{"id":5069,"date":"2016-08-24T00:07:24","date_gmt":"2016-08-24T04:07:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/?p=5069"},"modified":"2016-10-08T16:29:47","modified_gmt":"2016-10-08T20:29:47","slug":"52-weeks-talking-kids-avoiding-rules-without-reasons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/52-weeks-talking-kids-avoiding-rules-without-reasons\/","title":{"rendered":"52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Avoiding Rules Without Reasons"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why?<\/p>\n

Why not?<\/p>\n

Can we change that to…..<\/p>\n

These questions are often asked of us parents when we fail to give children the reason for our decisions and instruction.<\/p>\n

\"52<\/a><\/p>\n

While there it is true that our children should learn to obey us and trust that we have their best in mind (but again, that comes through lots of talking and letting them see that we have their best interest in mind!), we have determined four key ingredients that cause teens to rebel\u2014Reishes\u2019 Recipe for Rebellion<\/a>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Certainly each of the four of these \u201cingredients\u201d is a reason to talk to our kids….including the first ingredient in the recipe\u2014Rules Without Reasons.<\/p>\n

Rules Without Reasons<\/h3>\n

Explaining reasons for our rules is an important time to talk to our kids! We have believed in giving our children the reasons for our requests and rules (as long as the children are not demanding them), mostly due to embracing Kevin Leman\u2019s* writings, which we discovered early in our parenting. However, we did not realize the importance of our rules and requests being logical and understandable to our kids until after we began debate. Through our experience with teaching our children public speaking and debate (and through judging hundreds of competitions), we learned that not only should we give our children the reasons for our rules if possible, but that those reasons should be logical, scriptural, and understandable.<\/p>\n

In other words, it is not enough to tell our kids yes or no and then add \u201cbecause I told you so.\u201d This goes back to the Proactive Parenting techniques that we have introduced earlier in this blog. One way to prevent problems before they begin is to explain the reasons behind your rules and requests to your children.<\/p>\n

Many authoritarian parents do not believe that they should have to do this. After all, we are the parents and they are the children. While you would be hard pressed to find parents who require obedience and respect much more than my husband and I do, we do not buy into the \u201cI am the parent, so the child should do it\u201d mindset\u2014without explanation and teaching concerning the rules we make.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Why? For a number of reasons:<\/h3>\n

1. That is not how God deals with us!<\/strong> His Word is a gold mine of reasons and explanations to us of why He wants us to do what He wants us to do. He is tender, long suffering, and patient with us. He does demand our obedience, but He does not say that it is \u201cbecause I told you so.\u201d Rather He says that it is \u201cto help us grow in our faith,\u201d \u201cto keep weaker brethren from stumbling,\u201d \u201cto show that we love Him,\u201d \u201cto be a light to the world,\u201d and on and on. One explanation after another; multiple cause and effect scenarios are presented.<\/p>\n

2. It does not help our children \u201cown\u201d the lifestyle choices and rules we are making.<\/strong> You cannot own something of which you do not understand. When we tell our children to live this way or that because we are the parents and we demand it, we are not helping them to develop their own belief system in the future. In essence, we are not giving them learning hooks on which to hook old information, new information, and future information\u2014to utilize when they need to make decisions for themselves.<\/p>\n

3. It is aggravating for the child<\/strong>. Ephesians 6:4 says, \u201cAnd you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.\u201d We as adults know how exasperating it is to work for someone who makes demands but does not give explanations. Our children often feel the same way with us. The Bible makes it clear that we have the potential to give our children life-giving truths (Proverbs tells us over and over to teach our kids God\u2019s ways) or demanding, \u201caggravating\u201d commands (without explanations).<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So take the time to TALK…to give the reasons\u2014especially when you are implementing a new rule, schedule, approach, or lifestyle choice for your family.<\/p>\n

Explain it to the children thoroughly\u2014and give them opportunities to respond (see next post!). Because avoiding the Rules Without Reasons is important enough to talk about it.<\/p>\n

Learn more about the Recipe for Rebellion with our parenting packet here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Recipe for Rebellion<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rules Without Reasons
\nRules Without Response
\nRules Without Repetition
\nRules Without Relationship<\/p>\n

Learn more about the Recipe for Rebellion with Donna\u2019s Wondering Wednesday podcast episode here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

* Leman, Kevin. Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. New York: Dell Publishing Company, 1987.<\/em><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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