by Donna | Jan 28, 2010
“The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint.”
Florida Scott-Maxwell
How true that quote is! I can remember being in the worst of moods or utterly despondent, and as I sat down in my rocker with baby in arms and sang a lullaby—the world got just a little bit sweeter.
I enjoyed rocking and nursing our newborns so much. Then as they grew to be older babies and toddlers, I would often rock just a teeny bit before bed and naps. (We trained our toddlers to go to bed without being rocked, walked, or driven to sleep.) However, the real “rockies” were first thing in the morning and after naps. Our toddlers knew that we would go straight from the crib to the rocking chair. What sweet memories!
With the advent of “proppable” bottles and hurried lives, we have often lost the art of “rockies” and “read alouds”—two of my favorite activities with my children. I am so thankful that I had these times with my older children—which made me want to continue them with my littles as well.
We even had our own Reish Family Lullaby that I wrote halfway through childbearing—and that even my older kids would sing to the boys when they held them and rocked them—and I am sure that they will use it with their own children someday too. I will share it below. Feel free to put it with your own tune—and enjoy your “precious babies.”
Precious Baby
Precious Baby, how I love you,
How you make my heart to sing.
Precious Baby, how I love you,
Oh, the joy your young life brings.
How have I become so blessed…to hold you oh so near?
How have I become so blessed…to have you, oh my dear?
by Donna | Jan 26, 2010
“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.” Alvin Price
One simple way that we have found to tie heart strings with our children—and increase self-esteem is to talk to them with terms of endearment. I realize that not everybody is comfortable being so “gushy” as I like to be—but regardless of our comfort level, I think all of our kids can benefit from being “made over” and “built up” sometimes—even at times for no reason.
Here are three ways to get you started:
1. When your child enters the room (regardless of whether he has just done what you want him to or not), how do you respond? Try some of the following room-entering sayings or actions:
*”How’s the best ___ year old son/daughter in the whole world?”
*”Here comes the princess of the fourteen year olds!”
*High five as he walks by.
*Grab her hand and give it secret squeezes.
*”Here comes the best husband in the world–next to his father”….my new favorite to use on my married son!
*”One of the sweetest daughters in the world has just entered the room.”
*Give him a one hundred watt smile.
*Upon waking: “Boy, I’ve missed you so much all night!”
*In the mornings: “I am so happy I get to spend the day with you!”
*”Here comes the sweetest daughter-in-law!”
*”Here comes Mr. Diligence or Miss Sweetness or Mr. Helpful…etc.”
*”Hi, Sweet Girl. Where have you been all my life?”
*”Do you belong to anybody…’coz I’d like to keep you for my very own!”
2. Nicknames and terms of endearment set your child apart from everyone else. We have more nicknames than I can remember, but nobody here seems to mind them!
*Nanny is the nickname of our hard-working, first born daughter.
*Millie Mercy is our nickname for our daughter Cami who’s a softy with her younger brothers
*Jaby Baby is our first son’s nickname.
*Kare Bear is Kara’s nickname.
*Hi ya, Si-ah is what we often say to Josiah.
*HOY, SOY, DOY are nicknames for my family members: husband of the year; son of the year; daughter of the year.
*Baby, sweetie, honey, dolly are nicknames for every sweet child I meet!
3. When your child is leaving for the evening, be sure to bless him and send him with your love.
*”I can’t believe you’re leaving for the whole evening; I’ll be so lonely for you!”
*”I hope you have a wonderful time…but not better than you would at home with me!”
*”Call me halfway through the evening…I’ll be lonely for you!”
*”I love you, and I can’t wait until we’re together again!”
*”I don’t know how I’ll make it through the evening!”
Silly? Maybe some…sometimes. But they usually get a smile–and often even a hug–out of the “kids” in my life. Our kids are worth being silly and gushy over, don’t you think?
by Donna | Jan 25, 2010
“The Colts are goin’ to the Super Bowl!”
quoted everywhere in Indiana right at this moment….
Okay, I admit it–I don’t always love what my kids love. Right now we are at my Dad’s watching the Colt’s play in that game that decides who gets to go to the big game in two weeks. And I have been working, flipping through channels in another room, and even dozing a little. Five of my seven kids love the Colt’s–and football in general. They wear our throw pillows in their clothes as football pads and play knee football in the living room. They have “real” football gloves to play football in the yard. And no Christmas is complete without their traditional mud football game—my sweet, feminine nineteen year old daughter included! So I guess you could say that I tolerate what they love (i.e. let them go to Grandpa’s to watch it!)–but I don’t exactly love it.
One parenting technique that we have utilized throughout the years is showing an enjoyment, interest, or at the very least, appreciation for what our kids love. When Joshua was hooked on basketball a dozen years ago, Ray spent the last hour of the night with Joshua playing ball in the driveway nearly every night. When Kayla was crazy about sewing, I tolerated two years of sewing lessons with her to “love what she loved.” When the four older kids were into speech and debate, we coached the team and traveled across the country to make it possible for them to compete. When Josiah couldn’t get enough of law enforcement information a couple of years ago, he and Ray went to a four hour class every week about it for three months.
One thing that we caution against when we are “loving what our children love” is thinking that attending their events and activities is a substitution for time spent with them—or even that it is “family time.” When we were heavily involved in speech and debate competitions for several years, the time we spent on it was time spent on our kids—but it wasn’t necessarily time spent with them. And it for sure was not family time. As we traveled to competitions, we were usually all in different parts of the building, busy coaching, timing, competing, and judging. Evenings at the events were spent with the entire team, not with just our family. It was great—and it showed our kids that we were serious enough about helping them develop their talents and skills and about enjoying their interests—but it was not quality parent-child time by any means. Our kids need a lot of both—our support in their activities as well as time with us.
Loving what your kids love takes a great deal of time—and patience! I remember spending four solid hours reading poetry in the Indiana room one summer day when Kayla chose that for our special time together. I vowed within myself that on the “kids’ days” I would not work, read my own personal things, or write. I would just do whatever that child wanted to do. Genealogy and Indiana history are definitely not my things. However, I wanted to keep my vow to “love what the kids” loved as we spent one-on-one days together that summer. Thankfully, another one of the kids chose hiking and another an afternoon movie!
When we love what our kids love, it shows them that every aspect of their lives is important to us. When we take the time to enjoy their interests with them, it shows them this even more. Go Colts!
by Donna | Jan 23, 2010
“The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.”
James Baldwin
Relationships are tricky things. And the closer the people are to us (i.e. the more they see the real us), the trickier they are. This is especially true in our marriage relationship and our child-parent relationships. We must work hard at keeping our kids close to our hearts.
Something that we have found to be true in our relationship with each of our kids—regardless of gender, personality, or age—is that we must hold tightly to it. We must never, ever cease to hold onto those sons and daughters. We must never, ever let loose and let the waves of the world (pressure, work, other relationships, daily living, responsibilities) engulf us and overtake us—and put out the light of that relationship.
It’s hard work keeping our relationships with our children fresh and in good standing. The quote above talks about ceasing to hold each other. We have found that physical closeness is one way to stay close to our children, not only in a literal, physical sense, but also in our hearts.
This isn’t so hard with the littles. Who can resist whisking them up in our arms, swirling around the room, snuggling them in Mama’s bed, rocking them in our lazy-girl chair? I remember when my older kids were little, I would lie on the sofa and read to them. I would make an arc with my legs—and they would “sit in my rainbow.” It kept us close—and for many years thereafter, if one of them wanted to talk or be close or if I wanted one of them to come and be close one-on-one, we would say, “Come, sit in Mommy’s rainbow.”
We had many other verbal cues that the child needed the physical closeness from their parents. Sitting in Mama’s chair, snuggling in Mommy and Daddy’s bed, sitting in Daddy or Mommy’s rainbow, cuddling on the couch….all of these were ways to draw the child close physically, which in turn allowed us to draw the child close emotionally and spiritually too.
Obviously, teens and young adults do not fit in Mama’s rainbow anymore, but they still need our physical closeness, nonetheless. It’s not uncommon at all for my older daughters to be visiting and snuggle and watch a movie with me in my room, sit in Dad’s arms while we talk in the living room, or share my chair and a half while we look at pictures on the computer or talk about our days.
We need to look for ways to get physically close with our children—to make them feel safe, secure, and loved. To give appropriate physical closeness to them. An arm around the shoulder to the teen boy by Dad. Arm in arm walking from the car to the restaurant with my daughter or son-in-law. All of these draw us together….and “keep the sea from engulfing us” and putting out our light of love.
by Donna | Jan 7, 2010
“A penny for your thoughts; a nickel for a hug; and a dime if you tell me that you love me.”
Yesterday I talked about two ways that we have gotten our children to talk through the years—“penny for your thoughts” and “talk to me” song. Out of one of these, a valuable “object lesson” developed and tied the heartstrings of my son and me in a special way.
The rest of that jingle goes on to offer not only a penny for what the person is thinking, but also a nickel for a hug and ten cents if you say “I love you.”
Sixteen cents… a meager amount of change that elicits warm feelings (and, I admit, a few tears of longing) as I write this. Our oldest son and I used to take the “penny for your thoughts” a little further when he was a little boy—and repeat the rest of the jingle to each other, complete with a big hug and special “I love you.”
As Joshua grew up, we would occasionally remind each other of how much we love to talk—and how much we care for each other by giving each other sixteen cents. When he was in high school and worked part time, I would wake up in the morning to find him off to work—with a penny, a nickel, and a dime lying on my desk. When he would open his lunch box, he would sometimes find sixteen cents taped to the inside of his pail. Not enough money to buy lunch, for sure, but enough money to know that Mom will be waiting on him ready to talk when he gets home from work.
What objects might have special meaning to you and your child? Is there a special item that you can attach unique meaning to for one or more of your children? Is there a trinket, heart, words to a song, picture of the two of you, favorite picture book, etc. that can be utilized as an object “just for the two of you”?
