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In another Mama Monday Live Video (see Donna Daily post here for all of the Donna Daily broadcast updates), I tackled an important subject in parenting—Majoring on the Majors. Of course, raising seven kids (and having kids “at home” for 35 years!), we have a lot of “real life” examples of everything we teach. And this topic is no exception with our rather humorous (but true life!) story of how our “little boys” came up with the “Ten Second Rule for Food on the Ceiling”!

If you find yourself barking orders to kids for every move they make—and you’re not really feeling like you are getting to the important stuff—you might be right. I hope this video helps!

Love and hope,
Donna

 

Mama Monday: 10 Second Rule for Food on Ceiling—Majoring on the Majors With Behaviors

A. 10 Second Rule for Food on Ceiling

 

 

1. Pizza crust on ceiling
2. What type of behavior is this?

B. Major on the Majors With Behaviors

 

1. We tend to treat all behaviors equally– But are they?

a. Detrimental because kids think everything is the same!
b. We are not showing them the weightiness of 4 D’s when pizza crust on the ceiling is the same weight as lying, cheating, being disrespectful, etc.

2. Childish behaviors

a. Excited children
b. Kids not understanding cause and effect
c. Forgetfulness, incompleteness, messiness, laziness, etc.

3. 4 D Behaviors Disobedience (4 D’s Video 1 and 2: https://characterinkblog.com/video-the-four-ds-of-behavior-poster-pack/\)

a. Disobedience

i. Direct disobedience (as opposed to forgetting or skipping something)
ii. One of the first behaviors to focus on with young children for their safety and wellness

b. Disrespect

i. Disrespectful words, attitudes, and responses
ii. Way more important than pizza crust on the ceiling

c. Deceit

i. Any dishonesty, stealing
ii. Don’t candy coat it with euphemisms—fibs, white lies. Etc.

d. Destruction (purposeful destruction)

i. Not accidents
ii. Purposely destroying or breaking things
iii. Striking/harming another

 

C. Tips for Majoring on Majors

 

1. Don’t say no unless you’ll go https://characterinkblog.com/dont-say-no-unless-youll-go/ 

a. Stop saying something if you will not follow through on it (especially with toddlers and preschoolers)
b. If you’re not moving from your chair, it’s not important enough to call it out

2. Use character training/consequences for routine behaviors—don’t “ground them forever for not doing dishes”—that should be used for 4 D’s

a. Consequence Pies—available HERE at the store
b. Routine misbehaviors like not following through, not staying on schedule, not doing the chore chart, forgetting, etc., should be handled with training and consequences

3. Teach your littles what obedience really is (Obedience Math Posters https://characterinkstore.com/product/obedience-math-printable-poster-pack/)

a. Article: https://characterinkblog.com/day-eighty-six-obedience-math-childishness-versus-willfulness-part-ii-of-iv/ 
b. Consider age of child and repeat, repeat, repeat!

4. When you want to work on direct obedience, make your commands direct too!

a. Eye contact
b. Explanation
c. Response

5. Make systems, routines, and schedules for anything that is repeatable/routine

a. Kids will know what to expect
b. You will need to train and follow up forever

6. Stop making big deals out of little deals!
7. Use Expectation Explanations to set things up for their behaviors (first Donna Daily/Mama Monday video: https://characterinkblog.com/using-expectation-explanations-in-your-parenting-live-video-training/)

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So I started a thing last week. I, alliteratively of course, call it “Donna Daily.” But it is a FB video challenge in which I go live every weekday for the month of June to teach about what I know and love or what has made a difference in our family, my life, my health, my relationships, my productivity, and more. (So what I know and love!) It is themed by the day (Mama Monday, Teaching Tuesday, etc.), and I’m pretty excited about it! (Learn more about it here!)

And I will periodically be sharing the videos here at the Character Ink blog, at Write for a Month, and at my lifestyle blog (https://donnareish.com) as the topics are applicable. So this is one of those!

On the first Mama Monday, I shared a favorite parenting tool we used for three decades (and still use with our grandbabies!) called Expectation Explanations. I have the full outline and video below!

Also, if you have heard me teach about something that you would like to hear again or learn more about, shoot me an email or private message, and I’ll work it into the Donna Daily schedule!

Love and hope,

Donna

Expectation Explanations

 

A. Honoring JaNon

 

1. Almost there…..14 year old said “Time for Mom and Dad to tell us about the party!”
2. Five parties in a row to get to, can’t stay long at first couple
3. “Do not go off and play at this one. We are just going in, honoring JaNon, and then heading out.”
4. Loaded everyone back up in “Big Blue”—-three year old forgot something–“I forgot to honor JaNon!”

B. Expectation Explanations

 

1. What are they

2. Why?

a. Helps children adjust behavior;

b. Wards off problems;

c. Keeps parents from having to nag;

d. Takes away all vagueness—which is one of the biggest problems parents and kids face in child discipline and behaviors.

3. Rather than being a fire fighter who is constantly putting out fires, we become the builder who builds with fire repellant materials, installs fire alarms throughout, places fire extinguishers in certain places, etc. We are practicing Preventive Parenting–parenting in such a way that we prevent problems that are preventable.

4. Teaching for the future—-everything we do builds on future teaching!

5. Shouldn’t they do what I say without explanations?

C. When to Use

 

1. Giving time warnings to young children:

a. Play time ending;

b. Bedtime close;

c. Leaving time;

d. Raise kids with “This is the five minute call!” Security and getting rid of vagueness.

2. Explaining Expectations as we travel in order to warn/prepare children for the environment and surroundings they will be in:

a. Seniors and people with special needs;

b. Voices, actions, etc.

3. Using Explaining Expectations to build family unity and sibling loyalty:

a. Who are your best friends tonight:

b. Who do we defend and love more than anyone else here?

4. How Explaining Expectations helps you as a parent to develop your family’s acceptable and unacceptable behavior and character list (or mental list)

5. Starting early helps kids look at them as positive things:

a. not outside-inflicted boundaries later—they come to expect that your family will talk about expectations in all situations.

b. This carries over to pre-teen and teen years as you’re driving them places, etc.

c. It’s not looked at as lectures but something your family always does.

 

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The post Using Expectation Explanations in Your Parenting (Live Video Training) appeared first on Character Ink.

I have loved seeing families’ bucket lists on Facebook! They make me wish that bucket lists were popular when my kids were little!

(Well, I guess we made our own Bucket List with our Summer School Goals—oh, my kids loved those!)

And I love having fun as a family…I mean, honestly, we were a FUN family. And we still go to Disney World as a family every five years!!! (Thanks to Plexus, we are moving that up to every three years!)

But for this post, I would like to propose a different bucket list than the traditional, fun, memory-making bucket list. It is the Summer Family Bucket List to Grow.

The Summer Family Bucket List to Grow

What do I mean by list to grow? I mean a purposeful list (in addition to your fun one—don’t do away with that one!) of things you will do this summer to help your family grow spiritually, morally, in character, in unity, and in benevolence.

A list of things you will do that will cause your children individually and your family as a whole to learn more about God, to grow closer to each other. To serve and help. Well…to grow!

I have included a fun printable meme (click here) that you can use as a reminder (put it on your fridge beside your fun bucket list)….but just like any goals, I want to encourage you to be specific.

You can print off that meme and highlight the things you intend to (I mean, would like to) do (since abstract lists do not usually happen!).

But take your Summer Family Bucket List to Grow one step further—and make those things happen!

If you have heard us talk about goal setting for your family, you know that we encourage you to make your goals like this:

1. List an outcome you want

2. Determine an action that will help you achieve that

3. Put the action into the schedule or routine

(For examples of these steps for summer goals, see the post here.)

In other words, don’t just let the pretty printable be it! Get proactive. Make an exact action and a time to complete that action. This will ensure that you get to some of your “growing” bucket list items!

I pray your summer is rewarding, growing, and fun! Blessings to you and your family!

What “growing” things are on your family’s list this summer? Share some to inspire others!

Links:

Homeschooling Mamas Earning Money From Home (Join my Team!)

[Series] 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids

[Podcast] 30 Tips from 30 Years of Homeschooling

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There is a lot of talk in the world of “adulting” about emotional intelligence. People who are emotionally intelligent know how others are feeling. They know what to say and what not to say in a social media thread. They are aware of their surroundings, etc.

I recently came upon yet another list of commonalities of those with emotional intelligence. As I read through the list (they truly are good commonalities), I couldn’t help but think about how many of them were our goals for our children before we had ever learned about such a thing as emotional intelligence. (Many of them are, after all, grounded in the golden rule!)

In the article detailing seven traits of people with emotional intelligence (see article HERE), there were a few common threads that stood out to me as important for families to really drill down on as we are raising children.

These can be summed up in a few key traits:

A. Picking up on how others are feeling

B. Listening to others

C. Responding well to information, good and bad

D. Empathy (not just seeing how others feel but feeling for them as well)

I love these so much! Not just because they turn out great adults, but also because they truly make a family successful.

Here are some actions and habits we practiced in our home to help our kids develop this “emotional intelligence”–and make our home a more peaceful place:

A. Picking up on how others are feeling

1) Asking them all the time with their siblings (and others): How do you think that made them feel?

2) Having them find someone in church or a group who looked sad and talking to them/cheering them up (especially the elderly).

3) Having three kids in one bedroom and four in the other led to a lot of opportunities for conflict—and teaching conflict resolution!

B. Listening to others

4) Having them listen to the other person’s view of his own part to see if that’s how they saw it too.

5) Letting then tell us when they disagreed with us on something—even though they still had to abide by our rule (unless the discussion led to a change in the rule, which it sometimes did)

C. Responding well to information, good and bad

6) Being available every night from toddlerhood for them to talk to—and asking how they were feeling, the good and bad they had observed that day, etc.

7) Having them tell us THEIR part in an altercation with siblings before they were allowed to tell us the other person’s part.

8) Discussing everything we read or listened to together (which was nearly a thousand chapter books and way over a thousand audios on repeat!).

9) Giving expectations on the way to places so they would know appropriate behaviors and interactions based on environment, age of people there, and purpose for going.

10) Discussing on our way home from places, at the dinner table, during family meetings, etc., how people they saw honored or dishonored others (especially their parents and siblings).

D. Honoring Others

11) Having key words and phrases that we used to show that others should come first (like “Reishes always ‘pick up some floor'”–meaning give our seats to others and find a seat on the floor)

12) Graciously thanking our hostess, and, if appropriate praising or blessing her

13) Discussing the needs of the elderly, small children, people with disabilities when we were going into situations with those people

The post 12 Tips for Building Emotional Intelligence in Our Children appeared first on Character Ink.

For not really being “singers”—and for most of us not really knowing that much about music—we are a pretty “sing-ee” family! We love to sing hymns and worship songs while we’re driving or sitting around the living room. If one of our pianists is here (Kara and Cami), it’s even better! At Christmas time, we really getting into the singing spirit! We love to memorize a complete carol (all the verse) and sing it together; we love to drive around looking at lights and have someone lead out when a certain decoration or sight reminds him of a carol; we love to “sing through the Christmas story.”

Several years ago as we were sitting around singing carols, we challenged the kids to sing a song about a certain part of the nativity story (one part at a time). Before we knew it, we had compiled an entire “cantata” (roflol!) singing through the Christmas story. Cami quickly found the words to all of the carols and made a colorful song sheet on the computer for everybody—and we have since enjoyed “singing through the Christmas story” quite often.

Below are the songs that we sing in the order that we sing them, along with links to the words to each one. Obviously, there are others that would also fit, but these are the ones we discovered and have enjoyed singing. Happy caroling!

1. “O Little Town of Bethlehem” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#olittletown

2. “The First Noel” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#firstnoel

3. “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#hark

4. “It Came Upon the Midnight Clear” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#itcameupon

5. “Silent Night” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#silentnight

6. “O Come, All Ye Faithful” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#ocomeallye

7. “Away in a Manger” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#awayinamanger

8. “O Holy Night” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#oholynight

9. “We Three Kings of Orient Are” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#wethreekings

10. “Joy to the World” https://www.allthingschristmas.com/music/lyrics.html#joy

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Tonight as we drove home from an extended family Christmas gathering, reading aloud and singing, I was reminded of an old article I wrote for our newsletter several years ago—Christmas in the Car. I will post it in its entirety below—gotta sneak in those family times any chance we get as our kids get older!

From 2004:

If your children are growing up as fast as ours are, and if you travel distances to church, piano lessons, grandparents, etc. as we do, you might want to try some of our “Christmas in the Car” tips. Basically, every year I see the holiday time slipping away from us. The girls are taking college classes; off to Spanish or piano; teaching their own guitar, language arts, and piano students; working at their jobs; and more. Every time I think we’re going to have a sing-along/reading time tonight, someone announces that she has a Spanish test tomorrow and has to study all evening! Thus, our “Christmas in the Car” time was born.

We spend a great deal of time in the vehicle each week—driving to lessons, church, grandparents, etc.—all forty-five minutes away from us minimum. Being the efficiency expert that I am (of sorts!), I began utilizing this time in the vehicle to keep some of our holiday traditions alive. Try some of our “Christmas in the Car” ideas—and keep those traditions going strong:

*Sing carols as you drive.

*Listen to Christmas radio dramas (Focus on the Family has good ones), Uncle Dan and Aunt Sue Christmas stories, Christmas books on tape, Adventures in Oddysey Christmas stories, etc. as you are driving.

*Sing your way through the Christmas story. Start with “Mary, Did You Know?” and move on to “Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem,” then move onto anything having to do with the shepherds (“The First Noel,” “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” “Angels We Have Heard on High”). Next move into the birth/after the birth with “Silent Night,” “O Come All Ye Faithful,” “Away in a Manger,” and “We Three Kings.” Lastly, sing of the joy of his arrival: “Joy to the World” and “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.”

*Tell the Christmas story in one sentence increments as you go around the van, person-by-person. (This gets interesting with the little ones who might have them fleeing Herod’s wrath before Jesus is even born!)

*If a passenger can read without being sick, you might read your way through a favorite (pictureless) holiday book. We enjoy reading Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado and The Birth by Gene Edwards. Everyone looks forward to reading another chapter the next time we get in the van.

*Likewise, we read “devotional” type books about Christmas while we drive. This year, we are enjoying short chapters in the book Stories Behind the Best-Loved Songs of Christmas (see review). We have also enjoyed Christmas Stories From the Heart, The Christmas Reader, and more in years past.

*Use the driving time to memorize the Christmas story from the book of Luke. (We like to assign one verse to each person and go from person to person.)

*We enjoy memorizing all the verses from a certain Christmas song each year. In years past, we have memorized “Away in a Manger,” “Twelve Days of Christmas,” and “We Three Kings.” We can still sing most of the verses today!

*Drive by Christmas lights on your evening travels.

*Go through a drive-through or walk-through nativity while driving by one.

*Deliver goodies to those in route.

*Play “20 Questions Christmas-Style” or “Name That Christmas Tune.”

*New game: A person picks three things about the Christmas story that are really true or just thought to be true (or embellished, such as the little drummer boy playing for Jesus), and the others try to guess which two things are really in the Bible and which one is not. This is eye-opening.

*Sing whatever Christmas song you are reminded of by the decorations you see—stars, snowmen, angels, etc.

*Make up your own humorous twelve days of Christmas song, with each person getting to add their own items to the list as you sing around the van.

*Play the ABC Christmas game—“What I love about Christmas is A for angel, B for baby, C for candy, etc.” Go around and each person starts with A and tries to remember what was previously said. (This is a spin-off of the “I went to Grandma’s and I took A for applesauce, B for blankets, etc.)

*My personal favorite: Have someone write your holiday cooking and shopping list and holiday menus down for you while you drive and dictate to them. (Be forewarned: No comments about the spelling or penmanship are allowed when the child is done writing for you!)

The post Christmas in the Car {reprint} appeared first on Character Ink.

“Linus’ reading of the story of the Nativity was, quite simply, the dramatic highlight of the season.” Harriet Van Horne in the “New York World Telegram” December 1965

Every year our family enjoys reading about Christmas traditions and songs—how they began, what they mean, etc. One of my favorite readings is the story of how “A Charlie Brown Christmas” came about—and continues to bless people today. Read my “story behind the Charlie Brown Christmas” below aloud to your family—then watch the movie (or at least check out the given links from youtube). Have fun!

On Thursday, December 9, 1965 (nearly fifty years ago!), “A Charlie Brown Christmas” made its debut on CBS on television screens all over the United States. Surprising the network executives, this darling Christmas story was an immediate hit. It seems that its creator, Charles Schulz, battled with the powers-that-be at the network concerning the show’s religious content (CBS thought it was too religious) and the kids’ voices (citing that they should be professional actors, not children). Additionally, they felt that Vince Guaraldi’s theme music was too modern for kids’ tastes. (The jazz soundtrack has, by the way, become a classic.)

Rumor has it that through the years it has been suggested that Linus’ reading of the Christmas story from Luke be taken out of the movie. However, forty-five years later, this classic still contains that powerful passage from Luke, those sweet child voices, and that catchy music*—and each year the true story of Jesus’ birth and the reason for the season—is proclaimed via the secular media.

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

Many years ago when we had seven children fourteen and under, we decided that we wanted our children and our family to be blessings to others—not burdens. We knew that bringing seven kids into situations can seem overwhelming to hosts. We wanted people to look forward to our family coming—not dread seeing our big thirteen passenger van pull in the drive-way! We decided that when we went to a get-together, as Christians, we should be energy-givers, not energy-zappers!

We knew that going to a family get together of any kind, but especially any with non-Christians, and trying to “show” people our Christianity by our standards wouldn’t work. Non-Christians do not care about your standards—they do not worry about what you are wearing, what you are not watching, and other outward signs that we often think are important (and they might be, but they seldom show our faith as much as we think they do). What non-Christians care about is how they are treated (which is what everybody cares about, really!).

We have taught our children since they were very young that other people matter—a lot. We have taught them biblical truths along these lines—do unto others as you want others to do unto you; put others first; when you see an opportunity to do good to others, do it; prefer others before yourselves (our first born’s first memory verse when he was two—“‘fer others a’for self!”). We taught them to always think of those around them.

We taught them to think of those beside you (your friends and siblings); those ahead of you (grandparents and others who have gone before you); and those behind you (those who are watching you). And we taught them that we are here to serve God and others—not ourselves. And this begins in our home with our immediate family—and then extends to other relatives, friends, church, the community, then the world.

What does this have to do with Thanksgiving get togethers? Everything! We can prepare our children to think of others and serve whenever they can every time they leave the house (including family get togethers) or we can just assume they are kids and should just be kids—and do what kids do. Yes, kids can be selfish—but not just because they are kids. Kids are selfish because they are humans. As parents, we are entrusted with these children in order to train them in the ways of the Lord—which includes training them in selflessness rather than selfishness.

Some might feel that putting expectations on children to have certain behavior, exhibit selflessness, serve others, etc. for grandparents and others is too heavy of a burden—but if our children cannot learn to serve those closest to them (including siblings and parents), how will they ever be able to serve others (especially spouses and their children in the future)?

1. Everything starts with you.

I know, I know…I sound like a broken record. But the fact is, if you go anywhere to be served, thinking of yourself and what you will get out of a situation, your children will too—only moreso. (We are firm believers in the saying, “What you allow in your life in moderation, your children will allow theirs in excess.”) When we had many small children, we first of all, tried to be sure that we took care of their needs—that people did not feel that we came with all these kids for others to tend to. Secondly, we tried to divide up and help as much as we could. Oftentimes, we had our hands full changing babies, nursing, fixing kids’ plates, wiping up messes, etc. However, anytime we could, we tried to help others—we wanted our kids to see that we are not here just for ourselves.

2. We tried to do things ahead of time that would bless others—

Staying up late the night before to make special dessert or getting up early and peeling twenty pounds of potatoes were things that we could do at home to bless others there—even if our hands were full at the get together. We always told our children that if you can do something to help others or serve others, try to do it. (Obviously, you can’t always help everybody all the time—but we tried to teach them to always be on the lookout for ways to help others—and God has used that mightily in preparing our now-adult children for their current areas of ministry.)

3. Gratefulness begins at home…okay, everything begins at home.

Whatever we want our children to learn and do, we must train them in that in our homes—not hope they get it at church, youth group, Sunday school, or by osmosis. If our children are taught from early ages that everything we have comes from the hand of God—and that without him, we are nothing—they are more apt to be grateful for little things. How is this done? “Slow and steady; steady and slow; that’s the way we always go.” In other words, it’s not a “character lesson” for Thanksgiving week (though it can’t hurt to emphasize that quality this week!) or a book that you can read (though we are reading about gratefulness right now in Character Sketches). It is something that is cultivated as we pray, worship together, remind our children that others are investing in our lives and that God uses them to bless us. Discussion, discussion, discussion. “Did you notice how hard Grandma worked to prepare today for us?” Every little detail of living for God (including gratefulness) can be taught at home through living and talking.

4. Manners begin at home…okay, everything begins at home and must be in us first.

There, I said it. I spelled it out. LOL! Manners lessons were definitely something we taught. (Ray just listened to an audio about teaching manners a few months ago and was giving lessons to the boys while we traveled. As we sat in the “thrown rolls restaurant,” and Ray tried to teach the boys about silverware use (yes, you need to teach boys that!), one of the kids piped up with: “Dad, I don’t think a restaurant where they throw the rolls at you and they serve various things on brown paper toweling that they FRIED is a place that cares about manners!”) Need I say it again? If our kids talk with their mouths full, are not made to sit still during the meal, do not pass food (but keep it in front of them for later!), eat with their fingers, etc. at home, guess what? They will do at family get togethers too! Manners are common courtesies that we as Christian parents need to focus on.

5. Focus on respecting our elders.

Respecting our elders is truly a lost art in our society—and it is so sad that it is that way. For one thing, the Bible states over and over that they should be respected. Secondly, it is such an obvious extension of the Golden Rule—let’s face it, we all want to be treated with kindness and respect in our old age. Start with the bear minimum—not doing anything that could harm or endanger an elder. For example, we always told our children what we expected of them in every scenario that we went into. “Now you need to talk quietly and not run at Grandma and Grandpa Rager’s because they are not used to having rowdiness—and you wouldn’t want to run into them or have them trip over you.” Then move into the way they speak to elders. We trained our kids to speak to those who speak to them—preferably looking the person in the eye and warmly shaking his or her hand. Moreover, as they learned to not be too shy in that scenario, we taught them to converse with the person and ask about him or her. (We often gave the children “assignments” at church to shake hands and ask about one new person each week to help them learn to do this!) Grandparents, especially, should be greeted warmly and sincerely. I know this sounds trite—but these are their grandparents! They are our fathers and mothers. They deserve kindness, warmth, respect, love, and assistance. Finally, our children learned to look for needs that their grandparents might have and try to meet them. (We taught our children that if Grandma is going in the kitchen to clean up, the Reish family should too!)

6. Remind kids about situations in which deference should be exhibited.

(Note: Deference is the act of deferring or putting off what we want for ourselves—like when you “defer” payments for a whole year—you are putting them off. Deferring (or “yielding,” as we also commonly call it here) is desperately needed. Giving up what we want for the good of someone else will get noticed far quicker than quoting Bible verses or praying before our meal (though, again, there is nothing wrong with those things—but when someone gets treated well, he or she takes note!). We have a saying in our family that “Reish children pick up some floor!” This means that when you are in a situation in which there are not enough seats, you should take a seat on the floor. This is especially true with small children, but it’s not at all uncommon for our big teenage boys to be on the floor in many situations. This is one way that we have taught our kids to defer to others in social situations. Other things to consider are allowing others to go first in the food line, taking small portions or none at all of a dish that is almost out or seems to be in short supply, giving up your chair or place at the table, and many more. These are common courtesies that Christians, of all people, should display. When you talk about deference over and over again with your children—pointing out situations in which they can potentially yield their rights to other people, they will begin seeing these situations for themselves eventually.

7. Teach children to be helpful.

You have probably heard the saying that 80% of the work in the church is done by 20% of the people—well, the same is often true in families. The same people often host gatherings, and if you have done much hostessing, you know that it is a lot of work. We continued the theme “if you see a need, try to meet it,” in family gatherings. If children can put chairs away, pick up trash, run the vacuum, or dry dishes, they are ready to be helpers! Note that some hosts truly do not like to have children helping/working with them, so we tried to be sensitive to that as well. Again, if children are taught to be helpful at home, they will be more likely to be helpful in other situations.

8. Bring the fun!

We like to bring games, holiday videos, yummy carry in dishes (now is not the time to try to get the extended family members to start eating their green veggies!), and more.

As Christians, we should strive to treat others in such a way that people want to have us around—that we are energy givers, not energy zappers. And we should teach our children to do the same. 

The post Helping Kids With Manners and More During Holiday Get-Togethers! appeared first on Character Ink.

Earlier I introduced Gregg Harris’ “attachment” principle for doing the many things that are important in our kids’ Christian upbringing. (Read Attaching Important Things To Your Schedule here.)

Today I want to introduce another paradigm that has kept us going in all of the myriad Christian training endeavors: If something is important to you, you will do it more often than you do not.

Simple, really. But it has kept us going when we felt defeated, overwhelmed, or unsuccessful in our parenting. No matter what was happening, we tried to follow that principle. When one of us got discouraged, the other would remind the first that we were, indeed, doing what we were supposed to be doing.

I haven’t done afternoon story time for two days in a row with Kara’s colic. Ray’s answer? All that matters is that you do it more often than you don’t. And I knew that it was true. I am not perfect. Managing a houseful of preschoolers certainly made perfection on a daily basis out of the question!

However, I knew in my heart of hearts what I wanted our home to be. I knew what I wanted my day to look like (and what it needed to look like in order to accomplish all that we wanted to accomplish).

We knew what we wanted in our children’s Christian upbringing. And we knew that as long as we persevered and did those important things “more often than not,” we could make it.

Make that your goal for new disciplines in your family—that if you plan to do devotions every school morning during breakfast, and you make it three of the five—you have done it “more often than not.”

If you want to read aloud to your tweens before bed during the week, and you read three out of the five weeknight bedtimes, you have done it—“more often than not.” And you are well on your way to success in carrying out the things that are important to you in your Christian parenting.

Raising children for the Lord is not a sprint. It is a marathon, or if you are married, a life-long relay. Running fast and hard at the beginning is not what will get you to the finish line. Slow and steady is what will get you there. And reading, praying, singing, talking, choring, playing, teaching, training, etc. “more often than not” will help you cross that finish line someday knowing that have done what you were supposed to do—without regrets for all of the “priorities” that never truly were priorities but just unfulfilled wishes.

How could the “more often than not” principle help you in your parenting? Would it bring freedom? Could it bring more consistency than you get with trying for perfection?

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The post More Often Than Not—The Secret to Consistency Without Defeat appeared first on Character Ink.