by Donna | Apr 5, 2010
“Mommy read out loud from a chapter book while we ate. I’m starting to kind of like chapter books, even though they don’t have any pictures; I can make the pictures in my head now.”*
I have talked at length in this blog about expectations of our children (and will likely continue to do so!). Specifically, I discussed the concept of having high expectations of our children in the areas that they CAN control (i.e. kindness, obedience, diligence, etc.) and limiting expectations in the areas that they can NOT control (potty training, learning to read, penmanship, spelling, etc.).**
While children often do not have control over whether they are ready to learn to read or be potty trained, we can challenge our children in many areas in non-stressful ways. Today’s excerpt (which was also the excerpt from a couple of days ago) describes Jonathan listening to me read aloud to him from a chapter book (while the children ate—always the efficiency expert, here!). It also described something that I loved to hear my kids tell me: “I can make pictures in my head now.”
While we are waiting for readiness to develop in children in their “uncontrolled areas,” we can challenge them and help them build up to the readiness of those things. While Jonathan, as a preschool non-reader, could not read chapter books, I could read them to him, and challenge him mentally to develop the pictures in his mind, build his listening comprehension (which tremendously affects reading comprehension later when the child becomes a reader), and much more. This is a prime example of challenging children in a non-stressful way.
Here are a few ways to challenge your young children in non-stressful ways to get you started. Since my family has convinced me to continue PP 365 in the year 2011 too, I will likely add many more examples of challenging our children in academics and diligence (two other blog ideas I was considering for next year) right here on PP, so “stay tuned”!
1. Read above their readability level—This is what I described above. When our children are non-readers (or even limited readers—just learning and/or only reading phonetically-controlled materials), we can read above their reading level to increase their listening comprehension—and help them “make pictures in their minds.” (More on this when we talk about reading, elementary kids, and tweens—honest!)
2. Discussing everything—the best way to challenge our children in academics in a non-stressful way is to discuss everything. (PP 365 has several posts on this!) Just because a child cannot read it for himself yet (in the case of a young child or struggling reader) or just because he cannot experience it for himself (i.e. taking a trip to the moon!) does not mean that he cannot learn about it from you, the parent, through discussion. Don’t be afraid to embark on conversations about everything. Bring library books home about “school” subjects and discuss the books after you read them to him. Discussion is the best way to build a background of experience that a child can bring with him into all of his future learning experiences. (See Learning Hooks post earlier this year.)
3. Build attention span—One way to build a child’s attention span in a non-stressful way is to provide audios for the child to listen to—and, especially, replace some video/television time with them. I will be reviewing several audio recommendations throughout the year, but to get you started, consider the following for the preschool/elementary child:
a. Uncle Dan and Aunt Sue story tapes (i.e. Your Story Hour)—outstanding story tapes with sound effects, voices, etc. for young children—start with the Bible stories and true life character stories (available from Library and Educational Services)
b. Adventures in Odyssey radio drama—the best audio stories (Bible, true life, history, etc.) for ages six through fourteen we have ever seen, hands down. Available from Focus on the Family. (Also available to listen to online at https://www.whitsend.org/ )
c. Book and “tape” sets—book and tape sets, available at your children’s library, usually in bag and cd/tape pairs, are outstanding ways to have your child go through hundreds of picture books on his own. (We personally had our preschoolers do a book and tape set every day on their “daily checklist.” They especially enjoyed re-listening to stories that we had read together during story time.)
d. Audio books—if you are just making the transition from picture books to your child listening to chapter books, and you want to do more than what you have time to read to him, consider audio books or talking books. If he is just starting out, you can do some easier ones like Magic Tree House, Boxcar Children, American Girl, Aesops’ Fables (or other story “collections”), etc.
4. Focus on skills and behaviors that he does have control over. I have mentioned this like a broken record, and, believe it or not, I have more to say about it in “readiness for school” coming up sometime in the future! For now, I just want to reiterate the common sense idea of spending your time and energy on controllable things for your child. Your four year old can learn to be helpful, kind, obedience, cheerful, and more. Do not be concerned if he can say his ABC’s backwards or skip ten feet. Focus on the really important stuff now—“it will all shake out in the end”! smile….
*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html
**Link to expectation post from earlier this year: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-twenty-seven-have-high-expectations.html
by Donna | Feb 10, 2010
“A torn jacket is soon mended, but hard words bruise the heart of a child.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Many, many years ago we received some excellent parenting advice: do not praise your children for things that are out of their control (i.e. intelligence, beauty, talent), but praise you children for things that they can affect (i.e. character, effort, diligence, resourcefulness, etc.) We tried to take this to heart—though I admit to praising their absolute “darlingness” more often than I should have!
A person may be born with great beauty, high intelligence, or outstanding skills. However, if that person does nothing with that quality, it is wasted. A person may be born with average looks, mediocre intelligence, and medium skills—and may go far simply because he used the things that he could control to make something of himself.
Our first daughter (second child) was highly intelligent, but she didn’t feel intelligent for a long time due to dyslexia and dysgraphia. Here she was a twelve year old who could read and comprehend anything; a twelve year old who knew more history than any adult I knew; a twelve year old who could read, comprehend, and teach the Bible far beyond her years, but because her spelling and penmanship were lagging by several years, she never felt that she was smart. While we did tell her that she was smart various times, we tried to focus much more on her effort (especially in the areas of penmanship and spelling, which she tried so hard to master); resourcefulness (utilizing other methods of learning); and “stick-tu-a-tive-ness.” Those character qualities that she acquired (the ones we praised her continually for) have taken her far in her short twenty-four years—and will continue to take her far as long as she strives as she has.
Research has borne this concept out in the past several years as more and more researchers have looked at what makes successful students, what makes kids tick, and how we can raise children with positive self esteem (and in Christian parenting, with appropriate self esteem). This week I will be sharing some of these studies, as well as some specific ways to praise your kids and motivate them with appropriate affirmation.
Today I leave you with the results of recent study about praising children for things they can control. Jennifer Henderlong Corpus and Mark Lepper, psychologists who have analyzed over thirty years of studies on the effects of praise, determined that praise can be a positive motivator if we follow these guidelines:
1. Be sincere and specific with your praise
2. Praise kids only for traits that they have the power to change (good character!)
3. Be careful about praising kids for achievements that come easily
4. Encourage kids to focus on mastering skills (i.e. using the talents and skills they have to succeed) as opposed to focusing on others’ skills or competing with others
by Donna | Feb 7, 2010
Last day of curbing television habits, honest! And to show you that I am not a fun buster, party pooper, or uncool mom, tomorrow I will give you a run down on our ten favorite “oldie goldie,” non-animated Disney movies!
In the meantime, I have one more day of strategies to curb your family’s television habits, specifically those of your children. So here are my final thoughts on this (for a while, anyway!):
1. Have the children earn television hours. This has been suggested to us many times when we speak about time management and time with your children, so it must work well for some folks! I have heard of various ways to earn tv time—same number of hours reading as watching, getting so many minutes per chore, earning minutes by doing things on time (i.e. homework done by six equals 30 mins tv), etc.
2. Watch out for preschoolers tube time! This isn’t a method for controlling as much as an admonition. Your preschoolers will grow to dislike simple pleasures very quickly if they watch television and movies all day. We had a “no movie during the day period” rule most of our lives. (The exception to this was one hour of educational dvds, like Reading Rainbow, Doughnut Man, NEST videos, etc. for one hour after naps with a particularly trying child.) Note: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours per day of television for two year old and up preschoolers and none for children under two. There are so many more educational, meaningful, physical, and fun things for two and three year olds to do besides watching television!
3. Make a “no turning on the television without permission” rule. I am amazed when children come into a house and turn on the television. I have seen semi-pornography on commercials for television shows many, many times when we are at someone’s house watching football or in a motel viewing television. I would never consider letting our kids have the remote control to a tv and flipping through the channels. They just see way more than they should see at their ages (or more than I want me or my husband to see!).
4. Be careful not to use television as a babysitter too much. I know preschoolers and toddlers are demanding. I had six kids twelve and under all at home by myself twelve to fourteen hours a day every day—without television! However, continually putting little ones in front of the television is simply not healthy for them. Their attention spans will not lengthen like they would if they were listening to talking books, listening to you read aloud, or building with Duplos. Use the television as a babysitter only when it is absolutely needed—and try to find other ways to entertain toddlers as much as possible.
5. Limit daytime viewing for everyone. We always told our kids that daytime was for learning and working—and evenings were for resting, fellowshipping, and family. It is extremely hard to control the number of hours our kids watch television when they watch from seven to eight before school and again from four to six after school—to start with!
6. Pay attention to how much time children spend using all screen media. In a study recorded in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the hours of actual screen time logged by children versus the hours that parents estimated were significantly different. In our media-driven age, we should be aware of all of our children’s media/screen time—not just television*.
7. Do not put a television set in a child’s bedroom. The aforementioned study discovered that children with televisions in their bedrooms watch significantly more television than children without. Furthermore, parents monitored television habits much less when there were many television sets in a household—and especially when the children’s rooms contained televisions.
8. Turn the television off when it is not being used for purposeful viewing. The studied previously cited found a negative association between the use of television as “background” and children’s time spent reading. Quite simply, reading is a simple pleasure that many children do not enjoy—background noise of television is not conducive to enjoying this pasttime that takes a great deal more effort than simply viewing and listening.
9. Pinpoint other nonscreen, in-home activities that your children enjoy. When discussing the idea of reducing television viewing time in your home, you might have a family meeting and draw up a list of other ideas of things the family can do instead of watching television. A website devoted to helping families reduce their dependence upon television, The Television Turnoff Network (https://www.televisionturnoff.org/), lists one hundred alternatives to “screen time” that parents can suggest to their children.
Family time is worth fighting for. The relationships that can be developed when some of the distractions are removed are incredible. The amazing things that we and our children can do with the time that we are not watching television are worthwhile. Don’t let your children set out to spend nearly fourteen years of their lives watching television!
*Jordan, Amy, PhD; James C. Hersey, PhD; Judith A. McDivitt, PhD; Carrie D. Heitzler, MPH. “Reducing Children’s Television-Viewing Time: A Qualitative Study of Parents and Their Children.” Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Web. Feb 2010.
by Donna | Feb 6, 2010
Last day of curbing television habits, honest! And to show you that I am not a fun buster, party pooper, or uncool mom, tomorrow I will give you a run down on our ten favorite “oldie goldie,” non-animated Disney movies!
In the meantime, I have one more day of strategies to curb your family’s television habits, specifically those of your children. So here are my final thoughts on this (for a while, anyway!):
1. Have the children earn television hours. This has been suggested to us many times when we speak about time management and time with your children, so it must work well for some folks! I have heard of various ways to earn tv time—same number of hours reading as watching, getting so many minutes per chore, earning minutes by doing things on time (i.e. homework done by six equals 30 mins tv), etc.
2. Watch out for preschoolers tube time! This isn’t a method for controlling as much as an admonition. Your preschoolers will grow to dislike simple pleasures very quickly if they watch television and movies all day. We had a “no movie during the day period” rule most of our lives. (The exception to this was one hour of educational dvds, like Reading Rainbow, Doughnut Man, NEST videos, etc. for one hour after naps with a particularly trying child.) Note: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours per day of television for two year old and up preschoolers and none for children under two. There are so many more educational, meaningful, physical, and fun things for two and three year olds to do besides watching television!
3. Make a “no turning on the television without permission” rule. I am amazed when children come into a house and turn on the television. I have seen semi-pornography on commercials for television shows many, many times when we are at someone’s house watching football or in a motel viewing television. I would never consider letting our kids have the remote control to a tv and flipping through the channels. They just see way more than they should see at their ages (or more than I want me or my husband to see!).
4. Be careful not to use television as a babysitter too much. I know preschoolers and toddlers are demanding. I had six kids twelve and under all at home by myself twelve to fourteen hours a day every day—without television! However, continually putting little ones in front of the television is simply not healthy for them. Their attention spans will not lengthen like they would if they were listening to talking books, listening to you read aloud, or building with Duplos. Use the television as a babysitter only when it is absolutely needed—and try to find other ways to entertain toddlers as much as possible.
5. Limit daytime viewing for everyone. We always told our kids that daytime was for learning and working—and evenings were for resting, fellowshipping, and family. It is extremely hard to control the number of hours our kids watch television when they watch from seven to eight before school and again from four to six after school—to start with!
6. Pay attention to how much tie children spend using all screen media. In a study recorded in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the hours of actual screen time logged by children versus the hours that parents estimated were significantly different. In our media-driven age, we should be aware of all of our children’s media/screen time—not just television*.
7. Do not put a television set in a child’s bedroom. The aforementioned study discovered that children with televisions in their bedrooms watch significantly more television than children without. Furthermore, parents monitored television habits much less when there were many television sets in a household—and especially when the children’s rooms contained televisions.
8. Turn the television off when it is not being used for purposeful viewing. The studied previously cited found a negative association between the use of television as “background” and children’s time spent reading. Quite simply, reading is a simple pleasure that many children do not enjoy—background noise of television is not conducive to enjoying this pasttime that takes a great deal more effort than simply viewing and listening.
9. Pinpoint other nonscreen, in-home activities that your children enjoy. When discussing the idea of reducing television viewing time in your home, you might have a family meeting and draw up a list of other ideas of things the family can do instead of watching television. A website devoted to helping families reduce their dependence upon television, The Television Turnoff Network (www.televisionturnoff.org) lists one hundred alternatives to “screen time” that parents can suggest to their children.
Family time is worth fighting for. The relationships that can be developed when some of the distractions are removed are incredible. The amazing things that we and our children can do with the time that we are not watching television are worthwhile. Don’t let your children set out to spend nearly fourteen years of their lives watching television!
*Jordan, Amy, PhD; James C. Hersey, PhD; Judith A. McDivitt, PhD; Carrie D. Heitzler, MPH. “Reducing Children’s Television-Viewing Time: A Qualitative Study of Parents and Their Children.” Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Web. Feb 2010.
by Donna | Feb 3, 2010
“TV will never be a serious competitor for radio because people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen; the average American family hasn’t time for it. “ from New York Times, 1939
When Ray and I speak or write about allowing more time to be with your kids (like yesterday’s post), we are always asked how we have so much time for our kids, especially in light of our business and ministry. And the answer lies in not where we get the time (we all get the same amount, remember), but where we allocate the time we have been given.
Twenty-nine years ago this summer Ray and I were married in a little country church. The best marriage advice we received (and followed) has also become our best parenting advice: do not get a television. Somebody told us not to get a television set for the first year of marriage but instead spend time together, talking and getting to know one another, developing intimacy and romance. We took that advice—and have been “stationless” for most of the twenty-nine years of our family, though we did get a vcr and eventually a dvd to watch movies. (We tried getting stations one year, but didn’t like the way it dictated our evening schedule and stole time from us.)
With the advent of computers, dvd’s, vcr’s, and other electronic devices, we have other things to contend with for our attention—and our entire family loves movies—however, we have found that by not being able to get television stations (via antennae, box, cable, etc.), we have gained the most-sought-after commodity: time. The latest statistic on television viewing in America is twenty-eight hours per week, per person. Even if we and our children watch two movies a week (which is a stretch many months), we still have twenty-four more hours every week than the “average” American.
We cannot tell people that they should get rid of television as it is all bad. Nowadays, more than ever before, there are tons of good, interesting, entertaining things to watch. Educational and informative programs abound. Good movies are available at the flip of the remote. However, one thing has stayed the same: television is the greatest time robber of all things that vie for our attention.
Getting rid of television programming is not an option for most people, I realize. After all, it’s an American institution! However, I propose to you that even getting control of the television would yield you more time than you would know what to do with! And would give you literally hours each week to spend with your kids.
Consider the math for a moment. If a person is the “average” American watching twenty-eight hours a week of television, over an eighty year life, that person will have watched 13.29 YEARS of television—28 hours a week x 4 weeks x 80 years=116,480 hours….divided by 24 hours in each day equals 4,854 hours, which equals 13.29 years of twenty-four hour days. Imagine the relationships we could build with our children; imagine the things we could learn; imagine the good we could do—with even half of that time, say six and a half years—given to us. Makes me want to control my time just a little better!
Stay tuned tomorrow for “Tips on Controlling Television Rather Than Television Controlling You.” Same bat time. Same bat channel. (Some things just stay with us forever, huh?)
