Plastic wrap prizes! Several have asked how we do this activity, so here is a somewhat-clear description! (The pics are a little grainy in our living room that night!)

One thing that I highly recommend as you prepare for Christmas with teens and adults is that you try to make new memories…that you try to do things that are applicable to their ages. Yes, we definitely continue some of the earlier traditions. But we’ve also added new ones that are more age-appropriate. One of those is plastic wrap prizes.

This activity could be in lieu of stockings, Christmas Eve PJs, piñatas, etc. It is a ton of fun for teens and adults. With younger kids, there’s always a danger of some disappointment if they get Chapstick or antacids (lol!), but with teens and adults, it is all just good fun. Lots of laughs. Lots of usable items. And more family unity than you would think, LOL!

 
Here is how we created the huge plastic wrap ball:

1) Take a bunch of small gifts—see suggestions below

2) Lay the first one on plastic wrap that is pulled out then start rolling the plastic wrap around the prize.

3) When it is covered,  lay another prize on it and roll again.

4) When you come to the end of the roll, open another roll and tied the end of the first with the beginning of the second.

5) When we were done with all one hundred plus gifts/prizes, we had a huge ball like you see in the picture.

Ray getting started on the Plastic Wrap Prizes for our Christmas Eve night! Sorting all of the goodies and gifts.

 
Getting closer! This is more fun for young adults than stockings!

 
The “ball” is getting bigger–we are on our second roll of plastic wrap now!

 
Last layer. The kids will pass the ball around the room to the next person, unwrapping another layer each time as their “prizes” fall out!
 

So what exactly do we do with that big ball of prizes, goodies, and gifts? Here is how that part goes down:

 1) The kids all get in a big semi circle and the first one tears away the plastic wrap (the ball is on the floor in front of them) and gets the first prize he comes to/first one that falls out.

2) Then he passes it to the next person (or moves it over in front of the next person who does the same.

3) They continue to do that…they might see something they like better under the next layer, but they get whatever is next in the wrap. (They barter and trade afterwards!)

So what are good Plastic Wrap Prizes? This is dependent on a lot of factors:

1) Whether this activity is in place of other gifts you would normally get them. (Ours is in part as this year we are doing a bigger gift card or two per person and then the “gifts” are the things in this plastic wrap as well as in the grab bags… See my upcoming post on grab bag gifts for Christmas eve.)

2) If it is just for extras, like candy and trinkets that you put in their stockings, then you would probably want to limit it to $.50 or one dollar items, such as packages of gum, candy bars, nail clippers, etc.

3) How many people will be opening the ball and removing things. For us, we have seven adult kids and four kids-in-law. Thus, I try to have at least forty-four items in it so that each “child” receives four gifts or prizes approximately.

4) Your family’s Christmas budget. Since this is replacing some of their gifts this year, I will put a little bit costlier items in it than I did when it did not replace part of their gifts. Therefore, this year, we will have DVDs, nicer earbuds, and some $10 gift cards. Keep in mind that whatever you start is somewhat what people come to expect. (This is, of course, true with any gift of giving situation. Even going down to gift cards this year for us is challenging simply because that is not where we started with our adult Christmas gifts.)

5) What types of things you want them to end up with. I have been on a minimalism kick for the last couple of years; therefore, I am opposed to giving them more things to have lying around their houses since I don’t want things lying around my house either. Of course, sometimes nicer/more usable things are more expensive. Generally speaking, I try to stay away from too many Dollar Tree items and Target dollar bin items unless these are truly usable prizes.

I know this post is getting long, but I would be remiss if I didn’t give you a list of some suggestions for the Plastic Wrap a Prizes. I recommend you use our Kids’ Faves List if you are unsure of what your kids would like. 

1) Gum, mints, Lifesavers, TicTac’s, and other small gum and mint items (I get tons of “consumables” and usually put a gum or candy in every layer—so there is a consumable and a gift each time.)

2) Favorite candy–again I use my kid faves list and get everybody’s favorites knowing they will barter and trade at the end.

3) Ear buds… And more earbuds

4) Fast food gift cards

5) Movie theater tickets

6) Hand warmers

7) Small window scrapers

8) Hand lotion

9) Hand sanitizer

10) DVDs

11) CDs

12) Pepper spray

13) Meat thermometers (I’m all about meat thermometers for my kids’ kitchens!)

14) Car wash cards

15) Wal-mart gift cards

16) Playing cards

17) Hand held portable games (Yahtzee, etc.)

18) Coupons for a ream of paper from our print center (we have a small press publishing company….Character Ink Press)

19) Five dollar bills with a sticky note to use it towards something specific

20) Laundry soap pouches in double zipper bags

21) Spices (especially more expensive ones like real vanilla or a blend)

22) Kitchen gadgets that are super useful

23) Hand sanitizer, talcum powder, hand lotion, chap stick, nail clippers

24) Soup, coffee, tea, and cocoa packets and add ins

25) Personalized calendars and other small family pic items

26) Flashlights and batteries

27) Mini Lego figures

28) Zippo lighters (in a box)

29) Travel toiletries

30) Toothbrushes and toothpaste

31) Card games such as Pit, Uno, Dutch Blitz, Skip Bo, Rook, Phase 10

32) Travel games

33) Tylenol, Advil, Emergen C

34) Office supplies such as pens, highlighters, sticky notes, envelopes, etc

35) USB flash drives

36) Household miscellaneous scissor sets, masking tape, pliers, extension cords, etc.

37) Favorite team paraphernalia

38) Fuzzy socks

39) Bathroom miscellaneous such as Q-tips, cotton balls, Band Aids, etc.

40) Inexpensive sporting tickets (or museum)

41) Phone chargers, car adapters, etc

42) Stress balls, yo yo’s, Silly Putty

43) Oven mitts

44) Plexus X Factor, ProBio 5, Boost, Children’s Chewables, or Slim drink packets

45) Car air fresheners

46) Tiny plasticware containers, little zipper type bags (craft, pill, etc., sized)

47) Table top mind games (Cracker Barrel style)

48) Gas cards

49) Chip clips, carabiner clips, zip strips

50) Penny, nickel, or dime rolls

51) Small feather dusters, scrub brushes, cleaning cloths

Other Thoughts

• I just use the cheap plastic wrap from the dollar store. (I thought I needed the heavier stuff, and I bought the thicker kind that year, but it really isn’t necessary.)

• Watch out for things with strong scents. Cinnamon car fresheners, peppermint candy, wintergreen gum, pine cone room scents, etc., can make your prizes smell and/or taste those scents/flavors.

• Things can get broken, so watch out for things not packaged. For example, my non-peppermint candy canes were all in pieces.

• If having things even in cost is super important to you, you could handle this one of two ways: You could be sure that every layer of the plastic wrap has similar priced items. For example, you could put Chapstick, fluffy socks, and a five dollar McDonald’s card in if you want each layer to have roughly eight dollars with the stuff in it. Or, you could do it such where the very middle of the ball has all expensive things in it and the outsides of the ball has gum, mints, masking tape, etc. In this way, they would open the lesser priced things first and then expensive things last. Both of these ways in sure that somebody doesn’t just end up with a $1.50 worth of stuff and somebody else is up with $30 worth of stuff at the end.

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I am so excited to be putting into posts many of the things that I have found to work well with Christmas and college/adult children. It has been a definite learning curve from eleven years ago when our first child was married to last Christmas with our first grandchild.

I was used to Christmas revolving around our home. Yes, we did a lot of outreaches (specifically to disabled adults in the Fort Wayne area each year through One Heart’s Special Deliveries), and yes, we spent a lot of time with extended family. (Our children will respect and love their grandparents to the extent that we parents respect and love our kids’ grandparents!)

But our December focused on Christmas with the family. It began immediately following Thanksgiving with unit studies every year over Christmas traditions, Christmas literature, cooking/baking, Christmas music, and more. (Loved those unit studies every year!) And we had so many traditions throughout the years—and we were always together! (If you have read or listened to us much you might remember that we had a family rule of three or four nights each week minimum together as a family. This made December even more special.)

So to wean away from many of those traditions (and now to not even have a child at home during the day!) has been challenging for me.

The good news is that these traditions have stayed with our children, and they love them and want to keep many of them as adults coming back home.

So….how do you go about doing Christmas in a super close family with seven kids seventeen to thirty-three and four children-in-law—when you were used to doing tons of stuff and doing everything together?

That is what I hope to show you through this series.

Maybe you are just now starting to have kids away at college—and it will be many years before you are “empty nesters.” You can still benefit from this series as the dynamics definitely change when kids come home for college break vs. being there all the time.

Maybe you are just looking for some cool things to do with tweens and teens—we have some great ideas that our olders love.

So join us for the next couple of weeks as we delve into these concepts. 🙂

Thanks for being a part of Raising Kids With Character and Character Ink Press!

The post Introducing the “Christmas With College and Adult Children” Series appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here!

Goals

1. To be able to have significant impact on your child between the ages of seventeen and twenty-two or so

2. To help your child out financially in a way that fits your budget

3. To alleviate financial pressure on a young adult who is trying to start out on his own/preparing for marriage

4. To phase into that next relationship level with your young adults in order to make your relationship strong

Considerations

1. Treat your child like any adult guest in your home

2. Spreading out work so that your “guest” does his share

3. Enforcing house rules upon an “adult”

4. Using a contract between parents and child if needed

5. When a child needs to move out

6. Creating strong bonds of relationship during this time

Links

1. Podcast episode: Recipe for Rebellion

2. Blog Post: Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need

3. Blog Post: Why We Have Wanted Our Teens and Young Adults Mentored by Adults

4. Blog Post: Dads, What Gate Are You Standing By

5. Blog Post: Raising Tweens and Teens With Character seminar

6. Blog Post: Helping Your Son Be a Better Boyfriend

7. Podcast: When to Give Chances and When to Take Action–The Mulligan

Listen to the podcast here!

The post Podcast Notes for “College & Young Adult Kids Living At Home” appeared first on Character Ink.

Donna Reish, of Character Ink Press and Raising Kids With Character seminar and blog, brings you some answers to questions that have been submitted about college kids and young adults living at home. Most of the Reish children have lived at home for at least two years of their college years (or more), so Ray and Donna have some significant insights to help families help their young adults to become independent while still in their parents’ home. Donna elaborates on the importance of this time period–and how to be sure it is not ruined by miscommunication, mistreatment (i.e. treating the adult children like little kids), unrealistic expectations, too much freedom
that leads to taking improper advantage of the living situation, and much more. She also explains how they have enjoyed these years with their young adults immensely. Lastly, she offers a “rough draft” contract that parents can tweak and use to help their situation work out well for both the young adult and the parents/siblings at home.

Download the podcast notes here.

Listen to previous podcasts here.

 Click HERE to subscribe to our weekly e-newsletters and receive this FREE download the Living At Home Contract.  Already subscribed?  You’ll find link in this week’s newsletter for this download 🙂

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Our son and daughter-in-law whom this post is based on are coming up to their first anniversary of marriage. And we were so thankful that we helped guide them through their dating and engagement years. Thought we would re-run this one as it is almost always pertinent to someone! 🙂

Our first “guinea pig”! Our first born child, Joshua (31), with his wife of ten years. They put up with our novice parenting skills during their courtship and engagements–but I am so thrilled with the loving, romantic, deferential, and fun marriage that they have!

Yes, you read that title right! Our twenty-one year old engaged son (soon to be married–in four months!) NEEDS his parents.

(As a side note, ever since we have had sixteen, eighteen, and twenty year olds, we have believed that sixteen to twenty is actually the highest need time for our kids in terms of parental guidance and input….but that is another post for another day.)

There are key things that we can do to help Jonathan be a great boyfriend, awesome fiance–and soon, fantastic husband!

BFFs for two years; a couple for two more; engaged for six months–the sweet, happy couple

Jonathan and Maelynn have been engaged for six months, a couple for two and a half years, and best friends for two years prior to that. Jonathan is our third child to get married, so we have quite a bit of experience in the boyfriend/fiance department (as well as a mishap or two along the way–there is no perfect way to help our kids find their way in the romantic relationship/marriage department!).

We have been extremely active in Jonathan and Maelynn’s relationship from the beginning (as we have been for all three marrieds and another daughter in a serious relationship now). But not just Mom and Dad–the siblings kept their phones handy on the night that Jonathan was to propose–and texts, pictures, well-wishes, and love you’s were flying across cell phone lines throughout the night.

So here are five ways we can help our sons be good boyfriends/fiances–with this list making the assumption that said son is old enough to get married or consider getting married and the girl he is in a relationship with will likely become his wife in due time. (When to start relationships, lengths of relationships, serial dating, etc., are all topics for another post, again, on another day.)

One of the perks of being in a great relationship with your kids–getting to help them plan the fun things of life–here Ray is helping the kids plan and reserve their honeymoon!

1. Start with YOUR relationship with your son

In other words, don’t let him get himself into just any relationship. As Jonathan and Maelynn’s friendship grew, so did our time with Jonathan. There was a lot to do emotionally and spiritually, after all!

We were there from the beginning—helping him decide how to pursue the relationship, coaching him on how to talk with her dad, encouraging him to tell her his heart, and guiding him in the path that appeared to be unfolding before him.

By starting the relationship with our sons, we can help them during the initial stages–help them avoid heartache, see things that they cannot see, etc. Obviously, this “starting the relationship with him” takes a lot of pre-relationship heart work. We had to have such a strong relationship with Jonathan (and Joshua, age thirty-one, ten years ago) that he WANTED us to be a part of what was going on–that he sought out our counsel, encouragement, wise words, vision, etc. (See TEENS posts at Raising Kids With Character!)

Family days can provide lots of time to talk, see how the relationship is progressing, have fun, and help our son learn how to be the best boyfriend ever!

2. Be available for both of them

When Jonathan and Maelynn became a couple (and had both parents’ blessings to pursue each other), one of the first things that we did was take them to dinner and tell them flat out that we were available. I believe my husband’s words were something like “We are super excited about your relationship and really pray that it works out wonderfully. We want you to know that we are always available for you. That we will be here to cheer you, to support you, to encourage you, to help you. That we are always here.”

Then we followed up–texts to both of them help us keep a pulse on the relationship. Time with just the four of us when they are home from college gives us further glimpses into the hearts of these amazing young people. Long phone calls about wedding plans (okay, and yes, spread sheets that I make in Excel to help them stay on track with wedding preps!) continue to let them know that these parents aren’t going anywhere any time soon.

3. Check on the girl’s heart through your son

Boys are not naturally sensitive, intuitive beings (okay, I’ll say it–men are not naturally this way either). Jonathan has unusual kindness, sensitivity, intuitiveness, and compassion–but even he overlooks things in their relationship at times.

We constantly check with Jonathan on Maelynn’s heart: “How do you think Maelynn feels about that?” “Did Maelynn say that is what she wants too?” “Is Maelynn still struggling with this or that? If so, how are you helping her?” “How have you deferred to Maelynn lately?” “Are you putting her first after the Lord–and does she know it?”

Without Jonathan even realizing it, we are helping him learn to be the type of husband that Maelynn will want in the future. We are actually “parenting”–but without curfews, punishments, or constant lessons. These “heart checks” continually give Jonathan the tools he needs to grow as a fiance’.

With these “Maelynn heart checks” also come encouragement and affirmation for Jonathan when he is being a great fiance. During a recent phone conversation I had with Jonathan, he said that he had asked Maelynn specifically what she wanted to do on the four year anniversary of her mother’s death–and then he told me that they had taken the afternoon off from school and walked on Lake Michigan (near their campus), talked about her mom and anything Maelynn wanted to talk about, then read together from “Five Love Languages” (not sure where he ever got such a notion!! ; 0 ). That evening they watched a movie and relaxed. He had discovered what his girl needed on this difficult day and set out to make it happen.

I gushed, “Oh Jonathan. You are such an amazing fiance. You seek out Maelynn’s needs and then try to meet them. That was so special. I am so proud of you for your sensitivity and care for her.” See—teaching, training, encouraging, and affirming–all because of availability and asking the right questions.

4. Check on the couple’s physical relationship often

My husband is the type of father who loves to ask questions. He feels that the kids can learn more through their answers to our questions than they would if we just gave them the answer or told them how we wanted things.

The same is true in the area of romance. When our kids begin a relationship, he asks them what their physical plans are, point blank. “Do you see yourselves holding hands or hugging?” “How about arms around each other or leaning on each other while watching a movie?” “Do you plan to kiss during the courtship period, engagement period, or not at all (before marriage) on the lips?”

Then he listens. Then he gives them input. (“You guys have a long three years ahead of you in this relationship. I agree that kissing should be reserved for the engagement period.”) He can confirm, add to, give advice, etc., because he asked them first. And then, guess what? They ask him what he thinks! (Sneaky, huh???)

Ray asks them how they are going to stay true to their commitments in this area first (again). We help them design safeguards for their physical relationship–no kissing in the car, no being alone at one of your homes, etc.

Once the parameters have been set in the physical relationship (by the couple, with our input), we can help them stay true to their physical commitments. Ray has asked our sons who have been in relationships exactly how things are going on a regular basis.

We are helping our son be a good boyfriend (then fiance–and eventually husband) when we walk through appropriate physical contact with them from the beginning–and check on them often. Our future daughter-in-law deserves a husband who keeps his word and loves her enough to honor their pre-marital intimacy decisions.

5. Encourage your son to have fun and make things special

We want all of our married kids to be hopeless romantics like us!

Ray and I are hopeless romantics! We ballroom dance nearly every weekend because with each song “there is a three minute period in which nobody needs anything and the only people in the world are the two of us.” (Told you we were hopeless!)

And we encourage our kids in relationships to be romantic, spontaneous, fun, and surprise-filled. When Jonathan and Maelynn first started dating two and a half years ago, Ray told them to make a list of all the fun things they wanted to do together during their summer school break (after work, of course!). He told them to check it every week and be sure to do something fun each week.

Long mornings at an old, dusty book shop, long walks in the park, singing together, movies, and concerts are some of the fun things Jonathan and Maelynn enjoy doing together.

Before they got engaged six months ago, the entire family called Jonathan one-by-one to offer advice on the perfect engagement night. It was loads of fun–and encouraged Jonathan to not just get engaged but to really GET ENGAGED! 😉

A couple of days before the big night, when Jonathan was heading out to go back to college, my husband slid him a fifty dollar bill and told him to “go ahead and take her to The Melting Pot. You want this night to be as special as it can be.” Yes, I had to go two weeks without a dinner date with my husband–but it was worth it to us to help Jonathan afford a super special engagement night. Encourage romance in your son–this really makes a girlfriend/fiance happy!

We even tell the boys that it is Scriptural to have fun and “cheer” your wife: “When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business; but he shall be free at home one years, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken” (Deuteronomy 24:5). I know, I know…taking a verse out of context, but doesn’t that verse say something about how God views a marriage relationship and the husband’s role to make the wife happy????

Occasionally, we just ask Jonathan, “Other than studying together for twelve hours on Saturday, what special thing did you do with Maelynn this weekend?” It can be as simple as walking downtown Chicago, playing in the game room at the college, or renting a movie for the two of them–but we don’t want him to skip special things even in the midst of busy-ness (and two very serious, studious college kids!).

Additionally, we like to have fun with the sweet couple. It isn’t uncommon at all for Jonathan to get a text from me giving him a potential schedule for when he is coming home to see if he and Maelynn can join us for pizza night, game night, park day, or a movie out. Being in these settings with the two of them helps us see how their relationship is going and what we can recommend to Jonathan to be a better boyfriend/fiance.

Fun family times with the couple also give us chances to listen to Maelynn when she talks and point out little things that Jonathan might miss. (It isn’t uncommon at all to hear my husband talking to one of the marrieds or dating kids on the phone and say, “I heard ____ say this the other night. What do you think he/she is feeling?” OR “When ____ said this, I didn’t feel like you were really listening.”) In addition to potentially helping a current situation, we are also helping to train our son or daughter’s ears for really listening to the other person.

Trust me, you WANT your son to be a good boyfriend/fiance to the woman he is going to marry because it lays the groundwork for his marriage relationship. This is the perfect opportunity for us to help our son hone the relationship skills (empathy, kindness, generosity, compassion, selflessness, love, deference, etc.) that he has been learning at home for the past eighteen or twenty years. Our training years are not over just because our son is in a serious relationship. He still needs us–and his girlfriend/fiance will be overjoyed that we helped him become a better boyfriend/fiance!

Pre-marital time with his girlfriend/fiance is the perfect opportunity for him to hone those relationship skills and character qualities that he has been learning at home since he was little.

The post Five Ways to Help Your Son Be a Good Boyfriend/Fiance appeared first on Character Ink.

One way that we have tried to have one-on-one conversations with our children, in spite of there being seven of them, is to take a child with us in the vehicle whenever possible. We began this custom when we just had three small children, making it a point to always “take whomever had shoes on” with us when one of us ran an errand.

Through the years, our custom has become a little more sophisticated (especially now that the kids are older and not always available to go run errands). Now we focus not on who has shoes on but rather on who needs Mom or Dad the most at that time. It is not uncommon for us to discuss the week in terms of kids’ needs and for one of us to say, “Why don’t you have ______ ride up with you to see your mom Wednesday night, so the two of you have a chance to talk about that.” Whatever that might be.

Of course, good discussion can also take place in the vehicle with more than one child with you. We had three girls in a row followed by three boys in a row (after our first child, a boy). This made it particularly good for talking in groups, and it wasn’t uncommon for the boys and Dad to have “Daddy talks” while en route places. (And I could never disclose the contents of those talks!)

Sometimes deep discussions did not take place. Sometimes we just talked about what we saw outside (more on that tomorrow!). Other times, it was just like the quote above by AA Milne—and the child just needed to “be sure of us.”

In case you think that taking a child one-at-a-time is still not that important, let me leave you with this thought: We have had children repent of deceit, cry their eyes out over a broken heart, and even accept Christ as their Savior in a vehicle, one-on-one with Mom and/or Dad. We actually had our oldest child reveal to the two of us whom he thought he wanted to marry (and he did several months later) in the drive-through of a fast food restaurant. Never underestimate time spent with Dad and Mom alone doing something as mundane as running errands!

The post W is for Wonderful Wednesday–and Other Special Times With Our Kids! appeared first on Character Ink.

New Lisbon Christian Church, Union City, IN (pic taken 2013 when we visited it for our anniversary)

For the next year prior to marriage, as well as in our first several years of marriage and child-bearing, we had three couples in our lives who helped us grow in our faith, showed us how to live the Christian life, and even taught us how to get along with each other at times! These couples were ten, twenty, and thirty years older than we–they were adults who had been “doing the stuff” of Christianity for many years. They took us under their wings and helped us grow in the faith. 

Several years later, we moved away from the safety of our hometown nest, but we continued to find mentors. Some of these we saw only once  a year or so. Others were close friends whom we did life with, had children with, and homeschooled with. Still others were “distant mentors”–those people whom you may or may not ever meet, but they impact you through their writing, speaking, and teaching–and you realize one day after many, many years, that your life would have been completely different (probably not for the best) if you had not “met” these mentors. 

So when our children entered their teen years, we weren’t interested so much in peer or even “a few years older than our kids” mentors for them. We wanted them to have what we had, had. We already knew that our kids’ first–and longest-lasting–mentors would be us. We would make
 the hard choices to give up other things to mentor and disciple our kids. 

Then the older kids started to grow up and find mentors of their own–adults who had been doing the very things our kids wanted to do with their lives. And it was glorious to watch them have adults in their lives to show them things that we couldn’t show them or hadn’t experienced ourselves.

Our oldest child spent two school years (his high school senior year and his college freshman year interning at two different state capitols. His mentors were professionals, but he learned a lot and grew as a public servant during this time.

Our next two kids, two daughters who both wanted to go into ministry (one as a missionary and eventually a college professor of theology and/or church history and one as a disability ministry director)  found an amazing mentor in our associate pastor who directed a two year ministry school at our church and oversaw the girls’ ministries. We credit him for our dyslexic daughter’s confidence to go all the way to a doctorate program (he told her countless times that with her skills and intelligence, she should never shoot for anything short of a doctorate degree in order to serve God fully with her whole self). 

We also credit him with our other daughter’s successful disability ministry that she founded while still in high school under his mentoring/college program. When that daughter came to him after she had served at Joni and Friends and talked to Joni Ereckson Tada about her desire to  serve the disabled (Joni told her to go home, talk to her pastor, and do it!), he led her through the correct channels to make it happen and oversaw and encouraged her every step of the way.

Our fourth child, third daughter, got involved in a drama ministry, The Academy of Arts in Greenville, SC, while she was still in high school. Before we knew it, she was being mentored and encouraged by the founder’s daughter and her husband (the current directors of the program) and spent three years interning there under that couple.To this day, every word that couple speaks to our daughter is like a balm to her soul, encouraging and deepening her in faith and in utilizing her giftings.

Here we are with our fifth child (second boy, age 20) and sixth child (third boy, age 18) who both found themselves in our new church’s praise team after a couple of months of attendance at this church. We, after only six months, are already seeing them encouraged by the worship pastor week after week and watched their ministry skills grow in the process.

Now you can see a glimpse into why adults mentoring our kids has been so important to us. We grew in leaps and bounds spiritually thanks to many people who saw potential in us, believed in us, and helped us grow into the parents, family ministers, and spouses that we are today. We wanted that same type of grown-up mentoring for our own kids.

Peer mentoring and encouragement is fine. Single young adults just a few years older than our kids themselves is also helpful to many. But for our kids to have grown, successful, dedicated adults take an interest in them and invest them has been absolutely priceless. 

Recently, the aforementioned twenty year old who is a junior studying pastoral ministry came home from his first meeting with our preaching pastor bubbling over with excitement. He spent an hour recounting everything that he and the pastor said during their time together. I, too, was excited about his excitement, but my heart warmed most of all when Jonathan told me the question our pastor asked him: “Jonathan, how can I, as your pastor, help you become the pastor you want to be?”

The post Why We Have Wanted Our Teens and Young Adults Mentored by Adults appeared first on Character Ink.

FOR NURSING STUDENTS!!!

When you find something that helps your kids succeed, you just want to pass that along with enthusiasm!

The video set below has been amazingly helpful to our son in his pre-nursing classes. He used them each time he had a practical and an exam in his Anatomy and Physiology classes. It is far more than “another creation science” offering! Ninety bucks is a small price to pay for A’s in our pre-nursing classes.

Note: My husband originally got these to use with his high school advanced biology (anatomy and physiology) classes, but we found them amazingly useful for college studies too!

https://www.answersingenesis.org/store/product/body-evidence/?sku=40-1-374 

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I am an experiential writer. I like to write and speak about things only after I have experienced them for myself for a while. I have had the writing/speaking bug ever since our first born (now thirty) was two years old, and I headed up our children’s church department and taught teachers how to teach, manage the group, etc. (based on my credentials as an elementary education major). However, it wasn’t until I had homeschooled for many years, raised a few babies and toddlers, managed a busy household for a decade and a half, etc. , that I felt ready to talk to others about those things. As a learner, I also like to learn from those who have “been there” and “came out to tell about it”! Smile…

My husband and I began talking about raising and homeschooling teens about eight years ago–when our first born was twenty-two. Now I have seven children ages fourteen through thirty–three of whom are in college and living at home. Guess what? I am more than ready to tell the world what I have learned and continue to learn about raising/discipling teens and young adults in this heart-affecting way that we have chosen to live. If there are even a few things that we have found to work, I want to spread that vital info from shore to shore and sea to sea (okay, that’s a little dramatic, but have you ever had seven kids ages fourteen to thirty at various critical stages of life–let me tell you, it’s more than a little dramatic!).

So…with deep affection and emotion, I bring you a few things that we KNOW teens and young adults need from us as parents:


1. Safe place to talk

They need to know that it is safe to tell you whatever is going on in their hearts and lives. They need to know that you won’t completely freak out (even if you don’t agree)–and that you will love them regardless of what they say in these talks. Our oldest son and daughter (30 and 27) were raised in a pretty strict home. We had rules that did not have logical reasons (see our teen posts for Recipe for Rebellion beginning here: https://characterinkblog.com/day-sixty-eight-avoid-the-recipe-for-rebellion-ingredient-i-rules-without-reason/). We were oftentimes lost, exhausted caring for small children and emotionally drained trying to help young teenagers find their way. However, our son told us that he never wanted turn away from us–in spite of our many faults–because no matter what we made him do, wear, or say, we always gave him “intellectual freedom”–freedom to believe and think for himself (with our guidance but not with an iron fist). Fourteen to twenty-four year olds need a safe place to talk that should be found in their parents.




2. Availability

Are you tired of hearing me talk about this yet? One of the most unfortunate things to me in the whole “teen” thing is that parents sometimes think that they are done or at least almost done long before we really should be done. I have often said, and continue to believe, that children between the ages of sixteen and twenty need their parents more than ever. Why would we work so hard to instill in them our beliefs, to teach them character, to raise them with love and tenderness–just to leave them to peers alone during these ages? They need us. And they need for us to be available when they need us. For some of us, this means not going to our own things (shopping, golf, and, gasp, ballroom dancing) many a Saturday for much longer than we originally thought we would have to give up those things. Parents of teens and young adults–you are not done! There are still some more critical years to make yourself available to these amazing people in your life.





3. Time

This might seem like a repeat of number two, but it really isn’t. Yes, we need to clear our schedules not just to watch them play baseball or go to their concerts; we need to clear our schedules to provide times of availability. We also need to understand the amount of time that these ages take. We have had two of our kids get married so far. The amount of time that it took to counsel them, have fun and plan with them, encourage them, and help prepare them was probably more than my many long days of teaching that child to read or working on chores together! We have three college kids at home right now. They need the “normal” time things–help with college math, reviewing class schedules and seeing how they can squeeze in something that is only offered at a certain time during a certain semester, help changing a tire, and the “as-only-Mom-can-do” edits on their big papers. But they need long periods of time for #1 (safe talking place) and long periods of time of just being there—when they feel friend-less, when the stress of going to college and working is taking its toll on them, when they have a broken heart, when they are questioning something that they have always believed to be true, when they are disillusioned with people and this world….time….and lots of it.





4. To Be Treated Like Adults

If you have been to our parenting seminars or read our parenting book (The Well-Trained Heart), you have likely heard us emphasize the strong link between responsibility and privileges. This point, to be treated like adults, is not to de-emphasize that. We believe that children (and adults!) who show themselves responsible and mature get more and more privileges (hmmm…parable of the talents????). However, many of us treat our sixteen year olds like little kids–micromanaging their school work and homework, following them around to check on each step of their chores, not “expanding the boundaries” of responsibility/privilege in a way that is commensurate with the responsibility and maturity level they are showing. If your teens are still working on that whole responsibility thing and really aren’t ready to have the boundaries widened like you had hoped they would be, at the very least, don’t continue to treat them like little kids in other areas. Give them opportunities to please you and do good things. Set them up for success so that you can expand their boundaries and treat them more adult-like. Quit giving them money for nonsense and toys that keep them playing all the time, and instead provide them with tools–books, computer for school, gas cards, work desk, handy tools, car wash passes, and even fast food gift certificates so that when they are out doing those adult things, they can get gas and a bite to eat. Stop giving them video games, ipods, and individual sports things that twelve and fourteen year olds want/get. Talk to them like adults–don’t ask them where they are going or what they are doing in an accusatory way, but ask them in the same way  you would ask your spouse–in order to determine the schedule and plan for family time. Say, “When will you be home from class–I was hoping we would have some talk time tonight” not “And what time will you be rolling in tonight?” I have so much more to say about treating our teens and young adults like adults, and I will try to address this even more as Ray and I are speaking about some teen topics this summer at some conferences, but I will leave you with this word of advice: The tone in which you speak to your kids tells them right away whether they are being treated in a condescending, child-like way or an adult way. Tone is where I would start.


That’s all for today. I am crying as I finish this article. I have had a couple of weeks of intense parenting of teens and young adults. I truly have the most amazing eighteen, twenty, and twenty-two year old living in my home right now. But their hearts are vulnerable, and they are facing a big scary world. And they need me and Ray to help them finish becoming who and what they are going to become. The needs are so much bigger than getting them to finish their peas and pick up their toys. 

 Our teens and young adults need us! They need our support. They need our advice. They need our encouragement. They need our faith in them. They need our time. They need for us to be available to them. They need for us to treat them with respect. They need us.

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