{"id":1072,"date":"2010-09-23T01:05:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-23T01:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-248-dont-leave-your-little-one-at-mcdonalds-say-what-you-mean-part-ii-of-ii\/"},"modified":"2015-06-05T15:10:13","modified_gmt":"2015-06-05T19:10:13","slug":"day-248-dont-leave-your-little-one-at-mcdonalds-say-what-you-mean-part-ii-of-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/characterinkblog.com\/day-248-dont-leave-your-little-one-at-mcdonalds-say-what-you-mean-part-ii-of-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"day 248: don\u2019t leave your little one at mcdonald\u2019s\u2014say what you mean, part ii of ii"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday I talked about not threatening to leave your child at my remote office (McDonald\u2019s)\u2014and an excellent piece of advice we received from our early mentors: Say only what you mean. Think back over the past few days. How many times did you give a command to your little one that you didn\u2019t really care whether he obeyed or not? How many times did you tell him to do something that you did not follow through on?<\/span>

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These are things like when you are waiting in line at the grocery and he wanders a few feet away from you to look at the candy, and you say, \u201cCome right back here and stand next to me.\u201d Why? I mean, do you mean that? Does it matter if he is two feet from you looking at the candy (assuming he has learned not to take any or touch things that are not his)? If you don\u2019t care if he is two feet from you and you are not going to make him do it anyway, why say it?<\/span>

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Or how about the old, \u201cIf you do that one more time, we are going to go home\u201d or \u201c\u2026we are not going to Grandma\u2019s,\u201d or \u201c\u2026you are going to bed\u201d? Do we mean that? Will we really take Johnny home if he stands up in the booth one more time? Then don\u2019t say it!<\/span>

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There are so many commands that we give our kids that we simply do not mean. They either aren\u2019t that important to us or we do not have the backbone to follow through on them if they are not obeyed. In these instances, we would be better off not saying anything at all. <\/span>

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When we give these empty commands, we are really training our kids to disregard our instruction. We are essentially training them to disobey. <\/span>

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In the past month or so, here are some classics I have heard at \u201cmy office\u201d:<\/span>

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–\u201cIf you scream one more time, we are leaving.\u201d (Followed by scream after scream, of course!)<\/span>

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–\u201cIf you don\u2019t come right now, we\u2019re not going to Grandma\u2019s.\u201d<\/span>

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–\u201cIf you don\u2019t come right now, we\u2019re not going to the park\u2014but we\u2019re going home to take naps instead.\u201d<\/span>

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–\u201cDon\u2019t climb on that display.\u201d \u201cGet off of that display.\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t stand on that display.\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t climb on that display.\u201d (over and over and over and over\u2026.)<\/span>

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–\u201cCome here right now\u201d (followed by a cat and mouse chase that had to be absolutely humiliating to that dad doing the chasing\u2026)<\/span>

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Two tips for implementing this \u201csay what you mean\u201d parenting strategy: <\/span>

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(1) Do not give commands that really don\u2019t matter. I mean, honestly, does your child HAVE to stand with his arms down at his side? We have a tendency to focus on outward behaviors\u2014some of which have no bearing on our child\u2019s important behavior or heart training. When we do this, we teach our child that all behaviors are equal. That standing just so is as important as not talking back or running from us when we call. <\/span>

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(2) Do not give commands of which you are not willing or able to follow through. When you tell your child to do something, be sure you mean it. Be sure it is important enough to warrant a command\u2014and important enough to be sure it is followed.<\/span>

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More child training tips to follow\u2014thanks for joining us at Positive Parenting 365!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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