There are five influences that we have found in determining priorities in life. Obviously, there are more impacts than these; however, these are the five that have guided us through the years. Like everything else we have learned and applied in our lives, these were learned from others (especially through Gregg Harris Seasons of Life seminar)—for which we will be eternally grateful.

The five influences on prioritizing include the following:

1. Spouse

2. Boundaries in Already in Place in Your life: People and Situations

3. More Boundaries: Talents and Skills

4. Seasons of Life

5. Physical Seasons

1. Prioritize With Your Spouse

Hopefully, you and your spouse have the same goals in life. If that is the case, then you both want the same things: to live lives that please and honor God; to have godly, well educated children; to make a difference in the world; etc. But there are so many ways to please and honor God; there are so many ways to educate our children; there are so many ways to make a difference in the world.

 If you and your spouse are on the same page with your priorities, I recommend that you go through the rest of today’s and tomorrow’s posts about determining priorities together. Talking through your goals, dreams, and visions together will help to further solidify your priorities–and what you should be spending your life on.

2. Prioritize Based on Boundaries Already in Place in Your Life: People and Situations

Many things that should be our priorities are staring us right in the face, literally. God has already placed people in our lives that are built in priorities. They are already there–they just need to be prioritized.

For example, if you have children and a husband, these are boundaries–built-in priorities–that should take precedence over other things. They are placed in your life by God Himself. He is giving you ready-made priorities and is just waiting for you to put them high on your priority list where they belong.

3. More Boundaries: Talents and Skills

Another built-in boundary that aids in prioritizing is that of talents and skills. As we recognize talents and skills that God has given us, we can safely assume that God wants those as priorities in our lives–or wants to use them to help us reach those priorities.

Your skills and talents were given especially to you. When my older children were younger, I always wanted to do and be something other than what I was. I especially envied other people’s talents. For instance, I saw musical families and wished that we could be musical. I wanted all of us to be up on stage somewhere playing instruments together. However, I was not given the skills of music, nor were Ray and many of the children.

Using the skills that I have, rather than wanting others’ skills, saves time and gives me more energy to meet the priorities God has given me. We have chosen to focus on the skills that God has given our family: some are intellectually gifted; most of us are organizers; we are all communicators (in writing and speech); we are all leaders. By focusing on those skills, rather than skills that we do not have, we can meet our priorities more efficiently and more excellently.

4. Still More Boundaries: Seasons of Life

Yesterday I described our first “priority purge.” Our next “priority purge” came a few years later when we had two small children. God led us to attend two awesome, life-changing seminars: The Christian Homeschooling Workshop and the Advanced Homeschooling Workshop, both by Gregg Harris. From these seminars, among many other things, we learned about seasons of life.

A season of life is that time period you find yourself in based on your age, your family situation, etc. We discovered that we were not being as effective as we could be in our lives because we were trying to do things out of our season.

At that time, according to the workshop, we were in the “Business and Babies” season. We stayed there for many, many years! Yet, we continually found ourselves involved in activities that were for those of the next season. Ray was on the hospital board in our town, he was an elder in our church, we taught Bible classes at church to people three times our age. We struggled to find time to attend meetings, serve in the church thoroughly, prepare our lessons, etc., due to Ray’s heavy work schedule and our responsibilities with our young children.

We came home from those two seminars and went through another priority purging. Due to the season that we were in, we decided Ray should resign from his hospital board and elder positions. We also cut back on our teaching at church. After all, we were still in our early twenties. What business did we have telling others how to live their lives when we lacked the wisdom that we would obtain through years of experiences? Another priority purge helped us get closer to our God-given priorities for that season.

So, not only do we have built-in priorities because we have children to raise and a spouse to love and encourage, but the ages of those children and spouse further solidify our priorities, usually also based on the season of life we are in. When I had five children ten and under, I loved homeschooling and communicating so much that I wanted to write and speak about homeschooling. I saw others doing it, read others’ books, etc, and I felt that I had a lot to offer homeschoolers since I had been a teacher, had been homeschooling for several years, and had, had many experiences helping homeschoolers get started. However, learning about seasons of life helped me to see that it was not time for those things. Maybe I did have some built-in boundaries of skills (speaking, writing, and communicating). Maybe I did have the motivation due to my love for homeschooling. However, the other built-in boundaries of so many young children, my season of life, the lack of experience for myself, etc., showed me that it was not the right time for that priority of communicating with larger groups of people yet.

5. More Boundaries Again: Natural Seasons

And taking the whole built-in boundaries concept one step further, we find that even natural seasons of life (winter, spring, summer, and fall)–when combined with the built-in priorities of people, talents, and life seasons–help us determine our priorities.

Priorities and schedules are fluid, not stagnant. They change constantly, especially when we have young children. For example, in the fall, we might have a newborn baby who nurses and sleeps, giving us a lot of time to school the kids, do the housework, minister to other women, etc. However, two natural seasons later, in the spring, that same sleeping infant is a curious, crawling toddler, altering our schedule and, in effect, our priorities! Suddenly, we do not have the long hours to read around the table with everyone in attendance. If we still have the priority of reading together, we may have to limit it, prioritize the training of that toddler, or read in groups so someone is available to look after the little tyke. A natural season of life affects our priorities, and we have to decide how to handle it, what our priority will be for that season, etc.

Each year, new priorities pop up. Maybe you haven’t had a new reader for three years, and now your “caboose” needs daily reading instruction, time that had formally been given to other things. A natural season (i.e. a child in first or second grade) influences your prioritizing.

Yes, new priorities will emerge, but the decision to make something a priority and delete something else should be a conscious decision, not a decision that is made for you by outside forces.

The post 5 Influences to Determine Your Priorities appeared first on Character Ink.

Christmas story read aloud was truly one of the highlights of our year. I collected beautiful, amazing picture books that we read out of each afternoon during story time. Then as the kids got older, I began collecting story “collections” or “anthologies” to read short stories aloud at the dinner table, during unit studies, before bed, and while traveling by car. Still today we read aloud at least one Christmas story on family decorating night and one story on our family Christmas even—with all fifteen of us gathered around. We never tire of the same heart-warming stories year after year (though when the kids were younger and still at home, we did many, many different stories).

I love sharing “public domain” or “available online” stories in this blog for families to read aloud together during the Christmas season. This is one of those beautiful stories.

Lee Strobel, in his book, “A Case for Christmas,” tells the heart-warming story of the poverty-stricken family he met while “investigating” Christ (as an atheist) many years ago when he was a journalist for “The Chicago Tribune.”

This family, the Delgados, ultimately awakened his previously-absent faith, proving that during this time of year, and all of the time, the words, “they will know you are Christians by your love” are completely accurate.

The Delgados, sixty-year old Perfecta and her two granddaughters Lydia and Jenny, were living in a small apartment after having been burned out of their roach-infested tenement. Strobel arrived at their home as he was working on a series about the neediest people in Chicago. Strobel could not believe what he found—a small kitchen table and a handful of rice. A short-sleeved dress each for the girls—and one sweater that the two of them took turns wearing, alternating as they walked to and home from school a half mile away.

Besides the shock of extreme poverty that Mr. Strobel observed, he also witnessed another first—the hope and peace that this arthritic, sickly grandmother exuded. She was sure of her faith, convinced that Jesus had not and never would abandon them.

The atheist-journalist wrote the article, but could not get this family out of his mind. He pondered the irony of it all—this family had nothing but faith and yet was joy-filled. He had all things material, but lacked faith—and felt hollow within.

On Christmas Eve, he decided to drop in on the Delgados. What he saw again shocked him. Where there had been lack, there now was plenty. Where there had been emptiness, there now was fullness. The readers of his newspaper had responded generously to his article, providing this family with an apartment brimming with material gifts: roomfuls of furniture and appliances; beautiful Christmas tree with gifts galore beneath it; more food than they had probably seen in one place; myriads of clothing, including warm winter garments, scarves, gloves, and hats. Additionally, they had received thousands of dollars in cash.

Strobel’s retelling of the moments after he entered the apartment this second time is so poignant, allow me to quote from the book (and the website linked at the end of this post):

“But as surprised as I was by this outpouring, I was even more astonished by what my visit was interrupting: Perfecta and her granddaughters were getting ready to give away much of their newfound wealth.”

“ When I asked Perfecta why, she replied in halting English: ‘Our neighbors are still in need. We cannot have plenty while they have nothing. This is what Jesus would want us to do.’”

”That blew me away! If I had been in their position at that time in my life, I would have been hoarding everything. I asked Perfecta what she thought about the generosity of the people who had sent all of these goodies, and again her response amazed me: ‘This is wonderful; this is very good,’ she said, gesturing toward the largess. ‘We did nothing to deserve this — it’s a gift from God.’ ‘But’, she added, ‘it is not his greatest gift. No, we celebrate that tomorrow. That is Jesus.’”

”To her, this child in the manger was the undeserved gift that meant everything — more than material possessions, more than comfort, more than security. And at that moment, something inside of me wanted desperately to know this Jesus — because, in a sense, I saw him in Perfecta and her granddaughters.”

”They had peace despite poverty, while I had anxiety despite plenty; they knew the joy of generosity, while I only knew the loneliness of ambition; they looked heavenward for hope, while I only looked out for myself; they experienced the wonder of the spiritual while I was shackled to the shallowness of the material — and something made me long for what they had. Or, more accurately, for the One they knew.”

“The Delgados amazed me by the way they sacrificially reached out to their neighbors with a tangible expression of Christ’s love. What an opportunity for all of us to follow their cue this Christmas season — and to watch as God cracks open the hearts of even the most hard-hearted cynics.”

The quotes in this post were taken from Lee Strobel’s book, THE CASE FOR CHRISTMAS, as was the content of the story. (By the way, that book is an amazing Christmas devotional for families of kids ages twelve and up!)

You may access the story in its entirety, as well as more information about Mr. Strobel’s books here. (or click on the image below!)

P.S. What is your family’s favorite Christmas read aloud?

Love and hope,

The post A Case for Christmas appeared first on Character Ink.

“One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters.” -Unknown

Summer is here! Whether our children attend preschool, private school, public school, or homeschool, there are things that we can all do during the summer to make it an enjoyable, growing time in our children’s lives.

Summer truly proves the quote above–that one good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters. We have our children home all summer–either with us if we work at home or stay home with younger children or at home while we are working. Either way, we have all summer to be their “schoolmasters.”

I have a variety of topics to share with you concerning summer. Here is a sneak preview of some of them:

1. Scheduling your summer days (A schedule? If you have kids sleeping ‘til noon, you would be surprised how much more time you can have with your kids and how much you can get done, if you just had a semi-scheduled summer!)

2. Helping your struggling reader—this will be multi-posted. From helping your young, struggling “word caller” (with phonics, reading together, and more) to helping your child go from word calling to fluency to helping your children build their comprehension skills this summer so that when they attack various types of materials this fall at school, they will understand and retain better than ever. My master’s work is in reading specialist—and teaching reading, comprehension, writing, and language arts are my true loves!

3. “Losing” academic skills in the summer? Which children really need academics in the summer?

4. Summer “skills” books vs instruction? How do you know what your child really needs this summer?

5. Reading aloud and summer library time—of course!

6. Penmanship helps—improve your child’s penmanship this summer in just a few minutes a day.

7. Math drill—get a simple, no nonsense math drill that will keep your kids’ skills sharp all year long.

8. Relationship building in the summer—especially with those older kids who are home from college for the summer!

9. Implementing those things that you always say you’re going to do and always want to do but that do not happen during the school year!

10. Much more!

I will try to move quickly so that we will be through them all in a few weeks, so you will still have a good six weeks to work on things that are suggested, if you decide you need to. Thanks for joining us!

The post Summer Is Here—Keeping Skills and Gaining New Ones appeared first on Character Ink.

I love being a mother! I have loved every stage of it–from being pregnant to having a son turn thirty-three this year! My husband and I have been working a lot on the slides and handouts for our parenting seminar (“Raising Kids With Character”) and for homeschooling conventions, so all of this prep has led me to this blog post. 

We mothers need all of the help and support that we can get in order to do our jobs. When I look at my mothering, I realize that the greatest support and help that I have had throughout the years has come from my husband. I don’t say this lightly or as a cliche’. I truly mean this.

Here are six ways that my husband has helped me to be a better mother, ways in which he has invested in my life and the life of our family that have resulted in my having the time, confidence, strength, inspiration, and vision to do what I do every day.


1. Giving great value to what I do

When I had five kids ten and under, the days were long and hard. I remember feeling like a failure many evenings when Ray walked through the door. At that time, he would take me by the hand, lead me to couch, and ask me questions that gave worth to my day: “Did you read the Bible to the kids today? Did you rock the baby? Did you do story time? Did you meet the kids’ needs? Did you spend time with the kids?”

When I answered yes to these things, he would say, “Then you did exactly what you were supposed to do today. The other things don’t matter.”

Suddenly, the dishes in the sink and the unfinished lesson plans seemed insignificant. He had truly brought worth to my day, to my efforts, to my life.

This is one small example of how my husband, year after year, has given great value and worth to what I do. How he has always made my job as a mother, a homeschooler, and even a homemaker feel important and worthy. And this has made me a better mother.

2. Seeing needs and meeting them

My husband’s primary love language is serving. I have always felt especially blessed to be married to someone who has “servant” as his native tongue. As a servant, he has never been able to just see things around the house or with the kids that need done and leave them. He believes, and has taught our children to believe, that if you “see a need, you should meet it.”

In practical terms, this means that dishes, trash, laundry, picking up, cooking, bathing, putting kids to bed, tutoring kids at night, etc., were always jobs that Ray picked up the slack on. 

I can remember when company would be at our house on Sunday night, and as they left, we always started scurrying around to clean the house, etc. One night a guest suggested that since it was Sunday, we could just leave the work for Monday. Ray quickly answered that “the ox is in the ditch.”

 After the company left, Ray explained to the kids: “The ox in the ditch means that it is okay to work on Sunday if the ox is in the ditch, and you need to pull it out. When the house is a mess on Sunday night, and we leave it like that for Mommy on Monday morning, we are leaving the ox in the ditch.”

By seeing needs and meeting them, besides teaching our children a spiritual truth, Ray has also helped me have time for important heart training, homeschooling, and outreaches that I would not have had time for. And this has made me a better mother.

3. Helping me not to over-schedule

This one has been met with limited success (but not for lack of Ray trying!). I can remember fifteen years ago when I had six kids in school and more work than I felt I could humanly handle, Ray sat down with me with little sticky notes and a large piece of tag board. Before “Managers of Their Home” and other scheduling programs were even popular, Ray was laying out my day on sticky notes in thirty minute increments!

He tried then, and continues to try, to tame my overzealous tendencies. He laid blank sticky notes throughout the day in strategic locations–telling me that I HAD to put in thirty minutes of flex time here and there. I always tried to put too much into each day and was often frustrated that things didn’t go as well in any given day as I had hoped it would, based on my tight schedule with little flex time.

There are countless other times in which Ray has tried to help me not to over-schedule. When I listened to him, my schedule went more smoothly. Bless his heart, he is still trying to reign me in schedule-wise. 🙂 And this has made me a better mother.



4. Focusing more on relationship than role


So many husbands, in trying to lead their family according to their interpretation of Scripture, spend a great deal of time focusing on everybody’s “roles.” This often results in a hierarchy-emphasis that does not lead to the husband as the servant leader, but only as the leader.

Ray is confident in his role as head of our family. He doesn’t need to remind his family of it. He doesn’t need to focus his attention on his headship. He doesn’t need to flex his leadership muscle.

Instead, he has always focused on relationship–his relationship with me, his relationship with his children. He focuses on meeting our needs rather than on guarding his position. And guess what? His attention on relationship and meeting our needs continues to cause us to respect his role.

An attention to relationships has resulted in greater heart-reaching and heart training of our children than I could have ever imagined–both by Ray and by me. And this has made me a better mother.




5. Loving me as Christ loved the church


Ray has always taken the analogy of “loving his wife as Christ loved the church” seriously. As he sees it, when a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, he will give everything for her. He will not seek for his own gain or his own needs. He will instead love selflessly.

In practical terms, this means that he gives me his time and attention. It means date nights, one-on-one time, long discussions, and lots of ballroom dancing. Obviously, we haven’t always been able to have evenings out, and we certainly didn’t ballroom dance while we had a houseful of little kids, but he has always sought to love his wife selflessly. And this has made me a better mother.

6. Being available

One of Ray’s favorite “parenting stories” that he shares in our seminar is that of Absalom, who, the Bible tells us, “stole the hearts of the people of Israel.” Scripture doesn’t say that he did anything fantastic to win the people. It only says that every day he stood by the gate and heard the people’s complaints and needs. 

In Ray’s words, “Absalom was available.” We both believe that if we want to win our children’s hearts; if we want to be their primary influencers; if we want to be the ones they come to when they are facing difficulties, we must make ourselves available to them, much like Absalom did to the people of Israel.

Even when Ray worked sixty hours a week in the automotive industry (fifteen years ago, before he took a “normal” job to be available more to our family), he still “waited at the gate” every day–making himself available to me and the kids. And this has made me a better mother.


Six key things that have had significant impacts on my parenting. For me, these things, day in and day out and year in and year out, have truly helped me to be a better mother. And I am grateful for each and every one of them. So grateful.

The post Six Ways My Husband Makes Me a Better Mother appeared first on Character Ink.

When I was in elementary school, I had a friend who came from a big family. When we were in sixth grade, I believe there were already eight children in the family—and my friend was the oldest. When I went to her house to stay overnight, three things stood out to me: how her parents made them recite and pray before bed (they were devout Catholics whose children memorized catechisms and the Lord’s Prayer, etc.); how hard her mother worked—from first thing in the morning until she tucked the kids in; and that her mother made homemade bread all the time.

Fast forward several years later, and I had another friend whom I would stay overnight with in junior high. This mother had a home business (beautician in a shop attached to their house), and she, too, was a diligent mother, but that isn’t what stood out the most to me. The thing I remember most about this mother is that she sang all the time. She would be washing someone’s hair in her shop, and I would hear her humming away; however, when she was in the house doing chores, she would sing at the top of her lungs—beautiful, melodious, life-giving songs.

From these early experiences, I formed a picture in my mind of the kind of mother I wanted to be—a spiritual-teaching, hard-working, bread-baking, beautifully-singing mother. I wanted to be part Mrs. Leugers and part Mrs. Kessler.

And I admit it. I started out mothering that way—minus the “beautifully singing” part—however, I did sing all the time around the house, beautiful or not. These images stayed with me forever, and occasionally they would pop in my mind—remember the kind of mom you wanted to be?

I rarely bake bread these days since we only have a couple of kids at home and my writing and teaching are demanding of my time; however, I do remind myself often that when I was but a child, I knew what kind of mom I wanted to be. I go back to those ideals and look at my current situation: how am I measuring up?

Maybe you have mental snapshots of what kind of parent you dreamed of being when you were a little boy or girl. Or maybe your grandiose parenting ideals stemmed from when you held your first baby in your arms—and vowed in your heart to love him, impart God’s truths to him, be patient with him, play with him, teach him right from wrong, and much more. Whatever your “parenting dream” may have been—it’s never too late to go back and be what you wanted to be—to follow your mom or dad heart.

The post Be the Kind of Mom You Have Always Dreamed of Being appeared first on Character Ink.

One way that we have tried to have one-on-one conversations with our children, in spite of there being seven of them, is to take a child with us in the vehicle whenever possible. We began this custom when we just had three small children, making it a point to always “take whomever had shoes on” with us when one of us ran an errand.

Through the years, our custom has become a little more sophisticated (especially now that the kids are older and not always available to go run errands). Now we focus not on who has shoes on but rather on who needs Mom or Dad the most at that time. It is not uncommon for us to discuss the week in terms of kids’ needs and for one of us to say, “Why don’t you have ______ ride up with you to see your mom Wednesday night, so the two of you have a chance to talk about that.” Whatever that might be.

Of course, good discussion can also take place in the vehicle with more than one child with you. We had three girls in a row followed by three boys in a row (after our first child, a boy). This made it particularly good for talking in groups, and it wasn’t uncommon for the boys and Dad to have “Daddy talks” while en route places. (And I could never disclose the contents of those talks!)

Sometimes deep discussions did not take place. Sometimes we just talked about what we saw outside (more on that tomorrow!). Other times, it was just like the quote above by AA Milne—and the child just needed to “be sure of us.”

In case you think that taking a child one-at-a-time is still not that important, let me leave you with this thought: We have had children repent of deceit, cry their eyes out over a broken heart, and even accept Christ as their Savior in a vehicle, one-on-one with Mom and/or Dad. We actually had our oldest child reveal to the two of us whom he thought he wanted to marry (and he did several months later) in the drive-through of a fast food restaurant. Never underestimate time spent with Dad and Mom alone doing something as mundane as running errands!

The post W is for Wonderful Wednesday–and Other Special Times With Our Kids! appeared first on Character Ink.

The post Our Kids Will Do To and For Other What We Do To and For Them–Reprint appeared first on Character Ink.

The homeschooled kids in our area start out young (as early as ten years old with their parent) serving in the One Heart Disability Ministry. Look at the joy that children bring to those with disabilities!

A Facebook post just came through from my daughter and her husband concerning their 

disability ministry, One Heart:


“Got some sad news this morning that Charlie, one of our dear One Heart members passed away this Wednesday night. Charlie always made us smile and brought us joy. I bet he’s bringing other people joy in Heaven now! He always answered questions about the Bible with, ‘Jesus died on the cross for us.’ What a simple, amazing truth. Last year at the Talent Show he sang ‘Jesus Loves Me.’ So blessed that he was part of our lives!”

My son-in-law Joseph with Charlie If you have heard Ray and I speak in our parenting seminar, “Raising Kids With Character,” or at a homeschooling convention, you know that we are big advocates of teaching children to serve at young ages. You might also know that we believe there is a hierarchy of service outlined in the Bible that teaches children to serve the Lord at home–to serve their own families—first, followed by reaching out to those locally and finally to the “uttermost parts of the world.” “Journey Through Easter”–drama and walk through (with petting zoo!)–is always a hit with the One Heart attendees Without going into the entire seminar session, I will give you some keys that have led us to this thought process: 1. “To whom much is given, much is expected.” 2. “He who does not provide for his own family is worse than an infidel.” 3. Parable of the talents 4. Serve in your own “Jerusalem” then your state/region….then the uttermost parts of the earth One of my sons helping a One Heart client fill in his VBS book We began this teaching with our kids when they were two or three years old–teaching them to pick up around the house, unload the silverware in the dishwasher, help put away laundry, etc. Then they continued to learn household skills that they could/would eventually use in serving others. As they grew, they served with us–starting with setting up chairs for small group or homeschool support group meetings and moving into going with us to nursing homes and other local outreaches.  Soon the time came for them to go “out” and serve others–that is, they had learned to serve their family so well and so cheerfully and so diligently that they could take the skills that they had learned here and serve on their own. The skills that we have built into our children during their formative years–cooking, cleaning, organizing, serving, music, drama, reading, writing, leading, Bible teaching/studying, etc.—are used over and over by our young adults in their various ministries This has looked different for different kids–from preaching in young adult services to leading/directing dramas in church to singing on the praise team to working in children’s ministries (locally and at state homeschool conventions) to “going to the uttermost parts of the earth”–such as taking wheelchairs around the world with Joni and Friends; serving at state capitols every weekday for a semester; leading drama teams of teens in summer drama traveling around the midwest or southern USA; and even starting a ministry that would some day reach over one hundred disabled adults every week for many years. Boys’ sports night (along with a trophy for each client!) is always a hit with the One Heart male clients The latter is what this post is going to focus on–and the impact that teaching our children to minister to “the least of these” really has on our children–and their futures. When our third child, Cami, was seventeen years old, she served at a Joni and Friends Family Retreat (the world-wide disability ministry of Joni Ereckson Tada) for two weeks. At the end of the retreat, she told the leaders there that she wanted to do something similar to the retreat back home–on an ongoing basis. They told her to go back to her pastors and tell them and see what she can start.  One Heart “Special Deliveries” is a yearly outreach to nearly three hundred disabled adults in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area Cami was a senior in high school when she began the One Heart Disability Ministry (One heart…one soul..is worth it…). She had trouble getting volunteers (it is difficult to work with disabled people–and many adults do not want to get involved), but she started rounding up her younger sister and little brothers and their friends, and before she knew it, she had a weekly ministry, sort of a “Sunday school” every Tuesday night for adults with cognitive disabilities. And it grew. And grew. And grew. The joy that One Heart brings to the lives of those who attend is unmistakable Within two years, she had her associates degree in church ministry with an emphasis on disability ministry, and she was asked to come on staff at the church as the Disability Ministry Director, the “official” head of One Heart Disability Ministry. Four years ago Cami married a young man who has a paraplegic brother and cousin with severe brain injury–and also a heart for the disabled and broken, much like Cami has. They have continued leading One Heart together with their combined compassion, love, and selflessness. In addition to the weekly services that are held with over one hundred disabled attendees all throughout the school year, One Heart delivers gifts and goodies to up to three hundred disabled adults in the Fort Wayne are every Christmas, hosts a summer VBS, and has other special events throughout the year.  My message today is not what kids can do when they are trained in so many skills (that would take a book–and I would love to write it!); nor is it about having kids serve in general (though that is a good idea too!). My message today is this: Teaching our children to minister to “the least of these”–the widows, elderly, disabled, and orphaned–has the potential of having a bigger impact than almost any other ministry or service opportunity they could do. Why do you suppose this is the case? It is consistent with Scripture–“do not only invite those who can invite you back”; “care for the widows and orphans”; and Jesus’ ministry to the blind, mentally challenged, poor, hungry, homeless, etc. It builds an empathy in our children that cannot be duplicated anywhere else. Truly, we can tell them there are poor children who do not have enough to eat, but until they serve food to them in a summer ministry in the park, they cannot comprehend that. We can tell them that there are people whose brains do not work like ours do and they cannot do for themselves, but until they go week after week and listen to these people tell the same stories over and over or teach them to color or tell them about Jesus, they cannot FEEL the feelings that we should as Christians feel for those less fortunate than we. Our four youngest children started working in One Heart with Cami as soon as they could be trusted to fully obey their older siblings and really work hard without parental supervision (not be tempted to play ball in the gym during the gym night but instead stay focused on the people they were there to serve). This was between the ages of eight and ten for all of them.  And as a result, they are four of the most sensitive, compassionate kids I have ever known.  Would they have developed this sensitivity and compassion without serving “the least of these” in an ongoing manner?  Maybe. Maybe not. But I know that this consistent outreach–having to give up their own interests one evening a week, being responsible for their parts (teaching, serving refreshments, leading games and crafts, etc.), and learning to love and reach out to those who are “different” and extremely-mentally challenged–has had a huge impact on the kinds of people that they are growing up to be.  P.S. Cami and Joseph are expecting their first baby in January, and Cami recently posted the status below. It is such a blessing to think that my grandson is going to start learning to serve “the least of these” from babyhood. “Funny story from One Heart last night….(this is even better than last week’s story!) I (Cami) was closing the evening in prayer with a full classroom of people and as I stood in front with my eyes closed, I feel someone patting my belly. I look down (mid prayer) and I see Susie, a One Heart member with down syndrome, just patting my belly and smiling as if she was talking to the baby. It was adorable and hilarious all at the same time. I got through the prayer without cracking up too much and dismissed everyone. Love it that the One Heart people are so excited about our baby. Can’t wait until he is here and can meet everyone. He is loved already!”

The post The Impact of Teaching Our Children to Minister to “the Least of These” appeared first on Character Ink.

There is actually no place this is truer than in parenting…. (from Destination Healthy Me)

The post A Change a Week–Times Fifty Weeks a Year Times Thirty Years…Equals a Lot of Change! appeared first on Character Ink.

I am an experiential writer. I like to write and speak about things only after I have experienced them for myself for a while. I have had the writing/speaking bug ever since our first born (now thirty) was two years old, and I headed up our children’s church department and taught teachers how to teach, manage the group, etc. (based on my credentials as an elementary education major). However, it wasn’t until I had homeschooled for many years, raised a few babies and toddlers, managed a busy household for a decade and a half, etc. , that I felt ready to talk to others about those things. As a learner, I also like to learn from those who have “been there” and “came out to tell about it”! Smile…

My husband and I began talking about raising and homeschooling teens about eight years ago–when our first born was twenty-two. Now I have seven children ages fourteen through thirty–three of whom are in college and living at home. Guess what? I am more than ready to tell the world what I have learned and continue to learn about raising/discipling teens and young adults in this heart-affecting way that we have chosen to live. If there are even a few things that we have found to work, I want to spread that vital info from shore to shore and sea to sea (okay, that’s a little dramatic, but have you ever had seven kids ages fourteen to thirty at various critical stages of life–let me tell you, it’s more than a little dramatic!).

So…with deep affection and emotion, I bring you a few things that we KNOW teens and young adults need from us as parents:


1. Safe place to talk

They need to know that it is safe to tell you whatever is going on in their hearts and lives. They need to know that you won’t completely freak out (even if you don’t agree)–and that you will love them regardless of what they say in these talks. Our oldest son and daughter (30 and 27) were raised in a pretty strict home. We had rules that did not have logical reasons (see our teen posts for Recipe for Rebellion beginning here: https://characterinkblog.com/day-sixty-eight-avoid-the-recipe-for-rebellion-ingredient-i-rules-without-reason/). We were oftentimes lost, exhausted caring for small children and emotionally drained trying to help young teenagers find their way. However, our son told us that he never wanted turn away from us–in spite of our many faults–because no matter what we made him do, wear, or say, we always gave him “intellectual freedom”–freedom to believe and think for himself (with our guidance but not with an iron fist). Fourteen to twenty-four year olds need a safe place to talk that should be found in their parents.




2. Availability

Are you tired of hearing me talk about this yet? One of the most unfortunate things to me in the whole “teen” thing is that parents sometimes think that they are done or at least almost done long before we really should be done. I have often said, and continue to believe, that children between the ages of sixteen and twenty need their parents more than ever. Why would we work so hard to instill in them our beliefs, to teach them character, to raise them with love and tenderness–just to leave them to peers alone during these ages? They need us. And they need for us to be available when they need us. For some of us, this means not going to our own things (shopping, golf, and, gasp, ballroom dancing) many a Saturday for much longer than we originally thought we would have to give up those things. Parents of teens and young adults–you are not done! There are still some more critical years to make yourself available to these amazing people in your life.





3. Time

This might seem like a repeat of number two, but it really isn’t. Yes, we need to clear our schedules not just to watch them play baseball or go to their concerts; we need to clear our schedules to provide times of availability. We also need to understand the amount of time that these ages take. We have had two of our kids get married so far. The amount of time that it took to counsel them, have fun and plan with them, encourage them, and help prepare them was probably more than my many long days of teaching that child to read or working on chores together! We have three college kids at home right now. They need the “normal” time things–help with college math, reviewing class schedules and seeing how they can squeeze in something that is only offered at a certain time during a certain semester, help changing a tire, and the “as-only-Mom-can-do” edits on their big papers. But they need long periods of time for #1 (safe talking place) and long periods of time of just being there—when they feel friend-less, when the stress of going to college and working is taking its toll on them, when they have a broken heart, when they are questioning something that they have always believed to be true, when they are disillusioned with people and this world….time….and lots of it.





4. To Be Treated Like Adults

If you have been to our parenting seminars or read our parenting book (The Well-Trained Heart), you have likely heard us emphasize the strong link between responsibility and privileges. This point, to be treated like adults, is not to de-emphasize that. We believe that children (and adults!) who show themselves responsible and mature get more and more privileges (hmmm…parable of the talents????). However, many of us treat our sixteen year olds like little kids–micromanaging their school work and homework, following them around to check on each step of their chores, not “expanding the boundaries” of responsibility/privilege in a way that is commensurate with the responsibility and maturity level they are showing. If your teens are still working on that whole responsibility thing and really aren’t ready to have the boundaries widened like you had hoped they would be, at the very least, don’t continue to treat them like little kids in other areas. Give them opportunities to please you and do good things. Set them up for success so that you can expand their boundaries and treat them more adult-like. Quit giving them money for nonsense and toys that keep them playing all the time, and instead provide them with tools–books, computer for school, gas cards, work desk, handy tools, car wash passes, and even fast food gift certificates so that when they are out doing those adult things, they can get gas and a bite to eat. Stop giving them video games, ipods, and individual sports things that twelve and fourteen year olds want/get. Talk to them like adults–don’t ask them where they are going or what they are doing in an accusatory way, but ask them in the same way  you would ask your spouse–in order to determine the schedule and plan for family time. Say, “When will you be home from class–I was hoping we would have some talk time tonight” not “And what time will you be rolling in tonight?” I have so much more to say about treating our teens and young adults like adults, and I will try to address this even more as Ray and I are speaking about some teen topics this summer at some conferences, but I will leave you with this word of advice: The tone in which you speak to your kids tells them right away whether they are being treated in a condescending, child-like way or an adult way. Tone is where I would start.


That’s all for today. I am crying as I finish this article. I have had a couple of weeks of intense parenting of teens and young adults. I truly have the most amazing eighteen, twenty, and twenty-two year old living in my home right now. But their hearts are vulnerable, and they are facing a big scary world. And they need me and Ray to help them finish becoming who and what they are going to become. The needs are so much bigger than getting them to finish their peas and pick up their toys. 

 Our teens and young adults need us! They need our support. They need our advice. They need our encouragement. They need our faith in them. They need our time. They need for us to be available to them. They need for us to treat them with respect. They need us.

The post Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need appeared first on Character Ink.