(Click here to listen to this podcast!)

FOUR D’s OF BEHAVIOR: Heart-motivated behaviors that should not be grouped with childish behaviors but should be tended to in a consistent and heart-affecting manner.

D-1: Disrespect
D-2: Disobedience
D-3: Deceit
D-4: Destruction

D-1: Disrespect—words, actions, tone, and/or expressions that do not show respect or submission to parents.

D-2: Disobedience—actions that are not fully obedient. Obedience means “Doing what you are told, when you are told, in the way you are told—with a good attitude.”

D-3: Deceit—lying, stealing, “fibbing,” speaking half truths, and covering for words and actions with “I was joking” or other concealment words.

D-4: Destruction—purposely breaking things or harming others.

Treat Behaviors Accordingly

(1) Foolishness/Heart Issues—4 D’s

a. Serious Treatment
b. Punishment
c. Heart Teaching and Training

(2) Childishness/Character Issues

a. Training
b. Rewards
c. Consequences*

*Consequences may be used with 4 D’s if parents have waited until child is tween or teen to begin this approach to parenting. If this is the case, the most severe, serious consequences should be reserved for foolishness/4 D’s.

CHECK IT OUT!!! For printable 8.5 x 11” posters that you can use with your children concerning these topics, click HERE to subscribe to our weekly e-newsletters. You will receive a link to great printables that you can use to teach your children these concepts (and/or to remind yourself of them!).

Podcasts: 

• No Response Rule (Backtalking)
• Terms & Concepts from Raising Kids With Character Parenting Seminar
• Five Homeschool Problems and Solutions
• How Do I Know When to Give Chances and When to Take Action: When to Give Our Kids a Mulligan
• How Do I Get My Children to See Work at Home in a Positive Light?
• Turning ‘Unusually’ High-Need Preschoolers Into the Darling Angels They Were Meant to Be
• Solving Common Preschool Behavior Problems

Blog Posts:

• Three Steps to an Apology
• Two Tips For Teaching Empathy and Humility to Our Children
• Teaching Our Children How NOT to Apologize
• 4 D’s of Behavior
• Five Ways to Be More Patient With Your Kids Tomorrow
• Obedience Math

Print this as a two-page handout here!

Want to listen to this podcast?  Click here!

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The post Podcast Handout For “Understanding the Four D’s of Behavior in Our Children” appeared first on Character Ink.

Click here to download the printable handout.

Subscribe to our Wondering Wednesday podcasts in iTunes.

 
Click here to see our previous podcasts!

For 8.5 x 11” posters that you can use with your children concerning these topics, click HERE to subscribe to our weekly e-newsletters. You will receive a link to great printables that you can use to teach your children these concepts (and/or to remind yourself of them!).  Already subscribed?  You’ll find link in this week’s newsletter for these posters 🙂

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The post Podcast: Understanding the Four D’s of Behavior in Our Children—and Why You Need To appeared first on Character Ink.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” Galatians 6:9

This verse is a common parenting verse—one that I am sure many a mamas has posted on her refrigerator, bathroom mirror, and nursery wall for decades. And it is a good one—reminding us that there is an end reward in what we are doing, that it is worth doing well and not giving up.

I love verses and inspirational quotes as much as the next person, but I also like practical application—so here you go! Five Ways to Not Grow Weary in Well Doing!  🙂

1. Surround yourself with like-minded people—so that when you feel like giving up, you have people around you who do not feel that way at that moment.

One of the most discouraging things to do in parenting is to be with others who also feel like giving up—continually. We all have those days. We all have times when we need someone to come alongside us and tell us it is worth it, you can do it, don’t give up. But if we surround ourselves with Debbie Downers who always see the negative and always feed our times of discouragement, it will be hard to get back up when we get down. The good thing about having a few people in our lives who believe in what they/we are doing is that hopefully we are not all weary at the same time!

2. Have written goals some place that you can refer to often.

Whether they are goals to homeschool for thirty-five years (I didn’t start out with that one!) or goals to raise your children for God and not just decide it is too hard, so I just need to do what everybody else is doing, having those written out and referring to them can remind us of what we were feeling and thinking at the time we decided to have seven kids and go the long haul with homeschooling. Sometimes we just need taken back to the place where we were called to do what it is we are doing. (If you have a like-minded husband, review these goals from time-to-time—or ask him to continually remind you when you are weak what you two decided in the first place. This has been invaluable to me!)

3. Don’t take on too much outside of your goals.

We become especially weary when we are trying to do too much (so we can’t do what we need to do really well) or when we are rushed. Go through your schedule, your days, your activities, and strip away the things that do not help you meet your parenting goals. When you have less to do, you can focus on your relationships, the good times, the teaching moments, and the final goal much better. Every single time we cut out, reduced, evaluated, and stripped excess away, I was a better mom, and our home ran more smoothly.

4. Likewise, don’t confuse homemaking, busy-ness of living, and extra work that we often make for ourselves as meeting our goals.

What really helps you meet your goals? Is it more home cooking? Is it more crafting? Is it more garage sale shopping? What of those things are necessary to live and what things do you do because you feel like you should or have to? So many times I became too busy with the craziness of living—of making a home, of planning and cooking and sorting and…you get the idea…that it actually got in the way of my parenting. And then did I grow weary. I didn’t understand why if I was doing all of this to run my home, it was so exhausting and didn’t seem to yield fruit in my children. Determine what you really NEED to do…and do those things.

5. Get some end goal snapshots in your head.

Whether these snapshots are in the form of what you want in your home with your own kids in ten, twenty, or thirty years or in the form of other families who have done what you want to do successfully, these pictures are like goals in art form! Even thirty years ago, I knew what I wanted—I saw families with teens who were doing what I wanted to do in my home down the road. I kept their pictures before me—not as idols but as reminders that my goals could be met. I could parent in a character-training, heart-reaching way.

6. Enjoy your family.

Don’t get so caught up in goals and in big pictures that you miss what is right before you at this moment. I used to have this habit of breathing in the situation. When I was in the midst of family happiness, I would close my eyes, breathe in, and ask God to help me remember this moment. I know it sounds silly, but I can actually remember specific instances of doing that and where I was and what I was so happy about at that moment. (One of them is when my fifth baby smiled for the first time!) If we have children, we have so much to be thankful for and enjoy right there. Don’t let weariness steal that joy of family.

Don’t grow weary! It is worth it! You can do it!  🙂

The post Six Ways to Not Grow Weary in Well Doing appeared first on Character Ink.

Consider Behavior First

1. Readiness to learn formally is more than just “academic readiness”

2. Behavior problems of the preschool days will get carried into school work

(Having a school schedule does help behaviors some, but will not solve them entirely.)

3. The trouble you might be having getting teeth brushed or coming to breakfast, etc., will

only be exacerbated by adding “come to school table” or “do seatwork” or “listen.”

So first solve behavior issues—Tips and Links

1. Link: In general, I have dozens of preschool posts that apply to the four to six year old age range. These run the gamut from morning routines to story time to bringing in behavior boundaries. If you have a five year old who does not obey, will not cooperate with general commands and instructions (brushing teeth, unloading dishwasher, or sitting down for stories, etc.), you might want to scroll through this list.

2. Link: Specifically, posts about lack of cooperation and getting the five year old on board for obedience and decent schedules can be found :here:

3. When I am trying to solve a problem in my schedule or routine, I try to work on the first hour of the day (for me personally), the same thing is true of our littles. Before starting formal school, I recommend getting the morning routine down pat. This will help him learn cooperation in other areas of the day—and will make the day run so much smoother. Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter what time this morning routine takes place (seven or nine) or even if the times are the same every day—just so the order, expectations, and consequences are always consistent. Here are some helps for this.

4. Other unacceptable behaviors should be handled quickly and seriously (not “don’t hit” but rather no more friends, play dates, staying up later to watch a family movie, etc., until you are “strike free” for a week, etc.). Be firm and consistent with Four D’s—they are not character issue that you should “train” in and reward. They are serious and should be treated serious. Read “Discerning Between the 4D’s of Behavior and Childishness”.

5. Determine your family’s behavior absolutes (if you have not already done so). These are the behaviors or character that you absolutely will not allow in your home. What you allow now will become the “acceptable behaviors” to your child. These seemingly innocent actions include “fibbing,” hitting, etc. For our family, these include talking back, saying no to parent, lying or deceit, temper tantrums, and striking.

General Expectations for a Kindergarten Child

1. Obedience. Take it from an old mama—school is so much better with a six year old in kindergarten who obeys than it is with a five year old in kindergarten who doesn’t obey.

2. Morning routine. If our kids couldn’t do a simple morning routine chart of making their beds, grooming, putting away their own toys and books, “reading” a picture Bible (or doing a Bible book and audio set), and getting completely ready for the day without a big fuss, I didn’t do bookwork with them.

3. Chores. Once a five year old is known for first time obedience and following through on his morning routine, I add chores to his schedule. You can read more about developing chores for this age group here.

4. Room time. I believe room time has so many educational benefits, namely those of increasing a child’s concentration, creativity, independence, and risk taking (all found to be important factors in studies about children who were “natural readers”–that is, they learned to read without instruction–this is important because if it helps a child become a natural reader, it can also help a child become a good reader in general). You can find out more about room time here.

5. Bible time. I would have the kindergartener join us for Bible time as well as having a “little kids” Bible time during the morning. I liked to put this after morning routine and chores, so we had an order that put character and faith before academics. It might work better for some to do it during story time.

6. Informal learning time. We had an adage that “we would never teach a young child anything formally that could be taught informally.” Therefore, when it came to pre-reading and pre-math skills, we were extremely diligent to “teach while we are in the way with them.” In other words, rhyming words, initial consonant sounds, ending consonant sounds, letter recognition, beginning math concepts (counting, recognizing numbers, less than/greater than, and much more) can all be taught informally, and we did. We also used picture books, puzzles, games, manipulatives, audios, videos, computer games, felt activities, toys, blocks….anything! I recommend building this time into a kindergarteners day–either through room time or through a learning center or table time where activities are set up for him, etc.

7. Formal learning. We only used workbooks with our five, six, and seven year old (non-readers) when they were set on numbers one through six above–and only if the child wanted them and enjoyed them. There are colorful, wonderful kindergarten workbooks available through Timberdoodle.

Formal Learning Tips for This Age:

a. If your kindergarten student is ready to learn to read, I don’t recommend using a complete kindergarten/first grade curriculum to do this. Learning to read doesn’t need to take three to five years. If you get a good program, a child can learn to read in three to six months if readiness is in place. Get a good phonics program that teaches reading only (i.e. not complete language arts at this level) and use a word family phonics approach combined with readers. Some of my reading program reviews are found at Raising Kids With Character for Phonics Tutor and Saxon Reading.

b. If you do want to get an entire kindergarten program, do not get a textbook-driven approach. Again, Timberdoodle has wonderful preschool and kindergarten programs with many hands on and fun activities included.

c. Make kindergarten fun. If I had kindergarten to do over again, I would do all of the tips above and get Timberdoodle’s kindergarten fun things, a colorful math program that has manipulatives (Math-U-See and/or Saxon kindergarten math are very hands on!), and Five in a Row (and choose the activities that you want to do and leave the rest). But again, I would only do that after the first six things above are met!

Other Podcasts That Might Interest You:

How Do I Prepare My Child to Learn to Read? 

Summer Reading Help

RKWC Terms and Definitions

Chores and Chore Charts 

Story Time With Littles and Very Littles

Listen to the “What Should I Do With a Kindergartener?” podcast here!

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The post Podcast Handout for: What Should I Do With a Kindergartener? appeared first on Character Ink.

Donna Reish, author of character quality language arts and meaningful composition, answers a couple of readers questions about kindergarten. In this podcast episode, she specifically talks about what types of behaviors parents should expect from a four to six year-old child before starting formal academics and the six most important things to focus on first, including obedience, morning routines, chore times, and informal learning. She describes the optimum learning environment and gives insight as to what to look for in readiness to learn to read. Join Donna as she describes some of the best years of parenting.

Click here to download the printable handout.

Subscribe to our Wondering Wednesday podcasts in iTunes.

Click here to see our previous podcasts!

The post Podcast: What Should I Do With a Kindergartener? appeared first on Character Ink.

One way that we like to help parents determine whether a child’s behavior is of a serious nature or whether it is simply childishness that needs training, rewards, more training, follow-through, and consequences to solve it is by using the benchmark of the 4D’s.

If you have been to our Raising Kids With Character parenting seminar, you have probably heard us describe the importance of determining which behavior a child is having. This is because the behaviors that we call the 4D’s are heart-oriented and more life-affecting than those that are simply childishness such as irresponsibility, laziness, or messiness.

That is, we take the four D’s behavior more seriously and attack it with more intentionality than we would childish behavior that we can train and teach from area

It will help you to be able to discern between the two types of behaviors if you recognize and memorize the 4D’s:

D-1: disobedience

This is willful behavior that is the opposite of what the child is told or is ignoring what the child is told. This is not to be confused with forgetfulness in early chore training or not understanding something he is told or not following through on “routine commands.” (He might need a morning routine chart or a “room, groom, dress, mess pie” to follow through on new skills and routines.) Willful disobedience means that the child knows and understands the instruction or the command but simply chooses not to follow it.

D-2: disrespect

Is also a willful behavior in which a child (or anybody) chooses to not show proper respect to an authority figure. Disrespect in a child usually begins in the home with disrespecting the parents. The reason this D is so important is not only because of the biblical admonition to respect parents but also because the other behaviors, that are the other 3-D’s will often not follow if this D is disregarded. Additionally, this D has a huge impact on the child’s success as an adult. The continuation of this D usually surfaces in school situations, with grandparents, leaders of clubs and organizations, etc.

D-3: deceit

Involves active lying, but also includes many other behaviors that stem from lying. Parents are often concerned about lying and stealing, but often overlook other “lesser” behaviors that are just as serious, such as not telling the whole truth, sneaking, and saying “I was just joking” to cover up you should not have said.

D-4: destruction

Destruction is an easy one to be confused with childishness. As a D, it does not include breaking things on accident, spilling things, dropping things, etc. Those things are childishness and we should teach toward those things or should I say away from those things smile… In this case, destruction is willfulness. It is breaking things or harming things on purpose. This is a heart behavior and should be carefully examined to be sure it is so before the child’s behavior is determined to be destruction.

I’m working on a podcast episode right now about what to do with the kindergarten student – that is, what should our focus be behavior wise as well as watching for readiness and when a child is ready to begin formal instruction. The four D’s are important to note in starting school. This is because they are so crucial to a child’s life-long submission and obedience to authority, honesty, and meanness, and they are heart behaviors that we should not overlook in an effort to move on academics.

To learn more about the four Ds of behavior versus character training and how to handle both types of behaviors well, check out our parenting seminar, Raising Kids With Character.

The post Discerning Between the 4D’s of Behavior and Childishness appeared first on Character Ink.

I was recently asked what my “educational expectations” would be with a five year old. Now, this fall marks our thirtieth year of homeschooling. Through the years, we have ebbed and flowed with the trends of homeschooling just like all other long-term homeschoolers. However, there are some things that have always stayed the same for us:

(1) Teach obedience before starting school
(2) Put relationships above academics
(3) Put God first, then marriage, then children, then others

And many more!

My expectations for five year olds still haven’t changed! If I had a sweet, wonderful, amazing five year old, this is what I would do! (Btw, four to six year olds are the greatest kids ever!)

1. Obedience. We can’t expect children to do school work if they will not make their beds, brush their teeth, come when called, etc. Obedience is a pre-requisite to bookwork–always has been in our homeschool. Take it from an old mama—school is so much better with a six year old in kindergarten who obeys than it is with a five year old in kindergarten who doesn’t obey.

2. Morning routine. If our kids couldn’t do a simple morning routine chart of making their beds, grooming, putting away their own toys and books, “reading” a picture Bible (or doing a Bible book and audio set), and getting completely ready for the day without a big fuss, I didn’t do bookwork with them. (See number one!) I talk about morning routine charts here and here and here.

3. Chores. Once a five year old is known for first time obedience and following through on his morning routine, I add chores to his schedule. You can read more about developing chores for this age group here and here and here and here and here.

4. Room time. I used room time from ten to fourteen months (playpen time) up through age six or seven, depending on how much the child could join us for older kids’ school. The reason I list it here as an expectation for a five year old is that I believe room time has so many educational benefits, namely those of increasing a child’s concentration, creativity, independence, and risk taking (all found to be important factors in studies about children who were “natural readers”–that is, they learned to read without instruction–this is important because if it helps a child become a natural reader, it can also help a child become a good reader in general). You can find out more about room time here and here and here and here.

5. Bible time. I would have the kindergarten join us for Bible time as well as having a “little kids” Bible time during the morning. I liked to put this after morning routine and chores, so we had an order that put character and faith before academics. It might work better for some to do it during story time. (I used what I called “interval Bible training,” meaning that we did various Bible teachings from sun up until sun down, so that they were always being trained in Bible stories, character, doctrine, hymns, songs, etc. all the time. For instance, we would use Bible on audio during morning chores, hymns and praise music during breakfast, Bible story read alouds in the morning, more in depth Bible studies with the olders during “unit studies,” Bible audios and/or videos during room time (almost always audios; I wasn’t big on videos as I wanted them to “make the pictures in their minds”); Bible stories and character stories during story time, audios as they were falling asleep; Bible reading and singing at dinner; Bible stories at bedtime, etc. Find out more about what we used during this age here and here and here.

6. Informal learning time. We had an adage that “we would never teach a young child anything formally that could be taught informally.” Therefore, when it came to pre-reading and pre-math skills, we were extremely diligent to “teach while we are in the way with them.” In other words, rhyming words, initial consonant sounds, ending consonant sounds, letter recognition, beginning math concepts (counting, recognizing numbers, less than/greater than, and much more) can all be taught informally, and we did. We also used picture books, puzzles, games, manipulatives, audios, videos, computer games, felt activities, toys, blocks….anything! I recommend building this time into a kindergarteners day–either through room time or through a learning center or table time where activities are set up for him, etc.

7. Formal learning. We only used workbooks with our five, six, and seven year old (non-readers) when they were set on numbers one through six above–and only if the child wanted them and enjoyed them. There are colorful, wonderful kindergarten workbooks available through Timberdoodle. Here are some other formal learning tips for this age:

a. If your kindergarten student is ready to learn to read, I don’t recommend using a complete kindergarten/first grade curriculum to do this. Learning to read doesn’t need to take three to five years. If you get a good program, a child can learn to read in three to six months if readiness is in place. (Call to order my audio on Teaching Reading in the Homeschool for more information on reading readiness, choosing readers, and choosing a phonics program.) I recommend a couple that I have used or had friends use, but there are many good ones out there that teach reading only (i.e. not complete language arts at this level) and use a word family phonics approach combined with readers. Some of my reading program reviews are found at Raising Kids With Character for Phonics Tutor and Saxon Reading.

b. If you do want to get an entire kindergarten program, do not get a textbook-driven approach. Again, Timberdoodle has wonderful preschool and kindergarten programs with many hands on and fun activities included.

c. Make kindergarten fun. If I had kindergarten to do over again, I would do all of the tips above and get Timberdoodle’s kindergarten fun things, a colorful math program that has manipulatives (Math-U-See and/or Saxon kindergarten math are very hands on!), and Five in a Row (and choose the activities that you want to do and leave the rest). But again, I would only do that after the first six things above are met!

As for general expectations, here are some other tips:

(1) Morning routines, morning chores, sitting during reading, room time, etc., first (have I mentioned this yet?)

(2) An hour or so of time with you either in fun learning (see c. above) and/or in learning to read, preferably in the morning.

(3) Story time, room time, quiet time, book and audio sets, etc. for independent learning all built into the schedule.

(4) Interweave free time with all of the above. It is my experience that four to six year olds who are not doing “formal” more all day type of school end up being bored and restless when their days are not predictable.

Hope this helps you with your five year old! Most of all, enjoy them! These should be some of the sweetest days of parenting! I know they were for me, and I want that for every mama out there! 🙂

More Help With Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Kindergarteners?

BLOG POST: Character Q & A: How Can I Start Character Training With My Toddler?

PODCAST EPISODE: What To Do About Toddler Trouble?

PODCAST EPISODE: How Do I Prepare My Child to Learn to Read?

The post Expectations For a Five Year Old appeared first on Character Ink.

Donna Reish, from Character Ink publishing and Raising Kids With Character, answers parents’ questions about children and chores. Donna introduces some foundational diligence training tips that have helped her in her home management for over twenty-five years. She then introduces toddlers and preschoolers habits and chores and then branches out chore sessions, dividing up chores, paying for chores, and much more!

Click here to download the printable handout.

Subscribe to our Wondering Wednesday podcasts in iTunes.

The post Wondering Wednesday: Children & Chores appeared first on Character Ink.

In this Wondering Wednesday audio podcast, Donna Reish of Character Ink Publishing and Raising Kids With Character Parenting Seminar, explains many of the terms and concepts foundational to the Reish’s Raising Kids With Character Parenting Seminar. In this episode Donna explains foolishness versus childishness, bringing in boundaries, expectation explanations, parenting in the black-and-white versus parenting in the gray, and much more.

Click here to download the printable handout.

Subscribe to our Wondering Wednesday podcasts in iTunes.

The post Wondering Wednesday Podcast: Terms and Concepts From RKWC Parenting Seminar appeared first on Character Ink.

I have been working on a two-part podcast episode about one year olds. So many child training (and child enjoying!) tricks and tips have come back to me recently as I have been enjoying being Nonna to our first grandchild, fourteen month old Jason Nathanael.

Jason is a sweet, good-natured little guy. And our daughter and son-in-law have already done a great job laying a foundation for being able to really enjoy him during his toddler years. He goes to bed well, takes a predictable nap, sits in a high chair for meals, sits on their laps during church, etc. He is curious—that’s for sure! And that is what made me remember how important it is to not continually say “No, no, no, no!” to a toddler.

I get to keep Jason one day a week while my daughter works on their disability ministry (One Heart). I don’t get anything done! 🙂  And I am fine with that because he is, after all, one year old! And he is inquisitive, curious, and healthy. When I do sit down for a few minutes to try to write something quickly or answer an email, I find myself saying, “No, Jason. That’s Nonna’s. Don’t touch it” or “No, Jason. That’s not a baby toy.” And so on and so forth.

Then, just like many mothers and fathers (and other Nonnas, I’m sure) of toddlers, I decide how much I need for him to get out of whatever he is into! The computer keyboard or electrical cords—I jump right up after I say no and pull him away from them. Speak firmly to him. And move him back to his toys.

An empty rice box that my son needs to take out to the trash? I decide that isn’t important enough to get up for—and I let him keep it. Even though I just said, ‘No, Jason. That’s uncle’s trash.”

And that is when I remembered my husband and my advice to each other not to say no unless

(1) we really mean it (it is truly important), and

(2) we are willing to follow up on that no.

Thus, “Don’t Say No Unless You’ll Go!”

One year olds hear a chorus of “no’s” all day. If we only act on half of the no’s we say, a no begins to lose its significance. A toddler can hear our no but continue right on with what he was getting into before—unless we pull him away from the forbidden object and re-direct him. (Or, in some cases, tap his hand or behind—especially in dangerous situations.)

If each time we are about to say no to our toddler, we think about whether we really mean it and if we are actually willing to get up and get him out of something—follow through on our no—we will say no less frequently, and the toddler will actually learn to get out of things.

If we want to start genuinely training a toddler to obey our commands, we can’t say no unless we’ll go.

To learn more about toddler training, listen to Donna’s latest podcast episodes on Wondering Wednesday: Q & A—What to Do With a Wonderful One Year Old and What to Do With a Wonderful One Year Old Part II

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