by Donna | Mar 19, 2010
Over the next two weeks, I will be giving insights into parenting preschoolers (and some toddler info too). Hope you will join us. Today I am posting my unpublished children’s book, Jonathan’s Journal, in its entirety. I will use portions of this each day in my blog about preschoolers and toddlers. Thanks for joining us!
I got up early this morning—Mom said she barely had her eyes open—and I got sent back to bed with books FOR HOURS!
Mom said she set the timer for half an hour, but I think she made a mistake. Finally, I got to get up, and I made my bed.
When Mama came in to check on me, she picked me up, and we swirled and swirled ‘coz she was so happy that I remembered to make my bed without being told.
I woke my little brother up GENTLY, and we wrestled a little before Mom came and took us into her bed to snuggle. Mommy and Daddy’s bed is so warm it must have some kind of special heater in it. Mommy says it’s warm because they’re so in love. Does love really make things warm?
Mommy read us our “Little Eyes Bible,” and I knew all of the answers when she asked the questions at the end. I let Josiah answer the really easy ones, so he would be happy. Mother read us our blessings, then held us close and sang Josiah’s favorite song that Mommy made up: “Precious Baby.” Josiah said that song is Jakie’s now, but Mama said it is still ours, too.
Next we had to get dressed and groomed. I had to brush my teeth three times before I got them good. I threw a TEENY fit because I wanted to wear my new blue shirt that’s for going places, and today is a stay at home day, so Mommy wanted me to wear play clothes. My little fit didn’t do any good—I wore the play clothes.
My big sister made yolky eggs for breakfast. I had to butter the toast—which is the worst job ‘coz it takes FOREVER. It’s worth it when I push a corner of the toast into the yolk, and the yellow puddle oozes out. I love yolky eggs.
Mommy read out loud from a chapter book while we ate. I’m starting to kind of like chapter books, even though they don’t have any pictures; I can make the pictures in my head now.
During breakfast clean-up, we listened to a story tape, which I LOVE. After breakfast, Mommy, Josiah, Kara, and I read some animal stories since that is what Kara is studying in our homeschool. I love animal stories and begged Mommy to read another one, but she didn’t have time because my big brother needed her help on his math. She said maybe we would read an extra one tomorrow—I’ll be sure to remind her.
I had to help with Baby Jacob. He can be so grouchy sometimes! Luckily, Mommy let me give him Cheerios to quiet him down, so I got some too.
Soon it was time for Jakie to play in his play pen, so Josiah and I got to play together. Next thing I knew, we were in trouble! Mommy came into the room and said that it looked like a tornado went through. We did it again! We got too many things out at one time. We had stuff all over the living room: Legos, cars and trucks, Duplo people, books, and stuffed animals. It took us FOREVER to clean it up—even with Kara’s help. Josiah and I had to each do an extra fifteen minute chore with Mommy because we forgot the rule about getting out too many things at one time, even though Mom said that she has reminded us every day for the last month.
Before I knew it, it was time to set the table for lunch. Josiah and I raced to see who could get done with our jobs first. I slowed down at the end so Josiah could catch up—then I let him win! Mommy took me into her room alone and gave me a million hugs. She said she was so happy that I was learning to see how others feel—and that I make Josiah feel important. I think she’ll probably tell Daddy, and he’ll say, “Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!” I love it when he says that—he always has a big smile on his face and tears in his eyes when he does.
During lunch Mother read the older kids’ history book out loud. I kind of like it too. It’s about the Pilgrims who rode on the Mayflower. I like the Indians. She read more of it while we cleaned up lunch.
Right after lunch Josiah, Kara, and I picked out our stories for story time. We snuggled on the couch with Mommy and read them. I was so happy ‘coz it was my day, and I got to pick two stories today. I picked Curious George and a book about astronauts. Story time is my favorite time of the day.
After story time, Josiah had to take his nap, and I set the timer for half an hour and played on the computer. My big brother let me play his World War II game. It’s really fun.
Josiah slept FOREVER today, so I got bored. It stopped raining after lunch, so Mommy said I should go outside and jump on the trampoline—I think I was getting on her nerves. My three big sisters got done with their school work and came out and jumped. We played “California Earthquake” until Mommy finished her writing on the computer.
When Josiah finally woke up, Mommy, Josiah, and I played puzzles on the floor. We did our huge ABC floor puzzle. It’s really neat. We left it out for Daddy to see.
The next thing I knew it was time for evening chores. I didn’t even get to play army men yet! Josiah and I had to unload the dishwasher and set the table. Kayla and Cami are making bbq chicken tonight. Yum!
Daddy called and said that he is not going to be home for another half an hour, so my brother helped me set up army men. We worked and worked, making the forts and setting up all the cannons and everything. We got done setting up just in time to eat dinner. Mommy said we could leave it out for later.
During dinner Joshua and Kayla told some jokes from their joke books, and Mommy and Daddy talked about all of the yard work we have to do on Saturday. I don’t know why adults like to work so much! After dinner, Daddy read to us from the Bible and we sang. I chose “Father Abraham,” which is my favorite song ‘coz I like the motions. We cleaned the kitchen quickly so Daddy, Joshua, Josiah, and I could play army men.
After we played army men, it was almost time for bed. Mommy gave us a five minute warning—which meant we only had five more minutes of fun before we had to clean up our toys. I wanted to leave it set up for tomorrow, but Mommy said tomorrow is “grocery and doctor day,” so we will be gone in the morning. She even said I could wear my new blue shirt! I can’t wait.
We got ready for bed and Daddy, Kara, Josiah, and I did our “Picture Bible.” Daddy always stops at the most exciting parts!
After he hugged and kissed Kara and Josiah good-night, Dad asked me to sit on his lap for a minute. He held me close, smiled real big, got watery eyes, and then said, “Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!”
by Donna | Mar 17, 2010
”What we remember from childhood we remember forever – permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen.” ~Cynthia Ozick
We had one of those nights tonight….the kind where you enjoy your children more than you ever thought possible. The kind where you think that every sacrifice you ever made was worth it. And every mistake you ever made was forgotten. The kind that makes you glad that you had those family “ we always……” times.
Kayla was home from college itinerating for her upcoming missionary position. Kara was teaching a drama seminar to a homeschool group two hours from us. And Cami and her husband (who live near us) were available. So Kayla, Cami, Joseph, Ray, and I went to visit Kara. We picked her up and went out for dinner then dessert and had an absolutely incredible night…a night filled with remembering our “we always….” times.
It started when we picked Kara up. “We always” run up to each other, hug, and act like we haven’t seen each other for years (which it sometimes feels like!). Then we went to the restaurant and promptly laid all of the table signs on their sides…because “we always” do that.
Next, just like “we always” do, the one in the middle prayed. And just like “we always” do….we talked, and talked, and talked, and talked.
When we left the restaurant, everybody grabbed somebody—arm in arm, hand around the waist…because “we always” cuddle and show fond affection towards each other—and Dad swirled and twirled Kara because “he always” twirls his girls.
As we drove to the ice cream shop, one of the girls called out “calendar meeting” at the next stop because when we’re together, “we always” have calendar meetings. (Joseph, our son-in-law, said that if we were having a calendar meeting, he was staying in the van….our calendar meetings drive him crazy!)
When we went for dessert, two of the girls ran ahead and yelled “corner family booth” because “we always” try to squeeze in a corner booth so we can be closer and talk even more. As we talked in our “corner family booth,” we reminisced about old times because “we always” do that—and talked about how much fun we had on our last vacation, how important each person’s ministry/work is and how proud we are of each one, how cute and sweet “the little boys” are, and on and on.
Then, unfortunately, we had to part. We took a long time letting Kara go because “we always” do that. When we were all going our separate ways, I sent a love note via text—“I love you all ‘a million times infinity and beyond;” because “I always” write my kids love notes.
Our “we always’s” have become so important to our family. They define us. They make us the Ray Reish family. They bind us and build us up. They make us secure in our place in this world.
Some of our “we always’s” are big—“we always” exchange siblings gifts on Christmas Eve; “we always” do a big, expensive family night in December (with a play and dinner out). Many of our “we always’s” are small—moving the table signs off the table so we can see everybody and reminiscing about vacation. Regardless of whether they are big or small, our “we always” times build family unity, draw us closer to each other, and make us what we are—a Christian family trying to serve God in our own ways and “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Create “we always” times in your family–your kids will be so glad you did!
Note: Couldn’t pass up this opportunity to share our “we always’s.” I will introduce “Jonathan’s Journal” tomorrow—and start on our toddler/preschool journey.
by Donna | Feb 19, 2010
“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.” Lee Iacocca
About a dozen years ago, we went to a parenting seminar (we never outgrew parenting seminars!) in which the teacher said that we should tell our kids that our family is the greatest and go on and on about how wonderful it is to be a member of our family. He even said, “When you are all in the vehicle and driving somewhere, say aloud, ‘Which family is the best family ever?’” Then we should all chant and yell, “Ours is!”
Ray and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. Was this teacher a mouse in our full sized van, “Big Blue”? Ever since we can remember, and certainly since our oldest children were preschoolers and primary age children, we always gathered in the van and shouted out how great our family was, how glad we are to be a part of it, etc.
“Which family is the best family ever?”
“Ours is!”
“Who loves to be in our family?”
“We do!”
“Who has the best brothers and sisters?”
“I do!”
It sounds a little strange to read it—and unless you were there in our van with happy, giggling children and overjoyed parents, you can’t fully appreciate those wonderful times. But they were wonderful.
Children have a tendency to believe whatever they are told. So let’s tell them good things! How much better to start them off with a positive outlook on their family than on a complaining “other people have it better than I do” attitude that is so prevalent among kids today.
Our children always believed that we had an awesome family, in part because we “chanted” it (!) and in part because we did! We tried to do the many “positive parenting strategies” that I have been writing about. And we told them—frankly, that God has truly blessed us with a family and a Savior.
We wanted them to be happy that they were born into the Reish family. We wanted them to see how blessed they were to have such incredible siblings. We wanted them to appreciate their parents, who were dedicating a huge portion of their lives to raising them in the best environment we could create.
Maybe yelling out how blessed your family is seems awkward to you. However, we can all use a little more thankfulness and a little less complaining. And our children can certainly benefit from seeing us be grateful and happy that God has given us each other. Something as small as, “I am so happy that God gave us each other” or “We are certainly blessed to have the family we do” is a good place for us parents to start.
Obviously, it takes a lot more than chanting to create a happy home. But verbalizing our blessings can be a part of the making of a happy home. And convincing our children from the earliest ages that they truly are fortunate to be born into our family is a great way to get them on our team from the beginning.
by Donna | Jan 29, 2010
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?” Matthew 7: 3 & 4
When I looked up this verse to include in today’s blog, I was reminded of last year when my cottage class students were to write their own “modern day” version of this passage. They were extremely creative with it, using “normal” things like sand and boulder or grain of wheat and loaf of bread; however, one student went a little overboard with the creativity when he wrote, “Why worry about the Spam in your friend’s eye when you have an entire hog in your own?” Wow, my students crack me up sometimes!
I want to share an exercise that has helped our family. Our associate pastor, Don Williams, and his wife (head of Renew Counseling Center at our church) recently spoke together on a Sunday morning about marriage. During this message, Nancy had everyone take a piece of paper and fold it in half. On the left side, you were to write a list of things that someone (i.e. your spouse, but we discussed this with our kids in terms of their relationships with each other, too) does that you do not like. Then on the right, you were to write your response to each of these acts (the way you usually respond).
Finally, you were to tear the page down the middle and throw away the half that listed your spouse’s (or sibling’s!) faults. But keep the list of your responses. That list is yours to work on.
Of course, we had a few moments of humor with this at the dinner table that day as Kara, our then-eighteen year old, announced that “it wasn’t hard for me to choose who to put on my page—or to think of the things HE does to annoy me….” with the three “he’s” sitting around wide-eyed, begging her to tell them which one of them she was referring to!
However, Nancy was exactly right. We cannot do anything about the list on the left. We cannot control that person. We cannot make that person change. We cannot “help” that person do the right thing. But we can control the list on the right. That is ours alone to conquer. That is a list of “to do” items—to change, to respond differently, to quit, to alter, to improve. That list needs to be our focus—not the other person’s list of faults that you made.
Ever since I can remember, Ray has coached the children in relationships in this way—you cannot control what the other person does, but you can control yourself. I hear him on the phone, weekly it seems, talking to one of the married kids or one of the college girls, reminding them of this truth. I listen as he tells the boys once again, that only you are responsible for your own actions—and you alone choose whether you want to invest in somebody (i.e. your sibling) or hurt that person.
Nancy’s exercise was a visible, tangible way to see this. When you rip up the other person’s faults and throw them away, you are symbolically and physically saying that you will not try to change that person. When you embrace the remaining list—the one that enumerates your faults (your negative responses), you are saying that you want to change—to do the next right thing, to work on that relationship—and your part in any negative aspects of it.
We must continually remind our children—and ourselves—to focus on our mistakes and not the mistakes of others. To be the first one to initiate reconciliation in relationships. To be the one who decides that this other person is more valuable than my being right. To be the type of person who works on the list on the right hand side of the page—and discards the list on the left.
by Donna | Jan 21, 2010
“The only moral lesson which is suited for a child, the most important lesson for every time of life, is this: ‘Never hurt anybody.’”
Denis Breeze
A question that we get asked a lot is “How do you get your kids to NOT fight?” Obviously, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of little things that go into siblings getting along. I would never pretend that our children always got along perfectly—or that they never had “their moments.” They are really good friends—both those at home and those who are grown, but seven kids and two parents living in one small fourteen hundred square foot house allowed for a lot of, well, relationship training! When our children didn’t get along, we tried to use the opportunity as a teachable moment, a time to instruct in interpersonal skills, problem solving, deferring, Christian character, and more.
However, one thing that we emphatically taught them concerning each other—from very young ages—is that you are not allowed to strike your sibling. I am sure that they did hit each other on occasion—or that “playing” got out of hand and what started as “normal” living room tackles became real pushes and shoves in anger, but I can’t say that I remember them, even as preschoolers, harming one another.
I think the whole not “striking your sibling” thing has to have three components to ward it off: (1) from the beginning of the child’s early memory, it needs to be ingrained within them that under no circumstances are they allowed to hurt others (siblings or otherwise); (2) it must be a “biggie”; in other words, it can’t just be a passing “don’t do that” or “go sit in the corner for that,” but instead must be a huge deal in your home, right up there with lying and other “biggies”; (3) it must be punished consistently if it occurs (while making a “big” deal out of this “biggie”).
Since this is a Positive Parenting blog, intent to give suggestions on Positive and Preventive Parenting, as opposed to Corrective Parenting, I will leave number three of the list above up to your personal discipline style. The other two, however, are taught through consistency and empathy training. Consistency in keeping appropriate behaviors in the forefront of their minds and hearts—and consistency in discussing these things all the time (as well as consistency in discipline). And empathy training by putting within their hearts that we must think of how others feel at all times.
I liken enforcement of the “biggies” of Christian parenting (lying, striking, disrespect, cheating, stealing, etc.) to a carseat analogy. People always say that they cannot “get” their kids to do something or to stop doing something, such as in the hitting scenario. However, those same parents somehow got their infant, then their toddler, to sit in a car seat every single, solitary time that child was riding in a vehicle. How could that be? Didn’t the child want out? Didn’t the toddler scream and throw fits? Didn’t you have to let him out and allow him to sit where he wanted to in order to have peace?
Of course, the answers to those questions are obvious ones. The child stayed in the car seat while traveling in the vehicle because there was simply no other choice. The same thing can be true of anything that is important to you in your parenting. If you truly want hitting (or lying or any negative behavior) to end, you must make it non-optional, just like you did staying in the car seat.
While I certainly do not agree with the above quote that the only lesson a child needs is not to hit someone, I do agree that ONE of the “most important lessons for every time of life, is this: ‘Never hurt anybody.’”
