“I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.” ~Anna Quindlen, “Enough Bookshelves”

During my graduate studies (in Reading Specialist) at Ball State University, I did a master’s thesis about children who learn to read without any reading instruction. That is, the kids just suddenly started reading books without ever having phonics lessons, basal readers, or other “formal instruction.” It was a challenging thesis simply because there is so little data about it because of our “early school attendance age.” Seldom does a child learn to read “naturally” before age six or seven, and with kids going to school at age five (and often beginning reading instruction in kindergarten), the research was sparse concerning these “instruction-less” readers.

I did find enough, however, and I was also blessed to find a family who had a natural reader to compare the printed data with. My observations, coupled with the studies in teaching journals, etc., led me to find what I called the “environment” in which natural readers are raised. This led me to other lines of thinking—if a child can learn to read with absolutely no instruction in a literary-saturated environment, wouldn’t this environment be conducive to helping those who DO receive instruction learn to read better, more easily, and more naturally?

The answer, of course, was yes. Study after study shows the type of environment that causes kids to learn better. Duplicating the “natural reader’s” environment can only help our kids learn better. Maybe our creating this “literary atmosphere” will not automatically make our six year old pick up a book and begin reading, but if it makes the learning process (actually any/all learning processes) easier, more enjoyable, and less stressful, why wouldn’t we want to duplicate it in our homes for all of our kids?

So what were the commonalities I found in studying the environment of “natural readers”?

Common Characteristics of Natural Readers

1. Interaction with adults—these kids were with adults a lot—and definitely not around peers more than adults. They had adults on hand to discuss things with, to answer their questions, and to provide examples of proper speech patterns, etc.

2. Much book handling by the child—these children were surrounded with books that they were permitted to interact with. They were often found at very young ages with stacks of books around them, just looking at the pictures, making stories in their minds from the pictures, etc.

3. Print abounds and interest in print is evident by itself—not only did the homes of natural readers contain books themselves, but they also contained all type of print. The parents of these children read magazines, journals, newspapers, etc. I think the “interest in print” part probably began with something like a parent saying, “Honey, look at this whale they found beached on the coast of Florida,” as he or she brought the little one up on to her lap to see the picture that was provided with the article in today’s newspaper, etc. This type of activity causes a child to become interested in print.

4. Audios and books are used—This is the reason why I began using book and tape sets a few times a week for my preschoolers and elementary children—and why we have used audios (talking books, radio dramas, etc.) every week of our lives since our oldest was one year old. Audios and books show our children the benefits and “fun” that reading provides.

5. Memorization takes place—these natural readers often followed a certain pattern—they memorized a picture book (usually many), then through the memorization, they began making print-sound-word connections. That is, when they turned the page and recited, “If you give a mouse a cookie,” they began to understand that i-f says if and y-o-u says you. Natural readers were experts at memorizing large portions of text.

6. Interest in writing words and “language experience” activities—many years ago, there was a movement in education to replace phonics instruction with “language experience” activities (also called a “whole language approach”). Phonics proponents everywhere were up in arms at the thought of “activities” of writing what the child said (dictation) for him, making little homemade books, etc. taking the place of phonics instruction. While I am a strong phonics proponent, I believe that these “language experiences” and “whole language” activities augment reading instruction greatly. And, of course, the natural readers in the research were exposed to these types of activities early and often. These kids were the ones who dictated thank-you notes to Mom to go to grandparents and colored a picture to send along with it; they were the ones who had a chalk board in the kitchen in which Mom or Dad wrote the day of the week each morning; they were those who “said” stories aloud and parents copied it in little “journal” books for the child. And on and on. Why wouldn’t these types of experiences and activities increase a child’s relationship with print and love for learning?

7. Experiences related to literacy and books—these obviously include the types of activities listed in number six, but these kids knew from birth that books and reading were important. They were the ones in a double stroller at the library lawn sale as toddlers—child in front seat with back seat full of picture books. They were the ones who had their own “book basket” in the corner of the nursery almost from birth. In other words, they were immersed in literacy and books from an early age.

8. Self-regulated behavior and risk taking—This characteristic related to how they “organize” their little lives. These kids would pull all of the Curious George books off the shelf and stack them up to look at after lunch. They often had little learning systems in place at ages four and five. And they were not afraid to be wrong. This, of course, stems from not being talked down to or made fun of when they did ask questions. These kids were risk takers because taking risks in learning (“Mommy, is this word (dapper) ‘Daddy’?”) yielded information that helped them in their quest to learn. The questions did not yield put downs or “you should already know this.”

9. Read to often—Obviously, a link has to be made from the squiggles on the page to the sounds that those squiggles make in order for a young child to teach himself to read. Thus, a child must be read to (or follow along with books and tapes) in order to learn to read without formal instruction. Now, this is not to say that a child who is read to will automatically learn to read early and on his own. I read aloud to our first three kids three to five hours everyday for years and years—and not one of the three was a natural, or early, reader! But it certainly created a love for print and learning in my children!

Children who learn to read naturally, without reading instruction, are raised in an environment that is conducive to learning to read naturally—an environment that creates a love for learning and a very perceived need to learn.

While I have never had a natural reader myself, I tried all throughout my children’s learning days to create this type of environment. It has created outstanding learners and avid readers in the Reish home.

One of the “rules” that Ray and I had for our children’s early education was that if something could be taught informally (and painlessly), we would teach it that way (as opposed to using workbooks or “curriculum” for something that can just as easily be learned while driving down the road or snuggling on the sofa).

That is one thing that I truly loved about the “natural reader learning environment.” Why get a workbook to teach capital letters when you can teach them while you are running errands (from all of the store signs)? Why get a program for rhyming words when nursery rhymes, silly songs, and I spy games on the road can do the job without the stress? The “natural reader learning environment” fit how we thought young children should be taught—regardless of whether our kids truly became natural readers or not.

Here are just a few of the skills that the research on natural readers indicated are learned/enjoyed by kids in this environment:

1. Contact with print

2. Thinking skills

3. Comprehension (especially when a wide variety of materials is presented and discussion follows)

4. Expanded vocabulary

5. Enunciation and pronunciation

6. Love of and need for reading

7. Sentence patterns

8. Relationship between parent and child—the most important one of all, of course!

Create a “natural reader learning environment” in your home—regardless of your kids’ ages….and watch the interaction with print increase; the love for learning grow; and the positive relationships bloom.

Whether you have a five year old who taught herself to read or an eight year old still struggling with primers, I encourage you to create a reading environment–and build life-long readers and learners! Blessings on your teaching and children!

The post Back to School Tip III of XII: Create Reading Environment appeared first on Character Ink.

Recently when my sister, her husband, and her two young teen daughters were here visiting in Indiana from North Carolina, we took as many from our family who could come and my sister’s family to our local YMCA to play a game called “walleyball” (rhymes with volleyball). This game is similar to volleyball in its rules–with the addition of walls as it is played in a racquetball court.

Since the court is smaller than a regular court, the game is actually a little easier for those who are not as strong–but not as easy for stronger people who hit the back wall (one of the out of bounds zones) quite often. The combination of the walls, the rules, the size of the court, and the various strengths of the players that night has made me think over and over again in the days since we played about the idea of the “mulligan.”

As indicated in the opening of this post, a mulligan is “an extra stroke allowed after a poor shot”–that is NOT counted on the scorecard or against the one who has been issued the “second chance.”

This term is one that we have thrown around our family of seven children (now ages seventeen through thirty-two) for years since my husband is a master at adapting games to fit the crowd who is playing. He loves to bring two or three families together and modify a kickball game or our oldest son’s homemade handball invention in order to allow littles to play with biggies; parents to play with children; and lesser skilled participants to play with “athletes.” Thus, a “mulligan” is a familiar word–and one that has been spoken many, many times in our home over our thirty-two years of parenting as we have enjoyed playing with our children.

It wasn’t uncommon during our walleyball night to hear someone shout “mulligan” whenever a person attempted to serve but didn’t make it over the net. Then we would evaluate and determine “yes” the person gets a mulligan or “no” he does not. What has led me to think of these mulligans quite often since that evening is the criterion on which we based giving mulligans during our play.

I mean, how does someone tell a sweet, small, twelve-year-old balletic niece that she cannot have a do-over after she tried so hard to get the ball over the net?  Or how do you turn down a poor middle-aged sister (*smile*) who is still recovering from frozen shoulder surgery: “too bad–you should have hit it harder”?

So when did we give mulligans that night–and what does this have to do with parenting?

Allow me to give you our walleyball mulligan run-down:

1. My younger niece is not a “ball” type of athlete. She is a dancer, cheerleader, and gymnast. She is also fairly tiny. She was a good sport about the whole night–but walleyball probably wouldn’t be her first choice of games. Because she is small, she had trouble getting her serves over at times, so everybody agreed to give our sweet Brittany some mulligans when her serve fell short of the net.

2. My sister had just had surgery for frozen shoulder approximately ten weeks before our Y night. She was able to play okay, but definitely didn’t have the range of motion that a serve often requires. Thus, we moved her closer to the net and gave her mulligans.

3. Our youngest daughter (24) has never been a volleyball player. She always thought she was terrible at it, and she often sat on the sidelines and watched others play through the years (in spite of her being very fit, a runner, and serious ab-workout girl!). She wouldn’t ask for a mulligan when she missed, but because she has just been learning volleyball over the past few years, we sometimes offered her a mulligan as well.

Who didn’t get a mulligan?

1. I adore volleyball. I played a little in high school, and while I’m not great at it, my years of experience in playing it at picnics, etc., meant that I was not a mulligan candidate.

2. See that athlete in the picture above–serious tennies and headband? That is our son’s wife who was the captain of her high school volleyball team and took MVP at nationals. She played a year of volleyball in college–no mulligan for that expert!

3. See that young man below? He is our seventeen year old–our youngest child. And he can be hyper, funny, loud, helpful, compassionate, and crazy all at the same time. On this particular night, he (as many seventeen year old boys do) tried to serve overhanded as hard as he could in an effort to score on every serve. Thus, he often hit the ball too hard and hit the back wall or the ceiling–both out of bounds spots. No mulligan for someone who knows how to do it but is hot dogging! 😉

4. None of the men or teen boys got mulligans. They are strong, athletic, and competitive. No motivation or encouragement was needed!

So what does this have to do with parenting? More than you might think.

In the “game” of parenting, we have the opportunity every day to give more chances or to show “tough love”–to extend grace or to train through consequences. We face these situations often unprepared.

We lament over them–“I just feel like if I don’t bring his shoes to gym class and he gets an F for the day, he will blame me” or “I know we have told her dozens of times not to leave her phone lying around at the gym, but now that it is stolen, I feel sorry for her because she misses talking to her friends. And we homeschool, so her phone is a way she socializes,” etc. etc. etc.

And I am not making light of any of these scenarios. We, after all, have raised six “teens”–and have one teen that we are in the thick of raising (a last child, nonetheless!).

Grace. Training. Mercy. Responsibility. I mean, honestly, who wants to choose among those?

warming up…

But let’s break down our walleyball game a little further to see if we can get some benchmarks for giving our kids mulligans:

1. Brittany is younger. She is not as strong as the big guys. She is not as used to ball handling like her sister who plays basketball at school. Extending mulligans to Brittany, who was trying to serve the ball over the net with all her might and had a good attitude in the process, is a good decision.

And so is giving a mulligan to a child who is struggling and genuinely wants to change/alter his behavior/make things different. And you know what? Most of the time we parents know when this child deserves a mulligan. The key is going to be to not give mulligans forever to a struggling child–but to gradually reduce the mulligans as the child becomes stronger and more adept.

2. My sister was injured for pity’s sake! She was being a sport just joining in the family fun.

When a child is downhearted or overwhelmed, he often needs grace. I don’t mean in trouble because of continual bad decisions or poor character but rather truly discouraged. When mercy is extended to a child in this situation, it can make a huge difference in how he pulls himself up by his bootstraps and gets moving in the right direction.

How long does a person with a shoulder injury need to recuperate before she should just serve already? Just as my sister’s doctor told her that it varies from person to person (with hers being more extensive once they got in there and found bone spurs as well), so it is with our children.

This is where heart parenting really comes in to play. Should the mulligans come to an end and this “injured one” come back now? Are we prolonging the healing process by not letting her live with consequences?

Someone who is hurting needs a mulligan–but not forever.

3. Volleyball playing is somewhat of a new experience for Kara. Granted, she is twenty-four, but she has only been getting on the court and playing over the past couple of years. You could say that she is in volleyball training.

A child who is “in training” in a certain area needs more mulligans than the child who has already been doing that skill or task for a while. We talk about this in our parenting seminar (Raising Kids With Character)–the idea of “childishness.” Childishness (forgetfulness, irresponsibility, etc.) in a child who is still learning his morning routine or his after school chores is best handled incrementally–with mulligans in place as needed–but not so many mulligans that the immaturity and irresponsibility remain.

We gave Kara a mulligan or two–but her volleyball training is about over (evidenced by how much better she played tonight than the previous time we played), and her walleyball mulligans are about to come to an end as well.

What about those who didn’t get mulligans?

1. Strong people who have done something over and over again do not need the motivation that comes with a mulligan (usually). It was easy to tell our twenty-two year old, athletic son to roll the ball under the net if he hit the ceiling on his serve. No training was taking place; no motivation or encouragement was needed.

2. Those who were hitting the ball so hard that it hit the ceiling or the back wall did not need mulligans. They needed to learn cause and effect. Walleyball is different than volleyball–the court is shorter and the back wall and ceiling are off limits. If you continue to smack the ball with that force, you will serve it out, and the other team will get the ball.

It wasn’t that hard in our walleyball game to determine who got a mulligan and who didn’t.

And while that isn’t always the case in parenting, we can use some key benchmarks for extending grace, including age of the child, past experience, whether other consequences have already been in place but didn’t help, the attitude of the child at the time, the frequency with which something occurs, the strength of the child, and more.

Because sometimes each one of us needs a mulligan in this game called life. But we also need to learn and grow. Because each of us needs a little grace sometimes. But because the Bible tells us that we can easily take advantage of that grace. Because we don’t want to exasperate our children. But we don’t want to be the kind of parent who doesn’t help our child become responsible or kind or thoughtful. Yes, sometimes we need to give our children mulligans.

The post When Do I Give My Child a “Mulligan”? appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast here!

Grace-Based Parenting

1. Good thing!
2. Allows kids four freedoms

a. Freedom to be different
b. Freedom to be vulnerable
c. Freedom to be open
d. Freedom to make mistakes

3. Giving kids grace doesn’t mean there are not
consequences or that we do not correct our kids
4. Means that our relationship is never at risk due to their behavior
5. Means our love never changes based on the freedoms we give them (above)

Problem Isn’t With Grace-Based Parenting; Problem With People’s Interpretation of It

1. Misunderstanding it—thinking it means anything goes or hands off parenting
2. Misusing it—just like we mishandle God’s grace towards us, we mishandle the grace we give our kids

Bottom Line in Grace-Based Parenting (and Raising Kids With Character!): Treat our children the same way that God treats us

Definition Mulligan: an informal golf terms that means giving an extra stroke after a poor shot that is not counted against the golfer

Walleyball-–played in racquetball court; smaller court than volleyball; walls to hit it off of and walls/ceiling to be “out”

Mulligans in Our Walleyball Game

1. Younger Niece; small; had trouble with serves
2. Sister: frozen shoulder surgery
3. Daughter: inexperienced player

No Mulligans

1. Me: High school (albeit not great!) volleyball player
2. Daughter-in-law: high school and college volleyball player
3. Son: seventeen year old hot dogging it
4. Teen/college guys and husbands

What to Do With Kids’ Behaviors

1. Grace?
2. Training?
3. Mercy?
4. Responsibility?

Mulligans in Life

1. Niece—smaller; give to child who is struggling or weak
2. Sister—injured; give to child who is injured but not forever
3. Daughter—inexperienced; give to a chld who is in training

No Mulligans in Life?

1. Strong people
2. Those who are in need of “reality training” (hot dogging it)
3. Those who are already well trained in area

Print this post here!

Listen to the podcast here!

The post Podcast Notes: “How Do I Know When to Give Chances and When to Take Action: When to Give Our Kids a Mulligan” appeared first on Character Ink.

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One of my husband’s favorite stories to tell/points to make in our “Reaching the Heart of Your Teen” seminar/workshop is also the most fitting way to describe his parenting style. The story comes from the book of II Samuel and the point is found within the story of Absalom standing by the gate of the city:

“And Absalom rose up early, and stood beside the way of the gate: and it was so, that when any man that had a controversy came to the king for judgment, then Absalom called unto him, and said, Of what city art thou? And he said, Thy servant is of one of the tribes of Israel.

And Absalom said unto him, See, thy matters are good and right; but there is no man deputed of the king to hear thee.

Absalom said moreover, Oh that I were made judge in the land, that every man which hath any suit or cause might come unto me, and I would do him justice!

And it was so, that when any man came nigh to him to do him obeisance, he put forth his hand, and took him, and kissed him.

And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment: so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.”

In case you missed how that passage is related to parenting in general and parenting teens specifically (it’s easy to miss), let me point out two specific parts of the story that are relevant to our message to fathers today:

1. “…stood beside the way of the gate: and it was so, that when any man that had a controversy came to the king for judgment, then Absalom called unto him…” (vs 2)

2. …” so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” (vs 6)

As Ray likes to tell it, Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel because he was AVAILABLE. He stood at the gate and answered their questions. He was waiting for them to come through. He took the time. According to Ray, “Whoever is available to your children is the one who will win their hearts.”

Ray has spent his entire parenting life standing by any gate in which he thought could win his children. Standing, playing, reading, talking, singing, encouraging, laughing, wrestling, teaching, training….by the gates in which he knew our children would pass. Giving his children what every child dreams of—a dad who is available.

In honor of my husband, and hopefully as an encouragement to many others today, I would like to demonstrate in pictures how a man can be the Absalom in his children’s lives–and continually be available to them. Please bear with the pictures–Ray has been living like this for thirty years, so some of the photos are not the best, blog-winning quality; however, they are all heart-winning quality.

The Teaching Gate: Day or Night, Summer or Winter–Ray can always be found teaching his children  something–from the Bible, to math, to football, to life principles.

The Surprise Gate: Our children will never forget the night that the electricity went out in the dead of winter, and we lit candles and all hovered in Mom and Dad’s room listening to audio story cassettes, reading, eating snacks, and playing games by candlelight. They will especially not forget the fact that Dad went out of the room at some point early in the evening and discovered that the electricity was back on, but he came right back into the bedroom and acted as though the electricity was still out for several more hours! Nobody even knew that the power had really been on for a long time because Dad used this night for fun and surprise.

The “Building” Gate: Through the years, especially the first ten to twelve years of each of our children’s lives, Ray has played more Legos, bricks, blocks, and cubes with our kids than almost any other single activity (with the exception of any kind of ball!). I think he spent the majority of his winter evenings on the floor for the first fifteen years of our parenting!

The “Come to My Gate” Gate: If Ray was busy, he would simply ask  the child to come to his gate! Whenever he has been involved in anything (setting up for a debate, working outside, cleaning the house, filling book orders in our center, etc.) that he could include the kids in, he simply had them join him in what he was doing–always teaching along the way.

The Museum or other Family Day Gate:  While we do not have  a large or expensive home, new vehicles, and elaborate (or store bough!)  furnishings, Ray has always believed in investing in shared experiences. Zoos, museums, shows, and movies have been the highlights of our family times.

The “Some Assembly Required” Gate: Puzzles, elaborate toys, and extensive games  have never scared Ray away (unlike his wife, who really dislikes those things!). He would always just sit down right in the midst of several small children and dig in–for literally hours. The children seldom felt like Dad had to hurry because he had his own things to do.

The Swimming Gate: All of our children have fond memories of swimming in motels with Ray when we traveled with him on business. One of the things that always struck me was how Ray was just about always the only dad in the water playing with his children—and how all other children always wanted to join Ray and the kids in playing. The kids always shared Ray with up to a dozen kids in any given motel pool.

The Baby and Toddler Gate: Ray always had a lapful of kids when he was at home. He never  watched television (we didn’t have one), played electronic games, or even had hobbies. He knew time with our small children was limited, and he always used his time for me and the kids–day in and day out, never tiring of it.

The “Whatever My Kids Are Into” Gate: Whenever our kids got involved in something (speech and debate, leading a ministry, drama, basketball, Upwards, etc.), Ray always jumped in to teach, help, lead, assist, etc. He always said, “I want to be where my kids are and know what is going on with them”–so activities took place in our home or we were involved in what the kids were involved in.

The Basketball Gate:  With four sons, Ray spent a ton of time in the driveway playing basketball. As Joshua put it, “I learned angles and statistics in the driveway with Dad.” While Ray has spent countless hours on the basketball court and in the yard playing football and kickball, there was a period of nearly a year in which every night at 9:00, he and Joshua (our oldest) met at the basketball goal for some b-ball time, which always turned in to talk time. It was just a period in Joshua’s life that he really needed Ray (nearly daily!)–and so the Basketball Gate was where Ray stood every night!

The “Lesson On A Napkin” Gate: Ray has been notorious for teaching the kids whatever they asked about on the spot–and often on a paper napkin, back of a church program, bank deposit ticket, etc. This usually followed a question that one of the kids asked–but however it came about, the kids were always eager learners as they seemed to know intuitively that all of the time that their dad gave to them was unique and special.

The “Daddy Time” Gate: Through the years, time with Daddy has had many titles—Malachi time,  Bible Talk, Daddy Talk, devotions, read alouds, family worship, etc. Bedtime is one of the most important times with our children–and Ray wanted to be sure that he was standing at the kids’ respective gates waiting to hear their hearts every night.

The Gate of the Nursery: Ray changed  twelve years worth of cloth diapers; always got up in the middle of the night and brought the babies in to me; and most importantly, as soon as the babies were old enough, began reading Bible stories to them constantly.

The Fun Gate: Ray has always been a fun dad–the kind of dad to surprise the kids, making them think that we are driving north home to Indiana following a business trip to Tennessee, but really driving south to surprise the kids with Disney World. Vacation fun, daily fun, and games…..Ray has always stood by the fun gate.

I wish I had time to gather more pictures, scan in a bunch more old ones, and tell about the hundreds of other gates that Ray has, and continues to stand by–such as the math one he is sitting at with our college son right now for the past four hours. Or the football in the yard gate. Or the driver’s training gate. Or the midnight gate with teens and young adults. Or the relationship gates with our sons. Or the “I’m always here” gate for our young adult daughters.  Even without the photographs, I have those pictures in my mind forever. The important gates that he knew our children would be going by–and that he stood by waiting for them to pass, waiting to win their hearts by being available.

What gates will you stand by, fathers? Dads have many gates to go through, walk by, stand near, and enter in their lives. Men can go through the gate of success in the workplace, walk around the gates of hobbies and fun for themselves, and sit by the relaxation gate. We all want to do those things—it’s human nature.

Or Dads can realize that time with our children is short. That whoever is available to our kids, especially our teens, will win their hearts and have the chance to influence them the most. That no gate of success or ease is worth standing by over standing by the gates that our children walk by.

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Image from scoutiegirl.com

Twenty-five years ago when I was a young mother, housewife, and homeschooler, I had trouble getting all of my work done every day–while teaching a young son to read, keeping a curious preschooler out of everything, taking care of a toddler, nursing a baby, etc. Truly the statement “the days are long but the years are short” was never more real to me.

I had problems that many people who are “self employed” have–plus the added “benefits” of having a lot of littles around making messes and needing seemingly-constant attention. (I really do think they are benefits–but when a man is self-employed, he usually doesn’t have to take care of a home, feed a crew, and provide constant care and supervision to little kids! He just, well, works!)

The greatest problem that those of us who are self employed and/or homeschoolers and/or housewives with littles is that of prioritizing. The second greatest is motivation. Why clean this up when it is just going to become a mess again in thirty minutes? Why fix a hot meal….three hours later, I will need to start another hot meal!

I have found many ways to get the motivation needed to make it through those days of many littles and lots of homeschooling needs–but that would take a book to explain, so for today, I would like to address the concept of prioritizing.

When I had little kids, I loved creating systems–toy storage systems, closet organization, bookshelf perfection. These were things, however, that should not have been high on the priority list. The priority list needed to include daily work, like dishes, laundry, meal preps, child cleansing, reading lessons, and unit studies. Not systems!

My husband would come home at the end of the work day, and I would take him by the hand and lead him through the house, making a path through clean laundry, unbathed children in pj’s, and stacks of dishes, to show him the toy shelves with all of the toys sorted into baby wipe containers with picture labels on each shelf so that the kids could put the toys onto the right shelves. It didn’t even dawn on me that I should have done dishes and laundry BEFORE doing those amazing toy shelves.

After he saw my prize-winning shelves, Ray would roll up his sleeves (literally) and dig in to help bail me out from my day of misplaced priorities. We would get the dishes and laundry done; he would call me “closet lady” –and then we would often repeat the cycle again in a few days. 

As we added more children to our home (and more kids in school), it became obvious that I could not continue to put contact paper on every box that came in the house and hand make labels with bright magic markers. Something had to give–and it was then that I came up with the solution to all of our laundry and dish (and trash!) problems:

Treat laundry, dishes, and trash just like brushing my teeth. I brush my teeth at least twice a day (sometimes three or four if I eat something spicy or I am going out in the evening). And I began doing the same with dishes, laundry, and trash. 

We still adhere to the below schedule twenty-five years later–though I have seldom done this daily work once the two oldest children could handle these tasks, about ages ten and seven–the youngest child or two of the family who can handle the work has always done the daily tasks (so that we more, um, accomplished kids and parents can do harder jobs, like cooking, shopping, cleaning out freezers, weekly bathroom cleaning, discipling teens, mentoring young adults, teaching fractions, organizing closets (!), etc.).





                    TWICE A DAY LAUNDRY, DISHES, and TRASH TASKS


Bedtime: (1) Run the dishes from the evening in the dishwasher
 (2) Put laundry from earlier in the dryer (“fold ups” only; we have always done hang ups in the moment, moving it before it spins out and hanging it up when it is nearly dry so that we don’t have to iron)
3) Start another load in the washer before sleeping

Morning: (1) Unload dishwasher and put away any big dishes that were drying on the counter after last night’s dinner
(2) Fold and put away laundry in the dryer
(3) Move washer load from washer to dryer and dry it
(4) Gather trash all over the house in the big bag out of the kitchen trash can and take it all out; replace bag

Noontime: (1) Do second load of laundry in dryer (fold and put away)
(2) Start tonight’s first load of laundry in washer
(3) Load dishes from breakfast, lunch, snacks, and cooking and run dishwasher

Evening chores: (1) Unload daytime dishes
(2) Load dinner and dinner prep dishes
(3) Bag kitchen trash again and take it out (we only gather from everywhere else once a day, in the morning)


This assumes chore sessions are in place. Even if you do not have good chore sessions right now, you can start with a five minute session before or after each meal and get laundry and dishes done then (even if it is just you doing them). Four five minute sessions can keep everything up if you have a dishwasher. (Note that we do a load or two of “hang ups” in another chore session in addition to that twice-daily laundry schedule. “Hang up” laundry is a weekly chore, separate from the daily laundry.)

When I didn’t have a dishwasher, I still kept this same routine, but I just kept hot sudsy water in the sink all day (reviving it as needed) and washed dishes and put them in the drying rack as I had them, definitely at least after each meal, but I (or a child) would often run out and wash a sinkful here and there.

Doesn’t TWICE A DAY for each chore (fully done–trash, laundry, and dishes) and twenty total minutes of work a day sound completely doable??? It is! You can do this!

Twice a day–just like brushing your teeth!

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Once you learn to “Delight in Dailies” and get the things done that need to be done on a daily basis, it is time to get other things done, but what?

I can remember when my husband and I were first married, I would ask him, “How do you know what to do every day when you go to work?” I just couldn’t figure out how he knew what needed to be done.

He would always ask me, “How do you know what to do when a student comes for tutoring?” or “How do you know what to do around the house and with the kids every day when you get up?”

I remember telling him, “I just do.” And he would say it was the same for him at work.

Prioritizing at work and at home are two very different things though. I mean, at work, you have a boss waiting for you to finish something. And you have deadlines, etc.

But at home, once you get the dailies done, everything else that isn’t a daily is always screaming out to you! (Come to think of it, before you get the DAILIES done, everything is screaming out to you!)

I have followed two very simple tips in working on non-dailies:

1. I always do the next thing that is due. I call these my TIMELY TASKS.
(Well, almost….like just now I was printing recipes for my cooking morning tomorrow and I got sidetracked writing this post. Technically, the recipes are due before this because my cooking day starts at 8:30–and this could wait until tomorrow–but I digress!)

Once I am done with my dailies, I always ask myself what is the next thing that has to be done–my editor is waiting on a document; student papers have to be edited for class the next day; tomorrow’s meat has to be marinated; bedding has to be moved to the dryer in order to go to bed tonight, etc.

This one little tip always keeps me moving in the right direction!

2. I have an ABC WEEKLIES list. 


Yes, for many years, I hardly saw this WEEKLIES list, but now I get to some of the things–and I am having so much fun! 

After I get my dailies done–and I have “put out fires” by doing the next thing that is due–then I am ready to consult my WEEKLIES list. (I finally get to organize a closet or clean out the snack cupboard!!!)

But I don’t just have a WEEKLIES list; I manipulate my WEEKLIES list. I go down the list task-by-task and write an A, B, or C beside each one.

Then when I have a chance to do something off of it, I do an A task. And I keep on doing A tasks all week–anytime I get a chance (after my dailies and timely tasks).

No matter what else happens in any given week, I know that I have my DAILIES done; I have my timely tasks out of the way; and I did as many A’s as I could (and occasionally even a B or two!).

This isn’t a glamorous approach. I don’t craft beautiful things. I don’t decorate my home Better Homes and Garden style. I don’t always cook from scratch. I don’t scrub between the washer and dryer.

But I feel like an organizational genius. And my home runs fairly smoothly. And I spend time with my kids and husband. And we eat decent meals. And we always have clean clothes and the trash out of the house….because these things are my DAILIES.

When I was homeschooling a houseful of children, the new readers read, the writers wrote, and I checked their work, read aloud to them, talked to them, and taught them the Bible…because these things were my DAILIES.

Because I always did my DAILIES…..I became an organized homeschooler! 

Everything is always crying out to be done. People want us to do everything. Our extended families need us. Our church needs us. Our ministries need us. Our jobs need us. Our children need us. And we can start to feel like the hamster on the wheel very quickly if we don’t have a plan in place to get to the important things.

My DAILIES, TIMELY TASKS, and ABC WEEKLIES have helped me do that for many, many years!

(Now back to my recipes!)

The post O is for ORGANIZATION–DAILIES, TIMELY TASKS, AND ABC WEEKLIES! appeared first on Character Ink.

There is actually no place this is truer than in parenting…. (from Destination Healthy Me)

The post A Change a Week–Times Fifty Weeks a Year Times Thirty Years…Equals a Lot of Change! appeared first on Character Ink.

No matter how many years of experience I have in getting things done and no matter how much I understand about procrastination and its effects on my life, I still occasionally do one really dumb thing: Put off doing something because I think it will be too hard or too long or too laborious or too messy or too boring or too something!

Then I finally do that undesired task only to find out that it was a thirty or sixty minute job–and the great feelings I have after I am done far outweigh the work itself!

I have, however, in the past few years learned some coping mechanisms for procrastination.

Here are a few tips to help you the next time you feel procrastination coming on:

1. Stop! 

Think about the situation for real. Ask yourself truly how long the task could honestly take. Answer yourself. And if it is under thirty minutes, JUST DO IT!

2. Break it down! 

We have taught this technique to our kids in study skills, chores, room cleaning, yard work, etc. Just take the big job and tell yourself that you will not try to do it all right now. Instead, tell yourself that you will simply do ten minutes a day three times a week until the task is done. You won’t have to face the entire thing. Just set a timer (another thing we have taught our kids!) for ten minutes. When the ten minutes is up, marvel at how far you got on the project–and leave it until your next ten minute period.

3. Get someone’s help. 

This summer I was sinking into a little depression after a family friend died. I was just so mournful for his wife (one of my best friends) and his children (my children’s best friends) that I found myself unable to tackle very big jobs for a few weeks. After a couple of weeks of not getting much done, I realized that I had to do something to get myself in gear because classes would soon be starting and I would not have the time that I had in the summer. I decided to work on the things that I couldn’t face at that time only when I had help. My fifteen year old son and his teenage friend became y assistant for a couple of hours once a week–and I saved the things that I just couldn’t face by myself (things that I normally could have dug into without a problem) for when the three of us could work together. I finally got my freezers cleaned out, some garden produce put up, and my freezer meal preparations back on track. Sometimes it just takes a little help to get us moving in the right direction!

4. Make things you are constantly facing into weekly or daily tasks rather than saving them up until they feel formidable. 

An example of this for me is vegetable and fruit preparations. I used to save them all for one time each week–then I found it harder and harder to come up with the block of time needed to slice, dice, and julienne. Instead I made what was one big project into ongoing daily tasks.

5. For really difficult things, just dig in for a minute or two. 

I know that doesn’t sound long enough to even get anything done. But a minute or two here and there starts to add up. Also, one minute soon becomes three or four minutes–and your momentum will start to build.

 I had like ten bags that were filled with various things–a document bag, gym bag, swimming bag, swimming toy/snack bag, old purse, new purse, lunch/snack bag, etc. And I stuffed them in the corner of the room, got two new bags at a garage sale (document bag and purse/go bag) and started using those two instead. Every time I looked at those dozen bags stuffed in the corner, I got a knot in my stomach. I just didn’t want to face them.

 One day I told myself that I would just pull out the top bag and spend a minute or two on it. By the end of that ninety seconds, i had that bag cleaned out and put away! The next day I did another couple of minutes. My momentum was building and my bag pile was going down. Remember: You can do anything for one minute!

Entrees ready to go to the freezer!

I hope these don’t sound trite or silly–like why in the world couldn’t you just clean your freezer or sort your bags, lady! I think we all get overwhelmed at times with way too many things to do. And these tips help me during those times to JUST DO IT!

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