{"id":3859,"date":"2015-09-19T10:32:42","date_gmt":"2015-09-19T14:32:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/?p=3859"},"modified":"2016-06-28T12:42:19","modified_gmt":"2016-06-28T16:42:19","slug":"3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize"},"content":{"rendered":"

A couple of days ago I wrote about how to teach your kids NOT to apologize<\/a> based on The View\u2019s apology to the beauty pageant nurse. In going through the steps to teach your kids what to do and not do in apologizing, it was uncanny how many things the co-hosts on that program did in the \u201cwhat not to do when you apologize\u201d list.<\/p>\n

There are many formulae out there for teaching the apology, and most of them are correct as they focus on the basics:<\/p>\n

(Download this poster here<\/a>)<\/em><\/p>\n

\"3<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m all about mnemonics\u2014using jingles, rhymes, clues, abbreviations, and more to teach children (and adults). I\u2019m all about alliteration (thus, the A<\/strong>ll A<\/strong>bout A<\/strong>lliteration…sorry!). I\u2019m also all about making things easier for kids to learn.<\/p>\n

So rather than the four, five, or even seven steps (which are all important), I bring you three steps to the genuine apology…with some substeps. \ud83d\ude42 (I\u2019m also all about outlining and sub-steps!)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"3<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take these apart for teaching purposes:<\/p>\n

1. Responsibility: Taking full responsibility for actions (in your mind and heart first).<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

This is often the hardest step for people (adults and children) because to take full responsibility means that we are not holding the other person responsible for anything they did.<\/p>\n

We are a society of victims (even when it isn\u2019t legit). It is often hard for us to believe that something is entirely our faults.<\/p>\n

In the responsibility step, we must teach our children that a genuine apology has the offender taking full responsibility for his actions\u2014with no concern for what the other person may have done.<\/p>\n

(This step can actually be \u201ctaught\u201d in an ongoing manner in our homes (not just during apologies) by working on two character qualities: empathy<\/strong> and humility<\/strong>. Check out this blog post<\/strong> <\/a>for help in teaching these traits to your children.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Be sure you teach some important aspects of this step:<\/p>\n

a)<\/strong> Responsibility means using clear wording to describe exactly what you did. No vagueness. No \u201cif I did anything.\u201d No \u201cmisunderstanding.\u201d
\nb)<\/strong> Responsibility takes the entire blame (without holding the other person hostage to apologize in order for you to admit your part).
\nc)<\/strong> Responsibility avoids words like if, but, you also, you misunderstood, sorry for the misunderstanding, etc.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2. Regret\/Remorse: Wording an apology in such a way that true remorse is communicated.<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

If a person did not take full responsibility for his actions, this regret\/remorse step will be hard to get to. You simply cannot truly regret something you \u201cmight\u201d have done or something that was \u201cmisunderstood\u201d by the other person.<\/p>\n

If a parent is forcing an apology, this step will be short, clipped, and insincere. It will be whatever it takes to end the apology.<\/p>\n

Because of this, we recommend that you use truly remorseful statements (as opposed to \u201cI want to ask you to forgive me\u201d or \u201cI hope you will forgive me\u201d or \u201cI wanted to apologize\u201d).<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here are some important aspects of this step:<\/p>\n

a)<\/strong> Wording should be that of taking full responsibility AND genuine remorse<\/p>\n

i. I am sorry that I _______________________ (list what the offender did)
\nii. Please forgive me for doing this.<\/p>\n

b)<\/strong> A remorseful apology does not bring up what the other person did.<\/p>\n

c)<\/strong> Note: We taught our kids that perception is reality. If the person thought you did it, to that person, you did it. Don\u2019t apologize for the person thinking you did it. Apologize for doing it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

3. Remedy: Taking steps to prove to the offended that you are changing your behavior in that area.<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

A true apology ends with the offended one being convinced that the offender will not repeat the offense. Now, nobody is perfect, and it might happen again! However, the offended one should feel that the person really plans to not repeat the offense and is actually planning steps to stop it from happening again.<\/p>\n

Children will often need a lot of help with this step. Coaching at this stage might sound something like, \u201cJohnny, now that you know that you have hurt Susie with that behavior. What can you do to be sure that you don\u2019t do it again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Eventually, as you carry out the three steps with your children, they will not need as much coaching in each step, but this last one might take some creativity on your part to help the offender come up with behaviors and steps that will end the hurtful actions.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The \u201cSimple\u201d is in the title because while there might be three words, three simple steps, the carrying out of these is anything but simple.<\/p>\n

But forgiveness is worth it. Humility and empathy are worth spending time on in the lives of our children.<\/p>\n

Click on the picture below to download 2 printable posters about what an apology IS \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

\"Apology<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A couple of days ago I wrote about how to teach your kids NOT to apologize based on The View\u2019s apology to the beauty pageant nurse. In going through the steps to teach your kids what to do and not do in apologizing, it was uncanny how many things the co-hosts on that program did […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[630,643,488,633,308,281],"tags":[831,330,832,10,833,289],"yoast_head":"\n3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize - Character Ink<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize - Character Ink\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A couple of days ago I wrote about how to teach your kids NOT to apologize based on The View\u2019s apology to the beauty pageant nurse. In going through the steps to teach your kids what to do and not do in apologizing, it was uncanny how many things the co-hosts on that program did […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Character Ink\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/characterinkcompany\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/characterinkcompany?ref=bookmarks\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-09-19T14:32:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-06-28T16:42:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/farm1.staticflickr.com\/734\/20899225033_f3f5ec7f78_z.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Donna\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Donna\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/\",\"name\":\"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize - Character Ink\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-09-19T14:32:42+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-06-28T16:42:19+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/801ef5fa0749f7c8c379e32c743fba64\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/\",\"name\":\"Character Ink\",\"description\":\"Home of the Language Lady & Cottage Classes!\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/801ef5fa0749f7c8c379e32c743fba64\",\"name\":\"Donna\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a34d703c1b470108b3e0674490546317?s=96&d=blank&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a34d703c1b470108b3e0674490546317?s=96&d=blank&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Donna\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/characterinkcompany?ref=bookmarks\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/author\/cqlalady\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize - Character Ink","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize - Character Ink","og_description":"A couple of days ago I wrote about how to teach your kids NOT to apologize based on The View\u2019s apology to the beauty pageant nurse. In going through the steps to teach your kids what to do and not do in apologizing, it was uncanny how many things the co-hosts on that program did […]","og_url":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/","og_site_name":"Character Ink","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/characterinkcompany\/","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/characterinkcompany?ref=bookmarks","article_published_time":"2015-09-19T14:32:42+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-06-28T16:42:19+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/farm1.staticflickr.com\/734\/20899225033_f3f5ec7f78_z.jpg"}],"author":"Donna","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Donna","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/","url":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/","name":"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize - Character Ink","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-09-19T14:32:42+00:00","dateModified":"2016-06-28T16:42:19+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/801ef5fa0749f7c8c379e32c743fba64"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/3-steps-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-apologize\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"3 Steps to Teach Your Kids How to Apologize"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/","name":"Character Ink","description":"Home of the Language Lady & Cottage Classes!","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/801ef5fa0749f7c8c379e32c743fba64","name":"Donna","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a34d703c1b470108b3e0674490546317?s=96&d=blank&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/a34d703c1b470108b3e0674490546317?s=96&d=blank&r=g","caption":"Donna"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/characterinkcompany?ref=bookmarks"],"url":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/author\/cqlalady\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3859"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3859"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3859\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3861,"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3859\/revisions\/3861"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3859"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3859"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3859"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}