The scene was a common one for this “young mama” (then!) of five children ten and under (so far!): I worked my tail off all day long and still felt like a complete failure. My husband came home from a typical twelve hour day to my cries of “I didn’t get anything done today that I needed to do” and “I just don’t understand why I can’t get more done as long as the day is and as hard as I work.”

And once again, he answered with sweet words that pointed me to prioritizing, something that I was still in the process of learning: “Did you rock and feed the baby?” I nodded yes.

“Did you do Bible time this morning?” I nodded yes.

“Did you do read aloud time?” I nodded yes.

“Did you do story time with the littles?” I nodded yes.

“Did you speak words of encouragement to the kids?” I nodded yes.

“Did you make sure everyone did their morning routines and chore sessions?” I nodded yes. (He knew my schedule well!)

“Then you got everything done that you really needed to! You got the PRIORITIES done.” ….And off he went to finish dinner and clean the kitchen.

And somehow, I was encouraged. I was encouraged through completing my priorities.

We had always talked about our priorities. We had agreed on them. We had mechanisms and routines in place to be sure we got to them.

Yet, the grandeur, non-daily, and sometimes exciting eluded me (and oftentimes, some of the dailies still eluded me!).

It would be a couple more years until I grasped the joy of fulfilling my daily priorities. And many more years until I understood that the quote by Aristotle is absolutely, positively true: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”’

(Find out how that happened for me in this productivity video)

It’s funny because today, after thirty-two years of homeschooling and now two years of empty nesting, some of my greatest joys come in prioritizing and fulfilling my priorities each day—my dailies first then the “grandeur, non-daily, and exciting”!

So how can you (1) Determine your priorities and do them? AND (2) Find encouragement through doing them?

There is something amazing about sitting down (with spouse, if possible) and writing out your true priorities for the year or the month or the week. And then writing the actions that it will take to make those priorities happen.

But there is something magical about following through on those things during that year, month, or week. Being able to look back and see that you really did the things that you have pre-determined are true priorities is the ultimate encouragement for homeschooling parents.

I know this isn’t the typical “outside encouragement” from a motivating article or moving speaker. (I love those too!)

But I also know that nothing felt as good or brought me as much encouragement as prioritizing and following through on my priorities did. And I so want this for young homeschooling moms.

Of course, it doesn’t just give you encouragement…you are heading towards big goals when you prioritize and follow through. Your preschoolers will learn to obey and sit still and be kind. Your new readers will be reading fluently before you know it. Your pre-teens will become independent with their daily school lists. Your teens will follow through on their assignments.

And you will be encouraged.

So encouraged.

So….some prioritizing and encouragement tips!

1) Prioritize your day.

Put the most important things first. And do those before you do anything else. Only put the things in your schedule for the first part of the day that truly need done every single day.

2) Make a List of Priorities for the Month and Attach Actions to It That Will Help You Fulfill the Priorities

We say something is a priority. A lot. However, we have to understand that a priority is only a priority if we do it. Otherwise, it is a wish or a dream. Many times we are unsuccessful in carrying out our priorities because we have vague, dreamy ideas of what they should be—but we don’t put real actions with them to be sure we DO them.

Priorities are what we do. If you were to pull out your virtual calendar, daytimer, or daily to do lists, anyone could read them and give you a list of your priorities. You might argue about their observations. You might say, “No, that thing is not my priority. My priority is this….” Something loftier, more noble, or more similar to what you would like your priorities to be. However, if we do not do something consistently it is not a priority because priorities are what we do. (Read 5 Influences to Determine Your Priorities)

3) Put the Actions That Help You Meet the Priorities in Your Daily Schedule—and Don’t Do Anything Else Until You’ve Done These

If Priorities Are What We Do, it follows that they are ACTIONS. Therefore, in order to meet priorities, we must DO something. Once my husband and I determined our priorities, we made action lists and put them into the daily, weekly, and monthly schedule. If these are our priorities, they should come ahead of everything else.

I know these steps sound simplistic. But there is nothing simple about following through on priorities. Tyranny of the urgent takes over. Messy diapers and boiling oatmeal take over. Our own lack of diligence takes over sometimes.

But I know through my life, prioritizing and following through on my priorities have gotten me where I wanted to go in graduating seven kids from homeschooling and maintaining an amazing marriage.

Blessings and encouragement to you—as you seek to prioritize!

I’ll leave you with some other articles, videos, and podcasts to help you learn to prioritize even more—and encourage yourself in the process:

1) Podcast: Overcoming Obstacles in Parenting

2) Podcast: Foundations for Becoming an Efficiency Expert in Your Home

3) Video: How to Prioritize

The post Finding Encouragement Through Prioritizing appeared first on Character Ink.

Triff. Not a word you hear just every day. But a word, nonetheless. Because I said it is! 🙂

Many years ago, early into my cottage class teaching of homeschoolers, I had favorite words/sayings that I made up to write on kids’ papers.

Two phrases really–

TRIFF—short for terrific

Wowsie, wow, wow!

If a student got one of these marks on their paper that week, they knew that they had done a great job.

(To this day, fifteen years later, younger siblings of kids who used to be in classes many years ago, ooh and ahh over a paper with one of those phrases, saying that, according to big brother or big sister, those words are the gold standard of all grading—better than a 100%, an 11/11, or an A+! Don’t you just love kids???)

Of course, I didn’t just use those words with my students, for they actually originated with my own TRIFF kids and their wowsie, wow, wow behaviors, attitudes, and helpfulness.

And guess what? I still use those with my sweet almost-two-year-old grandson. (He is truly TRIFF!)

You don’t have to tell your kids they are TRIFF in order to affirm and praise them. But you do have to tell them they are something. Something good. Something desirable. Something to be celebrated and appreciated.

Obviously, a pat on the back and simple, “Great job up there” when he sits down from playing the piano is great. As is a ruffling of the hair for a teen girl with the word “Awesome” as she is leaving the soccer field.

But when you want to put it in writing, and even possibly be a little more specific, it is good to have Affirmation Cards.

You can make these yourself on the computer or even keep a sticky note pad on your desk and write them periodically—sticking them to their bathroom mirror, headboard, notebook, etc. Or you can check out our newest ones to download, cut, and have on hand.

Click on the picture to download!

(We kept some in a basket in the bathroom along with a pen so that my husband and I could grab one, write a personal note on it, and pass it out. Sometimes the bathroom is truly the best place to get stuff done!)

Either way, just do something. We should always let our kids know that their efforts, character, responsibility, kindness, cheerfulness, hard work, and more are noticed—and appreciated.

Below is a list of sentiments that we put on our first set of Affirmation Cards available at our store (and soon to be in a Freebie Friday for newsletter and blog subscribers). Feel free to print these off and use them to create your own. You will never be at a loss for encouraging words again! 🙂

1. Fantastic diligence on school work!
2. Great job in serving!
3. You are TRIFF!
4. You are turning into an amazing young person!
5. I smile a thousand watt smile when I think of you!
6. Out of all the kids who are not my own, I like you the best!
7. So many interests, so little time. I’m proud of how you try things!
8. Thanks for being you!
9. I love you ten million times infinity and beyond.
10. So glad you’re mine!
11. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to be sure that I’m not dreaming this life—and having you for my child!
12. You define diligence!
13. I could watch you forever!
14. Your study habits are improving! So proud of you!
15. Love your light bulb moments. Creativity is one of your special gifts!
16. Sooooo grateful for you!
17. What an example to younger kids! Keep up the good work!
18. You beasted that homework this week!
19. I see slaying dragons in your future!
20. Love, love, love your kindheartedness!
21. Brave. Courageous. Steadfast. I’m talking about you!
22. I love how respectful you are to the elderly!
23. Super grateful that you are compassionate and kind to the disabled.
24. C.O.O.L. Those should be your initials!
25. I appreciate your appreciation!
26. Your stick-tu-a-tive-ness is going to take you places!
27. So glad you prove that honesty is the best policy!
28. Chef-in-Training! Wow!
29. The “white tornado” award goes to you! Great job cleaning your bedroom!
30. The cheerful chorer recipient is….you!
31. Ideas and the persistence to carry them out? Wowsie! You’re doing great!
32. Wowsie, wow, wow!
33. I miss you when you are gone!
34. Can’t wait till I hear the door opening—and you are on the other side!
35. Inspiring but not tiring! That’s you!
36. Generosity runs through your veins!
37. Self control is the very best way to go! Superb!
38. Tough enough! You have such perseverance!
39. Strong to the end! I love how you don’t give up.
40. I respect you as a person so much!
41. I admire you!
42. Counting the hours til we can be together again!
43. You are…I mean, you HAVE great character!
44. I love how hard you try!
45. So proud of how much you practice!
46. LOVE being your ‘rent!
47. Manners show people that you care. No glad you have such great manners!
48. I am so blessed to be your parent!
49. There is no one in the world like you! And I’m so glad you’re mine!
50. Go for it! You’ve shown your determination….I know you can do this!
51. One word describes you: TRIFF!
52. Your gentleness with children is so special!

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The post Ways to Tell Your Kids They Are Triff! appeared first on Character Ink.

I love being a mother! I have loved every stage of it–from being pregnant to having a son turn thirty-three this year! My husband and I have been working a lot on the slides and handouts for our parenting seminar (“Raising Kids With Character”) and for homeschooling conventions, so all of this prep has led me to this blog post. 

We mothers need all of the help and support that we can get in order to do our jobs. When I look at my mothering, I realize that the greatest support and help that I have had throughout the years has come from my husband. I don’t say this lightly or as a cliche’. I truly mean this.

Here are six ways that my husband has helped me to be a better mother, ways in which he has invested in my life and the life of our family that have resulted in my having the time, confidence, strength, inspiration, and vision to do what I do every day.


1. Giving great value to what I do

When I had five kids ten and under, the days were long and hard. I remember feeling like a failure many evenings when Ray walked through the door. At that time, he would take me by the hand, lead me to couch, and ask me questions that gave worth to my day: “Did you read the Bible to the kids today? Did you rock the baby? Did you do story time? Did you meet the kids’ needs? Did you spend time with the kids?”

When I answered yes to these things, he would say, “Then you did exactly what you were supposed to do today. The other things don’t matter.”

Suddenly, the dishes in the sink and the unfinished lesson plans seemed insignificant. He had truly brought worth to my day, to my efforts, to my life.

This is one small example of how my husband, year after year, has given great value and worth to what I do. How he has always made my job as a mother, a homeschooler, and even a homemaker feel important and worthy. And this has made me a better mother.

2. Seeing needs and meeting them

My husband’s primary love language is serving. I have always felt especially blessed to be married to someone who has “servant” as his native tongue. As a servant, he has never been able to just see things around the house or with the kids that need done and leave them. He believes, and has taught our children to believe, that if you “see a need, you should meet it.”

In practical terms, this means that dishes, trash, laundry, picking up, cooking, bathing, putting kids to bed, tutoring kids at night, etc., were always jobs that Ray picked up the slack on. 

I can remember when company would be at our house on Sunday night, and as they left, we always started scurrying around to clean the house, etc. One night a guest suggested that since it was Sunday, we could just leave the work for Monday. Ray quickly answered that “the ox is in the ditch.”

 After the company left, Ray explained to the kids: “The ox in the ditch means that it is okay to work on Sunday if the ox is in the ditch, and you need to pull it out. When the house is a mess on Sunday night, and we leave it like that for Mommy on Monday morning, we are leaving the ox in the ditch.”

By seeing needs and meeting them, besides teaching our children a spiritual truth, Ray has also helped me have time for important heart training, homeschooling, and outreaches that I would not have had time for. And this has made me a better mother.

3. Helping me not to over-schedule

This one has been met with limited success (but not for lack of Ray trying!). I can remember fifteen years ago when I had six kids in school and more work than I felt I could humanly handle, Ray sat down with me with little sticky notes and a large piece of tag board. Before “Managers of Their Home” and other scheduling programs were even popular, Ray was laying out my day on sticky notes in thirty minute increments!

He tried then, and continues to try, to tame my overzealous tendencies. He laid blank sticky notes throughout the day in strategic locations–telling me that I HAD to put in thirty minutes of flex time here and there. I always tried to put too much into each day and was often frustrated that things didn’t go as well in any given day as I had hoped it would, based on my tight schedule with little flex time.

There are countless other times in which Ray has tried to help me not to over-schedule. When I listened to him, my schedule went more smoothly. Bless his heart, he is still trying to reign me in schedule-wise. 🙂 And this has made me a better mother.



4. Focusing more on relationship than role


So many husbands, in trying to lead their family according to their interpretation of Scripture, spend a great deal of time focusing on everybody’s “roles.” This often results in a hierarchy-emphasis that does not lead to the husband as the servant leader, but only as the leader.

Ray is confident in his role as head of our family. He doesn’t need to remind his family of it. He doesn’t need to focus his attention on his headship. He doesn’t need to flex his leadership muscle.

Instead, he has always focused on relationship–his relationship with me, his relationship with his children. He focuses on meeting our needs rather than on guarding his position. And guess what? His attention on relationship and meeting our needs continues to cause us to respect his role.

An attention to relationships has resulted in greater heart-reaching and heart training of our children than I could have ever imagined–both by Ray and by me. And this has made me a better mother.




5. Loving me as Christ loved the church


Ray has always taken the analogy of “loving his wife as Christ loved the church” seriously. As he sees it, when a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, he will give everything for her. He will not seek for his own gain or his own needs. He will instead love selflessly.

In practical terms, this means that he gives me his time and attention. It means date nights, one-on-one time, long discussions, and lots of ballroom dancing. Obviously, we haven’t always been able to have evenings out, and we certainly didn’t ballroom dance while we had a houseful of little kids, but he has always sought to love his wife selflessly. And this has made me a better mother.

6. Being available

One of Ray’s favorite “parenting stories” that he shares in our seminar is that of Absalom, who, the Bible tells us, “stole the hearts of the people of Israel.” Scripture doesn’t say that he did anything fantastic to win the people. It only says that every day he stood by the gate and heard the people’s complaints and needs. 

In Ray’s words, “Absalom was available.” We both believe that if we want to win our children’s hearts; if we want to be their primary influencers; if we want to be the ones they come to when they are facing difficulties, we must make ourselves available to them, much like Absalom did to the people of Israel.

Even when Ray worked sixty hours a week in the automotive industry (fifteen years ago, before he took a “normal” job to be available more to our family), he still “waited at the gate” every day–making himself available to me and the kids. And this has made me a better mother.


Six key things that have had significant impacts on my parenting. For me, these things, day in and day out and year in and year out, have truly helped me to be a better mother. And I am grateful for each and every one of them. So grateful.

The post Six Ways My Husband Makes Me a Better Mother appeared first on Character Ink.