
ii. Our own “Christmas Eve”
iii. Our own “Christmas Day”

2. The In-Laws-First Christmas

3. Part Or All Involved

A. Invitation vs. Obligation

B. Some we still do with part of the family

i. Christmas stories
ii. Christmas movies (“White Christmas Night”)
iii. Family Christmas outing
iv. Movie theater on Christmas night

4. Family Unity With College & Adult Children at Christmas

1. Continue with past traditions that bind your family together
2. Consider a sibling gift exchange
3. Consider a group gift
4. Make kids’ favorite foods
5. Reminisce
6. Do some things you have always done
7. Play group games
8. Make new members feel welcome

5. Our Christmas Day

A. Traditions
B. Gift Ideas
C. Food

Links:

 
Christmas With College & Adult Children Series:

• Introduction
• Continue Earlier Traditions
• Invitation Vs. Obligation
• The In-Laws-First Christmas
• Other Traditions With All or Part of the Family
• Our Christmas Eve Games
• Group Gifts
• Mistletoe & Chapstick
• Family Unity at Christmas
• Our Family Decorating Night
• Plastic Wrap Christmas – Big Kid Fun!
   

Listen to the podcast here!

The post Podcast Notes for “Christmas With College & Adult Children Part 1” appeared first on Character Ink.

“Soon it was time for Jakie to play in his play pen, so Josiah and I got to play together. Next thing I knew, we were in trouble! Mommy came into the room and said that it looked like a tornado went through. We did it again! We got too many things out at one time. We had stuff all over the living room: Legos, cars and trucks, Duplo people, books, and stuffed animals. It took us FOREVER to clean it up—even with Kara’s help. Josiah and I had to each do an extra fifteen minute chore with Mommy because we forgot the rule about getting out too many things at one time. “

What Is Room Time?

• Concentrated time of play and activity for young children in which they learn focusing skills, independence, problem solving, initiative, resourcefulness, deference and more.

Benefits of Room Time

1) Increase in Focusing Skills—studies show children who watch television over independent activities and/or what large amounts of television have more trouble with concentration, impulsiveness, and restlessness

2) Builds many preschool skills naturally

3) Provides small amount of time for Mom to get something done

General How To’s

1) Set up a closet or area off limits normally in which you house the room time activities

2) Build the child’s curiosity each day or week by describing what he can do that day/letting him peek in the closet/hiding (but showing!) new things you got for room time, etc. (Be sure he never sees it as punishment.)

3) Tell him ahead of time you will be starting it next week or whenever (if it is new to him…and especially if playing alone is new to him)

4) Choose second most time-intensive time of day for Mom (when she is needed elsewhere second to the most)

5) Set a timer or have some other mechanism in place so he knows when it ends (make it super short at first)

6) Give him a five minute warning for clean up

7) Have him clean up

Room Time Activities Suggestions

• Closet or several tubs somewhere

• Not something he normally gets to play with

• Something you have already done with him/that he has mastered and can do alone easily

• Nothing too difficult or that he would need help for (he should grow into those things)

• Age appropriate/size appropriate

• Non electronics

• Imagination-driven

SIGN UP for Character Ink Press/Raising Kids With Character newsletter  and receive an annotated list of suggested activities for room time for preschoolers and toddlers in our December 2015 Freebie Friday!

Potential Problems and Solutions

• Bored—children often get bored with “regular” things when they have too many thrills (electronics, etc.) Don’t let room time take the place of those (or he could resent it), but try to reduce the thrills in other ways/at other times

• Bored—try to really tap into your child’s interests and get activities geared towards those

• Won’t stay in room time—at first let him come out or call out one time, but then he can’t unless it is an emergency (don’t make it so long that he feels trapped and feels like he has to come out)

• Can’t fill the entire time—if you are increasing time and want him to play longer, try switching toys halfway through, helping him play or come up with activities/suggestions and then leave again

Links

Podcast: Solving Common Preschool Behaviors

Podcast: Turning Unusually High Need Preschoolers Into the Darling Angels They Were Meant to Be

Blog Post: Story Time With Toddlers and Preschoolers

Podcast: Story Time With Littles & Very Littles

Blog Post: Character Training for Toddlers & Preschoolers – Boundaries, Simple Tastes & More

Podcast: What Should I Do With a Kindergartner

Podcast: How Do I Prepare My Child to Learn to Read

Podcast: What to Do About Toddler Trouble

Podcast: What to Do With a Wonderful One-Year-Old

Listen to the podcast here!

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The post Podcast Notes for “How to Utilize Room Time With Toddlers & Preschoolers” appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here!

TWO CHOICES in “CLEP-ping”

(1) ALL (or nearly all) of a degree earned through CLEPs
(2) CLEP in lieu of taking courses in your degree (to save time and money)

ALL CLEP (or Nearly All) Considerations

1. Super great study skills/tester
2. Doesn’t mind having a less “distinguished degree”
3. Is getting a less specialized degree (more liberal arts/humanities/social
work/history/psychology, communications, etc.)
4. Can save TONS of money (especially over living on campus and getting a degree)

NOTE: While one consideration is a great testing/outstanding study skills, oftentimes the students who have those skills do not enjoy CLEPping as they love to go to school, take classes, etc.

ALL CLEP (or Nearly All) STEPS

1. Research degrees available thoroughly (Thomas Edison College or College Plus Program)
2. Hone study skills
3. Make a plan (College Plus does this for you—week by week, test by test; Thomas Edison College has the degrees laid out, but you determine your study schedule/testing schedule)

CLEP Some Classes Considerations

1. The CLEPped class does not affect GPA
2. Great way to get some courses behind you (especially while still in high school)
3. Save some money (potentially one year of college?)
4. Have to really know where you’re headed for this to save time and money (otherwise you might CLEP a class that your college will not accept or that is not needed for your
degree, etc.)

CLEP Some Classes STEPS

1. Choose potential majors and list all courses each major requires (print these off from
the college you might attend)
2. Venn diagram or highlight the ones that merge
3. List all potential colleges
4. From the merged list of classes, see which classes are able to be CLEPped from
the colleges you are considering.

Sources

1. Accelerated Distance Learning by Brad Voeller (affiliate link)
2. Thomas Edison College—college that offers alternative degrees
through CLEP tests, DANTES, T-CEP, credit for experience, and/or portfolios
(all distance degrees)
3. College Plus—complete college testing program to earn a degree

Download these notes here!

The post Podcast Notes for “CLEP Testing for College Credit and/or a College Degree” appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here!

Recipe for Rebellion

• Rules Without Reasons
• Rules Without Response
• Rules Without Repetition
• Rules Without Relationship

Rules Without Reasons

Replace this part of the recipe with explanations, teaching, and instructions that will stay with your children a lifetime.

Why Tell Children the Reasons Why?

1. It is how God deals with us.

2. It helps our children “own” the lifestyle choices and rules we are making when we do.

3. It is aggravating for the child if we do not.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Rules Without Response

1. “No-Response-Allowed” Is Aggravating!

“Fathers, don’t aggravate your children, if you do they will become discouraged and quit trying” Colossians 3:21 (NLT).

2. “No-Response-Allowed” Handicaps Our Children in Their Future Decision Making

3. “No-Response-Allowed” Is Not How God Treats Us!

4. “No-Response-Allowed” Causes Our Children to Argue With Us

Guidelines for the Appeal

1. Use the same key words all the time: “May I appeal?” OR “Can we talk about this?” OR “Can we discuss this further?”

2. If the appeal is disrespectful or done in anger, it is turned down immediately.

3. If the appeal is a series of whines and complaints, rather than a truly godly appeal, it is turned down.

4. If a child begins disagreeing a lot or constantly trying to appeal, the appeal process is terminated for a period of time until that person learns to accept Mom and Dad’s rules more often than not.

5. If the appeal process becomes an argument, it is ended.

6. If the person appealing is turned down, but later has more information (“new evidence”), he may re-appeal that topic.

7. The appeal is truly listened to and thought through by Mom and Dad. Do not pretend to listen to appeals, but not regard your children’s pleas. This is another “Recipe for Rebellion” in itself. (Kids know if the appeal process is just a formality and you are not truly listening to them.)

8. The person appealing is not constantly interrupted by Mom and Dad with justifications. The child should not be patronized during an appeal, but carefully listened to and respected.

9. Once the answer to the appeal is given, the matter must be dropped for the time being. Granted, it might need re-visited, but to continue the appeal once an answer is given is arguing, not appealing.

10. Parents must agree on the answer to the appeal at the time. Later, behind closed doors, discussion between Mom and Dad may need to take place, but in front of the child, a united front is imperative.

Rules Without Repetition

1. Inconsistency Hinders Many Areas

2. Inconsistency Creates a Poor Testimony

3. Causes our children to distrust us

Rules Without Relationship

→Most important “recipe ingredient” to get rid of! Relationship must be in place in order to keep our children from rebelling against us.

In Philemon 1: 8-9, Paul told the people that he could have forced them to do what he wanted them to do (which is how some parents handle things), but instead he wanted to love them into doing what he asked: “…although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love” (NKJV).

Recommended Resources

Leman, Kevin. Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. (affiliate link) New York: Dell Publishing Company, 1987.

Note: The Recipe for Rebellion and other teen information this week is being excerpted, in part, from our parenting book The Well-Trained Heart.

The post Podcast Notes for “Teens – The Recipe for Rebellion and the Ingredients for Intimacy” appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here!

Reasons for Overwhelm

 
(1) Working out of your season of life
 
(2) Doing too much/too prideful to say you really can’t do everything you want/think you should be able to do
 
(3) Working out of your strengths—trying to be like someone else or wanting to have talents that you don’t really have
 

(4) Focusing on too many things at one time—how many things can you really do well?
 
(5) Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, your husband, and/or your kids
 
(6) Having too many things outside of the house
 
(7) Clutter/disorganization
 
(8) Too many thrills and distractions and not enough focus on family, spiritual growth, relationships, and living well

 
(1) WORKING OUT OF YOUR SEASON OF LIFE
 
Abstract: Babies and Business; each season is built in so that the experiences and wisdom of the previous season prepare you; you need time for the skills and wisdom to catch up to what you are trying to do in your life
 
Action steps: (1) List what you spend your time on; (2) How many things are really not for right now (i.e. older women should be doing them; you needed to give them up because you now have a family; etc.); (3) Determine how to gracefully bow out of the things that are not for you right now—make a plan for the future even if you can’t get out of them right away.

(2) DOING TOO MUCH/TOO PRIDEFUL TO SAY THAT YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING OR CAN’T FIT IT ALL IN
 
Abstract: Time is not finite; treat time like money; “When you say yes to someone, you say no to someone else.” (Who do you want to say no to?); spiritual/emotional implications—pride, fear of man, etc.; too much comparison leads you to believe that others really are fitting it all in.
 
Action steps: (1) List everything you are doing/where your time is going (after you’ve eliminated wrong season things!); (2) Which things are mandatory to meet your family goals? Work goals? Financial goals?; (3) Get rid of things that are not leading you to your real goals.

(3) WORKING OUT OF YOUR AREAS OF STRENGTH
 
Abstract: Takes much more time/energy/stress/money to work in areas you are not skilled in; some hobbies are just not for you (and especially for your season); spiritual/emotional implications—pride, comparison, desire to be what you are not; comparisons dangerous here too
 
Action steps: (1) Identify skills/talents you have been trying to develop that really aren’t you; (2) Should any of these be dropped from your life? (3) What areas of strength do you have that you could be bringing to your life if you weren’t chasing other areas?

(4) FOCUSING ON TOO MANY THINGS AT ONE TIME
 
Abstract: Not able to gain/sustain the motivation and momentum that all of those changes/problems require all at the same time; focusing on many things in life at once (various seasons, many hobbies, outside activities, friends, home renovation, etc., etc.) makes you too general; specificity leads to success.
 
Action steps: (1) Use the steps above for seasons of life, doing too much, out of your strengths to also narrow your life focuses (for life in general); (2) Recognize times in your life in which you were successful and times that too many focuses led you to feel defeated—too many focuses is probably the reason; (3) Follow the TWO MO’s steps to focus on fewer problems/areas of change at one time and really conquer those.

(5) HAVING UNREALISTIC (OR UNMET) EXPECTATIONS OF SPOUSE
 
Abstract: You will never be happy if you base your happiness upon someone else doing what you want them to do; expectations of spouse good if you’ve decided on goals together and the means to carry them out; expectations not good if (a) they are your goals only; (b) they are not communicated clearly; (c) they keep you from being appreciative of what he does do; (d) they cloud your eyes of love; e) they keep you from doing what you are supposed to do
 
Action steps: (1) Talk to husband about planning a change a month or a change a week together (much less overwhelming for a husband than “let’s meet and fix everything”); (2) Communicate general expectations more clearly (and non-judgmentally) than you have been; (3) Stop looking at him as the enemy; (4) Remind yourself that he really does love you and your kids—and wants the best…even if he can’t always do what you want how you want it; (5) Look at him with eyes of love by always keeping two or three things that you love and appreciate about him in the front your mind; (6) Decide that you will do the right thing/do whatever is set before you regardless of whether you think he should do it (Drop the mentality that “if I do it, he never will”—what if that really happens; do you really want it to never be done???)

(6) HAVING TOO MANY THINGS OUTSIDE OF THE HOME
 
Abstract: Don’t assume that your home is the center it should be if you are not doing things continually/staying home to make it that center (it doesn’t just happen); not being at home much communicates to your children that you either don’t like home or that you do not care to be with the family
 
Action steps: (1) Look at your calendar carefully and determine how much time you are home and how much you are away (especially when you have a choice); (2) Block out time periods in which you will be home more—preferably when kids are home, especially when you can be all together; (3) Just “be”—don’t always do. Our kids love it when we just “are”!

(7) CLUTTER/DISORGANIZATION
 
Abstract: clutter slows everything down; owning too many things makes way more work for everybody—more to wash, put away, clean, sort, manage, keep up, pay “rent” for, etc.; having so many things communicates to your kids the high value you place upon material possessions (i.e. always having to get the newest/best/latest, etc.)
 
Action steps: (1) Don’t just clean/organize—get rid of things; (2) Set reasonable goals for getting rid of things (a bag a week? Four boxes a month?); (3) Every time you clean, start a get rid of bag; (4) Evaluate your possessions to be sure that you love everything you have; (5) Tackle organizing with the TWO MO’s method—otherwise if just becomes a passing fad, not long-lasting; (6) When organizing something, make a definite system—storage, upkeep, etc. as opposed to just straightening up with no plan to maintain; (7) Tackle the “squeakiest wheel” of disorganization first; (8) Involve kids/husband in organizing so it will last longer (especially for their belongings

(8) TOO MANY THRILLS/DISTRACTIONS…NOT ENOUGH FOCUS ON SPIRITUAL, RELATIONAL, GROWTH, ETC.
 
Abstract: How we spend our time communicates to our children more than anything else where our values are (helping others, building up your family, being thrilled/entertained, growing spiritually, etc.); too many thrills for children dulls their sensitivity to spiritual things and decreases their desire for the “normal”
 
Action steps: (1) Look closely at a given week or month of your family life; (2) Examine how much time is spent on the things that you SAY are priorities vs. thrills/entertainment, etc.; (3) Develop habits/routines that build the non-thrills into your family’s life; (4) Take on the mentality that “everything can’t be special”; (5) Share life with each other via meals, tech-free zone times, etc. (6) Use a timer to limit thrills and entertainment; (7) Have your children earn entertainment/thrills

Posts/Podcast Episodes to Check Out:

Podcast Episode: Foundations for Becoming an Efficiency Expert in Your Home and Work

Podcast Episode: Tips for Efficiency

Blog Post: ABC Efficiency (prioritizing non daily work)

Podcast Episode: Five Tips to Be More Efficient in the Kitchen

Blog Post: Delighting in the Dailies

Blog Post: Timer + Task List = Productivity

Blog Post: Terrible Task List

The post Podcast Notes For “Overcoming Obstacles in Parenting” appeared first on Character Ink.

Things to Consider About Our Relationships During Intense Training Times

(1) To your child, it can feel like he is being ganged up on—or that he is not as loved because there is so much “negative” in the form of training, punishment, consequences, etc. You want to be sure you are combating this with attention, affirmation, encouragement, heart engagement, and many positives.
 
(2) Keep these ten tips close-by to be sure that you are staying close and connected when he feels less than positive about the changes and expectations.
 
(3) While it might not be possible during these intense times to follow a certain protocol (i.e. three positives for every one negative; ten affirmations for every negative feedback/correction, etc.), it is still important not to have a negative environment in which every thing is about the training, changes, and expectations.
 

Listen to the podcast here!

Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Training Times With Tweens and Teens

(1) Remember, to your child, perception is reality. If he feels ganged up on, to him, he really is. If he feels that you do not LIKE him, to him, you really do not. If he feels like you are only focusing on negatives right now, to him, you are.

(2) Don’t over-focus on correction (i.e. too many areas at the same time; once you are on a roll about one thing, you find yourself picking/correcting every little thing). Choose the biggest things first ( see Four D’s of Behavior and Handling Heart Behaviors in Tweens). Don’t try to tackle everything at one time.

(3) Have more-than-normal amounts of one-on-one time with your child. (See our Keep Close Coupons.)

(4) Affirm your child’s good behavior and character during this time—early and often. (See our Affirmation Cards.)

(5) Give little gifts and plan little surprises. (See our Kid’s Faves Worsheets.)

(6) Have lots of family time, stressing family unity and love among family members.

(7) Say yes when you can. (This is already a time of a lot of no’s if he is being punished or having a lot of consequences; don’t pile on unnecessary no’s.)

(8) Be sure he sees you linking responsibility with privilege. (See my latest article—”The One Parenting Practice That Changes Everything.”) When improvements are made in his character, he should see immediate changes in his privileges—just like he should have seen lessening of privileges when responsibility wasn’t as good.)

(9) Use key times wisely. Drive time. Just the two of you home. Mornings. Dinner preparation. Bedtimes. Porch time. Tech-free zone time. All of these times are good times to connect to your child’s heart.

(10) Ask good questions. Focus on the WHY…..not just literal questions.

Links

Podcast: Four D’s of Behavior
Podcast: Dealing With Heart Issues of Tweens
Blog post: Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need
Blog post: Teaching Children to Ask Questions
Blog Post: The One Parenting Practice That Changes Everything
Blog Post: A is for Affirmation

The post Podcast Notes: Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Training Times appeared first on Character Ink.