by Donna | Sep 10, 2015
In this podcast episode, Donna Reish (author of “Raising Kids With Character Parenting Seminar” and over forty curriculum books and blogger {Character Ink and Language Lady}) answers a reader’s questions about preschoolers who are unusually high need during the day, uncooperative, and somewhat bored. As usual, Donna begins with opening thought about behavior absolutes and setting the stage for successful days. She then delves into structuring a child’s day to ward off some of the problems before they begin (schedules in terms of time blocks, involving the preschooler, teaching him, teaching focusing skills, etc.). Finally, she tackles three “biggies” with this age: fighting, whining, and not accepting Mom’s answers.
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by Donna | Feb 7, 2015
I have a question about reading to my young kids! I have a 4, 2, and 1 year old. The 1 year old hardly sits still to be read to, but my question is specifically about the 2 year old. He is always asking me to stop reading as he has questions about everything on the page, or wants to ‘count’ something, or he is flipping back through pages wanting to talk about what we just talked about. Again. What do I do? Let him be in charge of how we go through the book and what we talk about – possibly never finishing the book? Or ask him to wait until the end of each set of pages and then not let him turn them back? OR tell him to be quiet the whole time?! Any feedback and suggestions are welcomed
Story Time Questions
I treated story time much like I treated unit studies (or “subject reading” as Joshua used to call it when he was five!). Here are some basics for that first:
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by Donna | Feb 5, 2013
With the closeness of two of our parenting seminars in Indiana and the extremely high interest in training toddlers and preschoolers in character and obedience, I decided to re-run parts of two past posts today. Scroll all the way to the bottom for some other links, as well! And share our blog and FaceBook page with others who might be interested in learning about how to enjoy those years more than ever–from a Christian couple who LOVED ages two to six! Smile…
Question: How can I start some of the character training concepts and habits that you describe with a toddler?
Answer: If you are just starting out with your family and have only a toddler, you have the perfect opportunity to start out right in the character training of your children! I will offer some general tips below, but even more importantly than the “daily ins and outs” of the ideas I recommend, I suggest that you read Parenting Paradigms at this blog (soon to become “Character Training From the Heart”). Even if you take to heart some of the ideas for your little one given in this Q and A, in the end, you will be more successful at character training if you have a firm handle on what you believe about parenting and children.
Toddler Character Training Tips
1. Start adapting the toddler to your schedule and your family’s lifestyle as soon as you can (six to nine months) rather than making your family’s life revolve around the little one’s “wants.” You want to enjoy your toddler within the dynamics that your family already has (with the addition of the joy and wonder that a toddler brings into the family, of course)—as opposed to making everything change to meet unnecessary and often chaotic demands that a toddler who is given his own way all the time can often make.(Check out our important material on discerning wants vs. needs. ALWAYS meet needs–in a timely, loving, and consistent way!)
2. Remember that you are setting the stage right now for your child’s “tastes” (follow us on PP 365 or schedule our seminar for more details about this important concept).
a. You can set his tastes for defiance (allowing screaming, throwing, thrashing, and “no” from him) or submission.
b. You can set his tastes for selfishness and meanness (allowing hitting or other forms of striking, giving in to him when he wants something that someone else has, always making his surroundings whatever he wants (i.e. no bedtime, no sitting in high chair, etc.) due to “fits” or for kindness, gentleness, sweetness, and tenderness.
c. You can set his tastes for hyper-stimulation and activity (too much running; no scheduled down times; television and videos all the time) or for simple things (books, healthy toys, rest, etc.).
d. You can set his tastes to lack focus and not enjoy learning (again, too much video, not starting out with books and simple music; an avalanche of cartoons and children’s programming (some of which are developed in two second bits to keep up with short attention spans, thus, causing kids’ attention spans not to lengthen as they should) or a love for learning (via books, strong family learning, and discussion times, etc.).
3. Decide ahead of time what your “behavior absolutes” are.
a. These are the behaviors or character that you absolutely will not allow in your home. What you allow now will become the “acceptable behaviors” to your child. These seemingly innocent actions include “fibbing,” hitting, running the other way when called, etc.
b. For us, these “behavior absolutes” included talking back (no toddler saying “no” without being punished); lying or deceit; temper tantrums; and striking (hitting, pulling hair, throwing things at someone, etc.). Obviously, we wanted our kids to learn to obey and submit to us and to learn the many character qualities that are crucial to living a Christian life, but these four things were things we never wavered on—and things that we made huge deals out of when they were not adhered to by the toddler/preschooler.
4. Start showing your little one the joy of doing what is right. Contentment in your own life, the blessing of work, the joy of loving God and His people—and all of the character that you want your little one to adopt in his life—love, longsuffering, diligence, responsibility, and more will more likely be realized in our kids’ lives when we ourselves embrace and model them.
5. Try to establish routines that will aid in his character development—bedtimes, rising times, little “chores” (putting his books in his book basket after you read), nap times, meal times, story time, etc.
For more tips on toddlers and babies, click on the links provided below:
Who makes the decisions for the children—starts here and goes for a few days: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/10/day-260-who-makes-decisions-for.html
Say what you mean—starts here and goes for two days: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-248-dont-leave-your-little-one-at.html
Storytime: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-204-story-time.html
by Donna | Jun 9, 2010
“After Daddy hugged and kissed Kara and Josiah good-night, he asked me to sit on his lap for a minute. He held me close, smiled real big, got water eyes, and then said, ‘Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!’”
“Jonathan’s Journal”
Jonathan told earlier in his story about how he hoped I would tell his dad about how he put Josiah first when they were racing in their chores—and how he loves it when I do that and when Daddy says, “Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!” Well, here it is at bedtime, and what Jonathan hoped would happen, did!
My kids love it when they know that Mom and Dad are talking about them in a positive light. They love it when they know that we are not just talking about discipline problems or areas that the kids need to work on—but are discussing the good things that they do.
We had a tradition in our home that Ray would tell the kids the very words from the passage: “Mommy told me a good report about you.” Then he would share with them what it was that he heard about them. They loved this—and our teen boys (ages 17, 15, and nearly 12) still love it when Dad points out their good deeds and characteristics.
Make it a habit of tag-teaming to tell your kids how great they are doing in certain areas. Try not to have a continuous stream of negative or critical comments and discussions. Surely we can all find some good things to say even in the midst of times in which we are continually working on areas with our kids.
And how much sweeter is the sleep of a preschooler (or any child) who is told just before bed that someone (especially if it is Mom and/or Dad) is noticing good things about him or her!
That wraps up our lengthy time with Jonathan! I hope you have been blessed by looking into one of my days from ten years ago—as I have been blessed in sharing it and reliving it.
Tomorrow—summer begins here at PP 365! If you have friends who need advice and tips for helping their children academically this summer (especially with reading, comprehension, etc.), tell them about Positive Parenting 3*6*5!
by Donna | Jun 6, 2010
“During dinner Joshua and Kayla told some jokes from their joke books, and Mommy and Daddy talked about all of the yard work we have to do on Saturday. I don’t know why adults like to work so much! After dinner Daddy read to us from the Bible and we sang. I chose “Father Abraham,” which is my favorite song ‘coz I like the motions. We cleaned the kitchen quick so Daddy, Joshua, Josiah, and I could play army men.”
“Jonathan’s Journal”
Again, we see Jonathan included in the family discussion and activities. Little kids just don’t want to be left out!
Additionally, our family had many, many traditions, as written about above–singing, cleaning the kitchen, and playing together in the evenings. (This excerpt took place over ten years ago, and guess what we did last night, these many years later? Cleaned up the meal, went outside and played Frisbee, came back in and played table games, and then had “spiritual discussions.” Traditions are things that never really change, you know?)
Traditions give our children something to hold onto—something that makes us our family, unlike everybody else’s. They are those things that we hear our children say, “We always…” Why? Because they love to say those words. They love to know that “we always” do this or that—that those are constances in their lives.
Another important point about today’s passage is that of the preschooler choosing a song. I have gone over and over how dangerous it is to children’s contentment and obedience to give them choices for which they are not ready too early—and how we are given to our children to make those choices for them until they are ready to do so. Likewise, however, I have stressed the importance of giving our children choices in things that are in their control. As long as our preschoolers obeyed, they got to choose books, songs, movies, games, etc. that we did all together. Jonathan always picked the same song—and that’s okay, too, because “he always…”
Lastly, I can’t stress enough the importance of (1) having normal times—just times to hang out, talk, play and be together; and (2) playing with our children. Ray played with the older kids nearly every night when they were little (while he worked at least sixty hours a week—it was a priority)—and he continues to play with our kids today, including our young adults! We wanted our kids to want to be home. We wanted our kids to choose family over others. One way that we could help those things happen was to play with them.
