Podcast Handout for "Solving Common Preschool Behavior Problems"

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Two Most Important Points for Daily Occurrence Problems

(1) ALWAYS move from gray to black and white

(2) ALWAYS make it their choice to disobey or do something to make them take ownership of the behaviors

Beyond Structure and Routine—Solutions to Common Preschool Problems During the Day

(1) Napping/Bed/No Quiet Time

(2) Fighting

a. All together to solve it

b. Use conflict resolution if not too common fighting; if fighting is too common, don’t try to solve every issue; they just need to learn to stop and submit at first with frequent fighting

c. Use exact same wording all the time: “This is your fight warning. Go put a frown face on the fight chart.” (Have them do this, not you!!! You want them to take ownership of their fighting.)

d. Tell them, “This is your second fight warning. If you have to put a third frown face on the chart, remember, you will lose _____________.” (Make it the same thing all the time for a while. Maybe even have them help you decide in a family meeting.)

e. Then do what needs done for that scenario: (1) Put toy away; (2) Send to separate rooms; etc.

f. If third fight warning is used (or whatever number you decide for each child based on age, current level of fighting, etc.), have child put his frown face on the chart and do another physical action that makes him take possession of his actions, such as get the “three fights=no electronics tomorrow popsicle stick and move it to his jar” or “three fights=no tv or movie tonight sticky note and stick it on his frowny face chart.” Important note: Make the punishment something that you can enforce when Dad is home to help you or home to help you prepare for it.

(3) Whining

a. Use signal words: “I will not listen to you right now with that voice. You may go to the bedroom and come back with a normal voice if you want.” (Don’t let them stay their and try to change it or sort of change it—physical action for real change (not just sort of).

b. When they come back, if they have the right voice, tell them that is great. (Praise the correct voice even if the answer to the question is no.) If they come back with the same voice (or whining is a super common occurrence that cannot be changed with moving away and coming back only), create a whining chart. If he comes back with the same voice, say, “I still cannot hear you. You are choosing to get a frown on the Whining Chart. Go put your frowny face on the chart.”

c. If the answer is no, and they start whining again, give them a chance to stop (“This is your chance to accept what I said and stop whining.”), and if they do not, have them put another frown face on the chart and/or do some steps below for the problem of Asking for Things Over and Over.

d. If you are using the Whining Chart (not the same time as the Fighting Chart (!), determine ahead of time with the child and/or with Dad and the child how many frowns until consequences (based on how bad the whining is, how old the child is, etc.). Once that is reached, do one of the Consequences Actions (where he physically moves the written consequence to himself). Again, make the consequence losing something important either when Dad is home or the next day after Dad has a chance to support you in it.

(4) Asking for Things Over and Over

a. Similar to whining but even if voice is normal but child will not stop mentioning something or asking for something.

b. Never say “We’ll see.” If you don’t know the answer, create a definite time it will be solved: “Dad and I will talk tonight and give you an answer at bedtime.”

c. If you have the final answer, use signal words that he knows: “I’m going to give you my final answer. What do you need to do with my final answer?” He should say, “Accept it and not ask again.”

d. If he asks again after final answer signal words are used, you could use something similar to Fighting Chart or Whining Chart depending on age.

e. If child is older, you could simply give one chance: “You asked that earlier. And I gave my final answer. You are getting a forgiveness for asking again. What do you need to do with this final answer?” He should say, “Accept it and not ask again.” If he does ask again, he should go physically get a consequence immediately.

Note: Even though you are not fulfilling the consequence immediately, he should always go get the consequence immediately. Reasons:

1) Linked immediately to the behavior.

2) Made ahead of time so never a shock to him

3) Decided with him and/or Dad ahead of time (isn’t just Mom saying this is going to happen)

4) Physical action of getting the consequence stick or post it note or index card means that he is putting the consequence on himself; he made the choice, knew ahead of time, and decided to get the consequence anyway.

Listen to the podcast here!

Links From Blog and Podcasts:

1) Podcast Episode: What to Do With a Kindergartener

2) Podcast Episode: Five Homeschooling Problems and Solutions

3) Podcast Episode: How to Prepare a Child to Learn to Read

4) Blog Post: Expectations for a Five Year Old

5) Podcast Episode: Toddler Trouble

6) Podcast Episode: Story Time With Littles and Very Young Preschoolers

7) Podcast Episode: When to Give Your Child a Mulligan

8) Blog Post: How Can I Start Character Training With My Toddler?

9) Blog Post: Q Is for Quit Fighting (Behavior Absolutes in Your Family)

10) Blog Post: Morning Routines for Littles

11) Blog Post: Character Training for Toddlers and Preschoolers—Boundaries, Simple Tastes, and More

12) Podcast Episode: Children and Chores

13) Podcast Episode: How to Get Children On Board With Family Work

14) Blog Post: Room, Groom, Dress, and Mess

My favorite tools to use with preschoolers:

(affiliate links 🙂 )

(1) Audios for younger children (olders enjoy too, but these can be used with two to three year olds also):

a. The Pond audio stories
b. Patch the Pirate (look for audio story ones, not just music ones)
c. Jungle Jam audio stories
d. Your Story Hour Bible stories (others are a little bit harder to comprehend/older themes)
e. Adventures in Odyssey audio stories/radio dramas for four to six year olds and up (start with Bible ones as others can be scary/have mysteries, etc.) Use Audios not videos to start with!
f. Best first chapter books on audios, the Boxcar Children