A good piece of advice that we received early in our parenting of many littles was to always take at least one child with us where ever we went, if possible. The thinking was that if we always took a child with us, we could talk and train “on the road.”

Thus, we made it a point to always grab a kid if one of us left the house to run an errand—or plan to take one child with us if we knew ahead of time that we were going to be driving somewhere.

Out of this theory came our mantra: “Who’s got your shoes on? Dad’s running an errand!” Or “Who’s got your shoes on? Mom’s got to take a quick trip to town.”

The kids would scramble and look for shoes and socks to be the first one ready to head out with Mom or Dad. Of course, who went with us wasn’t always based on who had their shoes on, but it was a little saying that we used to emphasize the fact that we wanted to be with them—and know what was going on in their hearts.

This has taken on different looks throughout our lives, As the kids grew up, if we ever had to take two vehicles someplace (like if Dad was joining us from work or coming later to something), on the way home, one child would ride with Dad alone and the others would ride with Mom. (I had more time with the kids automatically by homeschooling them during the day, so one-on-one time with Dad was one of the things we used this time for.)

“Whoever has their shoes on” became “whoever was working on learning to drive” starting about twelve years ago as Ray taught each child to drive and took them out on the road a couple of nights a week for a few months. While driving and learning the ways of the road, conversations about so many other things just happened.

And today, it isn’t “who has their shoes on” as much as who might be available to call on their cell phone as I’m driving (talking—NOT texting!). I always look at the clock when I get in the vehicle alone to see which grown son or daughter is doing what—and who I should try to call to check in with. Ray’s drive time home from work is usually spent talking to an adult child.

“Who has their shoes on”; “Who’s learning to drive”; “Who’s available to call”—all avenues leading to the same goal: for our kids to know, think, feel, and say, Mom and Dad want to be with me and talk to me enough to take me with them when they go somewhere, spend time with me as I’m learning to drive, or call me when we are apart.

The post 52 Weeks Of Talking To Our Kids: Who’s Got Their Shoes On? appeared first on Character Ink.

Make your home a center—a center for learning, a center for growing up together, a center for spiritual formation, a center for relationship building, a center for caring—and your kids will know that you want to spend time with them. There is nothing that can stop a child who knew his parents loved to be with him!

EARLY YEARS

1. Malachi time/Daddy tuck in—the beginning of a long tradition of availability to our children
2. Who has their shoes on/never go alone! Smile
3. Little snatches of time—kitchen time,
4. Date night

MIDDLE YEARS and UP

1. Continue Malachi time (be careful of squeakiest wheels!)
2. Dinner time
3. Terrific Tuesday/Wonderful Wednesday/Super Saturday! (Note: Invest in olders for trickle down effect!)
4. Family meetings/living room time (three or four evenings at home together each week?)
5. Twalks
6. Half birthdays
7. Bible talks
8. Drive time
9. Penny for your thoughts; a nickel for a hug; and a dime if you tell me that you love me—and other object lessons
10. “My Day”
11. Drive time to activities
12. Consistent/frequent traditions

TEENS and YOUNG ADULTS

1. Who’s available on their cell phone?
2. Texting
3. FB Messaging/emailing
4. Driving practice
5. Half birthdays and other special dates
6. When you “sit” in your house (Deut 5)
7. Hanging out (emphasizing availability)
8. The way to our teens’ hearts—through their stomachs Smile
9. Vacations and Staycations
10. Watching and listening (videos and audios)

AVAILABILITY

Your secret parenting weapon! Make yourself available. Change YOUR schedule. Drop the busy-ness. Add the heart-focused parenting that is needed to raise tweens and teens well.

MY DAY Notes

(1) Special focus—I tried to praise, affirm, spend more time with, tie heart strings more, etc. for that child on that day—without the child actually knowing it!

(2) Sitting in the front seat if we went anywhere (Because we only went places one or two days a week during the day during the week when my older children were little, we had to alternate whose day it was each week because otherwise, for example, the Monday or Tuesday child would seldom get to sit in the front seat since we seldom went anywhere early in the week.)

(3) Sitting closest to Mom during morning read aloud and afternoon story time

(4) Saying the prayer during breakfast and lunch

(5) Getting to choose two stories instead of one at story time (and getting their stories read first and last)

(6) Getting to have a longer talk time (Malachi time) with Dad that night before bed

(7) Helping Mom cook dinner that day (before they could cook meals entirely by themselves)

(8) Doing an extra job from the job jar

(9) Taking a morning or afternoon “twalk” (talk and walk) with Mom

Links

Podcasts:

• Ten Tips for Staying Close During Intense Parenting Times
• Teens: The Recipe for Rebellion and Ingredients for Intimacy

Blog Posts:

• Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need
• Teaching Children to Ask Questions
• The One Parenting Practice That Changes Everything
• A is for Affirmation

Listen to the podcast here!

The post Podcast Notes for “Ways To Spend More Time With Your Kids” appeared first on Character Ink.

Donna Reish, Character Ink Press author of fifty language arts/writing curriculum books and co-author/presenter of Raising Kids With Character parenting seminar (and blog), presents suggestions on how to spend more time with your kids in the upcoming year. On this Wondering Wednesday podcast episode, Donna answers parents questions about how to squeeze in more “kid time” in the midst of busy-ness, how to make each child feel special in large families, and more. Drawing on thirty-three years of parenting experience of seven children (ages seventeen to thirty-three) in a family in which both Mom and Dad have spent countless hours building strong relationships with their kids, Donna brings insights on this topic from very young to young adults.

Download the podcast notes here.

Listen to previous podcasts here.

The post Podcast: Ways to Spend More Time With Your Kids appeared first on Character Ink.