Rules Without Relationship is the final ingredient—and probably the most critical of all of the ingredients to avoid. (Of course, without relationship, we as parents have no desire or motivation to try to explain rules, listen to their appeals, or remain consistent in our parenting.) Relationship must be in place in order to keep our children from rebelling against us.
The second ingredient in the Recipe for Rebellion is that of rules without responses–developing rules without allowing our children to question those rules—without allowing them to respond to our instruction. This is a common ingredient in rules-oriented families. We often do not listen to our children if they disagree with something or question something. Even those who are not opposed to telling children the why’s of rules (Ingredient #1) are sometimes not comfortable with letting children ask us about our rules.
Recipe for Rebellion
Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship
Can we change that to…..
These questions are often asked of us parents when we fail to give children the reason for our decisions and instruction.
While there it is true that our children should learn to obey us and trust that we have their best in mind (but again, that comes through lots of talking and letting them see that we have their best interest in mind!), we have determined four key ingredients that cause teens to rebel—Reishes’ Recipe for Rebellion.
For complete printable lists of chores your tweens can do on their own (and another list on chores they can do with help!), click on the links below!
Pin these Chores for Tweens on Pinterest!
If you want more chores, efficiency, and organization help, check out the podcast episodes listed here.
We have another new parenting/character training product! A teaching that we offer in our Raising Teens With Character seminar (as well as in our teen workshops for conventions and small groups) is our signature Recipe for Rebellion. In this teaching, we bring to light four negative parenting practice that causes teens to rebel: giving rules without reasons, giving rules without allowing a response from our children, giving rules without consistency (without repetition), and giving rules without having deep, abiding relationships with our children.
Things to Consider About Our Relationships During Intense Training Times
(1) To your child, it can feel like he is being ganged up on—or that he is not as loved because there is so much “negative” in the form of training, punishment, consequences, etc. You want to be sure you are combating this with attention, affirmation, encouragement, heart engagement, and many positives.
(2) Keep these ten tips close-by to be sure that you are staying close and connected when he feels less than positive about the changes and expectations.
(3) While it might not be possible during these intense times to follow a certain protocol (i.e. three positives for every one negative; ten affirmations for every negative feedback/correction, etc.), it is still important not to have a negative environment in which every thing is about the training, changes, and expectations.
Donna Reish, of Character Ink Press and Raising Kids With Character Parenting Seminar, bring you this Wondering Wednesday podcast episode in which she discusses ways to keep your family and your children close during intense training times. This episode follows the three previous ones about the 4 D’s of Behavior, Dealing With Heart Issues of Tweens, and Character Training of Routine Behaviors. Donna gives 10 tips for affecting your child’s heart and staying close in your relationship during times of intense training. She describes some of the things that you must consider that your child is feeling during this time as well as the effect that this could have on your entire family. She gives some practical suggestions for keeping things fun, upbeat, and unified even during difficult times and behavior problems.
Download the podcast notes here.
Listen to previous podcasts here.
Handling Heart Behaviors (4 D Behaviors) of Tweens
First Two Steps in Addressing All Heart/4 D Behaviors of Tweens
(1) First—for all—ask forgiveness and admit your mistakes/lack of strong parenting in the area
(2) Look at each situation and ask yourself how you can take this behavior/situation from GRAY to BLACK & WHITE
Donna Reish, of Raising Kids With Character, Homeschooling With Character, and Character Ink publishing, answers questions readers have been posing about handling 4 D types of behaviors (heart behaviors) in children ages eight to fourteen or so (primarily tweens). Donna emphasizes the need for parents to take responsibility for their parenting mistakes first. Then focus on taking the behaviors from gray to black & white so that misbehaviors are clear and can be handled. She gives an important order/protocol to make things very black and white with this age group for three typical misbehaviors, disrespect, disobedience, and fighting. Additionally, she gives suggested signaling words and phrases to use when these behaviors come up so that things are crystal clear as to the family expectations and handling of these things. (Listen to the prequel to this podcast episode, “Understanding The Four D’s of Behavior.”)