day 185: birthday affirmations part ii of ii

“Little boys should never be put to bed because they always wake up a day older.” from Peter PanHere are some things we have enjoyed doing for birthday affirmations through the years:



1. Make a big deal of the birthday the day before it. We did little things like the following:


a. When he wakes up in the morning, say, “This is the last morning you’ll get up as an eleven year old!”


b. When you do things with him, say fun things like, “Come and read a story with Mom….it’s our last story with you as an eleven year old” or “Come shoot hoops eleven year old—this is the last day I can say that!”


c. Before he goes to bed, make a big deal of it being his last night as an eleven year old, how he’ll wake up old the next day, etc.


d. Tell him what you loved about him as an eleven year old—“I loved it that you such a compassionate eleven year old…”






2. On the morning of his birthday, say fun things like, “Time to wake up twelve year old” or “This is the first morning I am getting you up as a twelve year old,” and “Do you feel a year older this morning?”


3. Encourage him on the day of his birthday with character qualities that you have seen in him—“Sure hope you are as kind of a twelve year old as you were eleven year old!” and “I know your compassion will even increase when you are twelve—if that’s possible!”


4. Charge him on the day of his birthday with character qualities that you would like for him to work on in the coming year (without making him feeling put down, of course)—“Now that you’re twelve, I know you can become even more diligent with your work” or “You have been getting better and better at responsibility this past year—now that you’re twelve, you are going to become Mr. Responsible!”


5. On the night of his birthday, tell him that you are looking forward to spending “age twelve” with him—that your family is so blessed to have him in it and that you don’t want the next birthday to come too soon!


6. Involve others in the blessing/affirmation. We often have times of affirmation on birthdays in which people take turns saying affirmations to or about the birthday person. It isn’t uncommon to have siblings, siblings-in-law, Mom, Dad, etc., say any of the following:






a. “I like how you always let others go first in pot lucks.”


b. “I appreciate how you help at One Heart.”


c. “I love to watch you read. You have become such a great reader.”


d. “I love how you help the clients at One Heart so tenderly. They feel your love—you are such a great volunteer.”


e. “I like how you use your free time to help others.”


f. “I can’t believe how much you have improved in basketball the past year. Your outside shot is amazing.”


g. “You are such a diligent worker. Our family couldn’t make it without your daily work and contribution.”


h. “I love how you do your devotional every day. You are building good self disciplines that will help you your whole life.”






Use birthdays, special occasions, successes, achievements, down days, up days—any days to affirm your children. Build them up in their character and their faith. They might not say so, but they will come to love it.


Tomorrow—back to more help with academics this summer. The summer is officially half way over for most of us. There is still time to help your kids get ready for school in the fall.

day 185: birthday affirmations part i of ii

Jakie turned twelve—and, much to his joy–it was the birthday that never ended! I tried to drag it out, take him to breakfast the day before, take him shopping to let him choose his toy, go to grandparents’ close to the actual day, have his grown siblings over, talk about it a lot, have Dad fix birthday breakfast, etc. as Jacob had been having a lonely time with his three next older siblings all gone that particular week.


When we asked him what he wanted to do for this birthday, he said two things: (1) play basketball with a group of people in a gym (still working on that one); and (2) have all of his siblings (who were not gone this summer) over and do things together. We are doing the latter this afternoon. His two married siblings and their spouses, our missionary daughter who is home itinerating, and Josiah (our fifteen year old) will all be there.


When Jacob said he wanted everybody here for his birthday, he wasn’t talking about presents (we don’t do sibling gift exchanges for birthdays) or even outings/activities. He was referring to the birthday affirmations he would receive.


As our kids have grown up, we have used birthdays, successes in different things, etc. to teach our kids to affirm each other. Besides our normal, “Three cheers for _______. Hip hip hooray. Hip hip hooray. Hip hip hooray,” we often have times in which we just affirm the person—tell the good qualities that we appreciate in that person. Yes, the “affirmed one” is often embarrassed and a little shy—but these affirmations have come to mean so much to the one receiving them (thus, Jacob’s desire to have “everyone here like we used to”).


I think this type of thing is one of the reasons Kevin Leman recommends in one of his books that birthdays be spent at home together—not in large group parties or out on the town. While you can certainly have a peer party or family outing for a birthday, we recommend that you take the time at home around the birthday child’s special day to affirm and encourage the celebrant.


Tomorrow I will give a list (of course!) of birthday affirmation ideas. In the meantime, birthday or not, go tell one of your kids one thing you love about him or her….you will be glad you did.

day 151: exasperating our preschoolers


“Daddy called and said that he is not going to be home for another half an hour, so my brother helped me set up army men. We worked and worked, making the forts and setting up all the cannons and everything. We got done setting up just in time to eat dinner. Mommy said we could leave it out for later.”
                           “Jonathan’s Journal”




One thing I loved about the routines that I had with my little ones is that they were never bored. They never complained that they had nothing to do. Or said they were bored, etc. Ever…I really cannot remember any of my kids ever being bored, ever—no matter what the age. For example, in today and yesterday’s excerpts, Jonathan had run out of time and didn’t even get to his army men yet. (Of course, above, since Dad was coming home late, he got to them.) His day was coming to an end, but he hadn’t done everything his little heart wanted to that day!


One problem we did always have was setting things up to play with and leaving them out. This was not conducive to a large family with little kids. When we had a bigger house, we could let them set things up in a room and shut the door. In our small house, we do not have that option. If you have that option, I recommend letting your kids do that.

We always encouraged our older kids to play a big role in the lives of the littles. Some day I will post Jonathan’s salvation testimony he wrote in seventh grade—and how his big brother read Scriptures to him at night and ultimately led him to the Lord. It is priceless. In the passage today, Joshua was helping Jonathan set up his army men. Playing with Jonathan, despite the ten year age difference, was one way that Joshua built an enduring relationship with Jonathan that is still strong today at their ages (twenty-seven and seventeen—at ten o’clock on a Friday night here, Jonathan is in town playing basketball with Joshua and some other guys—still playing, just different games now!).


Lastly, I want to point out the importance of not exasperating our children. The Bible says that fathers, specifically, should not provoke their children to wrath. One way that we provoke or exasperate our children is by rushing them all the time. In the excerpt above, Jonathan was happy because he was permitted to leave his army men set up for Dad to see and to play with later. To have him take it all down immediately, when he and Joshua had just set it up, would have definitely exasperated him.

day ninety-eight: the how to’s of playpen time for toddlers

“Soon it was time for Jakie to play in his play pen, so Josiah and I got to play together. Next thing I knew, we were in trouble! Mommy came into the room and said that it looked like a tornado went through. We did it again! We got too many things out at one time. We had stuff all over the living room: Legos, cars and trucks, Duplo people, books, and stuffed animals. It took us FOREVER to clean it up—even with Kara’s help. Josiah and I had to each do an extra fifteen minute chore with Mommy because we forgot the rule about getting out too many things at one time. “*



Yesterday I described the benefits of room time and/or play pen time for toddlers and preschoolers (for children AND mom!). Today I will explain how we went about having a daily play pen time for toddlers. (And tomorrow, we will give tips on having the daily room time for preschoolers.)

When our babies started playing more and doing more “toddler” types of activities, we provided many enrichment toys and opportunities for them. I mentioned in earlier posts** about you, the parent, deciding when the baby goes to bed and gets up, when he takes naps, etc. I also described how we helped our little ones love learning and books early on. One way that we did this was to sneak into his room in the morning before he awoke and put a toddler-safe basket of “baby books” in his bed for him to look at when he first awoke (until we were ready to get him up). Another thing we did was teach our toddlers to play quietly and contentedly in their play pen or crib—thus, “play pen time” (or “crib time” if you prefer not to use a play pen).

Tips for Play Pen Time:

1. Create a “busy basket” of items that the toddler only uses during his play pen time. (I will be reviewing some products for this busy basket this weekend, so stay tuned!) You might want to alternate the items in this tub or just get out one or two per day, however your space and budget limits dictate. (I was an avid garage saler—and I also spent more money on books, toys, and educational pursuits for my children than I did clothing, home décor, and personal items (like jewelry, make up, etc.) combined! I can buy those things later; my kids were only little for a short time.)

2. When you need the second-most-uninterrupted time of the day (I used naptimes for the most interrupted-free times), place the toddler in the play pen or crib with the busy basket or one or two activities from the busy basket. (We personally used play pen time for toddlers and room time for preschoolers during our morning read aloud time since that was the time that nobody was available to run and get the little one out of whatever he or she might get into—and the time that we wanted to be the most free of distractions.)

3. Set the timer for ten minutes (or fewer if he or she is not used to playing alone). I recommend that if this is all new, you help your toddler start playing with the activity, getting him or her interested in it, etc. Then tell him to play for a few minutes until you get back.

4. At the end of the time, go in and help your toddler learn to put the activity back in the basket/tub, working with him as needed and take him out of the bed/playpen. Praise him if he played well, etc.

5. Note: If he cries, you might want to go in and check on him and tell him to play with the blocks for a few minutes, then go back out.

6. Increase the time by a few minutes each day until your toddler can play well all by himself for thirty to sixty minutes.

7. Note about using the bed for play time: We never had a problem using the crib for the toddler’s playpen time since it was a completely different atmosphere than bedtime. He knew when we got the busy basket out that it was play time—and when he laid him down with blankets; no toys; and his lullaby tape, praise music, or story audio, it was sleep time. It probably depends on when you begin it.

The older kids and I have fond memories of Josiah and Jonathan’s room time and play pen times especially—mostly because they were so incredibly cooperative! We used to have Jonathan have his room time in the same room we were reading in—but on a blanket in the corner. He had to keep all of his activities on that blanket and play quietly, then he could remain in and listen to our morning reading. At the same time, Josiah was a toddler and had his room time in a porta-crib (pack and play?) in the room we read in. It was actually quite comical, but if he screamed or fussed, we would pull his porta crib into the other room and shut the door. When he got quiet again, someone would pull him back in with us. And this continued—he eventually quieted down and played nicely because he didn’t want to be in the other room all alone.

I’m smiling as I type this as I have this picture of one of the girls zooming Josiah’s play pen through the doorway, telling him that “when you’re ready to be quiet, you can come back in with us.” Wowsie…those were sweet, wonderful days.

*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html

**Links to only baby and toddler posts: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/search/label/babies%20and%20toddlers

day ninety-six: involving preschoolers with older kids and younger kids

“During breakfast clean-up, we listened to a story tape, which I LOVE. After breakfast, Mommy, Josiah, Kara, and I read some animal stories since that is what Kara is studying in our homeschool. I love animal stories and begged Mommy to read another one, but she didn’t have time because my big brother needed her help on his math. She said maybe we would read an extra one tomorrow—I’ll be sure to remind her.


I had to help with Baby Jacob. He can be so grouchy sometimes! Luckily, Mommy let me give him Cheerios to quiet him down, so I got some too.”*

Today’s excerpts from “Jonathan’s Journal” show Jonathan enjoying interaction with older siblings and younger siblings. Preschoolers love to be a part of what is going on! As homeschoolers, we found that each of our preschoolers, from number five through number seven, wanted to “do cool” like their older brothers and sisters. They wanted to do what everybody else was doing. Thus, we have found that including them in what is going on in the family is a healthy thing for them (that sense of belonging) but also helpful for Mom when the preschooler is taught to interact appropriately with babies and toddlers.

Whether you are a homeschooler or not, there are many things that you do all the time with older kids—take them to the library for a school project, help with homework, do an art or craft for expo at school, etc. Consider including your preschoolers whenever possible. While, as homeschoolers, there are many times in which the preschooler simply has to entertain himself (and sometimes little brother!), there are many other times in which we can include the preschooler in what we do. These obviously include reading aloud, art, music, crafts, etc. As indicated in the lengthy read-aloud posts, preschoolers love to listen to us read to older ones (while they learn to “make the pictures in their heads”).**

Preschoolers can be outstanding “babysitters” for toddlers, as Jonathan was in today’s passage. We helped strengthen the bonds between our older children and younger ones by providing opportunities in which the older was “responsible” for the little for a short time. Depending on the age of the older and the little, this could be a time in which the older read to the little or played a game or built Legoes, etc. or it could have just been a time in which the older got out the little’s “busy basket” and played with him or her (or fed Cheerios to the toddler!).

While I can’t say that this daily time together was THE main component of strengthening the relationships between the olders and youngers in our home, I will say that something did it—and this had to at least contribute to it. Even to this day, our nineteen, twenty-two, twenty-four, and twenty-seven year olds think that their “little brothers” (ages eleven, fifteen, and seventeen) are the most incredible teens and preteens. It seems like there isn’t an instance that goes by in which I am talking to one of the older kids and he or she doesn’t mention something about how awesome one of the “little guys” is. I feel certain that the daily interaction and part in their care that the older ones had (and the fact that the little had to obey their older siblings, which caused the olders to love caring for and being around them) has been a contributing factor in their love and respect for their younger siblings.

Include your preschoolers with the older kids—and the younger kids! Challenge them in things that are in their control. And enjoy them.

We have a full week lined up for you—room time/play pen time for preschoolers and toddlers. Applying the “expectations and reality discipline” to your day.” And…ending with chores, chores, chores, including a lengthy list of ages and appropriate chores. Thanks for joining us!

*For the complete story of “Jonathan’s Journal, follow this link: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-seventy-eight-introducing-jonathans.html

**Read aloud posts start here: https://positiveparenting3-6-5.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-fifty-eight-create-read-aloud-times.html

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