by Donna | Sep 14, 2010
I know I sound like a broken record, but these things are true! Our children will only develop strong study skills to the degree that they have developed other strong habits and routines.
We had a rule of thumb for when “school” began in our home: When a child learned to obey and do the every day things required of him, he was ready to “do school.” This was not some half-baked theory we had. We knew that if a child could not be counted on to brush his teeth in the morning, he could not be counted on to do hard math problems. If a child did not come when he was called, he would certainly not follow through on his reading assignments when Mom or Dad was not there checking up on every move he made.
That is why we have stressed “Preventive Parenting” so much in this blog. There are certain orders to things that just plain make sense. When we do this, this happens. When we are successful in smaller things, we can be successful in larger things. And on and on—all biblical principles that we see played out in all areas of our lives. Every time we fashioned a part of our life after these principles, we found success. Every time we tried to “put the cart before the horse” in some area, we did not.
In our home, each child got a morning routine chart around the age of three. This picture chart (links for many of these concepts will be given below) tells the child what he needs to do fist thing in the morning. Following through on these task, “reading” a chart and being accountable to Mom all help prepare the child for later “study skills.” Once the child has mastered morning routines consistently, he is ready to move on to “chore time.” Again, we used a picture chart for this.
After the morning routine chart and the chore chart were accomplished, we moved onto daily school charts—charts that showed what the child should do each day in the area of devotions, school, independent work, etc.
Obviously, if you have a five year old in school who doesn’t obey or brush his teeth, you probably do not have the option of going back and only doing these things until they become habitual. However, emphasizing those things, bringing in daily habits a little at a time, etc. will go a long way in helping your child also become a good student. A person who is lazy at home is nearly always lazy at work and at school. It is up to us parents to help our children become successful in life—and in school.
Links from previous posts:
After school routines: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-239-creating-after-school-routine.html
Slowing down activities: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-230-introducing-study-skillsslowing.html
Start each day the night before: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-224-organizationpersonal_31.html
Priorities are what we do: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-207-priorities-are-what-we-do.html
Links for chore charts, reading charts, and more: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-186-links-for-charts-for-reading.html
Resources for chores, home management, and more: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-113-114-resources-for-chores.html
by Donna | Sep 14, 2010
“All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants.” John W. Gardner
Yesterday I described what I would consider the ideal scenario for setting children up for a successful evening in terms of homework, free time, family time, etc. With after school activities, etc., children often do not come straight home from school on the bus. With working parents, children often do not come home to a mom or dad waiting with a snack, either. I am not so naïve as to believe that the “perfect” scenario always happens.
My sister and brother-in-law are such excellent examples of two working parents being sure that their kids do what they need to do in the evenings—in spite of two parents working full time and after school activities. Can you guess why they are successful in this from the title of today’s blog post?
Tami and Leonard are successful with their two girls’ homework management (and evening schedule) for one very good reason: they do not see evening parenting (and evening housekeeping) as Mom’s responsibility only. While we have chosen to have less money than two income families (by my not working during my kids’ early years) and more time than more activity-driven families (by limiting our kids’ activities to one choice activity per semester), Tami and Leonard make their busy circumstances work for their family. Putting aside whatever you might believe about women working full time or not, we can surely all agree that if a woman does work full time, just like her husband, she is no more responsible for the house getting cleaned or dinner being on the table than he is.
Ray and I have always felt that if a husband and wife chose to have both of them work outside jobs, they also chose to give up a homemaker. There is nobody there cooking and cleaning—and it all must be done when Mr. and Mrs. are home from work—and by both of them. (And even when a woman is a homemaker, the husband and wife are still co-parents. Homemaking duties should never include parenting by oneself (if two parents are in the home).)
Now I know that this wife-working-husband-carrying-household-duties-too concept is often not the case. Statistics prove this at consistent rates. (See “A Housekeeper Is Cheaper Than a Divorce” https://www.amazon.com/Housekeeper-Cheaper-Than-Divorce-Afford/dp/0967963605 and “Who Says It’s a Woman’s Job to Clean?” https://www.amazon.com/Who-Says-Its-Womans-Clean/dp/0898792150/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_7 ) We cannot figure out how Christian men could even begin to expect their wives to work full time and do all the housework and parenting. Somehow that does not seem like the “love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it” mandate to us.
But I digress into a sermonette here, so I will get back to the topic at hand: evening schedules for Mom and Dad. Tami and Leonard’s evening schedule for homework is a good one for busy two-career homes. Leonard cooks dinner while Tami sits down with the girls and does homework. (It could also work the other way, but Tami is a teacher and Leonard likes to cook, so this arrangement works well for them.) In the thirty to sixty minutes that Tami is working with the girls (elementary school age), Leonard has the meal ready, and they eat. Then, when the girls were younger, one cleaned the kitchen and the other did baths. I mean, they are both going to work a full day tomorrow, so sharing in the evening tasks just makes sense.
Regardless of whether all of your kids are in activities after school or not, there HAS to be a connecting point. Make it right after school, right before dinner, right after dinner, at eight p.m., or whatever. But do make it. And make sure it includes Dad—because Mom and Dad’s attitudes and emphasis on learning (and working) sets the stage for the kids attitudes and enjoyment of learning (and working).
by Donna | Sep 12, 2010
“The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn…” Carl Rogers
I know, I know…this blog is filled with things that you, the parent, have to do. Believe me, I know it feels overwhelming and even unfair, at times, to have such a huge responsibility as raising sons and daughters. So much to think about in raising children for the Lord. We have to be good examples of what we want our kids to become; we have to be in charge of their eating and healthy habits; we have to discipline them so that they grow up with self-control; we have to oversee their education and spiritual development; we have to teach them God’s Word; and on and on.
Today we are starting a series on study skills. And regardless of whether we homeschool or send our children to a school, we are truly responsible for their education (as well as the condensed list from the first paragraph). The first study skill that I would like to present to you is that of developing a study environment/routine for success—starting with that all-important after school hour.
A couple of years ago we had an editor working for us who had three children (elementary) in school. One day I stopped by after school to drop off a document and found what I would consider to be one of the most ideal after-school practices (as far as helping her children with school is concerned).
This gal was standing at the bar with backpacks open in front of her. All three children were seated at the table eating snacks that she had laid out for them when they got off the bus. Mom was opening each backpack, checking to see what each child brought home, looking through homework folders, etc. and dialoguing with the kids about upcoming assignments, what their day was like, etc.
Contrast this with kids coming home, dropping backpacks on the floor of the back porch, grabbing a Twinkie, and going in to the tv or game system.
Yes, kids did just work hard all day at school. Yes, they do need breaks. However, taking part in an after-school routine with Mom or Dad, such as the one described above, does a number of things:
1. The parent, not the child, is determining snacks. I am sure kids are starving when they get home from school. And we all know that when we are hungry, we often reach for convenience, not health. Mom can have healthier snacks ready than what the child might choose.
2. Mom is checking homework right away—not hoping that the child remembers later. No surprises at ten o’clock!
3. There is uninterrupted (by electronics, anyway) dialogue about the kids’ day.
4. In the long run, kids will actually have more free time in the evenings if things are at least checked when student first gets home. They might not have it when they first walk in the door, but there will be a plan for the evening’s activities and schedule—and play time/electronics time may be earned by completing assignments, etc.
5. Lets Mom and Dad know how much they will be needed that evening. No mom or dad likes to be told at ten p.m. that the child needs poster board for tomorrow!
6. Mom can find things lurking/hiding in the backpack—field trip permission slips, note from the teacher, etc.
Now obviously, this is just one scenario that would work. And, once again, the success of this depends on each family’s priorities. If a family prioritizes after school activities or sports, then this meeting might not take place until later in the evening. Each family has to make those choices.
Homeschoolers can benefit from these ideas, as well. My children do much better with their daily chore and school charts when I check them every afternoon before they get “off” for the day.
Homeschoolers and school-away kids alike benefit from accountability and structure. It is our job as parents to provide both of these.
Tomorrow: Dad’s role in helping kids with homework. Upcoming: study schedules, pre-reading strategies, test preparation ideas, and more.
