{"id":1306,"date":"2010-03-09T03:24:00","date_gmt":"2010-03-09T03:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-sixty-eight-avoid-the-recipe-for-rebellion-ingredient-i-rules-without-reason\/"},"modified":"2016-08-24T00:00:20","modified_gmt":"2016-08-24T04:00:20","slug":"day-sixty-eight-avoid-the-recipe-for-rebellion-ingredient-i-rules-without-reason","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-sixty-eight-avoid-the-recipe-for-rebellion-ingredient-i-rules-without-reason\/","title":{"rendered":"day sixty-eight: avoid the recipe for rebellion\u2014ingredient i: rules without reason"},"content":{"rendered":"

                              Recipe for Rebellion<\/span><\/u>
\n   <\/span>
\n                     Rules Without Reasons <\/span><\/strong>
\n                     Rules Without Response <\/span>
\n                     Rules Without Repetition <\/span>
\n                     Rules Without Relationship<\/span><\/p>\n

Through many trial and error situations in parenting our first couple of kids as they entered the teen years, we have determined four key ingredients that cause teens to rebel\u2014Reishes\u2019 Recipe for Rebellion. I will share these ingredients, one at a time this week and into next week, as PP 3*6*5 focuses on raising teens in a Christian home this week\u2014and the pitfalls to avoid.<\/p>\n

Ingredient\u2008#1: RULES\u2008WITHOUT\u2008REASONS<\/p>\n

As indicated in various posts of this Positive Parenting 3*6*5 blog, we have believed in giving our children the reasons for our requests and rules (as long as the children are not demanding them), mostly due to embracing Kevin Leman’s* writings, which we discovered early in our parenting. However, we did not realize the importance of our rules and requests being logical and understandable to our kids until after we began debate. Through our experience with teaching our children public speaking and debate (and through judging hundreds of competitions), we learned that not only should we give our children the reasons for our rules if possible, but that those reasons should be logical, scriptural, and understandable.<\/p>\n

In other words, it is not enough to tell our kids yes or no and then add \u201cbecause I told you so.\u201d This goes back to the Preventive Parenting techniques that we have introduced earlier in this blog. One way to prevent problems before they begin is to explain the reasons behind your rules and requests to your children.<\/p>\n

Many authoritarian parents do not believe that they should have to do this. After all, we are the parents and they are the children. While you would be hard pressed to find parents who require obedience and respect much more than my husband and I do, we do not buy into the \u201cI am the parent, so the child should do it\u201d mindset\u2014without explanation and teaching concerning the rules we make.<\/p>\n

Why? For a number of reasons:<\/p>\n

1. That is not how God deals with us! His Word is a gold mine of reasons and explanations to us of why He wants us to do what He wants us to do. He is tender, long suffering, and patient with us. He does demand our obedience, but He does not say that it is \u201cbecause I told you so.\u201d Rather He says that it is \u201cto help us grow in our faith,\u201d \u201cto keep weaker brethren from stumbling,\u201d \u201cto show that we love Him,\u201d \u201cto be a light to the world,\u201d and on and on. One explanation after another; multiple cause and effect scenarios are presented.<\/p>\n

2. It does not help our children \u201cown\u201d the lifestyle choices and rules we are making. You cannot own something of which you do not understand. When we tell our children to live this way or that because we are the parents and we demand it, we are not helping them to develop their own belief system in the future. In essence, we are not giving them learning hooks on which to hook old information, new information, and future information\u2014to utilize when they need to make decisions for themselves. (See https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/#!\/notes\/positive-parenting-365\/day-fifty-four-create-learning-hooks-for-your-children-by-explaining-expectation\/323633071871<\/a> )<\/p>\n

3. It is aggravating for the child. Ephesians 6:4 says, \u201cAnd you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.\u201d We as adults know how exasperating it is to work for someone who makes demands but does not give explanations. Our children often feel the same way with us. The Bible makes it clear that we have the potential to give our children life-giving truths (Proverbs tells us over and over to teach our kids God\u2019s ways) or demanding, \u201caggravating\u201d commands (without explanations).<\/p>\n

That is the first ingredient in the Recipe for Rebellion\u2014Rules Without Reasons. It is removed from our \u201cingredient\u201d list for parenting quite simply\u2014and can be replaced with explanations, teaching, and instructions that will stay with our children a lifetime.<\/p>\n

Stay tuned tomorrow for the second ingredient\u2014Rules Without Response. You will be surprised how harmful this ingredient is\u2014and how you can allow your children to discuss rules with you and win their love and respect in the process.<\/p>\n

* Leman, Kevin. Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. New York: Dell Publishing Company, 1987.<\/p>\n

Note: The Recipe for Rebellion and other teen information this week is being excerpted, in part, from our parenting book The Well-Trained Heart<\/em>, available at our store.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                              Recipe for Rebellion                         Rules Without Reasons                      Rules Without Response                      Rules Without Repetition                      Rules Without Relationship Through many trial and error situations in parenting our first couple of kids as they entered the teen years, we have determined four key ingredients that cause teens to rebel\u2014Reishes\u2019 Recipe for Rebellion. 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