Category Archives: Reaching the Heart of Your Tweens & Teens

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Talk While You Work

When you need to get things done might seem like a strange time to recommend as a talk time, but hear me out on this one.

 

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Talk While You Work

Not long ago, my twenty-one year old son stopped by as I was cleaning vegetables. He said, “Oh, you’re cleaning veggies. Remember when we used to bring a big tub of fruits and vegetables into the living room and we three boys would gather around them and peel, slice, dice, stem, and “julienne” pounds of produce while you read out loud to us for hours.”

“I’ll never forget,” I replied, getting a little misty-eyed.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Repeat & Be Consistent

When you want to avoid rules without repetition….you need to repeat and be consistent!

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Repeat & Be Consistent

Recipe for Rebellion

Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship

Our last couple of times to talk have been times in which we avoid the first two ingredients in The Recipe for Rebellion (Rules Without Reasons and Rules Without Response). In other words, they were talking to give reasons and talking (or not talking!) in order to allow a response.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Avoiding Rules Without Response

The second ingredient in the Recipe for Rebellion is that of rules without responses–developing rules without allowing our children to question those rules—without allowing them to respond to our instruction. This is a common ingredient in rules-oriented families. We often do not listen to our children if they disagree with something or question something. Even those who are not opposed to telling children the why’s of rules (Ingredient #1) are sometimes not comfortable with letting children ask us about our rules.

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids Avoiding Rules Without Response FB

Recipe for Rebellion

Rules Without Reasons
Rules Without Response
Rules Without Repetition
Rules Without Relationship

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Avoiding Rules Without Reasons

Why?

Why not?

Can we change that to…..

These questions are often asked of us parents when we fail to give children the reason for our decisions and instruction.

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids Avoiding Rules Without Reasons

While there it is true that our children should learn to obey us and trust that we have their best in mind (but again, that comes through lots of talking and letting them see that we have their best interest in mind!), we have determined four key ingredients that cause teens to rebel—Reishes’ Recipe for Rebellion.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You Need to AIM [Answer It More]

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids When You Need to AIM

We wanted our children to ask questions–and lots of them! We wanted to be their answerer as much as possible. Thus, we “trained” them to ask questions–by answering them freely and endlessly.

Ray is the best answerer I have ever met (honest!). He is the one who made me come up with the little acronym that we teach at our parenting seminars. I have watched him day in and day out, year in and year out, answer a question. Then he paused and continued on with more answers and more answers and more answers.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Our Talking Song

52 Weeks of Talking To Our Kids When You “Cue” Your Kids for Talk Time—Our Talki 

When You “Cue” Your Kids for Talk Time—Our Talking Song

“Talk to me; show me that you care. Talk to me; listen to the words I say. Talk to me; there’s so much we can share. I know you love me when you talk to me.”

I can still sing it from memory. And so can my kids. It was our talk song. And now I am crying.

Years ago we used to listen to a “cassette” that had this catchy, heart-warming song on it about talking. The chorus was that “talk to me” line above. I wish you could hear it being sung as it is so sweet.

Like a lot of things that we heard, read, or watched together as a family, it became part of us. And we used it…over and over and over again. And never tired of.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When It’s Time to Ask Questions

 52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids When It's Time to Ask Questions

Do you state more than ask? Do your sentences to your children almost always end with a period rather than a question mark? If so, you might need to learn the lost of art of asking questions to build relationships (with your kids and others!).
 

Many years ago we were introduced to the concept of teaching like Jesus taught. We have since delved into that further, realizing that Jesus was not only a model of how to teach concepts to our children, but he was also the epitome of relationship building with people. This has helped us in our parenting and discipling of our children in general (not just in “teaching” or homeschooling).
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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You “Sit” In Your House

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: When You "Sit" In Your House

WHEN YOU “SIT” IN YOUR HOUSE—PREFERABLY IN A TECHNO-FREE ZONE

Out of all of the times/places that we are told to teach our children diligently in Deuteronomy, “when you sit in your house” has got to be the most challenging. Over twenty-five years ago, Gregg Harris gave us the greatest advice in his parenting seminar (that we have used weekly and teach others to do the same): Whatever is important to you to do with your children should be attached to something that is already in the schedule. Thus, we attached reading together to rising/going to bed; we attach family prayer to meals; etc. However, finding time to “sit in your house” is another matter—and one that I would like to address as a talk time in this blog post.

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52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Reminding Kids to “Do the Next Right Thing”

52 Weeks of Talking to Our Kids: Reminding Kids to "Do the Next Right Thing"

In the last “talking” post, I described a time in which talking isn’t needed at all. (You can read that here.) Those times are not all that frequently, however, since usually our kids have wanted our input, advice, and help. (And if they didn’t want it, they probably really needed it, so it was up to us to find a way to make it happen.)

To balance that “just listen” vs. “give too much input,” we came up with a solution that has become a popular buzzword in our home.

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Summer Schedules

Summer Schedules

Summer schedules. Those two words do not seem to go together to most kids (and even many parents!). And yet, I want to propose a plan whereby summer can still be somewhat carefree. (After all, that’s what most people love about summer.) Yet, our children can all still be engaged in learning, developing disciplines for their lives, building relationships and memories, and more.

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