day 285: 100 character qualities

by | Oct 27, 2010

There are many good sites listing character qualities and their defintitions. Today I will give you one hundred character qualities from “Character That Counts.” More links (with definitions and action steps!) will follow tomorrow. The site that has these listed as given below is https://www.characterthatcounts.org/hundredpluscharqualnew.html

If you are not in the habit of praising your children for good character (or calling them “character names”–see yesterday), I encourage you to do so. Having good character is something that is within our children’s control–and something that we want to challenge them in. They will be better siblings, friends, spouses, parents, workers, ministers–everything–if they build positive character into their lives. Yep, character training–just another of the many jobs we parents have! 🙂

100 CHARACTER QUALITIES

ALERTNESS: Being keenly aware of the events taking place around me so that I can have the right responses to them.

ATTENTIVENESS: Showing the worth of a person or task by giving my undivided concentration.

AVAILABILITY: Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I serve.

BENEVOLENCE: Giving to others’ basic needs without expectations of personal reward.

BOLDNESS: Demonstrating the confidence and courage that doing what is right will bring ultimate victory regardless of present opposition.

BREADTH: Having depth and broadness, in words and deeds, within the heart and mind.

BROTHERLINESS: Exhibiting a kinship and disposition to render help because of a relationship.

CANDOR: Speaking the truth at the time when the truth should be spoken. This is done through openness, fairness and sincerity.

CAUTION: Knowing to be alert and prudent in a hazardous or dangerous situation.

CHEERFUL: Expressing encouragement, approval and/or congratulations at the proper time.

CHIVALRY: Protecting the weak, the suffering and the neglected by maintaining justice and rightness.

COMMITMENT: Devoting myself to following up on my words (promises, pledges or vows) with action.

COMPASSION: Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others by the willingness to bear their pain.

CONFIDENCE: Placing full trust and belief in the reliability of a person or thing.

CONSISTENCY: Following constantly the same principles, course or form in all circumstances; holding together.

CONTENTMENT: Accepting myself as God created me with my gifts, talents, abilities and opportunities.

COURAGE: Fulfilling my responsibilities and standing up for convictions in spite of being afraid.

CREATIVITY: Approaching a need, a task or an idea from a new perspective.

DECISIVENESS: Learning to finalize difficult decisions on the basis of what is right, not popular or tempting.

DEFERENCE: Limiting my freedom to speak and act in order to not offend the tastes of others.

DEPENDABILITY: Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice.

DETERMINATION: Working intently to accomplish goals regardless of the opposition.

DILIGENCE: Visualizing each task as a special assignment and using all my energies to accomplish it.

DISCERNMENT: Seeking to use intuitive ability to judge situations and people; understanding why things happen to me and others.

DISCIPLINE: Receiving instruction and correction in a positive way; maintaining and enforcing proper conduct in accordance with the guidelines and rules.

DISCRETION: Recognizing and avoiding words, actions and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences.

ENDURANCE: Exercising inward strength to withstand stress and do my best in managing what occurs in my life.

ENTHUSIASM: Expressing lively, absorbing interest in each task as I give it my best effort.

FAIRNESS (EQUITY): Looking at a decision from the viewpoint of each person involved.

FAITH: Developing an unshakable confidence in God and acting upon it.

FAITHFULNESS: Being thorough in the performance of my duties; being true to my words, promises and vows.

FEAR OF THE LORD: Having a sense of awe and respect for Almighty God which goes above and beyond anyone else or anything.

FIRMNESS: Exerting a tenacity of will with strength and resoluteness. A willingness to run counter to the traditions and fashions of the world.

FLEXIBILITY: Learning how to cheerfully change plans when unexpected conditions require it.

FORGIVENESS: Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and not holding their past offenses against them.

FRIENDSHIP: Coming alongside another person for mutual support and encouragement.

GENEROSITY: Realizing that all I have (time, talents and treasures) belongs to God and freely giving of these to benefit others.

GENTLENESS: Learning to respond to needs with kindness, personal care and love.

GLADNESS: Abounding in joy, jubilation and cheerfulness.

GOAL-ORIENTED: Achieving maximum results toward the area where my effort is directed.

GOODNESS: Having moral excellence and a virtuous lifestyle; a general quality of proper conduct.

GRATEFULNESS: Making known to others by my words and actions how they have benefited my life.

GREATNESS: Demonstrating an extraordinary capacity for achievement.

HOLINESS: Having no blemish or stain. Being whole with no trace of regret or remorse.

HONESTY: Proclaiming the truth with sincerity and frankness in all situations.

HONOR: Respecting those in leadership because of the higher authorities they represent.

HOPE: Feeling that my deepest desire will be realized and that events will turn out for the best.

HOSPITALITY: Sharing cheerfully food, shelter and my life with those whom I come in contact.

HUMILITY: Seeing the contrast between what is perfect and my inability to achieve that perfection.

INDIGNATION: Channeling the driving passion of righteous anger without sinning.

INITIATIVE: Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it.

INTEGRITY: Being whole and complete in moral and ethical principles.

JOYFULNESS: Knowing how to be pleasant regardless of the outside circumstances which ultimately lifts the spirits of others.

JUSTICE: Taking personal responsibility to uphold what is pure, right and true.

KINDNESS: Demonstrating a gentle, sympathetic attitude towards others.

KNOWLEDGE: Becoming acquainted with facts, truths or principles through study and investigation.

LEADERSHIP: Guiding others toward a positive conclusion.

LOVE: Having a deep personal attachment and affection for another person.

LOYALTY: Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to others or to what is right.

MEEKNESS: Yielding my power, personal rights and expectations humbly with a desire to serve.

NARROWNESS: Staying within established boundaries and limits.

OBEDIENCE: Fulfilling instructions so that the one I am serving will be fully satisfied and pleased.

OPTIMISM: Endeavoring to see all the possibilities and capacities of the human heart; confident, hopeful and never doubtful.

ORDERLINESS: Learning to organize and care for personal possessions to achieve greater efficiency.

ORIGINALITY: Creating “new” thinking, ideas and expanding truths from an independent viewpoint.

PASSIONATE: Having an intense, powerful or compelling emotion and feelings towards others or something.

PATIENCE: Accepting difficult situations and without demanding a deadline to remove it.

PEACEFULNESS: Being at rest with myself and others.

PERSUASIVENESS: Guiding another’s mental roadblocks by using words which cause the listener’s spirit to confirm the spoken truth.

POISE: Being totally balanced in mind, body and spirit.

PRAYERFUL: Communing with God spiritually through adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication.

PROSPERITY: Flourishing or being successful, especially pertaining to financial issues.

PRUDENCE: Exhibiting caution, humbleness and wisdom in regards to practical matters.

PUNCTUALITY: Showing respect for other people by respectfully using the limited time they have.

PURE SPEECH: Speaking words that are clean, spotless and without blemish.

PURITY: Freeing yourself from anything that contaminates or adulterates.

PURPOSEFUL: Exercising determination to stay on track until the goal is achieved.

REASONABLENESS: Having a sound mind by being level headed, sane and demonstrating common sense.

RESOURCEFULNESS: Using wisely that which others would normally overlook or discard.

RESPECT: Honoring and esteeming another person due to deep admiration.

RESPONSIBILITY: Knowing and doing what is expected from me.

REVERENCE: Learning to give honor where it is due and to respect the possessions and property of others.

RIGHTEOUSNESS: Acting in a moral and upright way that honors God, regardless of who is watching.

SECURITY: Structuring my life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away.

SELF-CONTROL: Bringing my thoughts, words, actions and attitudes into constant obedience in order to benefit others.

SENSITIVITY: Being aware and attentive to the true attitudes and emotional needs of those around me.

SERVANTHOOD: Caring for and meeting the needs of others before caring for myself.

SINCERITY: Endeavoring to do what is right, without ulterior motives.

STEWARDSHIP: Administering and managing personal and financial affairs effectively.

TEACHABILITY: Demonstrating a willingness to learn or be trained without any reservations or hindrances.

THANKFULNESS: Expressing deep gratitude and appreciation to people and to God.

THOROUGHNESS: Executing something perfectly with the realization that each of my tasks will be reviewed.

THOUGHTFULNESS: Showing consideration for others through acts of kindness and/or words.

THRIFTINESS: Preventing not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary.

TOLERANCE: Learning to accept others as valuable individuals regardless of their maturity.

TRANSPARENCY: Allowing others to shine a light on my life for the purpose of being accountable.

TRUTHFULNESS: Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts.

TRUST or TRUSTWORTHY: Believing completely and totally in someone or something.

UNDERSTANDING: Exhibiting strong intelligence and a sound mind in comprehending and discerning matters.

VIRTUE: Learning to build personal moral standards which will cause others to desire a greater moral life.

VISIONARY: Dreaming not inhibited by the unknown. Looking beyond problems by creating successful solutions.

VULNERABILITY: Being open to receive constructive criticism and guidance.

WISDOM: Learning to see and respond correctly to life situations with keen judgment; the application of knowledge.

WORSHIP: Honoring God reverently.

Adapted from several sources including “Institute in Basic Conflicts” by Bruce Bickel; Character First! program and “The Character of Jesus” by Charles Edward Jefferson.

day 283: affirming your kids with character “names” and a thousand watt smile

by | Oct 27, 2010


“Words have set whole nations in motion…Give me the right word….and I will move the world.” Joseph Conrad



Over twenty years ago I had a friend who would call her kids whatever character quality they were working on—Miss Responsible, Mr. Helpful, etc. I remember thinking that it was corny at the time—but after several more years of parenting/character training, I found myself doing the same thing—plus!


My normal greeting to my kids often involves something about them—Sweet Girl, Awesome Son, Princess of the Twenty-Year Olds, etc. My daughter even put her phone number in my phone with her pic and the words Kara, Your Amazing Daughter. One of our sons followed suit with Josiah, Your Awesome Son. Yeah…I think my kids are pretty neato!


Additionally, I picked up the habit of calling or affirming my kids with character qualities. Some days it took some work to come up with a quality (“Umm, how’s my Little Mr. ….um…um…Resourceful?”). Other times it was easy…”You are so helpful and diligent today. Thank-you so much!”


Years ago I learned about the 1000 watt smile that will warm our kids’ hearts—the smile that we give them when they walk into the room; the smile that tells them we are so happy they are there; the smile that communicates how glad we are to be their mom or dad; the smile that shows them that we are thrilled that they are in the same room we are in!


Combine the 1000 watt smile with affirming greetings (character based or just “sweet kid” based)—and you have the makings of a loved child with a warm heart who feels his emotions and thoughts are safe with Mom and Dad.


Note: Tomorrow I will give a list of character qualities AND links to definitions for them to get you started in character-calling!

day 282: be sure you are punishing for the most important things—character vs willfulness example

by | Oct 26, 2010


The scene was a familiar one. The people in the booth next to us had an undisciplined three-year-old—and the parents spent the entire evening focusing on the least important thing while ignoring the most important things.






Here is the scenario:






Child and parents sit down. Child yells to parent, “Move over, Bucko!” in a harsh, disrespectful, and loud tone.






Dad: “Are we inside or outside?”






Child, again in harsh, disrespectful tone: “Inside!”






Dad: “That’s right. So we need to use our inside voice.”






Child: “Okay, Bucko” in softer voice but still with disrespectful tone.






The entire meal was filled with a wild three year old telling his parents what to do and what he wanted in a rude, disrespectful INSIDE voice (with the parents occasionally reminding the child that they were inside and needed to use the inside voice).






The problem: Going back to our childishness vs willfulness posts from earlier this year (https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-eighty-five-introducing.html ), we see that there was a “surface” problem going on—the child speaking too loudly for inside (which is something that needs corrected and trained, but definitely not the most important thing)—the “inside voice.” And we see the big problem—disrespect and disobedience.






We call the inside voice a character issue—children are children and do childish things. They run, they jump, they shout, they giggle, they spill, they forget…and we work day in and day out to “train” them in godly character to grow out of those behaviors (some of them—many of them are, after all, cute, so we don’t want to eliminate all of them…just the unsavory ones! ).






The disobedience and disrespect are the real culprits in this scenario. They are the things that are from the heart. Calling Dad “Bucko” and answering him like he was the family dog are signs of darkness in a heart—signs that the child has not learned how important it is to respect and honor his dad, signs that he is putting himself in the position of number one (and “I will do whatever I want to do!!!”), signs that his heart has not been trained in obedience, respect, honor, and more.






The moral of this story? Train the character issues in your children as they grow up. Teach them to use an inside voice inside. Teach them not to run in church. Teach them to share with others.






But don’t let the “childishness” issues cloud the heart issues! Do not overlook the training and punishment that are needed to teach a young child to obey and honor his authorities.

day 279: “only by comparison” part v of v

by | Oct 22, 2010

MORE tips for NOT sliding into the “only by comparison” parenting model:


7. Beware of verbal comparisons in front of the children. This is a fine line as we have used other children’s good and bad behavior as learning tools for our children for twenty-five years. It is not uncommon for us to ask the kids on the way home from something (after serving at disability ministry, for instance) to each tell us two instances of godly character and one example of poor character or Christian living. We have done this not to compare our kids with others or cause our children to put others down—but to help them recognize Christ-like and non-Christ-like behaviors. However, if we constantly talk about how bad other families are or how bad a certain child is, we will fall into the comparison trap quickly—and so will our children. (And their behavior will reflect this—as they start to feel superior to that child—but not expect much more from themselves.) Thus, handle these discussions carefully. Use them if they help, but not if they hurt. (Ray has made it a habit to ask for two good and one bad example of things. This helps the kids to focus on others’ good traits too.)


8. Raise expectations! Do not settle for absence of bad. Instead, expect good—no, expect great! You can begin doing this by discussion. (Can you tell we like to talk at our house? ) Discussions of going that second mile. Of giving more than what is expected. Of leaving a place better than it was when we came. Of helping someone more than they even asked. It is not uncommon for us to discuss high expectations as we travel somewhere: What can you do to encourage Grandpa today? (Not just don’t be bad at Grandpa’s.). How can you lift others up this week at drama camp? (Not just don’t talk when the teacher is talking.)










We have found out through the years that the only by comparison parenting mode does not result in good parenting—or well-behaved children. However, our second mantra, if your behavior had really been good, somebody would pay for our dinner, eventually did pay off. When Joshua turned fourteen, he chose Red Lobster for his birthday dinner (back when we could afford sit down restaurants for birthdays!), and we enjoyed the meal together—only to be approached by a couple who commented on the children’s behavior and slid Ray a $100 bill* for our food. The kids were ecstatic—and we were pretty happy parents. The children felt they had finally done it—they had, had good enough behavior to earn a free meal. And we were not out the money for an expensive meal. I wouldn’t want to get in the habit of paying my kids for good behavior—but I sure enjoyed this windfall!










*Coming soon: The $100 Pay It Forward Award Winner Announcement…we continued the blessing! 

day 271: enjoyed the momlife group today—links to specific posts

by | Oct 15, 2010



I was so encouraged today to speak to a group of young moms! They were so attentive and into their families—it just warmed my heart. I loved their enthusiasm and interest in learning and growing as Christian moms. I truly went away encouraged and refreshed—even though I only got through a quarter of my handout! LOL!


I did the unthinkable (and don’t tell Ray!)—told them what I didn’t have time to tell them. I have this bad habit when I’m speaking: I want to say way more than I have time for. Thus, I often mention things that I would tell them if I had time, etc. Ray always says, “Don’t tell them that you do not have time to tell them something!” Smile…Thankfully, I now have PP 365 to refer people to—so instead of saying that I don’t have time for something, I can just tell them to go to such and such at the blog for more info about something. This is a great tool for us windy speakers!


Anyway, I wanted to give those sweet moms (and anyone else who is interested) links to many of the things that I mentioned this morning and that I wish I could have had time to delve into further. So…here you go…






*Establishing and bringing in boundaries, especially for young children:   https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-255-we-are-getting-behavior-that-we.html  (plus the next twenty or so posts following that one)






*Chores—starting with this post then for about thirty days—  https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-one-hundred-three-choreswhose-job.html

*Praising children—starting with this post then for about a dozen days following– https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-forty-praise-your-children-in-front.html



*Teaching children not to hurt the weak, elderly, or disabled: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-thirty-train-your-children-to.html



*Being a problem solver: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-seventeen-become-problem-solver.html


*Age appropriate chores for ages toddler through teen: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-115-age-appropriate-chores-for.html

 *Kayla’s work in Africa: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-228-kayla-is-off-to-africa.html





*Challenging preschoolers in non-stressful ways: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-ninety-five-challenging.html





*Morning routines for preschoolers: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-eighty-two-developing-morning.html


*Affirmations for preschoolers: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-forty-five-give-your-child-praise.html





*Personal organizational strategies: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-224-organizationpersonal.html and here for a few days https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-218-organizationpersonal.html


*Motivation—starts here and goes for five days– https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-231-how-do-you-keep-motivation.html





*Charts and more– https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-240-strong-study-skills-begin-with.html





*Prioritizing—starts here and goes for several days– https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-206-introducing-prioritizingthe.html





*Home management systems—starts here and goes for two days– https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-111-other-home-management-systems.html

day 269: boundaries released too early—bringing them back in part i of ii

by | Oct 12, 2010


“Discipline is a symbol of caring to a child. Discipline is guidance. If there is love, there is no such thing as being too tough with a child.” Great Quotes to Inspire Teachers


One way that we have found to take back control of our children’s behavior during times that we have felt that we lost it was to bring in the boundaries. When a son or daughter is not obeying, is disrespectful, or is discontent, he or she has often been given too many choices and too much freedom.


At that time, we have brought in the boundaries in different areas of that child’s life–and regained control. For example, when a child is consistently unhappy with his meals, he should have fewer choices (not more to try to “make him happy”–regardless of the ever popular “Happy Meal”). We need to bring in the boundaries of his choices—just offer meat and vegetables or soup or other nutritious foods that you determine until he is content and thankful for what he does have (not go through the entire cabinet and fridge until you find something that makes little Susie happy!).


When a teenager begins displaying negative behavior like her peers, we need to bring in the boundaries that were broadened too much for her maturity. Lessen the time she spends with peers and discriminate more carefully which peers she should and should not be permitted to spend time with. This boundary-narrowing is especially helpful with very small children. When we had an eighteen month old who threw his food, would not eat what was put before him, and screamed in his high chair, we knew we had broadened his boundaries–his areas of control–too early. Those boundaries needed brought in. He was not obedient or mature enough to have his entire meal on his tray; he was not content enough to choose what he wanted from the dinner menu. He was not compliant enough to remain in his high chair for family worship; he needed removed from the family and placed in his crib until worship was over. His boundaries had been too wide too soon—for him.


Another example of this is when our older children were little and would not keep the toy room picked up. We repeatedly told them to pick up when they were done with something, stop playing in plenty of time to clean up their messes, and not leave things lying around. However, they continued to leave toys strewn about in the toy room almost daily. The boundaries were too wide for our children at that time. They were unable to control themselves in the situation we had them in (i.e. an entire room of toys at their disposal). Thus, we cleaned the room with them completely, then put huge sheets over ninety percent of the toys in the room. They were not to touch those toys, but could just play with the remaining ten percent of uncovered ones. Once they learned to clean up with that small amount, we uncovered another ten percent, then another, until they were mature enough for the boundaries to be widened to include playing with all of the toys in the room.

Tomorrow: bringing them back in part ii of ii

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