Earlier I introduced Gregg Harris’ “attachment” principle for doing the many things that are important in our kids’ Christian upbringing. (Read Attaching Important Things To Your Schedule here.)

Today I want to introduce another paradigm that has kept us going in all of the myriad Christian training endeavors: If something is important to you, you will do it more often than you do not.

Simple, really. But it has kept us going when we felt defeated, overwhelmed, or unsuccessful in our parenting. No matter what was happening, we tried to follow that principle. When one of us got discouraged, the other would remind the first that we were, indeed, doing what we were supposed to be doing.

I haven’t done afternoon story time for two days in a row with Kara’s colic. Ray’s answer? All that matters is that you do it more often than you don’t. And I knew that it was true. I am not perfect. Managing a houseful of preschoolers certainly made perfection on a daily basis out of the question!

However, I knew in my heart of hearts what I wanted our home to be. I knew what I wanted my day to look like (and what it needed to look like in order to accomplish all that we wanted to accomplish).

We knew what we wanted in our children’s Christian upbringing. And we knew that as long as we persevered and did those important things “more often than not,” we could make it.

Make that your goal for new disciplines in your family—that if you plan to do devotions every school morning during breakfast, and you make it three of the five—you have done it “more often than not.”

If you want to read aloud to your tweens before bed during the week, and you read three out of the five weeknight bedtimes, you have done it—“more often than not.” And you are well on your way to success in carrying out the things that are important to you in your Christian parenting.

Raising children for the Lord is not a sprint. It is a marathon, or if you are married, a life-long relay. Running fast and hard at the beginning is not what will get you to the finish line. Slow and steady is what will get you there. And reading, praying, singing, talking, choring, playing, teaching, training, etc. “more often than not” will help you cross that finish line someday knowing that have done what you were supposed to do—without regrets for all of the “priorities” that never truly were priorities but just unfulfilled wishes.

How could the “more often than not” principle help you in your parenting? Would it bring freedom? Could it bring more consistency than you get with trying for perfection?

PIN THIS POST!Save

Save

The post More Often Than Not—The Secret to Consistency Without Defeat appeared first on Character Ink.

So now that you are convinced that “delighting in the dailies” will help you accomplish your goals, how do you get them started (and keep them going) during the initial stages—when there isn’t a lot of fruit to show for your efforts, and you are convinced some day that you should just forget making dinner and go play solitaire or buy some sort of farm equipment (on the computer…lol)?

Here are some tips for learning to truly “delight in the dailies” and make those dailies a long-term reality in your home:

1. Start out with a few of the very most important dailies—and make these things happen every day for a couple of weeks.

(See “Delighting in the Dailies—Part I of II” here.)

Don’t make a huge dailies list and wake up on Monday morning assuming that the magic list will all happen on that day. At times, my “dailies” (not including the children’s daily chores) could be thirty tasks long. If you are not used to doing certain things every day, this can be very overwhelming.

There are two ways to start tackling your dailies (which will eventually lead to your delighting in them):

a. Start with the four or five most important dailies for yourself and one or two per child and tackle these. Attach them to something that you already do every day (get up in the morning, eat breakfast, eat lunch, etc.). And start carrying them out over and over again. Once this is going well, add more. See my post about making a change a week or a change a month here.

b. Start with the first thing in the morning—and do your morning dailies only (for everyone in the family). (You might do others, but focus on making sure the morning ones are done consistently.) I often give the advice that when you want to change the way your days are going, start with the first hour of the day. Get this hour looking exactly like you want it to look (constantly!). Then move on to the next hour, etc. I personally like this approach because I love to make my day great by getting my morning started right.

2. Find someone who “delights in her dailies” and get a vision for this way of life from her.

Believe it or not, I actually knew several moms (either in person or through seminars/conventions) who were “delighting in their dailies” as many as thirty years ago! And this prompted me to make this a way of life. I could see the fruit of their daily disciplines, and I wanted that in my home as well. A well-run home is a beautiful thing, and we older moms need to teach and help younger moms learn these vital skills.

3. Believe in the daily approach to life.

Additionally, as an incremental type of teacher, I knew that “precept upon precept” and “line upon line” was the way that my children would master their subjects—and that incremental learning comes through dailies. I also knew from past experience that skipping things that needed done all the time in favor of things that either didn’t HAVE to be done or things that needed done less frequently didn’t work.

I had to believe in this approach in order to really carry it out. If you are waning in your ability to carry this out, make a list of all of the benefits to doing the dailies on your list (i.e. new reader will blossom through daily reading aloud to Mom, no more five o’clock scrambles for dinner, etc.). Pull this list out to help you “believe” when your faith is weak (and, once again, Farmville is calling!).

4. Notice the fruit (the real fruit!).

After a very short while, you will notice that something (or more than one thing) you have developed as a daily in your life is REALLY benefiting your family. Note this! If your struggling mathematician suddenly knows his x8’s because math drill became a daily for him, you have some juicy fruit! If your husband happily puts on his clean dress shirts in the morning (instead of the former morning clothing scramble!), then you have fruit. If you don’t dread four o’clock any more but actually sit down and read online articles for a while until sweet angels wake up from their naps, you have an entire fruit bowl! Notice it. Enjoy it. And realize that this fruit is there because you learned to delight in your dailies.

5. Believe that these dailies are truly the most important parts of your ministry to your family right now.

Anybody can swoop in and be a hero once or do something big here and there—and those have the potential to be ministries to your family too. However, when we understand and truly believe that what we do when we get up first thing in the morning is truly a ministry to our family, we will look at our dalies differently.

I know there are entire books written about the ministry of magic of motherhood. And they are right. But we have to do more than believe it in theory. We have to have it deep within us that when we consistently cook with our ten year old every day for lunch, we are doing God’s work. We have to breathe it in, take it in, and know it at that moment. When we lie down at the end of the day, we have to feel, believe, and KNOW that we have fulfilled an amazing calling on our life that day—because we did our dailies, God’s task list for us at this time in our lives.

6. Realize that you have accomplished a great thing.

Have you ever heard about the research for mastery in life? Some studies show that it takes repeating an action ten thousand times to become accomplished in it. Just look at each time that you do something (plan the next meal, do a reading lesson with a child, reach out to your preteen’s heart) as a step towards mastery. It really works. You will become so good at the things that you do over and over and over again!

It is rare to find a “work-at-home” mom who can juggle really well. How many times have you personally heard someone say that she could never do what you are doing—that she couldn’t spend all day with her kids or that she wouldn’t have the motivation that you have or that she can’t get organized without the structure of employment? What we are trying to do here—manage a home well, educate our children, and spend all day every day with kids—is not easy to do. If you continue to improve yourself as a home manager and a homeschooler, year after year, you will get more and more accomplished—and you will soon realize that you have done something very rare and very great.

7. But don’t get smug! 🙂

After delighting in your dailies for a while, and continuing to add more and more important dailies into your life, you will be amazed at the skills you have. Bask in that. It is such a great feeling to delight in your dailies. Such an awesome peace that comes with knowing that you are doing—day in and day out—what you are supposed to be doing. Actually, this feeling alone is enough to keep you going. (While I don’t advocate in living on feelings, there is a calm and peace that comes with doing what you are supposed to be doing—and THAT is a great feeling!) So enjoy it…but don’t be smug! Soon there will be someone else who wants you to help her learn to “delight in her dailies”—and you will be just the gal to do it!

In the meantime, here are some places to learn more about my beloved “Dailies”:

1) Short blog post: Dishes, Trash, Laundry Twice a Day

2) Short blog post on “after the Dailies”: Timely Tasks & ABC Weeklies

3) Video With Outline: Following Through on the Dailies

4) Video With Outline–How I Found My Dailies

Hope these help! Blessings to you as you seek to prioritize your life, school, and home!

The post Delighting in the Dailies—Part II of II appeared first on Character Ink.

Summer. That care-free time when we make a list of fun activities—and a list of good intentions for teaching and growing. To be sure that the summer doesn’t pass you by with unmet goals and regrets, I wanted to apply some of our goal setting information to your summer!

If you have heard us talk about goal setting for your family, you know that we encourage you to make your goals like this:

1. List an outcome you want

2. Determine an action that will help you achieve that

3. Put the action into the schedule or routine

Let’s walk through a couple potential summer “to do” items to see how you can make these real for your family:

Sample ONE:

1. List an outcome you want: Learn More About Creation Science This Summer

2. Determine an action that will help you achieve that: Have each child choose a creation science book to read for the summer

3. Put the action into the schedule or routine: Have creation science reading time after breakfast and chores each morning (or at bedtime or whatever…follow our attach it to something in the schedule advice! 🙂 )

Sample TWO:

1. List an outcome you want: Talk to kids more often and without distractions

2. Determine an action that will help you achieve that: Fire Pit Talks With No Electronics (Read about Techno-Free Talks here!)

3. Put the action into the schedule or routine: Thursday night easy dinner followed by marshmallows and fire pit with no electronics and whole family for one hour

One thing I didn’t mention is to be sure that everybody has the action on their schedule/calendar! This is more likely to happen if you have calendar meetings or other family times that give direction to the family’s week.

The point is that good things do not just happen. Those things have to be purposeful, planned, and followed through on.

We can make abstract goals and ideals forever…but until they are given actionable tasks and times, they are just goals (i.e. dreams) and ideals. You can make good things happen for your family!

Tell us about a dream/goal/ideal that you have for your family this summer—and how you are going to make it happen!

Links

When You Want Mamas to Feel Great

Do It More Often Than Not: The Secret to Consistency Without Defeat

Homeschooling Mamas Earning Money From Home (Join my Team!)

My Busy Mamas Plexus Upline: You Can Do It, Too!

[Series] 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids

[Podcast] 30 Tips from 30 Years

Save

Save

The post Goal Setting for Summer (or Anytime!) appeared first on Character Ink.

Listen to the podcast HERE!

 
TWO IMPORTANT TIPS

(1) Don’t think big—don’t try to do it all tomorrow! Start small. Solve little problems one at a time. Fix things in certain order that will bring you control.
(2) You can get better and better at organizing, scheduling, prioritizing, and home management

Consider Your Situation

1. Ages of children in school—how much one-on-one time; how much small group work; how much independent work
2. Training of children in school—how well they work independently, how much help they need; how much they can help the family on chores and following through by themselves
3. Babies, toddlers, and preschoolers—how many; their needs; and whether you have a child-run home or the littles fit into your family’s schedule
4. Work outside the home or work at home above and beyond homemaking and homeschooling—big factor; your time is even harder to come by!
5. Type of teacher and home manager you would be if you could be (!)—loose schedule; extremely structured; etc.
6. Number of children total—in school and littles; including number of helpers and how well they work
7. Special circumstances—husband home during the day; food sensitivities in which you have to cook completely from scratch; etc.

Think in Terms of Time Blocks (Not Minutes or Even Hours)—Don’t worry about starting time of each block!

1. Early morning block (or not!)—morning routines, first chore session, breakfast, breakfast clean up
2. Mid morning block—together time
3. Late morning block—tutoring sessions and independent work
4. Noon block-another chore session, lunch, lunch clean up
5. Early afternoon block—stories, more tutoring, more independent work
6. Late afternoon block
7. Dinner hour block
8. After dinner block

Consider Big Picture Scheduling Tips

1. When can you work with kids on school?
2. Least interrupted times for tutoring sessions
3. Chore schedules and sessions in place
4. Schedule for your family—not because it works for someone else
5. Independent work lists for kids
6. Letting teens determine their own schedule
7. What time do you want to be done
8. Beware of overscheduling
9. Meeting all together any times?
10. Attach important things to things already in schedule
11. Consider tutoring sessions rather than daily meetings whenever it fits
12. Keep paperwork/lesson planning on paper to the minimum that works for you

Getting Control Out of Chaos—Practical Steps

1. Get the first hour of your day exactly as you want it—do not worry about rest of day; do not let anything detract you from this goal
2. Teach kids morning routines next
3. First chore session of the day
4. Get a handle on independent work
5. All together time in place
6. Tutoring sessions
7. Second chore session in place

Considerations for Morning Routines—no electronics until completed

1. Mom—shower, Bible, straightening bedroom, dressed and ready for day, something out/started for dinner that night, exercise if possible, time with littles
2. Olders—shower, Bible, personal areas, make bed, exercise
3. Littles—dress, mess, room, groom

Considerations for First Chore Session

1. Attach to something (breakfast?)
2. Make it 20 to 30 minutes long
3. Everybody working at same time
4. Put most important things in this session—one load of laundry, wipe down bathrooms, picking up/decluttering, unloading dishes, trash everywhere, fixing breakfast, etc.

Links:

(1) Podcast Episode: Foundations for Becoming an Efficiency Expert
(2) Podcast Episode: Children and Chores
(3) Podcast Episode: Toddler Troubles
(4) Podcast Episode: What to Do With a One Year Old
(5) Podcast Episode: What to Do With a Kindergartener
(6) Blog Posts: Chores
(7) Blog Post: Independent Work Lists
(8) Blog Posts: Morning Routines
(9) Blog Post: Dishes, Laundry, Trash—Two Times a Day
(10) Blog Post: Organizing as Easy as ABC
(11) Blog Post: Terrible Task List
(12) Blog Post: Delighting in the Dailies

Listen to the podcast HERE!

Print this post.

The post Podcast Handout For ” How Can I Turn My Day From Chaos to Control? From Rowdy to Routine?” appeared first on Character Ink.

Click here to download the printable handout.

Subscribe to our Wondering Wednesday podcasts in iTunes.

Click here to see our previous podcasts!

The post Podcast: How Can I Turn My Day From Chaos to Control? From Rowdy to Routine? appeared first on Character Ink.

Twenty-five years ago when I was a young mother, housewife, and homeschooler, I had trouble getting all of my work done every day–while teaching a young son to read, keeping a curious preschooler out of everything, taking care of a toddler, nursing a baby, etc. Truly the statement “the days are long but the years are short” was never more real to me.

I had problems that many people who are “self employed” have–plus the added “benefits” of having a lot of littles around making messes and needing seemingly-constant attention. (I really do think they are benefits–but when a man is self-employed, he usually doesn’t have to take care of a home, feed a crew, and provide constant care and supervision to little kids! He just, well, works!)

The greatest problem that those of us who are self employed and/or homeschoolers and/or housewives with littles is that of prioritizing. The second greatest is motivation. Why clean this up when it is just going to become a mess again in thirty minutes? Why fix a hot meal….three hours later, I will need to start another hot meal!

I have found many ways to get the motivation needed to make it through those days of many littles and lots of homeschooling needs–but that would take a book to explain, so for today, I would like to address the concept of prioritizing.

When I had little kids, I loved creating systems–toy storage systems, closet organization, bookshelf perfection. These were things, however, that should not have been high on the priority list. The priority list needed to include daily work, like dishes, laundry, meal preps, child cleansing, reading lessons, and unit studies. Not systems!

My husband would come home at the end of the work day, and I would take him by the hand and lead him through the house, making a path through clean laundry, unbathed children in pj’s, and stacks of dishes, to show him the toy shelves with all of the toys sorted into baby wipe containers with picture labels on each shelf so that the kids could put the toys onto the right shelves. It didn’t even dawn on me that I should have done dishes and laundry BEFORE doing those amazing toy shelves.

After he saw my prize-winning shelves, Ray would roll up his sleeves (literally) and dig in to help bail me out from my day of misplaced priorities. We would get the dishes and laundry done; he would call me “closet lady” –and then we would often repeat the cycle again in a few days. 

As we added more children to our home (and more kids in school), it became obvious that I could not continue to put contact paper on every box that came in the house and hand make labels with bright magic markers. Something had to give–and it was then that I came up with the solution to all of our laundry and dish (and trash!) problems:

Treat laundry, dishes, and trash just like brushing my teeth. I brush my teeth at least twice a day (sometimes three or four if I eat something spicy or I am going out in the evening). And I began doing the same with dishes, laundry, and trash. 

We still adhere to the below schedule twenty-five years later–though I have seldom done this daily work once the two oldest children could handle these tasks, about ages ten and seven–the youngest child or two of the family who can handle the work has always done the daily tasks (so that we more, um, accomplished kids and parents can do harder jobs, like cooking, shopping, cleaning out freezers, weekly bathroom cleaning, discipling teens, mentoring young adults, teaching fractions, organizing closets (!), etc.).





                    TWICE A DAY LAUNDRY, DISHES, and TRASH TASKS


Bedtime: (1) Run the dishes from the evening in the dishwasher
 (2) Put laundry from earlier in the dryer (“fold ups” only; we have always done hang ups in the moment, moving it before it spins out and hanging it up when it is nearly dry so that we don’t have to iron)
3) Start another load in the washer before sleeping

Morning: (1) Unload dishwasher and put away any big dishes that were drying on the counter after last night’s dinner
(2) Fold and put away laundry in the dryer
(3) Move washer load from washer to dryer and dry it
(4) Gather trash all over the house in the big bag out of the kitchen trash can and take it all out; replace bag

Noontime: (1) Do second load of laundry in dryer (fold and put away)
(2) Start tonight’s first load of laundry in washer
(3) Load dishes from breakfast, lunch, snacks, and cooking and run dishwasher

Evening chores: (1) Unload daytime dishes
(2) Load dinner and dinner prep dishes
(3) Bag kitchen trash again and take it out (we only gather from everywhere else once a day, in the morning)


This assumes chore sessions are in place. Even if you do not have good chore sessions right now, you can start with a five minute session before or after each meal and get laundry and dishes done then (even if it is just you doing them). Four five minute sessions can keep everything up if you have a dishwasher. (Note that we do a load or two of “hang ups” in another chore session in addition to that twice-daily laundry schedule. “Hang up” laundry is a weekly chore, separate from the daily laundry.)

When I didn’t have a dishwasher, I still kept this same routine, but I just kept hot sudsy water in the sink all day (reviving it as needed) and washed dishes and put them in the drying rack as I had them, definitely at least after each meal, but I (or a child) would often run out and wash a sinkful here and there.

Doesn’t TWICE A DAY for each chore (fully done–trash, laundry, and dishes) and twenty total minutes of work a day sound completely doable??? It is! You can do this!

Twice a day–just like brushing your teeth!

The post Dishes, Laundry, and Trash–Twice a Day! appeared first on Character Ink.

I have a question about reading to my young kids! I have a 4, 2, and 1 year old. The 1 year old hardly sits still to be read to, but my question is specifically about the 2 year old. He is always asking me to stop reading as he has questions about everything on the page, or wants to ‘count’ something, or he is flipping back through pages wanting to talk about what we just talked about. Again. What do I do? Let him be in charge of how we go through the book and what we talk about – possibly never finishing the book? Or ask him to wait until the end of each set of pages and then not let him turn them back? OR tell him to be quiet the whole time?! Any feedback and suggestions are welcomed

Story Time Questions

I treated story time much like I treated unit studies (or “subject reading” as Joshua used to call it when he was five!). Here are some basics for that first:

(1) Story time is a privilege that is earned…not something you automatically get to do (as were unit studies). Thus, there was a readiness that was needed in order to join story time: the ability to lie in the bed with everybody without moving too much, getting up, etc. (We used to do a two hour story time in bed followed by a two hour nap…even me! For real! Amazing, huh? Ray worked twelve or thirteen hours a day, and I seldom went anywhere…plenty of time to get everything done, read for hours, AND take a nap! LOL) This pretty much eliminated anybody under two joining our regular story time. If these guidelines were not met, the child just went to bed for his nap (with books in his bed and one side of a story tape), and he could try again later in a few days (not a bunch of back and forth and in and out)….this takes me to my next “basic.”

(2) We always taught to the oldest. Everything we did at first was based on our oldest two kids—the others could always join, but we emphasized our older kids for sure. This is often opposite of what families with untrained littles do. They often do not see how they can focus on the olders when they continue to let one, two, and three year olds be too high need. Just my two cents… 😉

(3) In light of always teaching to the oldest, we wanted unit studies and story time to be the most effective that they could be for the older kids. If we allowed a two year old (or one year old) to monopolize that time, this simply wasn’t happening.

(4) That is not to say that we did not do things with the littles or that we didn’t consider their needs. But we didn’t let their “wants” keep us from meeting our older kids’ needs (educationally, spiritual training, fun times, etc.).

Specifically Story Time

(1) Children who were not old enough (i.e. not “ready”) to join story time every day had their own story time. Those older kids that we spent so much time with and on cleaned the kitchen after lunch each day while I rocked, read to, and did rhymes and stories with the toddler. (This was actually the beginning of weaning for us—replacing the noon nursing with the toddler’s own story time!) This allowed the toddler to learn to enjoy reading without interrupting the olders’ story time. It also signaled a change in schedule, slowing down, etc. And it provided routine so that the toddler knew what was next. (After his story time, he got “dropped off at the bus stop” (carrying the bus stop approach to unit studies into the story time example)—his crib for his looonnng (three to four hour!) nap. (How else was I going to do a two hour story time and two hour nap for myself!?) Note: This was ten minutes long tops.

(2) Children who were old enough gathered their books. Whoever’s day it was did the following: (a) get the book basket with our ongoing books (Family Bible Library or whatever ongoing Bible study that we didn’t already do for unit studies—I did two a day besides devoes; chapter book; poetry or hymn books; longer picture books (especially our Answers in Genesis picture books, which were longer), nature book/magazines, sometimes biographies, but these were usually done in the mornings, etc.); (b) got two books from the bookcase or library basket; and came to my room with those things. Everybody else got their one book choice. The person whose day it was got to sit closest—and his books were the first and last read. (Who says you can’t make things special when you have so many kids or do things more “individualized”????)

(3) We always kept book markers (or “picks” as my kids called them) in our ongoing books and just picked up where we had left off the day before. Eventually, we got through tons of chapter books, nature books, etc., using this method.

(4) If a child was able to come to story time but necessarily for the whole two hours, we used the “bus stop approach” that you have heard me talk about with our unit studies. In that way, we would do all of the picture books first (shorter books with pictures like the Five in a Row books, children’s classics, whatever they picked. Then, just like in unit studies, the two or three year old would be dropped off at the bus station (i.e. beds for naps). More often than not, they would just fall asleep before we got to the harder books. If we did story time on the sofa, I would send them to bed for their naps when they were getting too fidgety or tired. (And they could have one side of a story tape once they got there.) Note: For unit studies, I did the same thing—started with easy materials then moved to harder ones. At a certain point, the littles could be dropped off at the bus station—but instead of going to bed for naps, they could stay in the room and play quietly on the floor, which they almost always chose to do. (At some point in unit studies, the littles would often have room time that we had set up ahead of time.)

(5) Then once the littles were asleep or in bed, we would move onto the ongoing books and chapter books. I tried not to make it a repeat of unit studies, but my kids often picked the creation books, nature books, etc. I did try to save the more fun books for story time, generally speaking.

So what does this mean in answer to your questions specifically?

(1) If your two year old isn’t ready even for the easy part of story time, I would do the short story time alone with the two year old and one year old.

(2) If the two year old is ready, but the only problem is the questions, I would consider any of the following ideas:
a. Let him choose the first book and tell him this is his “question book.” For this book only, we can stop a lot, answer questions, etc. (Oh…those interactive books that the two year olds had to do everything to…..brutal!) This is his story, and you can use it as a quality teaching time for him.
b. For the rest of the books that he stays for, tell him he can have one “excuse me.” This is one time that he can have you flip back, answer a question, etc.
c. Let him take the books that he has the most questions or that you know he wants to know more about to bed with him—and tell him after his nap he can bring the book to you for more questions.
d. If he can’t do the one “excuse me,” just let him be interactive on the first book only until he can handle it. (Always match privilege with responsibility in all aspects of parenting.)

(3) While you are trying to find what is comfortable for your family, always keep in mind the olders. Don’t let story time turn into something they dread or something that they do not benefit from by letting littles (even though they are amazing and sweet) monopolize it.

Hope this helps! I have to end with a cute story time story. When Joshua (our oldest) was around ten, he decided that he was too old for story time. (They never outgrew unit studies but eventually did story time.) So on the day he decided to not come to story time, I was lying in bed with four other littles reading away when I heard a noise in the hallway. He was sitting on the floor in the hallway listening. I told him he could join us, but he said he was just resting. Next thing I knew, he was sitting in the doorway. Then on the floor beside the bed. The, of course, across the foot of the bed! The next day he joined us for quite some time thereafter! 🙂

The post Q & A: Story Time With Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Olders appeared first on Character Ink.