Tag Archives: 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Talk While You Work

When you need to get things done might seem like a strange time to recommend as a talk time, but hear me out on this one.

 

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Talk While You Work

Not long ago, my twenty-one year old son stopped by as I was cleaning vegetables. He said, “Oh, you’re cleaning veggies. Remember when we used to bring a big tub of fruits and vegetables into the living room and we three boys would gather around them and peel, slice, dice, stem, and “julienne” pounds of produce while you read out loud to us for hours.”

“I’ll never forget,” I replied, getting a little misty-eyed.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: A Safe Place to Talk


“I just don’t feel like I can tell you anything.”

“You judge everything I say.”

“I know you won’t want to listen to this.”

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: A Safe Place to Talk

These are all phrases that our preteens, teens, and young adults might say to us—IF we do not open our hearts to them early and often, creating a safe place for them to talk to us.

A pivotal, crucial time to talk to our kids is when they need a safe place to talk.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Building Relationships

In my 52 Times to Talk, I have recently been discussing the Recipe for Rebellion—and how you can talk to your kids to avoid those “ingredients” that lead to our children rebelling.

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Building Relationships

Rules Without Relationship is the final ingredient—and probably the most critical of all of the ingredients to avoid. (Of course, without relationship, we as parents have no desire or motivation to try to explain rules, listen to their appeals, or remain consistent in our parenting.) Relationship must be in place in order to keep our children from rebelling against us.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Letting Your Kids Question You

 Quiet Questioning: Let Your Kids Question You Without Being Disrespectful

 

“Mom, that’s not fair!”

“Why can’t I…..”

“It’s her turn!”

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Letting Your Kids Question You

One of the ways that our children begin the disrespect spiral is when we let them “talk back” to us. At first, this can be simply questioning us with a slightly raised voice. But before we know it, it can become full-fledged disrespect. And the more we allow it, the more it happens.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Repeat & Be Consistent

When you want to avoid rules without repetition….you need to repeat and be consistent!

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Repeat & Be Consistent

Recipe for Rebellion

Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship

Our last couple of times to talk have been times in which we avoid the first two ingredients in The Recipe for Rebellion (Rules Without Reasons and Rules Without Response). In other words, they were talking to give reasons and talking (or not talking!) in order to allow a response.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Avoiding Rules Without Response

The second ingredient in the Recipe for Rebellion is that of rules without responses–developing rules without allowing our children to question those rules—without allowing them to respond to our instruction. This is a common ingredient in rules-oriented families. We often do not listen to our children if they disagree with something or question something. Even those who are not opposed to telling children the why’s of rules (Ingredient #1) are sometimes not comfortable with letting children ask us about our rules.

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids Avoiding Rules Without Response FB

Recipe for Rebellion

Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Avoiding Rules Without Reasons

Why?

Why not?

Can we change that to…..

These questions are often asked of us parents when we fail to give children the reason for our decisions and instruction.

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids Avoiding Rules Without Reasons

While there it is true that our children should learn to obey us and trust that we have their best in mind (but again, that comes through lots of talking and letting them see that we have their best interest in mind!), we have determined four key ingredients that cause teens to rebel—Reishes’ Recipe for Rebellion.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You Want to Teach Empathy

I prayed for you today, though I didn’t know your name,
I saw a hurting look, so I had to stop and pray.
I prayed for you today, when I saw you on the street,
Playing on your trumpet, for everyone you meet.

That is the first verse of a song I wrote that we sang together as a family during family worship and in the van driving (especially on trips). It was our empathy song—the song that reminded us to try to put ourselves in others’ shoes and understand how they are feeling.

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids:  Teaching Empathy FB

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You Need to AIM [Answer It More]

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids When You Need to AIM

We wanted our children to ask questions–and lots of them! We wanted to be their answerer as much as possible. Thus, we “trained” them to ask questions–by answering them freely and endlessly.

Ray is the best answerer I have ever met (honest!). He is the one who made me come up with the little acronym that we teach at our parenting seminars. I have watched him day in and day out, year in and year out, answer a question. Then he paused and continued on with more answers and more answers and more answers.

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52 Weeks of Talking To Our Kids: When You Have a Good Report

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids When You Have a Good Report

“Jonathan, come in here.”

Daddy was home and was calling his fifth child, six year old Jonathan, into his room.

But Jonathan wasn’t concerned. He didn’t think he was about to get into trouble. He didn’t worry that he had done something wrong.

He knew what Daddy wanted: to praise, affirm, and encourage him. Jonathan knew that he was about to hear the words that all of our kids waited to hear in the evenings:

“I heard a good report about you!”

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