“A penny for your thoughts; a nickel for a hug; and a dime if you tell me that you love me.”

We have talked at length on this blog about communicating with our kids. And how communication is a strong form of “teaching when…”

The ditty above is a little chant that we used to say to our kids to remind them that we want to talk to them, that they are valuable to us, that we love them “ten million times infinity and beyond.” From this saying, a valuable “object lesson” developed and tied my son’s and my heartstrings in a special way nearly twenty years ago.

The rest of that jingle (after the infamous “penny for your thoughts”) goes on to offer not only a penny for what the person is thinking, but also a nickel for a hug and ten cents if he or she says “I love you.”

Sixteen cents… a meager amount of change that elicits warm feelings (and, I admit, a few tears of longing) as I write this. Our oldest son and I used to take the “penny for your thoughts” a little further when he was a little boy—and repeat the rest of the jingle to each other, complete with a big hug and special “I love you.”

As Joshua grew up, we would occasionally remind each other of how much we love to talk—and how much we care for each other by giving each other sixteen cents. When he was in high school and worked part time, I would wake up in the morning to find him off to work—with a penny, a nickel, and a dime lying on my desk. When he would open his lunch box, he would sometimes find sixteen cents taped to the inside of his pail. Not enough money to buy lunch, for sure, but enough money to know that Mom will be waiting on him ready to talk when he gets home from work.

What objects might have special meaning to you and your child? Is there a special item that you can attach unique meaning to for one or more of your children? Is there a trinket, heart, words to a song, picture of the two of you, favorite picture book, etc. that can be utilized as an object “just for the two of you”? Another way to build a special talk time?

Related Links:

52 Ways to Say Triff Affirmation Cards for Families
Keep Kids Close
[Video] 52 Ways to Say Triff
52 Weeks: Who’s Got Their Shoes On?
52 Weeks: Malachi Time
52 Weeks: Story Time

The post 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: A Penny for Your Thoughts, a Nickle for a Hug, and a Dime if You Tell Me That You Love Me appeared first on Character Ink.

Three years ago we were asked to tell our love language stories on a promo/surprise video that Gary Chapman’s publisher was going to put together for him as a surprise for the twentieth year celebration of his initial Five Love Languages book.  We were excited to do it as his books, including the application of his teaching on love languages, made such a huge impact on our parenting over the past twenty years.

To fully appreciate this short video snippet (our portion of the promo video), you have to hear the darling story of when we first discovered that the five love languages were alive and well in the Reish home.

Ray and I were taking a parenting course/support group (told you we were parenting seminar and book junkies!) when the teacher gave us Chapman’s first love language book and asked us to read it over the next week and give an oral book report to the class the following week. We read it aloud together, and we had a lot of fun trying to guess each of our olders’ primary and secondary languages. Any time one of the kids said or did something, we would say, “See…told you his was _____.”

The evening of our class came, and true to form on class nights (they were held in our home), I was rushing around to get dinner on the table, get the kids around, etc., so that we could have everything ready when people arrived. Ray pulled in the drive-way, and everybody got excited.

Here is where all of our questions about our four olders’ primary love languages were answered:

Joshua (first born, about thirteen at the time; now thirty-two) and I raced through the house, into the garage, and out to the drive-way, acting like we were pushing each other (Joshua is one of the most gentle young men in the world and would NEVER push his mother—or anybody for that matter!), and shouting to each other: “I get him first. I need him more than you do.” “You get him all the time. I need to tell Dad some things.” etc. etc.: LOVE LANGUAGE: TIME….and, yes, still to this day!

Kayla (first daughter, about ten at the time; now twenty-nine) sat in her usual spot at dinner and said the words that she often said to her family members: “Dad, try these muffins. I made them today just for you!” LOVE LANGUAGE: ACTS OF SERVICE….and yes, still to this day!

Cami (second daughter, third child, about nine at the time; now twenty-seven) pulled something out from under her chair at dinner: “Here, Daddy. I made this painting for you today!” LOVE LANGUAGE: GIFTS….and yes, still to this day!

Kara (third daughter, middle child, about six at the time; now twenty-four) stood up and twirled around and around beside Ray’s chair: “Look, Daddy, Mommy got me this new dress at a garage sale. Do you think it’s pretty?” LOVE LANGUAGE: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION….and yes, still to this day!

Within one hour’s time—within minutes before our oral book report was due—all four of our older kids affirmed what we had believed about their love languages. How cool is that?

Here is the video clip of our portion of Mr. Chapman’s surprise video:

To purchase any of Mr. Chapman’s books on Amazon, click here.  (Affiliate link)

The post Ray and Donna on Five Love Languages Promo Video appeared first on Character Ink.

We understand that you were nervous, afraid of the unknown and possible hurt…for Mom and Dad were afraid one day too.

We understand that once the answer was yes, you were giddy and seeing stars…for Mom and Dad are often giddy and seeing stars too.

We understand that as you got to know each other, you needed to talk for hours and hours…for Mom and Dad need to talk for hours and hours too.

We understand that as your love has deepened, the days between your time together have felt like forever…for when Mom and Dad have time apart, it feels like forever too.

We understand that you can hardly wait for the next time you get to spend time together…for Mom and Dad can hardly wait for the next time we get to spend time together too.

We understand that you need to hear each other’s voices, to have the restlessness in your souls calmed…for Mom and Dad calm each other’s restless souls too.

We understand that you just want to laugh, to sing, to play–and you need to do these things together…for Mom and Dad need to laugh and sing and play together too.

We understand that you await words of affirmation and love from each other every day…for Mom and Dad await those words from each other every day too.

We understand that you want to dream together of the future–think, talk, scheme, and hope…for Mom and Dad dream together too.

We understand that you think nobody else in the world feels like you do–that nobody else could possibly hold the love and feelings that you are holding…for Mom and Dad think that we are the only ones too.

We understand that you need more minutes, more hours, more days, more weeks to be together…for Mom and Dad need more time too.

We understand that you long for the day when you will not be apart, the day that your lives are joined as one and you no longer have separate lives….for Mom and Dad longed for that day for us too.

We understand that you wake up in the morning thinking of your love–and that is the last thought you have before you sleep…for Mom and Dad think of each other morning and night too.

We understand all of these things…we haven’t forgotten. We understand….we understand that you are in love….for Mom and Dad are in love too.

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