by Donna | Feb 10, 2011
If we believe that people are basically good in themselves, there will be no need for ongoing, consistent, intensive training of our children. Why bother? If we believe that everybody really has a “good heart” and wants to “do right,” our children will turn out fine without character training.
If we, however, believe that man is born with a sin nature and is incapable of goodness outside of God, we will desire to seek God and help our children do the same. Scripture supports this belief, as evidenced in Romans 7:18—“For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
Taking this “man is basically sinful” thinking a step further, we must also believe, that as wonderful, sweet, soft, cuddly, and incredible that children are, they, too, are born sinful. Obviously, children have some other qualities that adults do not have that make it easier for them to learn spiritual truths otherwise Scripture would not say that adults should “become like little children.” However, child-like faith aside, we must, if we are to embrace the importance of character training in the lives of our children, believe that Romans 7:18 applies to them, as demonstrated in Proverbs 22:15, among other places: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (ASV).
Nobody wants to think or talk about original sin, and yet, in parenting, not embracing this truth can lead us to extremely faulty child training (or lack thereof). I have the most incredible children in the world. Ask me about them for a few minutes, and you will get way more than you bargained for! However, they, just like their mom and dad, need the Savior for eternal salvation and the Holy Spirit to help them live the Christian life on this earth. They (and we) will not automatically be filled with good character. Because of our sinful nature, we must, through the Lord, learn about, practice, and press on to the fruit of the spirit, the mind of Christ—and everything else that is good.
by Donna | Feb 9, 2011
Great Bible scholars are known for their timeless sayings, such as “What we believe about God is the most important belief we have,” etc. If I could rather humbly borrow that thought and apply it to parenting, I would say that “What we believe about why we have children is one of the most important parenting beliefs we have.”
Moreover, it is not just important, but crucial, in how we parent. Do we believe that we have children to satisfy us, to make us happy, to fulfill us, to show off (!), or to “carry on our family name”?
Or do we believe that we should do as Matthew 6:33 (NKJV) says, and seek God and his righteousness—and our children are those things added to our lives (and to help us further) as we seek God’s kingdom: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added.”
Obviously, children can add greatly to our lives—and they are amazing and important. They have the potential to bring unspeakable joy to our souls. However, we should not desire children simply for our own happiness, but rather as a way for the Lord to bless us and use us in furthering His kingdom.
If this is the case, we will not look at children as merely “toys” or “accessories,” but rather as the huge responsibility that they really are to “bring up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 NIV).
by Donna | Feb 8, 2011
Aside from modeling character in the lives of parents, the best advice we can give in starting early character training is to develop a parenting paradigm that is consistent with what Scripture says about children and parenting. We hesitate to say that “our way” is “the Bible’s way” when it comes to parenting; however, the foundational beliefs that a person espouses concerning parenting and children dictate how he or she parents, regardless of whether that paradigm is “the Bible’s way” or “man’s way.”
Consider the text from a slide from our “Character Training From the Heart” parenting seminar (below) —and see if you believe it is true. If you do, read on in the upcoming days to see why we feel that these eight “parenting paradigms” are crucial in training our children.
Our “parenting paradigm” will dictate every decision we make in our parenting—from how and whether we discipline our children; to whether or not we teach them God’s Word; to what kinds of peers we allow them to be with; to the numbers and types of activities they are involved in; to what our lives look like in our homes on a daily basis.
Over the next two weeks, we will examine what we feel are eight “essential” parenting paradigms that dictate how we parent our children—and how much character training takes place in our homes.
Join us tomorrow for Paradigm #1: Purpose for having children.
by Donna | Feb 5, 2011
Goal: To raise children who become adults who love God first, others second, and self last—and who walk this out in their daily lives
Starting Monday! Parenting Paradigms that affect your parenting decisions: Our “parenting paradigms” will dictate every decision that we make in our parenting—from how and whether we discipline our children; to whether or not we teach them God’s Word; to what kinds of peers we allow them to be with; to the numbers and types of activities they are involved in; to what our lives look like in our homes on a daily basis.
by Donna | Feb 4, 2011
“Normal” / Worldly Parenting Character-Focused Parenting
Focuses on me Focuses on Christ and others
Teaches self-indulgence Teaches selflessness
Teaches immediate gratification Teaches longsuffering
Focuses on frivolities Focuses on things of eternal value
Desires to make children happy & comfortable Desires to help children learn to deny themselves
Raises children in a materialistic lifestyle Raises children in a selfless, giving lifestyle
Teaches that others are lower than we are Teaches that others should always be first
Teaches self-sufficiency Teaches that without God, each of us is nothing
Attempts to make child happy Helps children learn contentment in all things
Lives for the next thrill Sees thrills and fun as rewards for hard work and service
Teaches minimalism in work and service Taught to give all—maximum living, work, & service
Encourage children to declare personal rights Encourage children to realize all belongs to God—
and ownership and we are called to give to others
by Donna | Feb 2, 2011
Deuteronomy 6: 6 & 7 (NKVJ) points to where and when we can train our children in character:
“…You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”
Where: God was instructing the children of Israel to teach their children about the Lord and His ways every place they found themselves! In our times, we could say that we are to teach our children God’s principles at home, out walking and driving around, before bed, when they first get up in the mornings—and any place we are just “hanging out” with them.
When: God was instructing the children of Israel to teach their children about the Lord and His ways all day and night! In our times, we could say that we are to teach our children God’s principles anytime we are with them (which should be often to get all of these locations and times of teaching in!)—when we are at home together, when we are out and about, when we put them to bed, when we get them up in the mornings—and any time we are just “hanging out” with them.
Our associate pastor calls living the Christian life with others “doing life together.” In that sense, we should teach our children God’s ways while we are “doing life together” with them. I think it probably makes God sad to see the small amounts of time that we often spend with our children. I mean, it seems as though He planned for us to “do life” with our kids a lot—and teach them as we went along.
Another verse that sheds light on our teaching our children about living for God is found in Isaiah 28:10 (KJV)—“For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line; here a little and there a little.”
When we spend a lot of time with our children—and when we see our role and responsibility in raising our sons and daughters for God—we will have opportunity to teach a little “here” and a little “there”—we will build “precept upon precept” on the previous “mini lessons” that we have taught them. And character training will be a way of life for us as inferred in God’s instruction to the children of Israel.
