by Donna | Sep 11, 2015
Opening Thoughts
(1) “Unusually” because preschoolers are high need by nature (and we wouldn’t want it any other way!)
(2) Preschool indicates ages three to five (or even six in some cases)*
(3) Behavior Absolutes—set in place first and foremost for ALL of the time (don’t just work on during the day)
*I have tons of toddler information (see links list) and even some kindergarten/pre-reading things (also see links!). Don’t disregard the toddler info as being too immature or the kindergarten material as being only for the future.
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by Donna | Sep 10, 2015
In this podcast episode, Donna Reish (author of “Raising Kids With Character Parenting Seminar” and over forty curriculum books and blogger {Character Ink and Language Lady}) answers a reader’s questions about preschoolers who are unusually high need during the day, uncooperative, and somewhat bored. As usual, Donna begins with opening thought about behavior absolutes and setting the stage for successful days. She then delves into structuring a child’s day to ward off some of the problems before they begin (schedules in terms of time blocks, involving the preschooler, teaching him, teaching focusing skills, etc.). Finally, she tackles three “biggies” with this age: fighting, whining, and not accepting Mom’s answers.
Click here to download the printable handout.
Subscribe to our Wondering Wednesday podcasts in iTunes.
Click here to see our previous podcasts!
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by Donna | Feb 5, 2013
With the closeness of two of our parenting seminars in Indiana and the extremely high interest in training toddlers and preschoolers in character and obedience, I decided to re-run parts of two past posts today. Scroll all the way to the bottom for some other links, as well! And share our blog and FaceBook page with others who might be interested in learning about how to enjoy those years more than ever–from a Christian couple who LOVED ages two to six! Smile…
Question: How can I start some of the character training concepts and habits that you describe with a toddler?
Answer: If you are just starting out with your family and have only a toddler, you have the perfect opportunity to start out right in the character training of your children! I will offer some general tips below, but even more importantly than the “daily ins and outs” of the ideas I recommend, I suggest that you read Parenting Paradigms at this blog (soon to become “Character Training From the Heart”). Even if you take to heart some of the ideas for your little one given in this Q and A, in the end, you will be more successful at character training if you have a firm handle on what you believe about parenting and children.
Toddler Character Training Tips
1. Start adapting the toddler to your schedule and your family’s lifestyle as soon as you can (six to nine months) rather than making your family’s life revolve around the little one’s “wants.” You want to enjoy your toddler within the dynamics that your family already has (with the addition of the joy and wonder that a toddler brings into the family, of course)—as opposed to making everything change to meet unnecessary and often chaotic demands that a toddler who is given his own way all the time can often make.(Check out our important material on discerning wants vs. needs. ALWAYS meet needs–in a timely, loving, and consistent way!)
2. Remember that you are setting the stage right now for your child’s “tastes” (follow us on PP 365 or schedule our seminar for more details about this important concept).
a. You can set his tastes for defiance (allowing screaming, throwing, thrashing, and “no” from him) or submission.
b. You can set his tastes for selfishness and meanness (allowing hitting or other forms of striking, giving in to him when he wants something that someone else has, always making his surroundings whatever he wants (i.e. no bedtime, no sitting in high chair, etc.) due to “fits” or for kindness, gentleness, sweetness, and tenderness.
c. You can set his tastes for hyper-stimulation and activity (too much running; no scheduled down times; television and videos all the time) or for simple things (books, healthy toys, rest, etc.).
d. You can set his tastes to lack focus and not enjoy learning (again, too much video, not starting out with books and simple music; an avalanche of cartoons and children’s programming (some of which are developed in two second bits to keep up with short attention spans, thus, causing kids’ attention spans not to lengthen as they should) or a love for learning (via books, strong family learning, and discussion times, etc.).
3. Decide ahead of time what your “behavior absolutes” are.
a. These are the behaviors or character that you absolutely will not allow in your home. What you allow now will become the “acceptable behaviors” to your child. These seemingly innocent actions include “fibbing,” hitting, running the other way when called, etc.
b. For us, these “behavior absolutes” included talking back (no toddler saying “no” without being punished); lying or deceit; temper tantrums; and striking (hitting, pulling hair, throwing things at someone, etc.). Obviously, we wanted our kids to learn to obey and submit to us and to learn the many character qualities that are crucial to living a Christian life, but these four things were things we never wavered on—and things that we made huge deals out of when they were not adhered to by the toddler/preschooler.
4. Start showing your little one the joy of doing what is right. Contentment in your own life, the blessing of work, the joy of loving God and His people—and all of the character that you want your little one to adopt in his life—love, longsuffering, diligence, responsibility, and more will more likely be realized in our kids’ lives when we ourselves embrace and model them.
5. Try to establish routines that will aid in his character development—bedtimes, rising times, little “chores” (putting his books in his book basket after you read), nap times, meal times, story time, etc.
For more tips on toddlers and babies, click on the links provided below:
Who makes the decisions for the children—starts here and goes for a few days: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/10/day-260-who-makes-decisions-for.html
Say what you mean—starts here and goes for two days: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-248-dont-leave-your-little-one-at.html
Storytime: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-204-story-time.html
by Donna | Sep 29, 2010
I have the most amazing husband ever! I adore him! He is one of the most involved, truly-training fathers I know. He spends all of his non-work (at his plant and on Training for Triumph) hours on the kids and on me—and he has for our entire twenty-seven years of parenting. However, he does one thing that drives me nuts: he tells me the truth about the kids’ behavior!
His mantra has always been (and this is the really nutsy part!): “We are getting the behavior that we want ‘coz if we didn’t want it, we would stop it.” Aghh….. I come to him complaining about a child’s behavior, expecting sympathy and commiserating, and he reminds me, once again, that this behavior must be the behavior that we desire. If it isn’t what we want, we would surely not let it continue; we would surely do something to put a stop to it.
This truth, and I do have to admit that it is a truth, of parenting, is a little twist on the “if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” And just like that saying, it is too accurate.
Now, Ray is an incredible husband and father, so, thankfully, he doesn’t just spout off his catch phrase and leave me hanging. This twenty-seven year old saying has almost always led to resolution. You see, if it is true—and we admit to each other that we are not really doing anything to stop the behavior in question—then it follows that if we want to stop it, we need to come up with a plan of action to change the behavior.
This blog is a positive blog! And I want to stay positive. However, the teacher in me feels compelled to “teach” what we have found to help us “get the behavior we want.” If you have small children—toddlers and preschoolers, especially—you may want to join us over the next few days.
Our children were never (and still are not) perfect. However, we were blessed with outstanding teaching early in our parenting to help us train our toddlers and preschoolers to have good behavior—to not scream or throw fits, to obey when a command is given, to come when they are called, to be content and not surly, to be kind to others (even siblings!), to follow routines they are taught (going to bed, sitting at the table, being quiet in church etc), and much more.
Your little ones can be joys to you. You can get up in the morning knowing that you can have a good day and enjoy your kids—because they want to obey you. I promise that this can happen! Not perfection—just daily contentment and obedience more often than not. After all, we get whatever behavior we want.
by Donna | May 29, 2010
“After story time, Josiah had to take his nap, and I set the timer for half an hour and played on the computer. My big brother let me play his World War II game. It’s really fun.” “Jonathan’s Journal”
The other preschool area that this excerpt alludes to is that of nap time. We were blessed early in our child rearing years to have families a little bit older than we leading the path in baby, toddler, and preschool parenting. We learned so many things from them, including having Bible time, training little ones to obey, reading stories before naps, enforcing nap times and bed times, and much more. (Never underestimate the power you have to model/influence others through your parenting.) Little did I know, when we just had Joshua, how crucial it would be in my mothering (and my sanity!) to have well-established routines and schedules—especially that of nap times.
I will enumerate some nap time tips today and tomorrow that I have learned through my twenty-seven years of parenting:
1. Naps are for Mom just as much as they are for the little ones. Smile…
2. Children were given to parents to protect and care for them. Part of this is discerning when and what your child needs to eat, how much sleep (and when) he requires, what is safe for a child at various ages, etc. In other words, you need to be the one to determine your child’s bed time, rising time, and nap time—based on his needs and your family dynamics.
3. Naps, just like anything else you want your little ones to do, are learned behaviors. If you religiously lay all children down in the afternoon every day at 1:00 (or whenever) in the same way that you buckle them in the car, it WILL BE just like buckling them in the car. There will not be a daily struggle to put kids down for naps anymore than there is a twenty minute fight when getting in the car.
4. If you have not implemented nap schedules but allowed kids to fall asleep or not fall asleep while watching cartoons (and consequently, be grouchy later in the day because they needed sleep they did not get), it will not be easy to start daily naps. However, the long term benefits far outweigh any small inconvenience and struggle it may be to make naps a daily habit. If your children do not nap but are irritable from four until six every afternoon, it is probably because they need naps. (Come to think of it, if you are irritable every day from four to six, it is probably because you need naps too! Smile…)
Nap tips continued tomorrow….
