{"id":1353,"date":"2010-01-21T23:48:00","date_gmt":"2010-01-21T23:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-twenty-two-do-not-allow-children-to-strike-each-other\/"},"modified":"2015-06-09T10:40:24","modified_gmt":"2015-06-09T14:40:24","slug":"day-twenty-two-do-not-allow-children-to-strike-each-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-twenty-two-do-not-allow-children-to-strike-each-other\/","title":{"rendered":"day twenty-two: do not allow children to strike each other"},"content":{"rendered":"

“The only moral lesson which is suited for a child, the most important lesson for every time of life, is this: \u2018Never hurt anybody.\u2019\u201d<\/strong>
                                          Denis Breeze<\/strong> <\/p>\n

A question that we get asked a lot is \u201cHow do you get your kids to NOT fight?\u201d Obviously, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of little things that go into siblings getting along. I would never pretend that our children always got along perfectly\u2014or that they never had \u201ctheir moments.\u201d They are really good friends\u2014both those at home and those who are grown, but seven kids and two parents living in one small fourteen hundred square foot house allowed for a lot of, well, relationship training! When our children didn\u2019t get along, we tried to use the opportunity as a teachable moment, a time to instruct in interpersonal skills, problem solving, deferring, Christian character, and more.<\/p>\n

However, one thing that we emphatically taught them concerning each other\u2014from very young ages\u2014is that you are not allowed to strike your sibling. I am sure that they did hit each other on occasion\u2014or that \u201cplaying\u201d got out of hand and what started as \u201cnormal\u201d living room tackles became real pushes and shoves in anger, but I can\u2019t say that I remember them, even as preschoolers, harming one another.<\/p>\n

I think the whole not \u201cstriking your sibling\u201d thing has to have three components to ward it off: (1) from the beginning of the child\u2019s early memory, it needs to be ingrained within them that under no circumstances are they allowed to hurt others (siblings or otherwise); (2) it must be a \u201cbiggie\u201d; in other words, it can\u2019t just be a passing \u201cdon\u2019t do that\u201d or \u201cgo sit in the corner for that,\u201d but instead must be a huge deal in your home, right up there with lying and other \u201cbiggies\u201d; (3) it must be punished consistently if it occurs (while making a \u201cbig\u201d deal out of this \u201cbiggie\u201d).<\/p>\n

Since this is a Positive Parenting blog, intent to give suggestions on Positive and Preventive Parenting, as opposed to Corrective Parenting, I will leave number three of the list above up to your personal discipline style. The other two, however, are taught through consistency and empathy training. Consistency in keeping appropriate behaviors in the forefront of their minds and hearts\u2014and consistency in discussing these things all the time (as well as consistency in discipline). And empathy training by putting within their hearts that we must think of how others feel at all times.<\/p>\n

I liken enforcement of the \u201cbiggies\u201d of Christian parenting (lying, striking, disrespect, cheating, stealing, etc.) to a carseat analogy. People always say that they cannot \u201cget\u201d their kids to do something or to stop doing something, such as in the hitting scenario. However, those same parents somehow got their infant, then their toddler, to sit in a car seat every single, solitary time that child was riding in a vehicle. How could that be? Didn\u2019t the child want out? Didn\u2019t the toddler scream and throw fits? Didn\u2019t you have to let him out and allow him to sit where he wanted to in order to have peace? <\/p>\n

Of course, the answers to those questions are obvious ones. The child stayed in the car seat while traveling in the vehicle because there was simply no other choice. The same thing can be true of anything that is important to you in your parenting. If you truly want hitting (or lying or any negative behavior) to end, you must make it non-optional, just like you did staying in the car seat. <\/p>\n

While I certainly do not agree with the above quote that the only lesson a child needs is not to hit someone, I do agree that ONE of the \u201cmost important lessons for every time of life, is this: \u2018Never hurt anybody.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“The only moral lesson which is suited for a child, the most important lesson for every time of life, is this: \u2018Never hurt anybody.\u2019\u201d                                          Denis Breeze A question that we get asked a lot is \u201cHow do you get your kids to NOT fight?\u201d Obviously, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of little things that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[643,308],"tags":[267,106,287,316,341,310,305,319,314],"yoast_head":"\nday twenty-two: do not allow children to strike each other - Character Ink<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-twenty-two-do-not-allow-children-to-strike-each-other\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"day twenty-two: do not allow children to strike each other - 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