by Donna | Mar 5, 2012
#3: Bible Talks
Bible Talks with Dad were another time to not only talk, but also to teach. They were just as the name suggests—times in which the kids and Dad talked about the Bible.
While Malachi Time was usually one-on-one, Bible Talks with Dad were often two or three kids at a time with Dad. Malachi Time was often picture books or heart talks. Family devotions/family worship were usually the entire family together studying something or reading aloud from a devotional. Bible Talks, on the other hand, were just that—talks about the Bible.
The reason Bible Talks were often two or three kids at a time is because we began Bible Talks with Dad with the boys when there was a big age/learning level difference between the “olders” and the “littles.” Thus, Ray could talk to the kids at their levels.
Another benefit of Bible Talks is that they did not require any books. As a matter of fact, Bible Talks often took place on the road or all stretched out across the bed. Very informal. Read a verse (or bring a verse on a card) and talk about it. No fancy handbooks or concordances—just what do you think this verse means or how can we apply this to our lives?
Bible Talks are a good way to show kids that the Bible is relevant to our entire lives. That it is something we want to talk about, learn about, and live. That we should discuss applications in our lives all the time. Plus, it’s just another “terrific time to talk” to our kids!
by Donna | Mar 2, 2012
# 2: Malachi Time
In addition to talking to our babies and toddlers in the mornings, Dad also communicated with our toddlers and preschoolers at night through what we called “Malachi Time.” Based on the verse in Malachi about “turning the hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers,” Ray would tuck each child (age two or so and above) in their beds and talk to them. Sometimes he might read to them; sometimes it might be a quick prayer time. Other times, depending on the kids’ needs, Malachi Time would be a thirty to sixty minute event. (We often alternated who got short “Malachis” and who got long ones, making exceptions or changes to the schedule based on kids’ needs [and kids’ behavior—i.e. bad behavior sometimes needed even more talk time– that day!].)
Malachi time was such a special time for our olders that they all remember it fondly. They remember that Dad never had to hurry them to bed in order to go watch sports or play his computer game. He never had to rush through their bedtime in order to do his own thing. They knew he always had time for them. (And yes, he worked a lot—had a demanding job working sixty hours a week minimum at that time.)
I have fond memories of our little Cami when she was two chasing Ray around the living room crying out, “Ky ky time! Ky Ky time!” (How many two year olds do we know who beg to go to bed?? Smile…) Truly, Malachi time was the beginning of a long (fifty to seventy year?) tradition of availability for our children.
by Donna | Sep 14, 2011
Had to share this latest devo from Joni and Friends daily devotional. (You may subscribe to receive them in your email inbox or your FB feed at https://www.joniandfriends.org/daily-devotional/ )
There are many times when we can clearly look at a situation, and if we are people of faith, declare the action a complete miracle (as opposed to a “coincidence”). This JAF story is definitely one of those. Read it to your family at dinner tonight! 🙂
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. –Proverbs 19:21
Our Wheels for the World team arrived in a small town in Poland to distribute 225 wheelchairs and Bibles. Before the day had hardly begun, however, their plans were in shreds. The assigned room was tiny and cramped. But before anyone could come up with a plan B, streams of families with disabled children began pouring through the doors. The place quickly became packed and noisy. Everything was thrown into confusion. “Lord Jesus,” the team prayed together, “may your purpose prevail here.” Then they went to work greeting families, assessing needs, locating pre-assigned wheelchairs, and sharing the Gospel of Jesus at every opportunity.
The afternoon wore on. A tired father, carrying his little five-year-old disabled boy on his back, finally reached the head of the line. But when he lifted his son into the pre-assigned chair, his shoulders slumped. It didn’t fit! “I am so sorry!” our seating specialist exclaimed, “this is the wrong chair.” But there were only a few chairs left. Pushing aside several adult chairs, she reached for a child-sized one. But it was highly customized, with side supports-including blue leather backing with “Jake” stitched across the middle. In the end, there was no other choice. It was that chair or nothing. When the father lifted his boy into the new chair, it fit perfectly! An interpreter exclaimed, “It’s like it was made for him!”
“By the way, what is your son’s name?” someone asked the boy’s mother. “Jakob,” she replied-and everyone gasped! When an interpreter explained to the boy’s mystified parents that “Jake” is the shortened version of Jakob-they, too, cried for joy. The whole family-along with almost sixty others-opened their hearts to receive Jesus that day. The Lord’s purpose had prevailed!
by Donna | Aug 12, 2011
“You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” Deuteronomy 6:7
“A penny for your thoughts; a nickel for a hug; and a dime if you tell me that you love me.”
We have talked at length over the past year and a half about communicating with our kids. And how communication is a strong form of “teaching when…” The ditty above is a little chant that we used to say to our kids to remind them that we want to talk to them, that they are valuable to us, that we love them “ten million times infinity and beyond.” From this saying, a valuable “object lesson” developed and tied the heartstrings of my son and me in a special way some ten to twenty years ago.
The rest of that jingle (after the infamous “penny for your thoughts”) goes on to offer not only a penny for what the person is thinking, but also a nickel for a hug and ten cents if he or she says “I love you.”
Sixteen cents… a meager amount of change that elicits warm feelings (and, I admit, a few tears of longing) as I write this. Our oldest son and I used to take the “penny for your thoughts” a little further when he was a little boy—and repeat the rest of the jingle to each other, complete with a big hug and special “I love you.”
As Joshua grew up, we would occasionally remind each other of how much we love to talk—and how much we care for each other by giving each other sixteen cents. When he was in high school and worked part time, I would wake up in the morning to find him off to work—with a penny, a nickel, and a dime lying on my desk. When he would open his lunch box, he would sometimes find sixteen cents taped to the inside of his pail. Not enough money to buy lunch, for sure, but enough money to know that Mom will be waiting on him ready to talk when he gets home from work.
What objects might have special meaning to you and your child? Is there a special item that you can attach unique meaning to for one or more of your children? Is there a trinket, heart, words to a song, picture of the two of you, favorite picture book, etc. that can be utilized as an object “just for the two of you”?
by Donna | Aug 12, 2011
“You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” Deuteronomy 6:7
I have mentioned on here over and over the blessings we have received by not having television stations for at least twenty-eight of our thirty years of marriage. (We tried it a couple of times for a few months.) Now there is so much more to contend with than television programming!
That is why we advocate a techno-free zone for family talking times–a spot or two in which you sit with no technology drawing you away from the people you are supposed to be spending time with! For us, this means gathering in the living room (where we have no computers; we don’t have a television, so it’s mostly just one of the four computers vying for our attention–besides cell phones, of course!). We put away our cells and just sit and “be.” (We also like to gather around the dining room table for games in the evenings and our room (with the laptops closed!) late at night..and don’t forget around the fire or the porch!)
If there is one thing I love to do with our kids–it is “being.” Today Ray called from work to double check our schedule for the ten days that Kara is home–and he said it once again, “We have to have three or four evenings to just ‘be.’ We can’t book every moment she is home.”
Just being…being together…being family…being there for each other…being a sounding board…being whatever our kids need–preferably in a techno-free zone sometimes!
by Donna | Jul 22, 2011
“You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” Deuteronomy 6:7
Out of all of the times/places that we are told to teach our children diligently, “when you sit in your house” has got to be the most challenging. Over twenty years ago, Gregg Harris gave us the greatest advice in his parenting seminar (that we have used weekly and teach others to do the same): Whatever is important to you to do with your children should be attached to something that is already in the schedule. Thus, we attach reading together to rising/going to bed; we attach family prayer to meals; etc. However, finding time to “sit in your house” is another matter—and one that I would like to address over the next couple of weeks.
How many of us “sit in our houses”? That is, we sit—not to watch television, pay bills, surf the web; play computer games; read the paper, etc., but just SIT. With my AOADD (Adult-Onset ADD—self diagnosed!!!), sitting is not one of my favorite things to do—unless I am doing something else at the same time (i.e. working!). However, this is an often-overlooked period of time that we truly need to tap into in the training of our children.
We have to force ourselves to “sit” with our children. We need to make it a habit to just take a seat next to one or more of them each day—no electronics, no work on our laps—and just “be.” These moments are when this diligent teaching during “sitting in your house” will occur.
Not necessarily formal teaching, though there are definite times and places for that. But just “being.” Just saying, “Tell me about your day.” And truly listening. Times to listen to their hearts sing the “talking song” that our family adopted as a parenting cue many years ago: “Talk to me; show me that you care. Talk to me; listen to the words I say. Talk to me; there’s so much we can share. I know you love me when you talk to me.”
Recent statistics indicate that teenagers spend an average of less than thirty minutes a week in a “meaningful relationship” with their mothers and fifteen minutes per week with their fathers. Fifteen to thirty minutes a week with Mom or Dad during some of the most critical years of a person’s life! (We have said for years that ages sixteen to twenty or the highest need years for our kids in terms of parental time and support.)
Another recent study of parents and children by an insurance company said that children WANT their parents to spend time with them. Eight out of ten said they resented being put in front of a television (instead of spending time with Mom or Dad); sixty percent said they wished their parents spent more time with them and worked less.
Parents who bring work home (instead of being available for their kids); put their own hobbies and interests before the kids; and are consumed with their home and possessions more than their kids are being coined as “Maybe later” parents. As a mom of five grown kids (ages nineteen through twenty-eight) and two youngers (twelve and sixteen), I can tell you for sure that “later” never comes.
So…the first piece of advice we have for “teaching them diligently when you sit in your home” is to “sit in your home”! Set aside other things and make the time. Fire pits; bonfires; electronic-free rooms; porch swing moments; Mom & Dad’s bedroom for midnight meetings; family meals—all of these give opportunities to sit with our kids. Let’s make it happen!
