Do you ever wonder what makes a person grow up and be unable to admit a mistake?

Do you ever wonder what makes a person grow up and be unable to apologize?

Do you ever wonder if PR peeps are really on top of it? 🙂

After seeing the ladies on The View give a poor excuse for an apology to Miss Colorado (okay, not to her….to the world, um, sort of…), there are millions of people scratching their heads wondering some of those same things.

photo via Hollywood Take

Then there are those who see that and immediately think: How can I help my kids to apologize in a way that is genuine, heart-affecting, and relationship-building?

(Come on..surely you thought of that when you heard the deflection, blame-shifting, invalidation, judgment, and condescension in the gals’ “apology”!)

 

Hundreds of thousands of nurses are banding together demanding a genuine apology for The View’s treatment of the beauty pageant contestant who wore scrubs and a stethoscope and explained her talent as nursing.

Two of my kids are nurses (and, yes, co-hosts, they are awesome people “who deserve a raise” and I agree you should “give them {your} money”!). My son is a pediatric nurse as of this summer, and he has been keeping me updated on the story.

 

As we took a walk to the park pushing his nephew/my grandbaby in the stroller, my nurse-son kept saying things like, “Mom, you’ve got to hear this apology. It wasn’t an apology at all.” And “they kept blaming the listeners and nurses for not taking a joke and for not listening to what they were saying. And they never even really apologized to the lady at all!”

With every word he said, I thought to myself, “Thank-you, Lord, that my twenty year old knows what a real apology is–and what it is not.”

 

So….regardless of the final outcome (people are writing to ABC, the producers, etc., and there is already talk of companies pulling their commercials–see learning how to apologize even affects dollars and cents!), we Christian parents can learn a thing or two about teaching our kids how to apologize–or rather, how not to.

There were so many little phrases, wordings, and statements that are the opposite of a genuine apology in the two minute excerpt:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC5Up1paKdc

 

Today, we will examine how to teach our kids NOT to apologize. Join me tomorrow for tips on how to teach our children TO apologize (along with some tips on parenting in such a way that humility and empathy are achieved–the true foundations to apology).

First of all, the one who was apparently the most guilty did not start the apology. It was like they were trying to sail into it in a nonchalant, almost whimsical manner.

 

Something like “we love nurses; they are great; they deserve raises; they deserve my money.”

Cue applause.

Moral of the story: Teach children to talk about the exact issue. They should not praise or affirm in an effort to detract from the real problem.

 

Then, of course, as most non-apologies go, came the “you misunderstood us” part.

Something like, “We weren’t even talking about nurses. We were talking about the talent competition. I think people got that misconstrued.”

Moral of the story: Teach children to talk about the specific offense that the offended person is talking about. And never, I repeat, NEVER blame the offended one for misunderstanding you when you did something wrong. Wrong is wrong. Not a misunderstanding. (See more on this tomorrow!)

 

Halfway into the apology, the offender spoke up with lots of excuses: She was wearing a costume and a stethoscope. I’m used to seeing them in bathing suits and gowns. I was trying to be funny. I didn’t know what I was saying. I wasn’t paying attention. Of course, I didn’t mean anything at all.

Moral of the story: Teach children that when they have to rattle off a lot of excuses for an action, it more than likely means that they have done something wrong (something that has nothing to do with all the things he or she just rattled off).

 

Next came the “build-myself-up” part. That is, they had to be sure that everybody knew that they knew that nurses had their own stethoscopes.

 

  image via Aislinn Ritchie on Flickr

Moral of the story: Teach children that an apology is not the time to un-embarrass yourself or build yourself up.

More of the same: nurses are the funnest. They are the greatest. We have nurse relatives. etc. etc.

 

Lastly, the ultimate blame shifting. “It isn’t even comedy. You just have to listen. You have to pay attention. You have to look around to see if what they said is what you thought they said. You just have to listen.”

In other words, we did nothing wrong. It was all in how you heard it.

Moral of the story: Teach children to take ownership of what they do. (More on this tomorrow, including two tips for doing this in every day conflict resolution between siblings!)

 

Oh, and one more thing: apologize to the actual person. (She wasn’t mentioned outside of wearing her costume, causing Joy to be completely confused!)

 

See you tomorrow for how to teach your kids to TRULY apologize!