Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need

Four Things Teens and Young Adults Need





I am an experiential writer. I like to write and speak about things only after I have experienced them for myself for a while. I have had the writing/speaking bug ever since our first born (now thirty) was two years old, and I headed up our children’s church department and taught teachers how to teach, manage the group, etc. (based on my credentials as an elementary education major). However, it wasn’t until I had homeschooled for many years, raised a few babies and toddlers, managed a busy household for a decade and a half, etc. , that I felt ready to talk to others about those things. As a learner, I also like to learn from those who have “been there” and “came out to tell about it”! Smile…

My husband and I began talking about raising and homeschooling teens about eight years ago–when our first born was twenty-two. Now I have seven children ages fourteen through thirty–three of whom are in college and living at home. Guess what? I am more than ready to tell the world what I have learned and continue to learn about raising/discipling teens and young adults in this heart-affecting way that we have chosen to live. If there are even a few things that we have found to work, I want to spread that vital info from shore to shore and sea to sea (okay, that’s a little dramatic, but have you ever had seven kids ages fourteen to thirty at various critical stages of life–let me tell you, it’s more than a little dramatic!).

So…with deep affection and emotion, I bring you a few things that we KNOW teens and young adults need from us as parents:


1. Safe place to talk

They need to know that it is safe to tell you whatever is going on in their hearts and lives. They need to know that you won’t completely freak out (even if you don’t agree)–and that you will love them regardless of what they say in these talks. Our oldest son and daughter (30 and 27) were raised in a pretty strict home. We had rules that did not have logical reasons (see our teen posts for Recipe for Rebellion beginning here: https://characterinkblog.com/day-sixty-eight-avoid-the-recipe-for-rebellion-ingredient-i-rules-without-reason/). We were oftentimes lost, exhausted caring for small children and emotionally drained trying to help young teenagers find their way. However, our son told us that he never wanted turn away from us–in spite of our many faults–because no matter what we made him do, wear, or say, we always gave him “intellectual freedom”–freedom to believe and think for himself (with our guidance but not with an iron fist). Fourteen to twenty-four year olds need a safe place to talk that should be found in their parents.




2. Availability

Are you tired of hearing me talk about this yet? One of the most unfortunate things to me in the whole “teen” thing is that parents sometimes think that they are done or at least almost done long before we really should be done. I have often said, and continue to believe, that children between the ages of sixteen and twenty need their parents more than ever. Why would we work so hard to instill in them our beliefs, to teach them character, to raise them with love and tenderness–just to leave them to peers alone during these ages? They need us. And they need for us to be available when they need us. For some of us, this means not going to our own things (shopping, golf, and, gasp, ballroom dancing) many a Saturday for much longer than we originally thought we would have to give up those things. Parents of teens and young adults–you are not done! There are still some more critical years to make yourself available to these amazing people in your life.





3. Time

This might seem like a repeat of number two, but it really isn’t. Yes, we need to clear our schedules not just to watch them play baseball or go to their concerts; we need to clear our schedules to provide times of availability. We also need to understand the amount of time that these ages take. We have had two of our kids get married so far. The amount of time that it took to counsel them, have fun and plan with them, encourage them, and help prepare them was probably more than my many long days of teaching that child to read or working on chores together! We have three college kids at home right now. They need the “normal” time things–help with college math, reviewing class schedules and seeing how they can squeeze in something that is only offered at a certain time during a certain semester, help changing a tire, and the “as-only-Mom-can-do” edits on their big papers. But they need long periods of time for #1 (safe talking place) and long periods of time of just being there—when they feel friend-less, when the stress of going to college and working is taking its toll on them, when they have a broken heart, when they are questioning something that they have always believed to be true, when they are disillusioned with people and this world….time….and lots of it.





4. To Be Treated Like Adults

If you have been to our parenting seminars or read our parenting book (The Well-Trained Heart), you have likely heard us emphasize the strong link between responsibility and privileges. This point, to be treated like adults, is not to de-emphasize that. We believe that children (and adults!) who show themselves responsible and mature get more and more privileges (hmmm…parable of the talents????). However, many of us treat our sixteen year olds like little kids–micromanaging their school work and homework, following them around to check on each step of their chores, not “expanding the boundaries” of responsibility/privilege in a way that is commensurate with the responsibility and maturity level they are showing. If your teens are still working on that whole responsibility thing and really aren’t ready to have the boundaries widened like you had hoped they would be, at the very least, don’t continue to treat them like little kids in other areas. Give them opportunities to please you and do good things. Set them up for success so that you can expand their boundaries and treat them more adult-like. Quit giving them money for nonsense and toys that keep them playing all the time, and instead provide them with tools–books, computer for school, gas cards, work desk, handy tools, car wash passes, and even fast food gift certificates so that when they are out doing those adult things, they can get gas and a bite to eat. Stop giving them video games, ipods, and individual sports things that twelve and fourteen year olds want/get. Talk to them like adults–don’t ask them where they are going or what they are doing in an accusatory way, but ask them in the same way  you would ask your spouse–in order to determine the schedule and plan for family time. Say, “When will you be home from class–I was hoping we would have some talk time tonight” not “And what time will you be rolling in tonight?” I have so much more to say about treating our teens and young adults like adults, and I will try to address this even more as Ray and I are speaking about some teen topics this summer at some conferences, but I will leave you with this word of advice: The tone in which you speak to your kids tells them right away whether they are being treated in a condescending, child-like way or an adult way. Tone is where I would start.


That’s all for today. I am crying as I finish this article. I have had a couple of weeks of intense parenting of teens and young adults. I truly have the most amazing eighteen, twenty, and twenty-two year old living in my home right now. But their hearts are vulnerable, and they are facing a big scary world. And they need me and Ray to help them finish becoming who and what they are going to become. The needs are so much bigger than getting them to finish their peas and pick up their toys. 

 Our teens and young adults need us! They need our support. They need our advice. They need our encouragement. They need our faith in them. They need our time. They need for us to be available to them. They need for us to treat them with respect. They need us.









We Understand….For Mom and Dad Are in Love Too

We Understand….For Mom and Dad Are in Love Too




We understand that you were nervous, afraid of the unknown and possible hurt…for Mom and Dad were afraid one day too.

We understand that once the answer was yes, you were giddy and seeing stars…for Mom and Dad are often giddy and seeing stars too.

We understand that as you got to know each other, you needed to talk for hours and hours…for Mom and Dad need to talk for hours and hours too.

We understand that as your love has deepened, the days between your time together have felt like forever…for when Mom and Dad have time apart, it feels like forever too.

We understand that you can hardly wait for the next time you get to spend time together…for Mom and Dad can hardly wait for the next time we get to spend time together too.

We understand that you need to hear each other’s voices, to have the restlessness in your souls calmed…for Mom and Dad calm each other’s restless souls too.

We understand that you just want to laugh, to sing, to play–and you need to do these things together…for Mom and Dad need to laugh and sing and play together too.

We understand that you await words of affirmation and love from each other every day…for Mom and Dad await those words from each other every day too.

We understand that you want to dream together of the future–think, talk, scheme, and hope…for Mom and Dad dream together too.

We understand that you think nobody else in the world feels like you do–that nobody else could possibly hold the love and feelings that you are holding…for Mom and Dad think that we are the only ones too.

We understand that you need more minutes, more hours, more days, more weeks to be together…for Mom and Dad need more time too.

We understand that you long for the day when you will not be apart, the day that your lives are joined as one and you no longer have separate lives….for Mom and Dad longed for that day for us too.

We understand that you wake up in the morning thinking of your love–and that is the last thought you have before you sleep…for Mom and Dad think of each other morning and night too.

We understand all of these things…we haven’t forgotten. We understand….we understand that you are in love….for Mom and Dad are in love too.

Valentine’s Day–Party With Your Kids (All the Time!)

 When we had Valentine’s parties (or any “holiday” party) with our kids, we always did it a few days after the holiday—so we could get the candy and treats for 50-75% off! So…if you are reading this after the “real” holiday, it really isn’t too late to have a party with your kids for Valentine’s Day!

One of the things that we tried to do with our kids for celebrations (or just “anytime parties”) is that we tried to go out of our way to make being with Mom, Dad, and brothers, and sisters cool. Our kids see us go to great lengths to prepare for a Sunday school class party, Mary Kay party, or extended family party. We put thought and effort into having “parties” with our kids—so they wanted to stay home and party with their family–and so that they would know that they are as important (more so!) than the Sunday school class, the gals at the make up party, or the reunion.

We have fond memories of communion nights, footwashings, Valentine parties, Easter celebrations, fondue parties, “flat top grill” parties, and more with our children. Being in our family was just plain fun and way cool! Some times we would just announce to the kids that “tonight, we’re having a movie party” or “tonight, we’re having a chocolate party” or “tonight, we’re having a game party.”

It may have been as simple as frozen pizza and a movie or as elaborate as a fondue meal that Mom and the littles spent the afternoon preparing for. It may have been for a holiday (after the holiday!) or just because we wanted our kids to stay home with us on a Saturday night instead of running around with friends. (We’re not opposed to friends, but the more time we spent with our kids the more WE would influence them rather than peers influencing them.)

I will list some ideas for a homemade Valentine’s Party—some that we have done and some that I have read about or heard of.

1. Write love notes to each other. Okay..I can write this one without crying…I really can. Some of my fondest memories are the times that we sat down and had the kids write notes to each other. Okay…forget the not crying thing. Talk about incredibly sweet and memory-imbedding! We drew names and sat down and listened to the true Valentine’s story on cassette (Adventures in Odyssey) and wrote love notes to each other. I still have some of them! We had the little kids dictate to us. One of the funniest ones: one of the little boys wrote, “Dear Kayla, I love you so much because you have skinny arms.”

2. Have fun foods! This is especially important as your kids get older. After all, what do they have when they go out with friends or to youth group? Pizza, Taco Bell, mall snacks. As our kids got older, we got more elaborate with our party foods. When the two oldest girls were college age and crazy about Flat Top Grill when it first opened in Fort Wayne, one of our Valentine’s parties was a flat top grill night. (It was tons of work to prepare for, but the older kids loved this!) We had meats, veggies, and pita breads all ready—and had griddles and electric skillets all set up on the table. It was quite the feast!

3. Do something for others. Preparing Valentine’s cookie baskets or bath baskets for nursing home residents, etc. is a great way to spend a party—and helps others too.

4. Wait until after the holiday to have your party, so you can get some cool party treats for fifty to seventy-five percent off! With seven children, buying elaborate Easter baskets or Valentine’s hearts was usually out of the question. However, after the holiday, we could go get things for a lot less and still give them special treats.

5. Spend your Valentine’s Day showing love to those less fortunate. For the past several years, we have spent time on or around Valentine’s Day serving a Valentine’s banquet (and sometimes cooking it or helping to cook it) for adults with cognitive disabilities through our daughter’s disability ministry (One Heart). We often do things to prepare for it (cookie making, set up, preparing a special drama, etc.) then serve at it. Valentine’s Day is about love…and what better way to show love than to live out Luke fourteen.

6. Get a special movie, audio, or talking books to listen to or watch together for your Valentine’s party. We love Adventures in Oddysey and other radio dramas put out by Focus on the Family; the Christian bookstore (and Hallmark) have some good movies about unconditional love, etc. that are appropriate for this holiday.

7. Write various verses about love on large hearts cut of construction paper, cut each one in half in various zig-zags, mix them up, and pass out a half a heart to each person. That person then finds his other half, reads, the verse, and discusses it with the family.

8. Sing Scripture songs about love. Once we had piano players around here, we loved to gather around the piano and sing. None of us is too musical (except the two pianists), but we all loved it anyway.

Party with your kids—and make them want to stay home more!

Your Kids Will Do To and For Others What You Have Done To and For Them….

Your Kids Will Do To and For Others What You Have Done To and For Them….

“Throughout their lives, your kids will do to and for others what you have done to and for them.”

 

 

In our “Character for Tweens and Teens” seminar, we stress the quote above—because we have seen it over and over in our children’s lives during our thirty years of parenting. And it is truly something to consider in the time, effort, money, and teaching that we invest in our children. When I look back at how true this statement has been in our lives, I just want to tell every parent that there are genuine dividends paid for all of that investing!

I could share examples of this with you from every age and stage of our seven kids:

*How Joshua, our first born, when he was six or seven,  would sit in the back of the van and tell his sisters what to expect when we got to our destination, how they should behave and how they should treat others—because his mommy and daddy had done that for him since he was a toddler.

*How Kayla, our second daughter, took it upon herself at age fourteen to do all of the family cooking for a long period of time during my grief after our stillborn daughter’s birth and my harrowing ruptured uterus—because her parents had served her, fed her, and taught her everything she needed to know in the kitchen.

*How Cami, our third child, started a ministry for the disabled when she was a senior in high school (that still runs today seven years later and ministers to over a hundred disabled adults every week)—because we taught her to look into people’s hearts to see their deepest needs, and we looked into her heart.

*How the girls planned a special meal for their brothers and even called and invited their grandparents to their “Silly Supper” while Mom and Dad were out of town—because Mom and Dad had always tried to make things special for them.

*How Kara, our fourth child, listened intently night after night to the needs of the teens on the traveling drama team that she led—because her parents had listened to her needs for twenty years.

And on and on and on and on. Our children are far from perfect—as are their parents. But there is one thing that we can be sure they will always do: serve, love, reach out, touch, help, and communicate with others in many of the same ways that they have been served, loved, reached out to, touched, helped, and communicated with by us, their parents.

 

We have an example of this hot off the press that is so incredibly cute I just had to share it with you. Our almost-eighteen  year-old Josiah (sixth child of seven living)  asked a few weeks ago if he could surprise his younger brother Jacob (our youngest) by taking him to visit their oldest sister near Chicago where she is in grad school at Wheaton College (a four hour drive from us). We discussed it and decided to let him do it, so he set about planning the trip.

He must have talked to me about the “unveiling” of the trip to Jakie no fewer than a dozen times over the three weeks prior to the trip: “Should I drive home with him from my drum teaching and ask him to tell me where the gps says to turn?” “Should I take him to Cami and Joseph’s (our daughter and son-in-law) and make him think we are spending the night there but then take off from there?” “Should I pack all of his stuff while he is at piano then act like we are going to run errands?” On and on. He had a new idea everyday it seemed.

He set aside two hours the night before to go over directions with his dad, talk to us about details, call Kayla to talk details (whom they were going to see), and pack/load the car while Jacob was at the YMCA exercising with Kara (our fourth child). He gassed up his vehicle. He packed snacks. He gathered story tapes. He went to the bank and got cash. He packed Jakie’s things and hid them in the trunk.

At one point in Josiah’s preparations, he said, “Don’t you think this is the best surprise that any of the siblings have ever done for another one?” To which we just smiled and nodded. (Our kids have had a sort of unofficial “best sibling EV-ER” contest going on for many years.)

And then they left. His idea to take Jacob to Cami and Joseph’s and go from there, telling him only when Jacob noticed that they were not taking the route that led home, won out. And Jacob called us to see if it was really true—“are we really driving to Kayla’s for the weekend?” We could hear Josiah laughing in the background—one happy big brother.

Josiah’s idea wasn’t quite as original as he thought—but we didn’t tell him that, of course. For Josiah had just done nearly everything that we had done for him eight years ago when we took him and his siblings on a surprise weekend trip—right down to hiding packed things in the trunk, packing good snacks, sneaking out story tapes and games,  and taking a strange route to confuse them. Because by that time, we knew that  “throughout their lives, our kids will do to and for others whatever has been done to and for them.” Smile…

Reish Family Speaking Topics

 Dear Event Organizer,

This document has been prepared to make event organizers know of the topics that our ministry/publishing company (Character Ink) provides to homeschoolers (and in the case of our parenting seminar and marriage workshops, to Christian organizations in general). You will find us on the web under different names:

1. Character Ink (formerly Training for Triumph) –our homeschool publishing/cottage class/speaking ministry 

2. Character Training From the Heart (formerly Positive Parenting)–our parenting seminar, blog, and Facebook page

3. Language Lady–Donna’s language arts, writing, grammar, spelling, vocabulary, reading, and speaking blog and Facebook page (for teachers, parents, students, and anybody who wants to learn about proper usage and more!)

You will find the following in this document:

1.  Workshops for Ray, Donna, or Joshua Reish (or some combination of it)

2.  Additional seminar/workshop possibilities

3.  Biographical and publishing information 

We are open to combining/cutting/changing however is needed to fit your convention. Please feel free to contact us about doing a “series” or combining workshops in whatever way would meet the needs of your attendees.

1.    WORKSHOPS FOR REISHES

Family Living and Family Unity

Bible Buzzwords: Scriptures, Along With Infamous Reish Family Buzzwords, That Teach Children How to Live a Character-Filled Life—Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
“Reishes pick up some carpeting”; “If she thinks you did it, to her, you did it”; “Dad’s in the kitchen/Mom’s in the kitchen”; “See a need”; “Penny for your thoughts”; “You’re number three”; “How does that make her feel?” These buzzwords, along with many more, are rooted in Scripture and have come to be vital teaching tools for the Reish family. Come and learn “Bible Buzzwords” from the Reish home, along with applications of them, while seeing how teaching our kids to walk with Christ is more of a lifestyle than a lesson, more relationship than rules, and more communication than curriculum.

Family Unity – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
Ray and Donna Reish share how they have developed family unity in their family of seven children through family togetherness, family worship, family times, family work, family protection, and more. Lots of practical applications to make your children each other’s best friends – and to make them crazy about their parents!

Reaching the Heart of Your Teen – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
Ray and Donna Reish share what they have found to work in reaching and keeping the hearts of their teens. With six children ages thirteen through twenty-five right now (and one elementary boy), the Reishes have found some very specific keys to discipling and mentoring their teens and young adults.

Child Training of Younger Children – Ray and Donna; Donna alone
Laying the foundation for a successful homeschool and successful family relationships, Ray and Donna Reish teach parents how to train young children in obedience, diligence, kindness, responsibility, and much more.

Discipling and Mentoring Your Children – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
More about discipling and mentoring children—beginning with elementary age and moving into young adults. This workshop, which can be presented by Ray or Donna Reish (or the two), is for those with all ages of children, describing how to begin reaching the heart of your younger children while still maintaining discipline, then how to move into a mentoring role with your older teens and young adults.

The Well-Trained Heart – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
This very newest workshop(s) presented by Ray and Donna Reish and based on their book, The Well-Trained Heart, may be one to a dozen sessions in length! The basic, beginning session is that of “The Whys and How’s of Heart Training”—what the Bible says about heart training, general principles in heart training, the importance of heart training, the trend towards neglecting heart training in favor of academic training and activities, and much more. The remaining sessions may be any chapters from The Well-Trained Heart.

              Character Training Seminar Workshops

The Five W’s of Character Training—Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone

This workshop, the first in our popular “Character Training From the Heart” seminar (though may be used separately, as well), teaches parents the what, who, when, where, why (and how!) of character training in the home. Using Scripture and thirty years of parenting experience, the Reishes convince parents in this workshop that it starts with us—and is up to us—to train our children in godly parenting, how and where this takes place (it’s not as elaborate as you might think),and much more!

Parenting Paradigms—Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone

How we parent begins with what we believe—what we believe about how children come into this world, whose responsibility child training is, what our role should be in it, what we believe Scripture tells us about parenting, timing and appropriate age of training, empathy in parenting, and much more. What we believe will dictate what we do every single day of our parenting lives. Find out why and how in this workshop.

Starting Out Right With Babies and Toddlers—Ray and Donna; Donna alone

Demanding toddlers become disobedient preschoolers, disobedient preschoolers become surly elementary children, surly elementary children become disrespectful teens, and disrespectful teens become entitled young adults. What we do in parenting our babies and toddlers makes a huge difference in the success of our parenting in other stages. This workshop focuses on the first four qualities that are essential for parenting babies and toddlers—contentment, cheerfulness, obedience, and submission. “I wish every young Christian parent could hear these concepts—ones that were taught to us thirty years ago and have made a huge difference in our parenting” (Donna).

Early Qualities for Preschoolers—Ray and Donna; Donna alone

This workshop takes the first four qualities needed for babies and toddlers—submission, obedience, contentment, and cheerfulness—and builds on those in the life of the four to six year old child. In this workshop, Reishes explain how to apply those in your little one’s life, while raising kids that others enjoy being around and that older siblings adore! Loving and training these ages are some of the most blessed years of parenting (along with many other years!)—and parenting children biblically with boundaries, love, fun, and biblical concepts makes all the difference in their dispositions, the family’s efficiency and joy, and family unity.

Child Training vs Heart Training—Ray and Donna; Donna alone

Something should start to happen in our character training between the ages of eight and ten. This workshop teaches how to transition from child training to heart training—and how the foundational character training plays a role in that transition. How do we get from “putting out fires” in our kids’ behavior to training their hearts for life? Ray and Donna have insights from their thirty years of parenting that can help parents move into heart training of their children effectively.

Helping Tweens Grow in Character and Virtue—Ray and Donna; Donna alone

Taking tweens and young teens from obedience and submission  for the sake of avoiding punishment to genuine respect, self-control, diligence, truthfulness, responsibility, and more can be a daunting task. But it can be done! And we can enjoy those ten to fourteen year olds instead of dreading the next confrontation! This workshop focuses on how to help our children grow in character and virtue because “it’s the right thing to do”—and apply it to their lives for life!

Fathering and Marriage

Meeting the Needs of Your Wife and Children – Ray Reish
Ray Reish looks at the primary needs of a home school wife and children and explains how to meet these needs by focusing on them over less important things. Ray will explain practical ways to meet needs at various stages and ages—and how to continue to be one with your wife in a busy homeschool family. Very motivating and enlightening.

Teaching the Bible to Your Children Without Pressure – Ray Reish
Ray Reish gives home school dads the courage to dig into the Bible with their families – without a Bible degree or the pressure that they aren’t doing it right! Ray shares dozens and dozens of fun and non-pressured ways the Bible has been brought into his homeschool over the past twenty years – and how to make God’s Word and its teachings the center of your school and life.

The Successful Home Schooling Father – Ray Reish
Ray Reish shares several components that have, in the eyes of his wife and children, made him a successful home schooling father. Fathers everywhere can be successful in their home schooling efforts when they learn to die to themselves and serve their families as opposed to ruling them.

Family Worship, Family Altar, Family Devotions – Ray Reish
How Can I Do It All? Ray Reish gives dads the encouragement they need to “do the next right thing” – and not be overwhelmed by the “advice overload” that makes sharing Christ with our children more complicated and out of reach than it really is. In this workshop, Ray discusses family devotions, family read alouds, family worship, family prayer time, teaching our children about God constantly, teaching our children to love the Lord, and training children to have an others-first mindset. Dads can go home and begin immediately doing “the next right thing” – without being perfect or following an elaborate system.

Marriage by the Book – Ray and Donna; Ray alone
In this marriage workshop, Ray Reish (or Ray and Donna) describes how he has applied Scriptures about marriage, selflessness, and deference to their marriage to develop marital oneness. More than another “rule and reign” and “respect and obey” workshop, this one focuses on truly loving and giving—from both the husband and the wife. This approach to marriage makes the “ruling” and “respecting” come much more naturally!

Helps for Homeschool Moms
(Donna Reish presents these sessions, very popular and helpful ones, to home school groups every year; Ray and Donna may also do these together, if desired, for moms and dads; these sessions may be done individually as well; however, if all three are done, they should be done in the order listed here.)

Prioritizing Your Life, School, and Home – Donna Reish
The first session in this three part series “prioritizing” is a needful topic for home school moms and dads. In this life-changing and popular session, Donna Reish teaches parents how to prioritize their lives, schools, and homes—the difference between a priority and a desire, how to find God’s best for your family, how and when to say no, and more. This session is especially appropriate for fathers and mothers to attend together.

Organizing Your Life, School, and Home – Donna Reish
The next session, organizing – takes prioritizing a step further and shows how to live your priorities out by organizing your home school day, housework, school work, and more. This session also includes tips for helping children become organized, diligent workers, including information about chore charts and daily checklists.

Scheduling Your Life, School, and Home – Donna Reish
Finally, Donna Reish focuses on scheduling your school day in many scenarios – putting character first. She also teaches how to face various scheduling challenges, such as scheduling with babies; multi level scheduling; and various curriculum-focused scheduling. This session also includes tips for helping children become organized, diligent workers, including information about chore charts and daily checklists

Child Training

Child Training in the Christian Homeschool – Donna Reish
Donna Reish delivers this child training workshop in which she touches on the main aspects of child training that affect a family’s home school success in the daily ins and outs. She exposes the child-run home and explains how to counter it. Especially suited for parents of children twelve and under.

Training Children to Be Diligent Workers – Donna Reish
Donna Reish goes beyond a daily chore chart (though that is certainly a part of it) to explain the basics of raising diligent workers in the home. She has found several keys that have made her children not just “chore doers” but responsible, diligent children at early ages. (Much of this information is also included in part three of the character series.)

Babies and Toddlers – Donna Reish
Donna Reish examines two extremes of parenting babies in home school circles: child run and authoritarian (extreme parent-controlled). Donna gives a gentle balance between the two for the newborn baby—and how to keep babies and toddlers from becoming self-centered children, self-absorbed teens, and selfish adults. She explains how she and her husband gently incorporated babies and toddlers into their home school lifestyle–while still meeting the needs of the other children—without falling into the trap of either extreme.

Home Schooling Preschoolers and Kindergarteners – Donna Reish
Donna Reish continues the parent-led advice for young parents and tells them how to train preschoolers and kindergarteners in character, obedience, love of learning, diligence, and more—before beginning “academics.”

Day in the Life of a Preschooler or Kindergartener – Donna Reish
Donna Reish uses her upcoming children’s book, Jonathan’s Journal, to show parents of preschoolers and kindergarteners what boundaries, structure, attention, love, and learning look like in the day of her young son—and how homeschooling parents can duplicate this balanced approach in their families.

General Homeschooling

Thirty Years and Counting—Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone

Thirty years ago this fall, Ray and Donna Reish, married for two years with a one-year-old in tow, embarked on the homeschooling journey by homeschooling Donna’s eighth grade sister. (They also began helping folks in a nearby homeschool-unfriendly state start homeschooling.) Three decades and seven children later, they are still living the homeschooling lifestyle with one senior and one eighth grader—and five successful graduates and helping homeschoolers around the world.

In this session, the Reishes share what it was like thirty years ago for homeschoolers (“walking to school uphill in five feet of snow wearing flip flops”) and what has kept them going—and strong—for all of these years.  They share their “tips for success” along with motivation to “do the next right thing” and a little humor here and there.

Come and learn the importance of creating a love for learning, the foundations of child discipline in the successful homeschool, scheduling secrets, reaching the hearts of your teens, teaching all kinds of learners, keeping your marriage strong, and much more. You will laugh, cry, and jot down ideas that will make a difference in your life, relationships, school, and home.

Schooling the Preschooler and Kindergartener – Donna Reish
Donna Reish gives some surprising news about preschoolers and kindergarteners – the first skill they should be taught is obedience! She explains how to follow an order in teaching this age that focuses on the truly important things, how to enjoy these years, and more.

Multi-Level Teaching – Donna Reish
This workshop focuses on unit study approaches with many levels of children. Especially geared towards moms with children of ages birth through age fourteen, Donna Reish trains parents in scheduling, room time for younger children, the bus stop approach for adding in and deleting various ages of children at certain points of study, keeping little ones busy, older children helping younger ones, and much more.

Teaching Using Unit Studies – Donna Reish
The how’s and why’s of unit studies, as well as some of the downfalls and how to overcome those downfalls. Donna Reish, who has taught various unit studies for twenty years, describes different unit studies, such as chronological, literature-based, topic-based, and character-based. She describes how to implement the unit study approach with various ages of children, evaluating middle school students’ “unit study” work when tests and worksheets are not widely used, developing oral comprehension to aid in unit study effectiveness, the bus stop approach for teaching older children with younger children, and how to know when a child needs more independent study instead of the unit study.

So You’re Gonna Home School – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
Donna Reish (or Ray or both) encourages beginning home schoolers, giving them the information they need to begin to home school successfully – and enjoy their children at home. In this helpful session, she explains using statistics and studies why homeschooling is superior. Then she explains the top ten things new homeschoolers need to know and/or do, such as setting up a homeschooling schedule, choosing activities wisely, teaching like Jesus, keeping records, and much more.

Home Schooling Your High Schooler – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
After graduating three students from her family’s homeschool, Donna Reish (or Ray or the two) explains many aspects of home schooling high schoolers that they has found to be successful, including mentoring, training towards a student’s bent, helping young teens be successful, training teens to serve, and more. Donna will touch on transcript writing as well.

Teaching Like Jesus – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
Jesus was the Master Teacher; Donna Reish (or Ray or the two) explains how home school moms (and dads!) can teach like Jesus. In this session, the Reishes pull out various examples in Scriptures of how Jesus teaches and how the Bible says we should teach and apply them to help homeschooling parents become “master” teachers. We can’t go wrong in our homeschools when we teach and act like Jesus!

Top Twenty-Plus From Twenty-Plus! – Ray and Donna; Ray alone; Donna alone
Our Top Twenty Pieces of Advice From Twenty+ Years of Home Schooling—Our new and very popular workshop; Ray and Donna Reish (or either one alone) share the Reishes’ top twenty pieces of advice—from teaching children to read to teaching children to get along with each other—from twenty years of home school. This can be done in one hour (with tidbits of advice from all twenty areas) – or several (going into detail about many of the twenty pieces of advice) or somewhere in between (i.e a Part I and Part II workshop, etc.).

Teaching Students Critical Thinking Skills – Joshua Reish
Do you want your students to have strong critical thinking skills but wonder how to teach them? In this workshop, Joshua Reish (homeschool graduate who tested out of nearly all of his college degree) will show you how to help children from preschool to college expand their reasoning skills, think critically, discern teaching, and more.

Developing a Love for Learning Donna alone–This topic may be one session in length – or several sessions (preferred)

Donna Reish draws on her thirty years of home schooling—and developing a love for learning in her seven children—to help home school parents see how they can have children who love learning and enjoy home schooling. She includes information on the importance of beginning early in developing a love for learning (as opposed to a disdain for multiple workbooks at a young age); the influence of free time and frivolities on love for learning; the value of reading aloud; building comprehension to build enjoyment of learning; how hands on learning encourages a love for learning; modeling love for learning; creating learning memories; the fun and value of family learning times; how to develop a home school lifestyle; the effects of peers on love for learning; developing study skills; spiritual training at various times; teaching multiple children and multiple learning styles; and much more.

Language Arts Areas

Teaching Reading – Donna Reish
Donna’s master’s work is in reading specialist, but she learned how to teach reading by “doing the stuff.” Donna Reish helps build confidence in the home schooling mom to teach her children to read, including developing pre-reading skills naturally in the preschoolers, what readiness to learn to read is and what it is not; the basics of reading instruction; phonics vs. whole language; how to build comprehension skills; choosing readers; and more.

Teaching Language Arts – Donna Reish
Donna Reish shares what she has found to be the ideal order for language arts instruction in the home school, In this workshop, Donna takes language arts instruction year by year from preschool through twelfth grades—area by area (listening, comprehension, reading, grammar, speech, writing, literature, and more). She details the important connection between grammar and composition; the value of a directed writing approach; and many, many practical teaching tips for language arts based on her six years of experience of writing twenty language arts and composition books for two home school suppliers – and her twenty-two years of homeschooling (beginning with her younger sister).

Teaching Writing – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna Reish explains how to teach composition, including applying grammar to composition; the importance and how to’s of outlining; various composition types; writing meaningful reports and essays; using age-appropriate source material; various outlining techniques; teaching writing with a directed writing approach, and more, based on her six years of experience of writing over twenty language arts and composition books for two home school suppliers.

The Timed Essay/the Five Paragraph Essay (for SAT and other quick writing preparation) – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna Reish teaches parents (or teens) how to write a strong SAT or other timed essay including how to practice at home; what the graders are looking for; the importance of organization; time management techniques; building a background of knowledge; and more.

Writing the Research Paper – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna Reish teaches parents how to teach the MLA format of research papers, from research to outlining to gathering information on note cards and then on to final product. This session (including its detailed handout) takes the guesswork out of research paper writing for junior high and high school students.

How to Teach Study Skills and Comprehension – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna or Joshua Reish explains how to teach your students to learn including how to encourage and build comprehension; how to teach mnemonics and other retention techniques; choosing books; the importance of questions and verbal interchange in building comprehension; teaching children to think via discussions; building a background of experience; thinking to write and writing to think; and more.

Editing and Grammar Essentials – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna Reish teaches home school moms how to edit their students’ writings and help their students learn to edit and revise themselves including content editing and usage editing, as well as using checklists to revise and improve writing. The handout and checklist provided in this workshop are great helps to homeschool moms.

Teaching Creative Writing – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna Reish teaches home schooling parents how to teach creative writing—with handouts and lots of application, Donna will take parents through the creative essay, using quotations, writing short stories (with scene development, goals, obstacles, and resolution), and much more.

From Words to Sentences and More – Donna Reish or Joshua Reish
Donna Reish teaches home schooling parents how to teach the fundamentals of sentence writing, vocabulary building, and punctuation. Taking the “complex” out of those “complex-compound” sentence structures we learned in school many years ago, Donna teaches the structure of a sentence, sentence combining, sentence openers, and much more in an extremely easy-to-understand way.

Teaching Literature – Joshua Reish
Do names like Shakespeare, Milton, and Longfellow intimidate you as a teacher? Is it really necessary for your students to study literature? In this workshop, Joshua Reish will explain why the study of literature is important for all students, and more importantly, how you can teach it with confidence.
How to teach Shakespeare Even if You Don’t Understand It – Joshua Reish
In this workshop Joshua Reish, a home school graduate with a BA in history, will explain why Shakespeare is considered the best writer in world history and why a study of his works is one of the most important subjects for high school students. He will also show you creative and fun ways you can teach Shakespeare even if you don’t understand it yourself, as well as the impact Shakespeare’s writings have had on his life in other areas, besides literature.

How to Start Speech and Debate Clubs and Classes – Ray or Joshua Reish….This workshop explains how to teach speech and debate in your home, in a class, or with a newly-found club. This is the place to start if you want to introduce your attendees to speech and debate.

Teaching Beginning Debate – Ray or Joshua Reish
Ray or Joshua teaches the basics of policy debate for those interested in learning what debate is all about. Good overview of the basics of homeschool debate.

2. Additional Workshop Possibilities

We have two workshops that we do entirely on their own if someone if your group would like to host these—or if you would like parts of them done in order at your convention.

Language Arts Workshops

In addition to workshop topics, Donna (and/or Joshua) is available for an all day or half day language arts workshop. In this workshop, depending on the time available, Donna covers such topics as the following:

The grammar and composition connection—the importance of teaching grammar hand-in-hand with composition
How to teach composition
Using the Key Word Outline approach
Editing and Revising Essays
The timed essay (SAT and ACT)
How to teach language arts using an integrated approach (CQLA)
Editing sessions (in which parents bring papers for Donna to help them edit)

“Character Training From the Heart” seminar—Ray and Donna

Some of the sessions described above in the character training section come from this seminar. The entire seminar, in seven forty to fifty-minute sessions is as follows:

1.     The Five W’s of Character Training

2.     Parenting Paradigms

3.     Starting Out Right With Babies and Toddlers

4.     Early Qualities for Preschoolers

5.     Child Training vs. Heart Training

6.     Character Qualities for Elementary Ages

7.     Helping Tweens Grow in Character and Virtue

                        3. Biographical and Publishing Information

Ray and Donna Reish are the homeschooling parents of seven children, ages fourteen to thirty. Donna has written over fifty curriculum books for two publishers over the past twelve years, including, among others,  “Character Quality Language Arts” and “Meaningful Composition.” The two of them own and operate a homeschooling publishing company and cottage class provider, Training for Triumph; Christian parenting ministry/seminar, “Character Training From the Heart”; and “Positive Parenting” blog. Additionally, the couple has written a homeschooling book entitled, “The Well-Trained Heart.” They have graduated six students (as of May 2013!) who are involved in occupations, ministries, and marriages that exemplify the relational, character-based parenting and homeschooling approach that they were raised with. They live near Fort Wayne, Indiana where they test their homeschool curricula with over one hundred students every year, blog about parenting and language arts, write and publish books for homeschoolers, spend tons of time with all seven of their kids, and help homeschoolers and parents in their area in any way they can.

Donna Reish is the homeschooling mother of seven children, ages fourteen to thirty. She has written nearly fifty curriculum books for two publishers over the past twelve years, including, among others, “Character Quality Language Arts” and “Meaningful Composition.” She and her husband own and operate a homeschooling publishing company and cottage class provider, Training for Triumph; Christian parenting ministry/seminar, “Character Training From the Heart”; and “Positive Parenting” blog. Additionally, the couple has written a homeschooling book entitled, “The Well-Trained Heart.” They have graduated six students (as of May 2013!) who are involved in occupations, ministries, and marriages that exemplify the relational, character-based parenting and homeschooling approach that they were raised with. Donna and her family live near Fort Wayne, Indiana where Donna, originally trained in undergrad school in Elementary Education and grad school in Reading Education, continues to educate her seventh and final homeschooled student, teaches one hundred plus students every year in “cottage classes” to test her books, writes fiction and teaching materials with her oldest son, blogs about parenting and language arts, spends tons of time with all seven of her kids, and helps homeschoolers and parents in the area in any way she can.

Ray Reish is the homeschooling father of seven children, ages fourteen to thirty. He and his wife own and operate a homeschooling publishing company and cottage class provider, Training for Triumph; Christian parenting ministry/seminar, “Character Training From the Heart”; and “Positive Parenting” blog. Additionally, the couple has written a homeschooling book entitled, “The Well-Trained Heart.” They have graduated six students (as of May 2013!) who are involved in occupations, ministries, and marriages that exemplify the relational, character-based parenting and homeschooling approach that they were raised with. Ray does not call himself the school “principal,” but prefers for his primary title (after DAD!) to be “homeschool janitor,” teaching young fathers to be servant leaders in their homeschools. Ray and his family live near Ossian, Indiana where Ray, a CPA, works as a Materials Manager in a local plant, operates Training for Triumph, plays basketball with his four sons, ballroom dances with his wife, talks “forever” with his three adult daughters, and helps homeschoolers and parents however he can.

                 

 Joshua Reish is the oldest child of Ray and Donna Reish. Joshua was homeschooled his entire life and graduated from homeschooling. Joshua then went on to test out of his entire college degree (BA in history) except for two classes for which there were no tests available. Joshua works with his mom writing curriculum and teaching writing classes to homeschoolers. Additionally, he is an editor for his family’s small press publisher, Training for Triumph. Besides teaching writing classes, Joshua also teaches speech, debate, US history, government, economics, literature, apologetics, world history, and more. Joshua is married to a young lady who was also homeschooled her entire life, and they make their home in Bluffton, Indiana.

Taming the Television Part II of II

Taming the Television Part II of II

“There are games to be played, living room football to be conquered, talks to be had, words of affirmation to be spoken, talking books to be listened to, stories to be read, lessons to be learned, foods to be cooked, lego castles to be built, crafts to be made, tales to be told, songs to be sung, and hearts to be won. Turn off the television and turn on relationships.”



Today I bring you more tips for Taming the Television. I pray that these will help you to make the most of the time you have with your children. You will never regret the hours upon hours you spend discipling, mentoring, nurtering, heart training, and playing with your kids–take it from a mama with a thirty year old! Smile…


7. Replace television with something else—you!

About thirty years ago we went to a parenting seminar in which the speaker told a story of a dad who wanted to get rid of his family’s television. His children balked at the idea. He told them that he was taking away the television but giving them something else. They asked him what this something else was, and he replied, “Me!”

Everyday his children would call him at work, anxiously awaiting his arrival home. “What are we going to do tonight, Daddy?” And each day he gave his children something far more valuable than television: he gave them himself.

Don’t just remove television, certain nights of tv viewing, or tv time without replacing it. There are games to be played, living room football to be conquered, talks to be had, words of affirmation to be spoken, talking books to be listened to, stories to be read, lessons to be learned, foods to be cooked, lego castles to be built, crafts to be made, songs to be sung, and hearts to be won. Turn off the television and turn on relationships.



8. Have the children earn television hours.

This has been suggested to us many times when we speak about time management and time with your children, so it must work well for some folks! I have heard of various ways to earn tv time—same number of hours reading as watching, getting so many minutes per chore, earning minutes by doing things on time (i.e. homework done by six equals 30 mins tv), etc.




9. Watch out for preschoolers’ screen time!

This isn’t a method for controlling as much as an admonition. Your preschoolers will grow to dislike simple pleasures very quickly if they watch television and movies all day. We had a “no movie during the day period” rule most of our lives. (The exception to this was one hour of educational dvds, like Reading Rainbow, Doughnut Man, NEST videos, etc. for one hour after naps with one particularly trying child.)

Note: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours per day of television for two year olds through preschoolers and none at all for children under two. There are so many more educational, meaningful, physical, and fun things for two, three, and four year olds to do besides watching television!

We teach the concept of “setting children’s tastes” in our parenting seminar–and it is so real and so true and so impacting that we want to shout it where ever we speak. Just like my two oldest kids despise pop because we “set their tastes” by not ever giving them any when they were little, so we set all of our children’s tastes for continual entertainment by bombarding them with it when they are young.



10. Make a “no turning on the television without permission” rule.

 I am amazed when children come into a house and turn on the television. I have seen semi-pornography on commercials for television shows many, many times when we are at someone’s house watching football or in a motel viewing television. I would never consider letting our kids have the remote control to a tv and flipping through the channels. They just see way more than they should see at their ages (or more than I want me or my husband to see!).



11. Be careful not to use television as a babysitter too much.

I know preschoolers and toddlers are demanding. I had six kids twelve and under all at home by myself twelve to fourteen hours a day every day—without television (or even computers!)! However, continually putting little ones in front of the television is simply not healthy for them. Their attention spans will not lengthen like they would if they were listening to talking books, listening to you read aloud, “baking” a play-dough pie, or building with Duplos. Use the television as a babysitter only when it is absolutely needed—and try to find other ways to entertain toddlers as much as possible.




12. Limit daytime viewing for everyone.

 We always told our kids that daytime isfor learning and working—and evenings are for resting, fellowshipping, playing, and family. It is extremely hard to control the number of hours our kids watch television when they watch from seven to eight before school and again from four to six after school—to start with!




13. Pay attention to how much time children spend using all screen media.

In a study recorded in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the hours of actual screen time logged by children versus the hours that parents estimated were significantly different. In our media-driven age, we should be aware of all of our children’s media/screen time—not just television*. In order to control the amount of time our children sit in front of entertainment screens, we must be realistic and honest about the amount of time they truly are being entertained by any screen.




14. Do not put a television set in a child’s bedroom.

The aforementioned study discovered that children with televisions in their bedrooms watch significantly more television than children without. Furthermore, parents monitored television habits much less when there were many television sets in a household—and especially when the children’s rooms contained televisions.


15.  Turn the television off when it is not being used for purposeful viewing.

 The study previously cited found a negative association between the use of television as “background” and children’s time spent reading. Quite frankly, reading is a simple pleasure that many children do not enjoy—background noise of television is not conducive to enjoying this pasttime that takes a great deal more effort than simply viewing and listening.



16. Pinpoint other nonscreen, in-home activities that your children enjoy.

When discussing the idea of reducing television viewing time in your home, you might have a family meeting and draw up a list of other ideas of things the family can do instead of watching television. A website devoted to helping families reduce their dependence upon television, The Television Turnoff Network (https://www.televisionturnoff.org/), lists one hundred alternatives to “screen time” that parents can suggest to their children.





Family time is worth fighting for. The relationships that can be developed when some of the distractions are removed are incredible. The amazing things that we and our children can do with the time that we are not watching television are worthwhile. Don’t let your children set out to spend nearly fourteen years of their lives watching television!

*Jordan, Amy, PhD; James C. Hersey, PhD; Judith A. McDivitt, PhD; Carrie D. Heitzler, MPH. “Reducing Children’s Television-Viewing Time: A Qualitative Study of Parents and Their Children.” Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Web. Feb 2010.

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