What is a techno-free zone today? I remember when we would have our nightly living room meetings with our teens and pre-teens before they went to bed at night. We only had a television on a cart in our bedroom closet that we would pull out to watch things together as a family. We had one desk top computer in the dining room—an open room between the kitchen and living room. And that was it. Period.

Techno-free zones were easy to come by for us.

It got harder as the kids got older. We eventually had to declare techno free talks—phones off, etc.

But it is so worth it to set aside some times to talk as a family (or one-on-one) with no technology vying for everyone’s attention.

Of course, we have all seen the memes: put all the phones in a basket until the timer goes off then everybody gets theirs back; stack them upside down in the middle of the table and the first one to check theirs pays for dinner; hide the log in until a certain time, etc.

And those would probably work, but here are a few other tips to get you thinking about how you can talk to your kids without technology:

(1) Declare it…call it by a formal name, put it on the calendar, and make it happen: Don’t forget—tonight at 9….

(2) Have food! Especially with teens! Food keeps hands busy (so they won’t miss their phones!). And it makes teens very happy…chips and queso from your favorite Mexican place; breadsticks and cheese sauce from the wholesale club; caramel corn; cookies and milk; fruit and dip….doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, but the more unique to your family, the better. (We like to do cheese fondues! They take a while, and we talk and talk!)

(3) Have it some place special—around the fire pit, with a fireplace going and the lights dimmed, on the deck or front porch…some place where there are fewer things inside calling for them.

(4) Have it at a restaurant….even if it is fast food….once you are all seated, restaurants are great atmospheres for just talking. And teens love food…have I mentioned that?

(5) Make it short….if your kids (and parents!) check their phones every ten minutes, don’t expect to have three or four hour techno-free talks. It is better to have them more frequently but for less duration to ensure that kids don’t get bored. Also, if you set it from 9 to 10, you might easily find it going longer as the talking proceeds.

How have you established techno-free talks in your home? I would love to hear your ideas!

The post 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Techno-Free Talk Time appeared first on Character Ink.

WHEN YOU “SIT” IN YOUR HOUSE—PREFERABLY IN A TECHNO-FREE ZONE

Out of all of the times/places that we are told to teach our children diligently in Deuteronomy, “when you sit in your house” has got to be the most challenging. Over twenty-five years ago, Gregg Harris gave us the greatest advice in his parenting seminar (that we have used weekly and teach others to do the same): Whatever is important to you to do with your children should be attached to something that is already in the schedule. Thus, we attached reading together to rising/going to bed; we attach family prayer to meals; etc. However, finding time to “sit in your house” is another matter—and one that I would like to address as a talk time in this blog post.

How many of us “sit in our houses”? That is, we sit—not to watch television, pay bills, surf the web; play computer games; read the paper, etc., but just SIT.

With my AOADD (Adult-Onset ADD—self diagnosed!!!), sitting is not one of my favorite things to do—unless I am doing something else at the same time (i.e. working!). However, this is an often-overlooked period of time that we truly need to tap into in order to talk with our children.

We have to force ourselves to “sit” with our children. We need to make it a habit to just take a seat next to one or more of them each day—no electronics, no work on our laps—and just “be.” These moments are when great communication times as we are “sitting in our house” will occur.

Not necessarily formal teaching, though there are definite times and places for that. But just “being.”

Just saying, “Tell me about your day.” And truly listening.

Times to really look into their faces and observe their countenance—to read the signs that show that deep within that son or daughter is an ache, a question, an apprehension, an issue that needs Mom or Dad time.

Recent statistics indicate that teenagers spend an average of less than thirty minutes a week in a “meaningful relationship” with their mothers and fifteen minutes per week with their fathers. Fifteen to thirty minutes a week with Mom or Dad during some of the most critical years of a person’s life! (We have said for years that ages sixteen to twenty are the highest need years for our kids in terms of parental time and support.)

Another recent study of parents and children by an insurance company said that children WANT their parents to spend time with them. Eight out of ten said they resented being put in front of a television (instead of spending time with Mom or Dad); sixty percent said they wished their parents spent more time with them and worked less.

Parents who bring work home (instead of being available for their kids), put their own hobbies and interests before the kids; and are consumed with their home and possessions more than their kids are being coined as “Maybe later” parents. As a mom of seven grown kids (ages eighteen through thirty-three), I can tell you for sure that “later” never comes.

So…the first piece of advice we have for establishing talk time when you sit in your home” is to “sit in your home”! Set aside other things and make the time. Fire pits; bonfires; electronic-free rooms; porch swing moments; Mom & Dad’s bedroom for midnight meetings; family meals—all of these give opportunities to sit with our kids. Let’s make it happen!

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