by Donna | Apr 9, 2010
“Soon it was time for Jakie to play in his play pen, so Josiah and I got to play together. Next thing I knew, we were in trouble! Mommy came into the room and said that it looked like a tornado went through. We did it again! We got too many things out at one time. We had stuff all over the living room: Legos, cars and trucks, Duplo people, books, and stuffed animals. It took us FOREVER to clean it up—even with Kara’s help. Josiah and I had to each do an extra fifteen minute chore with Mommy because we forgot the rule about getting out too many things at one time. “*
A couple of days ago, I described the benefits of room time for preschoolers.** Room time for the preschooler is not that different from play pen time for toddlers except that (1) it is generally a longer time period; (2) it is not contained (like in a playpen or crib but is in a room that you trust the child to play in); and (3) more choices and activities are provided for the child.
If you began playpen time with your child when he was younger, room time will likely become a logical, easy transition. When you can trust your preschooler (or older toddler) to play in a room alone (or with a sibling) without getting other things out, etc., he can probably move from playing in the playpen or crib to playing in his bedroom or other room that is near where you will be during that time.
If you have a scattered preschooler who does not play well alone or does not focus well, you might want to follow the steps below for implementing room time:
1. Create a “busy basket,” closet, or cupboard in which you will store his room-time-only activities and toys. (This weekend I will review some sites and activities to consider putting in your room time area.)
2. Build your preschooler’s curiosity and appetite for this special time by making a big deal out of your preparations. Let him have a “sneak peek” of things you pick up at yard sales, thrift stores, etc. As you are preparing to begin implementing room time, explain to your preschooler that you are gathering activities that he might enjoy doing by himself uninterrupted that will help him get ready for kindergarten—and be lots of fun. Be sure you do not act as though you are preparing punishment for him (i.e. “room time”)—especially if he is used to getting sent to his room for punishment.***
3. Tell him a couple of days before you begin that “on Monday, we’re going o start your room time,” so you do not just spring it on him suddenly and expect him to be okay playing alone (if he is not used to doing things by himself).
4. Choose the second-most-intensive time of your day in terms of time needed to get things done, and get him all set up with one or two activities and tell him that you will be back to check on him in ten minutes or so. (We used audios for our children at all ages, and usually had a story tape playing for the child too, unless he was playing alone while he listened to our read aloud time.)
5. Have him play for however long he can be content—without pushing it. Then help him clean up his activities and put the basket away. (Keep the “room time” activities out of reach except for during room time.)
6. Praise him for his focusing skills and independence.
Note about room-time activities: When our kids were little, I had a set of activities and toys that they used for room time (i.e. “busy basket”) that they could do alone. I also had another basket or tub filled with things that the older kids could do with them. The latter was filled with things that were either two-people activities or that the younger child could not necessarily do alone but would enjoy doing with someone.
*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html
**Benefits of room time for preschoolers and toddlers: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-ninety-seven-benefits-of-playpen.html
***Note: If you use “time out” in your child’s bedroom for punishment, you may or may not want to use his bedroom for room time. We rarely used time out (except for rare occasions in which we were trying to fit the consequence of isolation with anti-social behavior, such as fighting, not sharing, etc.—if you do not treat others kindly, you will not have any friends). We felt the benefits of time out were extremely limited—and continue to see this as parents tell us “When I send him to his room, he says, ‘Fine. I like to be alone anyway.’” If using his bedroom is a potential problem, use a den or your bedroom.
by Donna | Apr 7, 2010
“Soon it was time for Jakie to play in his play pen, so Josiah and I got to play together. Next thing I knew, we were in trouble! Mommy came into the room and said that it looked like a tornado went through. We did it again! We got too many things out at one time. We had stuff all over the living room: Legos, cars and trucks, Duplo people, books, and stuffed animals. It took us FOREVER to clean it up—even with Kara’s help. Josiah and I had to each do an extra fifteen minute chore with Mommy because we forgot the rule about getting out too many things at one time. “
Jakie went to his playpen, and the two preschoolers went to their room to play. Recipe for disaster or thirty minutes for Mom to get something done—and thirty minutes of focused activity time for the littles? Well, you can see that Jonathan and Josiah had a little trouble with getting too many things out at one time, so I won’t act as though room time and/or play pen time is always a breeze, but I will share what I think are the benefits of such times in a toddler’s/preschooler’s day—and tomorrow I will share a few how-to’s for those who desire to learn how to implement these times in your littles’ schedule.
First, the benefits of having a daily (as much as possible) room time or play pen time:
1. Increase in focusing skills—Preschoolers are busy people! Add to their “busy-ness” all of the technological distractions, and it becomes obvious why attention spans of children seem to be getting shorter and shorter. According to Dimitri Christakis, a pediatrician at Children’s Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle who studied 1,300 toddlers and preschoolers using a television survey and comparing that to a behavior checklist, frequent TV viewers in early childhood were most likely to score in the highest ten percent for concentration problems, impulsiveness, and restlessness. His survey went on to show that every added hour of watching TV increased a child’s odds of having attention problems by about ten percent. Kids watching about three hours a day were thirty percent more likely to have attention/focusing trouble than those who did not watch television. (This survey also accounted for many other factors besides television that could be linked to problems concentrating; however, the television connection continued.)
We tried to build extensive attention spans in our children at young ages (as much as it was in their control!). We did this through many means discussed on this blog—limiting electronic stimuli, reading aloud to them, providing daily audio listening time, maintaining a schedule that is conducive to learning and healthy intellectual development, exposing them to a variety of activities—AND instituting room time/play pen time for them. When children are given one activity (or a few choices) to do in a small space (without distractions and other choices), they can actually do the hard work of concentrating. (See future posts for the link between this and natural readers from a graduate school study I did many years ago!)
2. Builds many preschool skills naturally—we had a loose family policy that, even though we homeschool, we would not teach anything formally to our young children that could be taught informally. This meant that we would not use workbooks day in and day out to teach letter recognition; we would just use signs along the road and on stores. This meant that we would not have our littles complete worksheets matching the letter to the picture of the beginning sound—but we would instead point out letters and sounds everywhere—as we read aloud to them, as we drove…as we “were in the way with them”! If we offer educational activities for our littles during room time/play pen time, we give them opportunities to learn naturally and at their speed. This can be done through puzzles, blocks, book and tape sets, matching activities, beads, etc. etc. (I will provide links for some suggested activities tomorrow.)
3. Provide a small amount of time for Mom to get something else done—room time, when carried out consistently and followed through on as needed, can give Mom thirty to sixty minutes to get other things done, knowing that her littles are safe, learning, and contained! I always used room time for the second-most Mom-intensive thing on my agenda that day. (The most Mom-intensive things were reserved for nap times.)
Now that you know a couple of the benefits that we found to room time/play pen time, stay with us tomorrow as I share tips on implementing this beneficial time in the life of your little ones.
*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html
by Donna | Jun 14, 2016
What is a techno-free zone today? I remember when we would have our nightly living room meetings with our teens and pre-teens before they went to bed at night. We only had a television on a cart in our bedroom closet that we would pull out to watch things together as a family. We had one desk top computer in the dining room—an open room between the kitchen and living room. And that was it. Period.
Techno-free zones were easy to come by for us.
It got harder as the kids got older. We eventually had to declare techno free talks—phones off, etc.
(more…)
by Donna | Apr 21, 2016
If you have more than three children, you have probably heard it over and over (and thought of it a lot too): I need to make each child feel special.
We would agree with this concept. What we disagree with is how difficult we sometimes make it.
Sure, there are times for Daughter-Daddy Dances. (Kara was the proudest girl there because her daddy knew how to dance and had taken her to the ballroom for private lessons before the big day!)
There are times for “dinner and a movie” with Mom. There are times for day trips shopping or caving or hunting or crafting or, or, or.
But why wait for those “big days”? Why create this “it has to be big to make my child feel special” idea in your mind.
(more…)
