by Donna | Mar 19, 2010
Over the next two weeks, I will be giving insights into parenting preschoolers (and some toddler info too). Hope you will join us. Today I am posting my unpublished children’s book, Jonathan’s Journal, in its entirety. I will use portions of this each day in my blog about preschoolers and toddlers. Thanks for joining us!
I got up early this morning—Mom said she barely had her eyes open—and I got sent back to bed with books FOR HOURS!
Mom said she set the timer for half an hour, but I think she made a mistake. Finally, I got to get up, and I made my bed.
When Mama came in to check on me, she picked me up, and we swirled and swirled ‘coz she was so happy that I remembered to make my bed without being told.
I woke my little brother up GENTLY, and we wrestled a little before Mom came and took us into her bed to snuggle. Mommy and Daddy’s bed is so warm it must have some kind of special heater in it. Mommy says it’s warm because they’re so in love. Does love really make things warm?
Mommy read us our “Little Eyes Bible,” and I knew all of the answers when she asked the questions at the end. I let Josiah answer the really easy ones, so he would be happy. Mother read us our blessings, then held us close and sang Josiah’s favorite song that Mommy made up: “Precious Baby.” Josiah said that song is Jakie’s now, but Mama said it is still ours, too.
Next we had to get dressed and groomed. I had to brush my teeth three times before I got them good. I threw a TEENY fit because I wanted to wear my new blue shirt that’s for going places, and today is a stay at home day, so Mommy wanted me to wear play clothes. My little fit didn’t do any good—I wore the play clothes.
My big sister made yolky eggs for breakfast. I had to butter the toast—which is the worst job ‘coz it takes FOREVER. It’s worth it when I push a corner of the toast into the yolk, and the yellow puddle oozes out. I love yolky eggs.
Mommy read out loud from a chapter book while we ate. I’m starting to kind of like chapter books, even though they don’t have any pictures; I can make the pictures in my head now.
During breakfast clean-up, we listened to a story tape, which I LOVE. After breakfast, Mommy, Josiah, Kara, and I read some animal stories since that is what Kara is studying in our homeschool. I love animal stories and begged Mommy to read another one, but she didn’t have time because my big brother needed her help on his math. She said maybe we would read an extra one tomorrow—I’ll be sure to remind her.
I had to help with Baby Jacob. He can be so grouchy sometimes! Luckily, Mommy let me give him Cheerios to quiet him down, so I got some too.
Soon it was time for Jakie to play in his play pen, so Josiah and I got to play together. Next thing I knew, we were in trouble! Mommy came into the room and said that it looked like a tornado went through. We did it again! We got too many things out at one time. We had stuff all over the living room: Legos, cars and trucks, Duplo people, books, and stuffed animals. It took us FOREVER to clean it up—even with Kara’s help. Josiah and I had to each do an extra fifteen minute chore with Mommy because we forgot the rule about getting out too many things at one time, even though Mom said that she has reminded us every day for the last month.
Before I knew it, it was time to set the table for lunch. Josiah and I raced to see who could get done with our jobs first. I slowed down at the end so Josiah could catch up—then I let him win! Mommy took me into her room alone and gave me a million hugs. She said she was so happy that I was learning to see how others feel—and that I make Josiah feel important. I think she’ll probably tell Daddy, and he’ll say, “Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!” I love it when he says that—he always has a big smile on his face and tears in his eyes when he does.
During lunch Mother read the older kids’ history book out loud. I kind of like it too. It’s about the Pilgrims who rode on the Mayflower. I like the Indians. She read more of it while we cleaned up lunch.
Right after lunch Josiah, Kara, and I picked out our stories for story time. We snuggled on the couch with Mommy and read them. I was so happy ‘coz it was my day, and I got to pick two stories today. I picked Curious George and a book about astronauts. Story time is my favorite time of the day.
After story time, Josiah had to take his nap, and I set the timer for half an hour and played on the computer. My big brother let me play his World War II game. It’s really fun.
Josiah slept FOREVER today, so I got bored. It stopped raining after lunch, so Mommy said I should go outside and jump on the trampoline—I think I was getting on her nerves. My three big sisters got done with their school work and came out and jumped. We played “California Earthquake” until Mommy finished her writing on the computer.
When Josiah finally woke up, Mommy, Josiah, and I played puzzles on the floor. We did our huge ABC floor puzzle. It’s really neat. We left it out for Daddy to see.
The next thing I knew it was time for evening chores. I didn’t even get to play army men yet! Josiah and I had to unload the dishwasher and set the table. Kayla and Cami are making bbq chicken tonight. Yum!
Daddy called and said that he is not going to be home for another half an hour, so my brother helped me set up army men. We worked and worked, making the forts and setting up all the cannons and everything. We got done setting up just in time to eat dinner. Mommy said we could leave it out for later.
During dinner Joshua and Kayla told some jokes from their joke books, and Mommy and Daddy talked about all of the yard work we have to do on Saturday. I don’t know why adults like to work so much! After dinner, Daddy read to us from the Bible and we sang. I chose “Father Abraham,” which is my favorite song ‘coz I like the motions. We cleaned the kitchen quickly so Daddy, Joshua, Josiah, and I could play army men.
After we played army men, it was almost time for bed. Mommy gave us a five minute warning—which meant we only had five more minutes of fun before we had to clean up our toys. I wanted to leave it set up for tomorrow, but Mommy said tomorrow is “grocery and doctor day,” so we will be gone in the morning. She even said I could wear my new blue shirt! I can’t wait.
We got ready for bed and Daddy, Kara, Josiah, and I did our “Picture Bible.” Daddy always stops at the most exciting parts!
After he hugged and kissed Kara and Josiah good-night, Dad asked me to sit on his lap for a minute. He held me close, smiled real big, got watery eyes, and then said, “Jonathan, Mommy told me a good report about you!”
by Donna | Mar 17, 2010
”What we remember from childhood we remember forever – permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen.” ~Cynthia Ozick
We had one of those nights tonight….the kind where you enjoy your children more than you ever thought possible. The kind where you think that every sacrifice you ever made was worth it. And every mistake you ever made was forgotten. The kind that makes you glad that you had those family “ we always……” times.
Kayla was home from college itinerating for her upcoming missionary position. Kara was teaching a drama seminar to a homeschool group two hours from us. And Cami and her husband (who live near us) were available. So Kayla, Cami, Joseph, Ray, and I went to visit Kara. We picked her up and went out for dinner then dessert and had an absolutely incredible night…a night filled with remembering our “we always….” times.
It started when we picked Kara up. “We always” run up to each other, hug, and act like we haven’t seen each other for years (which it sometimes feels like!). Then we went to the restaurant and promptly laid all of the table signs on their sides…because “we always” do that.
Next, just like “we always” do, the one in the middle prayed. And just like “we always” do….we talked, and talked, and talked, and talked.
When we left the restaurant, everybody grabbed somebody—arm in arm, hand around the waist…because “we always” cuddle and show fond affection towards each other—and Dad swirled and twirled Kara because “he always” twirls his girls.
As we drove to the ice cream shop, one of the girls called out “calendar meeting” at the next stop because when we’re together, “we always” have calendar meetings. (Joseph, our son-in-law, said that if we were having a calendar meeting, he was staying in the van….our calendar meetings drive him crazy!)
When we went for dessert, two of the girls ran ahead and yelled “corner family booth” because “we always” try to squeeze in a corner booth so we can be closer and talk even more. As we talked in our “corner family booth,” we reminisced about old times because “we always” do that—and talked about how much fun we had on our last vacation, how important each person’s ministry/work is and how proud we are of each one, how cute and sweet “the little boys” are, and on and on.
Then, unfortunately, we had to part. We took a long time letting Kara go because “we always” do that. When we were all going our separate ways, I sent a love note via text—“I love you all ‘a million times infinity and beyond;” because “I always” write my kids love notes.
Our “we always’s” have become so important to our family. They define us. They make us the Ray Reish family. They bind us and build us up. They make us secure in our place in this world.
Some of our “we always’s” are big—“we always” exchange siblings gifts on Christmas Eve; “we always” do a big, expensive family night in December (with a play and dinner out). Many of our “we always’s” are small—moving the table signs off the table so we can see everybody and reminiscing about vacation. Regardless of whether they are big or small, our “we always” times build family unity, draw us closer to each other, and make us what we are—a Christian family trying to serve God in our own ways and “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Create “we always” times in your family–your kids will be so glad you did!
Note: Couldn’t pass up this opportunity to share our “we always’s.” I will introduce “Jonathan’s Journal” tomorrow—and start on our toddler/preschool journey.
by Donna | Mar 16, 2010
Over the past week or so, we have spent several posts detailing the Reishes’ Recipe for Rebellion—and we ended with the Ingredients for Intimacy. Today I am providing questions that you can review with your spouse (or in a small group, if applicable) to see where your family stands concerning the Recipe for Rebellion.
If you are just joining us, you can find the Recipe for Rebellion detailed in the past eight blog posts. Thanks for joining us!
1. Do you believe the Recipe for Rebellion is a valid recipe? Which areas do you disagree with?
2. If you find yourself reacting to the Recipe for Rebellion, thinking that you are the parent and they are the children–and they should obey and listen to you–spend some time praying and discussing this with a non- biased party and/or your spouse. How does God treat you?
3. Can you think of rules you have made that do not have logical reasons? Can you think of more logical reasons for these rules or should you eliminate this unnecessary or illogical rule?
4. When you use a Scripture for your reason for a rule or lifestyle guideline, is it accurately used? Are there other verses that say the same thing? Is the verse speaking to you or to another culture or people group (like in Leviticus)?
5. Can you think of something you have recently read or heard in which a Scripture was used and then extra-biblical and often unreasonable links were made to it? How can you teach your children to evaluate things more carefully using the premise that a verse should not be given and then outlandish or illogical links made to it?
6. Do you agree that God allows us to respond to his rules and decisions for our lives? How do you feel about letting your children respond to you?
7. If your children respond incorrectly now, but you desire to let them respond to you, how can you train them in correct responses?
8. Do you believe in the godly appeal? If so, decide when and how you and your spouse will begin implementing this in your home to eliminate “Rules Without Response.”
9. Can you think of times recently in which one or more of your children said something that inferred that you were being inconsistent? That last time it was different than this time? How can you become more consistent in your rule making and enforcing?
10. Think of a rule (or more than one rule) of which your children are unhappy. Take it through the “ingredients” list from this week. Does it contain one of the ingredients in the Recipe for Rebellion? How so? Should it be changed or altered in some way?
Are you ready for me to switch gears? I have much more to say about teens, but to keep the blog varied, we will switch to preschoolers tomorrow—and stay with them for several days as we unveil—“Jonathan’s Journal”—an unpublished picture book with parent notes about parenting preschoolers.
For those of you with only teens, please recommend our blog to others with preschoolers! And stay with us as we will come back to teens and other general topics in several days.
by Donna | Mar 15, 2010
Antithesis of Rules for Rebellion: Ingredients for Intimacy
We have found a truly successful Recipe for Rebellion–with four key ingredients. We know exactly how to create the dish known as rebellious children. If the final product we desire is rebellion, we can follow this recipe, including the correct portions of those ingredients, and get a sizzling menu of rebellion–and, along with it, the inability to get into our children’s hearts to train them. Likewise, the opposite ingredients of the Rules for Rebellion can be combined to create a dish known as intimate relationship.
While I am no Latin scholar by any means, I did find it interesting to learn recently that the word intimacy is related to the Latin word intimus, meaning inner/innermost. When we want to have intimate communication with our children, we are saying that we want to have innermost communication with them—an innermost relationship with them. The ingredients in the Recipe for Rebellion keep us from developing that innermost relationship with our children.
Ingredients for Intimacy are the opposite of Recipe for Rebellion. They are the ingredients in our relationship (and rule making) that will cause us to get into our children’s innermost being—their very hearts.
What do these Ingredients for Intimacy look like?
1. Logical reasons that we voice to our children frequently—with as many and as detailed explanations as are needed and appropriate.
2. Allowing response and dialogue concerning our rules for our children and our own lifestyle choices.
3. Consistency in making and applying rules (and a listening ear should our children find us in inconsistencies!)
4. Deep, heart-affecting relationships with our children—no matter how much time, discomfort, inconvenience, money, space, and US these require.
If we give our children logical reasons; let them respond to us when they disagree; be consistent in making and applying rules; and develop deep, heart-affecting relationships with them, we can create the opposite of rebellion in our homes. We will then be following the Ingredients for Intimacy–and create an atmosphere where true heart training can transpire.
Note: Join us tomorrow as I give questions to ponder (and possibly discuss with your spouse or small group, if appropriate) concerning this series on the Recipe for Rebellion. And then stay with us for a few more days of focusing on teens as I review some materials that are helpful in the spiritual, character, and intellectual training of our teens.
by Donna | Mar 14, 2010
Recipe for Rebellion
Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship
So how does this Recipe for Rebellion play out in our homes? What do these ingredients look like in action? I will give you an example of how we have applied this “recipe” in making a rule in our home and the result of those applications today. From this, as well as other times we followed the “Recipe for Rebellion,” we have determined that some of our rules were not biblical, were man-made, were illogical, or were inconsistent. The rule in this example is not a bad rule in itself. The reasons it was a bad rule for us are because we made it based on isolated Scripture verses (not considering other similar verses); we were inconsistent in applying it; we were hypocritical; we didn’t allow the children to respond to it; etc.
If you have this rule in your home, we are not suggesting you drop it. We are suggesting that when you have rules in your home, you give logical reasons for them, if possible. And that your rules, whatever they may be, do not contain the four ingredients in the “Recipe for Rebellion.”
EXAMPLE: RULE WITHOUT REASONS; WITHOUT REPETITION; AND WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP…..LISTENING TO NON-CHRISTIAN MUSICIAN
One rule I made over a dozen years ago involved music. As an older teen, Joshua got a cd collection of Disney movie songs. Upon closer examination of it, I discovered that Elton John had written and performed many of the songs. Now I knew from my teen years that Elton John had lived an immoral life, and to my knowledge (obviously, I did not have first hand info on this), was not a Christian. I forbade Joshua from listening to this (we even had him get rid of it entirely) because it had such a blatantly non-Christian (from my teen years anyway) artist singing some of the songs. The problems with this rule were the inconsistencies (Rules Without Repetition), not letting him talk to us about it (Rules Without Response), and lack of relationship (Rules Without Relationship):
1. The verses that I found for my rule were applied incorrectly. I had a book about why contemporary music and rock music were wrong–and it listed reasons with Bible verses like some of the following:
a. Contemporary music is addictive, with the verse “My son, incline thine ear to my teaching”
b. Contemporary music has a bad beat, with the verse “Flee from evil”
c. Contemporary music causes rebellion. with the verse “Heed my instruction, my son.”
The verses simply did not match the reasons!
a. If my “he’s not a Christian” rule was to work, we would have to eliminate anything not done by a Christian.
b. Thus, we would not use practically any Christian literature course as nearly all of them study the “greats” in literature, Christian and secular (and we read a wide genre and list of secular authors in our homeschool).
3. My kids did point out number two above to me, and I said that they might be non-Christians, but Elton John was known for his ungodly lifestyle (during my youth; I am unaware of his lifestyle at this time).
a. Of course, this logic could not stand up because many artists and classical composers (who were okay to listen to according to our rules) lived ungodly lives.
b. Many of these composers are ones whom we had been advised in our curriculum to listen to because they were classical composers–and classical music was more accepted than contemporary music in many circles.
Now, if we had other reasons for these rules, or if we just felt the rule was right, but we were not sure why, and we told our children that–that is another story.
But instead we had the following ingredients from the Recipe for Rebellion:
1. Poorly applied Scripture (Rules Without Reasons)
2. We had illogical thinking in that he was more of a “non-Christian” than other non-Christian artists and authors (Rules Without Logical Reasons)
3. We had no consistency in our rule–reading non-Christian authors (Rules Without Repetition)
4. We did not listen to our kids when they tried to discuss it (Rules Without Response)
5. We built walls between Joshua and us due to those ingredients (adding the ingredient of Rules Without Relationship)
Again, there are many families we know and respect who do not allow any music in their homes besides classical and sacred music, and they have rules that their children accept and understand concerning this guideline. It is not the guideline/rule itself that made this not work for our family. It was that we did not have logical reasons, consistency, and openness about the rule that made it a problem. In short, we made a rule using all of the ingredients in our Recipe for Rebellion.
But, as my daughter always says, “It’s all good.” Truly, I don’t want to leave you with this negative recipe. Join us tomorrow as we switch from this unhealthy recipe—and instead learn how to create closeness and harmony with our children by following the “Ingredients for Intimacy.” 2. We watched movies written by non-Christians, read books written by non-Christians, viewed art created by non-Christians, and much more.
by Donna | Mar 14, 2010
Recipe for Rebellion
Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship
INGREDIENT #4: RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP
Rules Without Relationship is the final ingredient—and probably the most critical of all of the ingredients to avoid. (Of course, without relationship, we as parents have no desire or motivation to try to explain rules, listen to their appeals, or remain consistent in our parenting.) Relationship must be in place in order to keep our children from rebelling against us.
Love covers a multitude of parenting problems. However, I will note that we can chisel away the relationship we do have with any of the previous three ingredients in our rule making. Even if we have a strong relationship in place with our children and have secured their hearts, we can cause them to take back pieces of their hearts little by little when we do not have logical rules, do not listen to them, and do not have consistency.
Likewise, an incredibly strong relationship can cause our children to accept our decisions even if we do have some of the other three undesirable ingredients. If our children know that we are trying to do what is in their best interest, and that we would not simply make rules to throw our weight around, they will more easily accept those times when our rule making is less than logical or consistent.
I look back on the time when our three oldest children began entering their teen years, and it seems a miracle that we were able to keep them so close. I know that there were some key experiences during that time that held us together, in spite of our tendency to not always think when making rules and guidelines. The most significant thing that kept our children true to us during that time was love.
More than anything else, love ruled our home. We might have had some wacko rules, many of which had no logical basis. We might have taken away a lot of things from them that other kids got to do or have (and continue to do so). But we always loved unselfishly. We loved them enough to do whatever it took to stay close to them.
Paul’s declaration about ruling with love is what made those years successful in spite of not knowing what we were doing! In Philemon 1: 8-9, Paul told the people that he could have forced them to do what he wanted them to do (which is how some parents handle things), but instead he wanted to love them into doing what he asked: “…although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love” (NKJV).
When we appeal to our children on the basis of love–even if we do not have it all figured out ourselves yet–their response is completely different than if we appeal to them with unlimited, tyrannical authority.
